What to do with overwhelming emotions?

[Athanor]

I am very-very much envious and angry. The story in short is that there was a girl who first did talk with me and (I thought) we did get along quite good, and then she didn't talk with me for no known reason. She disappeared from my life, and now I found her on Fb, and I see she's in Dubai, she's seemingly having a great life and looks better than ever.

 

It's just one thing that I don't believe I can ever get to Dubai and I'm envious because she's there. I can't imagine how could she do it. Maybe she met a prince and he paid for everything, maybe she worked hard and got this opportunity... It doesn't really matter how she did it, but I'm envious because she did it.

It's just another thing that I hate her because she's not with me, and I'm angry. She looks amazing, she keeps her body in a perfect shape, simply desirable. But she's not with me. Maybe she's with no one, or maybe she's with a guy who she really deserves - the point is that she's not with me.

 

My problem here is actually that I don't seem to find a way to let these feelings go. I know, of course, that they'll eventually calm and I'll be able to focus again. But I must continue my practice each and every day, I can't wait for my emotions to settle naturally, I need to solve this issue by will. This is what it's all about - gaining control over emotions. But this is just too much. I can't be happy for her - I can't overcome these feelings.

Besides that it's not really noble to have such feelings towards anyone, it's also a huge obstacle in my daily practice.

 

So what do you do when there is too much emotion in you? How do you deal with it? Besides having a few beers and cigarettes... I need a more constructive solution.

[Marblehead]

Shame on you! Hehehe.

 

Yeah, I know what you are talking about.

 

That's called attachment, isn't it?

 

And for sure, you attached yourself to a bunch in that one experience.

 

I can't help, sorry.

 

How about a replacement?

 

No. That won't work. Just another attachment.

 

How about you go to the closet and cry your little broken hearth out?

 

This too will pass.

 

Peace & Love!

[Athanor]

Shame on you! Hehehe.

Well, you didn't help, but at least you made me laugh

[Marblehead]

Well, you didn't help, but at least you made me laugh

 

Hehehe. If I caused you a laugh then all is good.

 

No, I couldn't help. My poor little heart has been broken so many times I can't even remember all the times (or the women who did it).

 

I never found a way to prevent it. But denying myself the pleasures while they lasted was not an option.

 

The women have all gone but I'm still here.

 

Peace & Love!

[Mal]

Lots of questions and thoughts, but are they the reality of the situation?

 

As you can't "let go" and really want to know, just ask her You have facebook, send her a message. Simple, quick and easy.

 

How we imagine people to be when we build them up in our thoughts is often not reality. Even if she really has fallen in love with a prince and is now leading a fairy-tail life, at least you would know if you asked and no longer have to guess about it

 

Perhaps she misses you too. Perhaps she doesn't. But knowing what her thoughts actually are, as opposed to guessing, would help calm your mind IMHO more so than a "meditation technique" But you could approach it from that direction too.....

 

The women have all gone but I'm still here.

 

Exactly, and as beautiful and treasured as they may be, we have to let them all go eventually.

[C T]

Hello Athanor,

 

Are you familiar with Mahayana Buddhism, and specifically The 7 Points of Mind Training? Its one of the most profound teachings on training the mind to deal with all kinds of life situations. Its quite an elaborate teaching, but if you are interested, please check out this link:

http://www.unfetteredmind.com/mindtraining/about.php

 

Hope you will be able to pick up some useful methods here to aid you with this rather uncomfortable situation.

 

All the best.

[Athanor]

As you can't "let go" and really want to know, just ask her You have facebook, send her a message. Simple, quick and easy.

The question is not so much about this particular situation with the girl but rather about situations involving overwhelming emotions in general. There are many such cases, some of them cannot be solved by discussion (like losing a close person who you had a fight with, etc.). So I'm looking for solution to deal with emotions, not to deal with this situation.

The eventual necessity of letting go is a good point, it just seems rather painful than reasonable when you're controlled by unwanted emotions

[Athanor]

Are you familiar with Mahayana Buddhism, and specifically The 7 Points of Mind Training? Its one of the most profound teachings on training the mind to deal with all kinds of life situations. Its quite an elaborate teaching, but if you are interested, please check out this link:

http://www.unfettere...ining/about.php

Oh yes, this is the kind of thing I've been expecting, thank you very much. I'll definitely browse the site.

I've got one text called The Power of Mindfulness, but it's still under translation. Such texts are rare to find in my language, and I don't like studying them in English because I sometimes misuse words and it only makes me confused. It's sometimes even hard enough to understand such concepts in Hungarian too... But I'll go through this one, and I hope I'll be able to figure out something.

[forestofclarity]

Have a beer, but invite your emotions. Look at them closely. What are they, anyway? Where does the emotion occur? What's the difference between an emotion and a thought?

 

So what do you do when there is too much emotion in you? How do you deal with it? Besides having a few beers and cigarettes... I need a more constructive solution.

[Birch]

Oh cool! This would be a direct application of the TTC and someone else can quote the verse. But the general gist is that if you would like to see something diminish then it should be allowed to increase (and I think the reverse is probably mentioned).

 

I think one of the texts I read also suggested that it was oneself who did the choosing and the allowing of the increase or the decrease. That would seem to me to be pretty interesting.

 

Anyway an upshot might be "don't fight it, feel it" and it will naturally dissipate or just don't create it in the first place. But for sure if you keep on creating/sustaining the idea that causes pain in the first place then I don't know what else to suggest. Maybe that in the idea you're sustaining there is something for you, something you'd like. I don't know. The more I learn about this stuff, the less I know;-)

[Kali Yuga]

Women, my friend, are the source of some of the highest highs and lowest lows that a man can go through.

 

Although sometimes I have the same emotional problems much of this I have learned to control and . I believe it is a man's right to not be afraid of his own sexuality and to have beautiful women in his life. Which is why experimentation and experience with women and learning from those who are better than you in this certain field helps. Women are certainly the most complicated thing god put on earth for men; we can learn rocket science but never figure out women. lol. a study of feminine psychology will help. women's minds operate on completely different lines, thinking like a man to figure out a woman will not help you.

 

But I digress.

 

The reason why you feel this way is because you suffer from a "lacking" mentality. You feel deep down inside, even though you may not know it, a bitterness or a resentment at yourself for "not being good enough" or at her for being such a bitch (although she's gorgeous so you're more likely to forget that part) but still want her. You feel let down and deceived by what you very much expected, and now you're still clutching to that woman and what your conception of what could be together. All of which brings pain.

 

 

A good fixer-upper for this kind of situation is to go into mindfulness meditation. Get into the seat of your choice, and feel your body with utmost concentration from top to bottom. relax and just FEEL. Dont judge the feelings or your thoughts -if you do it will be like trying to get out of a trap by further strangling yourself. What will happen if you do this correctly is that you should notice after 15-20 minutes of this meditation the body sensations which manifest themselves as your intense emotional FEELINGS like jealousy, resentment, self-pity, anger, will all dissolve slowly. and your body and mind will find its stillness and peace.

 

The second step is learning to utilize your subconscious mind properly. 99% of all people are destroying their ability to recieve grace and love and attractive women into their life. Why? Because the subconscious mind is a much larger part of the human being than the conscious mind. And it is influenced by the things you say to yourself inside your head. Anything negative you say in your head, even if there is a negative situation happening in the external reality will attract more of the same. You say "I suck" or "i'm just not handsome or confident enough" and the subconscious gives you the same in life. Be careful of what you say to yourself and make sure to only say and feel positive vibes.. Choose to be happy regardless of circumstance and your strength will be that of a mountain.

 

 

The most powerful thing you can possibly ever do here is to LET GO. Are you brave enough to give up your own clutching, your resistance to what is, and let the universe decide? Are you brave enough to expect nothing but let things come to YOU for a change? Are you brave enough to accept the fact that life could go on without a partner? Are you brave enough to go outside your own mind and all the mindgames you play with yourself? Can you live in the moment not clinging to past or forcing the future? Only the bravest of the brave have the strength to do this - and this is what separates the lions from the mice. This is the hallmark of a spiritual warrior.

[Nilo]

 

Product Description

Despite our best intentions, we often have trouble dealing effectively with strong emotions. What if you had a conscious, skillful way to respond in times of anger, fear, jealousy, shame, and other powerful emotions? Meditations for Emotional Healing gives us a collection of insights and practices for bringing compassion, clarity, and understanding to our emotional lives--instead of expressing or repressing them in unhealthy ways. Leading meditation teacher and clinical psychologist Tara Brach guides us through a transformative series of exercises to cultivate greater self-acceptance and emotional liberation. Meditations include: How to work with trauma, fear, and shame - Forgiveness meditation - Compassion meditation - Invoking loving presence in the face of difficulty - The power of yes As Tara puts it, - When we touch what is painful with awareness, the armoring around our heart melts and we become more tender and kind. Meditations for Emotional Healing is an invitation to return to our natural state at peace with what is, energetically whole, and spiritually free.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Emotional-Healing-Finding-Difficulty/dp/1591797411/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265438356&sr=8-5

[三江源]

Figure out what your pay off is in obsessing about someone who has gone.

 

It must be quite a big pay off.

 

Maybe it means you dont have to make the effort to shift from stuckness and take responsibility for her lack of interest in you. And the fact that no woman is interested in you at the moment.

 

That would be quite a big pay off, wouldnt it.

[Athanor]

That would be quite a big pay off, wouldnt it.

I don't really understand what pay off means here.

[三江源]

The idea is that we humans dont perpetuate any form of behaviour or feeling unless we are getting a return on our investment.

 

Usually we are unaware of our 'pay off' ie our 'return on our investment' when the situation is one in which we consciously believe we are wishing to drop.

 

If you think of it in a fairly straightforward familiar scenario :

 

 

I dont want to be fat.

I wont eat as much.

 

That looks like a nice cake.

 

My husband is here now.

Gosh he's such a pain in the arse.

 

What a nice cake that is.

Anyway, I want to be slimmer! I dont want my thighs rubbing together any more when I walk!

 

Ugh, I hope my husband isnt expecting to get laid tonight.

I'll just check out that cake....

 

The pay off of being fat, here, is not having to deal with the husband's gaze being lustful.

And also not being slim enough to feel confident about going off and finding a new husband..

 

but still the woman consciously believes she wants to diet.

 

Does that make sense ?

[Athanor]

Does that make sense ?

I don't really see the point, probably I don't understand what this husband-cake thing was about... I don't really see the relation between this story and my emotions.

[Chitoryu]

Anger exists because there is an opposite. Envy exists because there is an opposite. Healing exists because there is harm.

 

Being centered in Tao does not mean you will not experience emotions. It should help you understand what your natural healing process is, to help to encourage it and even get it to happen more quickly and in a healthier manner. It should help you know yourself better, so you will be able to quiet yourself, understand your healing pattern and be at peace with your natural rhythm.

 

If you bring on guilt because you feel out of control, feel weak because you have emotions or because you were duped, you will extend your healing out and it sounds the opposite of what you are trying to become.

 

We aren't Vulcans. I do not believe the Way is intending to do that. We seek wisdom and a movement towards mastery, not perfection.

 

Thoughts, all?

[Marblehead]

 

We aren't Vulcans. I do not believe the Way is intending to do that. We seek wisdom and a movement towards mastery, not perfection.

 

Thoughts, all?

 

I will absolutely agree with that. As I have said before, I want to feel my emotions. That's a big part of living, I think.

 

That problems start when we allow those emotions to dwell and extended length of time and it interfers with our living in the now.

 

I have, a number of times, refused to accept the title of master. I don't want to be a master of anything. But I do always seek out more wisdom so that I can life my life in a more fruitful manner.

 

Yeah, I still make mistakes. So what? At least I am living.

 

Peace & Love!

[三江源]

I don't really see the point, probably I don't understand what this husband-cake thing was about... I don't really see the relation between this story and my emotions.

 

Okay. Never mind the cake.

 

If you are interested in finding out about the unconscious reward ie pay off for playing the victim you could try 'games people play' by Eric Berne.

 

then you would understand.

 

It's a very helpful book.

 

So that would give you psychological insight, and doing some basic taoist practises that you could find easily by googling, would give you practical tools for 'transforming stress into vitality'.

 

good luck

[Athanor]

If you are interested in finding out about the unconscious reward for playing the victim you could try 'games people play' by Eric Berne.

Thanks for the tip, I'll probably check out the book later.

[de_paradise]

The transformation of jing-qi-shen, the spiritual path, takes care of petty desires. Slow steady, requires focus, leads to enlightenment and immortality. Tame your intense egotism by doing good works (karma yoga) and more of the spiritual path will reveal itself to you, that which you are now blind to. Then you will stop posting jibberish about meditation and just meditate, for example.

 

If you are looking for a more temporal immediate kind of solution, lets see. You didnt get the girl, now you feel like a loser because alot of your self-esteem is based on ability to get a girl you want. Stop basing your self esteem on the one girl, how about that? Just because you post this in a spiritual forum and say its about overwhelming emotions, doesnt camoflage your hurt pride because you cant get the girl. If you were a well rounded person with high self esteem not based on getting the girl, then you wouldnt give a toss about this one, it wouldnt be an issue.

[Gerard]

So what do you do when there is too much emotion in you? How do you deal with it? Besides having a few beers and cigarettes... I need a more constructive solution.

 

Temporary fixes that are liver-damaging don't work.

 

My recommendation: Vipassana + Internal Martial Arts or any other sort of Qigong.

 

They will gradually change your mind and emotions to the point where you attain a profound stillness inside and out. Like a heavy boat, weightlessly drifting down a calm slow moving stream. Complete stability of mind, body and spirit.

 

That woman and other phenomena will fall eventually into oblivion, you become a calm observer of the constant arising and passing of phenomena.

 

Watch this vid:

 

 

Min 1:03

 

The movie can be viewed online here:

 

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5902279151658995270#

Edited February 7, 2010 by durkhrod chogori

[Lucky7Strikes]

Everyone poops.

Edited February 7, 2010 by Lucky7Strikes

[三江源]

Everyone poops.

 

yes, and some people who poop are beautiful to behold and very desirable, or wise and inspiring. others who poop are not.

 

How do they relate once they have finished discussing toilet paper?

[markern]

Shinzen Youngs Break through difficult emotions could help. He is a quality teacher