Dealing with Lust

[John Zen]

Hi guys,

 

I'm dealing with a problem in my life: I am a fountain of lust. I can't help but stare at every beautiful girl that walks by, and I always feel a little empty inside knowing that I can't have every beautiful girl I want.

 

The good thing is, I know that it's a problem and I'm trying to address it. I'm always trying to suppress the emotion I feel, but it always comes up!! I try weeks of celibacy to try to address any hormone part of it, but it doesn't help at all. I usually feel a little less lustful after I've ejaculated, but then there's the downer feeling that ejaculation gives me, so it's a net loss, still.

 

I'm twenty, live on a college campus (lots of pretty girls everywhere...), and my girlfriend lives two hours away (for now) so I feel as if my environment is largely detremental to my position, but oh well, what can I do...

 

Can any bums share their experience dealing with lust, or offer any practical suggestions on how to supress this destructive emotion??

 

May Light be in your life!!

John Zen

[RyanO]

Well that's synchronistic, I just wrote a post about a technique that might be of benefit:

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/13922-making-love-with-the-earth/

[三江源]

Lust isnt a destructive emotion.

 

It's biology. Just accept it, smile at it, endure it when it's painful, as a friend who is strengthening you, extending your endurance capabilities.

 

 

Laugh at how much you are desperate for sex. Really, why shouldnt it be funny that we are so biologically driven?

 

Let the feelings pass through you, eat you up, burn you to death, and you will rise again and again from being killed by burning lust.

 

It's ok.

 

That's the way to become a strong container.

 

Supressing lust is a laughable idea in the extreme. Just dont feed it. But honour it with great respect and love, it's your life force calling.

 

RyanO's post about giving your lust to the earth is truly a wonderful transformative spiritual practice.

[Marblehead]

Cat's post is so nice I'm not even going to say anything.

 

Enjoy looking at those beautiful women!

 

Peace & Love!

[immortal_sister]

yup i agree with cat. lust is a beautiful, healthy feeling. you don't want to suppress that! rather the important thing is redirecting that lust into something useful. you don't want this lust to turn into bitterness from not being able to act on it, or to turn into something that controls you, where you would cheat on your girlfriend. use that lust energy to exercise and workout, for example, or to work toward another goal. see it as positive energy that surrounds you and makes you stronger, and makes your will stronger.

[SingaporeGuyHere]

i think i know whats going on here....

 

1) you are aware that to reach a high level of spiritual attainment, you must be able to let go of sex lust

 

2) you want to go down the spiritual path and so you think, if the spiritual masters can let go of their lust, so will i....or something similar

 

 

is this correct ??

[Pietro]

you are 20,

you have a girlfriend,

she is near (2 hours distance means you can see her every week end, at least),

you have a healthy strong vibrant lusty body

 

and you are trying to be celibate for weeks???

are you out of your mind?!

 

Don't walk, run toward your girlfriend and enjoy every second you are with her.

Take her as she will never be taken in her whole life.

 

What you are living is special, don't fuck it up with mental projections of what it should be.

 

And you do not need to give up your lust. Not at 20. Not when you have a girlfriend.

And, especially, not at 20 when you have a girlfriend.

[Athanor]

I suggest you not to replace one extreme with another for the sake of development - like replacing lust with celibacy -, because that is not going to be development at all. Besides that they're not opposites and so they won't cancel each other out, it's also not healthy to deal with extremities. Everything what's healthy is in balance, even sexuality. However, I can't tell you what's the balance between sexuality and spirituality, I also posted one on this issue here. Maybe if you read those comments then it helps you step forward.

What I'd like to tell you besides this is that noticing beauty, and even feeling lust for it, is for no reason a deniable thing. Nature is created with beauty for a good reason. Beauty (regardless of which sense organ perceives it) is what triggers the desire and the feeling of living creatures to spread life, to make more of it (in any sense)

The question is whether you drive your lust and benefit of it, or it drives you and ruins your life. But I can't tell you how to avoid the latter...

[hyok]

Hi guys,

 

I'm dealing with a problem in my life: I am a fountain of lust. I can't help but stare at every beautiful girl that walks by, and I always feel a little empty inside knowing that I can't have every beautiful girl I want.

 

The good thing is, I know that it's a problem and I'm trying to address it. I'm always trying to suppress the emotion I feel, but it always comes up!! I try weeks of celibacy to try to address any hormone part of it, but it doesn't help at all. I usually feel a little less lustful after I've ejaculated, but then there's the downer feeling that ejaculation gives me, so it's a net loss, still.

 

I'm twenty, live on a college campus (lots of pretty girls everywhere...), and my girlfriend lives two hours away (for now) so I feel as if my environment is largely detremental to my position, but oh well, what can I do...

 

Can any bums share their experience dealing with lust, or offer any practical suggestions on how to supress this destructive emotion??

 

May Light be in your life!!

John Zen

 

Yeah, i got experience. Experience in caving in and banging hookers!

 

Jigga whatchoo doin'? Go out and have sex, man. You're not doing yourself any favors by retaining at the age of twenty. Seriously, dog, enjoy your youthful sexual exhuberance! And if in your path the Powers That Be should send you a bolt of lightning, you won't have a choice N-E MO DEN SUCKA!

 

serious now, if retention is that difficult that its torturous and painful, wait until it isn't. There's no need to torture yourself for the hope of bullshit powers and being some kind of Jedi. It ain't the way it works, dog.

 

But hey, if you wanna talk about lust, let's talk about the lust for power. Ain't no tits n' azz got shiet on the lust for power yo. Check it - your lust for power is more powerful than your lust for pussy! lololol.

Edited March 8, 2010 by hyok

[lifeforce]

Yeah, i got experience. Experience in caving in and banging hookers!

 

Jigga whatchoo doin'? Go out and have sex, man. You're not doing yourself any favors by retaining at the age of twenty. Seriously, dog, enjoy your youthful sexual exhuberance! And if in your path the Powers That Be should send you a bolt of lightning, you won't have a choice N-E MO DEN SUCKA!

 

serious now, if retention is that difficult that its torturous and painful, wait until it isn't. There's no need to torture yourself for the hope of bullshit powers and being some kind of Jedi. It ain't the way it works, dog.

 

But hey, if you wanna talk about lust, let's talk about the lust for power. Ain't no tits n' azz got shiet on the lust for power yo. Check it - your lust for power is more powerful than your lust for pussy! lololol.

 

 

Brilliant.

 

Hey, JohnZen I'm twice your age,married with kids and still have mega lustful feelings towards women, but I never act on them.

If I were single and twenty (as I once was !) I would be enjoying it to the full. Plenty of time for rationing later.

[Athanor]

Yeah, i got experience. Experience in caving in and banging hookers!

 

Jigga whatchoo doin'? Go out and have sex, man. You're not doing yourself any favors by retaining at the age of twenty. Seriously, dog, enjoy your youthful sexual exhuberance! And if in your path the Powers That Be should send you a bolt of lightning, you won't have a choice N-E MO DEN SUCKA!

 

serious now, if retention is that difficult that its torturous and painful, wait until it isn't. There's no need to torture yourself for the hope of bullshit powers and being some kind of Jedi. It ain't the way it works, dog.

 

But hey, if you wanna talk about lust, let's talk about the lust for power. Ain't no tits n' azz got shiet on the lust for power yo. Check it - your lust for power is more powerful than your lust for pussy! lololol.

 

Hm... and others worry about my style of writing because I use "to be" too often LOL

[Birch]

How's she dealing with it? Maybe in college, surrounded by cute guys ?

 

I think all those other suggestions were good. I know that if I had my twenties back I wouldn't have stuck myself in that long relationship - um no. But we don't get the second chance Do we?

 

So is the question about celibacy or trying not to cheat on your GF? Really about how to drive yourself spiritually? If it's the latter then the other replies were still better

[rakushun]

Hi John Zen,

If you wish to have mastery over lust, I can only offer to you what has helped me. You wrote that you "can't help but stare at every beautiful girl that walks by", but that is not true. You have a choice and you chose to stare. It is your desire to savor their surface beauty that you are choosing to indulge in.

 

When lustful thoughts arise, just let them take their course and they will eventually disappear. The KEY is to not dwell in those thoughts and not to be an actor in the scenes in your thoughts. Dwelling in them give those thoughts life and will trigger more thoughts along the same lines.

 

When you see a beautiful girl about to enter into your view, consciously do not make eye contact. Look away or down at the ground if you have too. At the end of the day, tally up how many times you were able to do this and how many times you have failed.

You will stumble and lose some of these battles, but with consistent practice you will get better at it. Once you get good at this practice, you will be able to see the beauty that is beyond the superficial/surface and will get a clearer taste of how the mind truly operates.

 

All is mind, all is impermanent. Good luck John Zen!

[Athanor]

When you see a beautiful girl about to enter into your view, consciously do not make eye contact. Look away or down at the ground if you have too. At the end of the day, tally up how many times you were able to do this and how many times you have failed.

...and then you'll feel miserably because you missed all that beauty around you, and you won't see the point of it then.

 

I think willingly trying to force yourself not to notice beauty is a bad idea. It will result in suppression and a false valuation of beauty, maybe even considering it as a sin, like some Christian priests do. Reality is that beauty is something what you see in something, and you see it because of yourself, and not because of her. Beauty is not the property of the thing or person, this is why we all see beauty in different things/people. So think of beauty as something what you add to that person - it's an added value that will only last as long as you add it.

Not to dwell in the thought of beauty is really the key, rakushun said it right. But how to do it - that's another story. the basic principle is that you take this value (beauty) and you simply decide that you don't add it to the person. But this is hard to achieve.

Meditation and other exercises which help you focus and cultivate your thoughts will eventually give you the choice of free will whether you want to deal with a thought, and add it to something or someone as a property, or you want to let it go. But this is only going to succeed in time, and there are no shortcuts.

[~jK~]

Hi guys,

I'm dealing with a problem in my life: I am a fountain of lust.

John Zen

For a beginning, I use the runners groin stretch and riding my bike.

I also do meditation during this time that is designed for different purposes - but needs the energy - Tantric Yoga is a good study but don't expect to master it in one life... http://www.google.com.au/#hl=en&source=hp&q=Tantric+Yoga&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq=&fp=2de49ba9ead933c3

If you live near a University dorm - I would move away until your problems become less and then move beck to intensify them - reasoning is the pheromones women secrete that are designed by evolution to work on the male and do - well I think you know what it do.

 

Watch your body during this time as hair grows much more quickly - which - Taoists point to symbolizing the healing potential of the body during different phases of the moon.

 

Battles were fought in conjunction with the phases of the moon and it was common knowledge for the men not to have sex before battles...

 

It is a really good time to begin aerobic exercises that will both use up your excess energy and improve you as a person. Meditate with empty mind after each exercise.

[Athanor]

For a beginning, I use the runners groin stretch and riding my bike.

I also do meditation during this time that is designed for different purposes - but needs the energy - Tantric Yoga is a good study but don't expect to master it in one life... http://www.google.co...de49ba9ead933c3

If you live near a University dorm - I would move away until your problems become less and then move beck to intensify them - reasoning is the pheromones women secrete that are designed by evolution to work on the male and do - well I think you know what it do.

 

Watch your body during this time as hair grows much more quickly - which - Taoists point to symbolizing the healing potential of the body during different phases of the moon.

 

Battles were fought in conjunction with the phases of the moon and it was common knowledge for the men not to have sex before battles...

 

It is a really good time to begin aerobic exercises that will both use up your excess energy and improve you as a person. Meditate with empty mind after each exercise.

I think that the connection between battles' timing and having sex has nothing to do with the moon, it's rather the same reason why sportsmen don't have sex before their greatest challenge. Simply because having sex during half of the night requires energy and the same energy cannot be spent the next day in the war or physical challenge. Yet when you have a good sleep then that energy will be restored and you can use it in the battle. This has nothing to do with the moon.

The fact that battles were started according to moon also has a simple reason. Moon serves light for night attacks.

Don't try to find mystical connection in everything, especially when you deal with a very profound thing. The simpler solution is the better. And also remember that however you will solve this issue now, you will remember it later. And it will change you in some way. If you'll remember that everyone was having fun but you were trying to get as far from girls as possible, that won't be a good memory and it won't change you in the right way.

[RyanO]

Also, just piggybacking off of what others have said since there has been some great advice here, the term 'lust' isn't really a part of my worldview. Inherent in the term is a negative judgment of our sexual instincts.

 

Our sexual desires become problematic when we fuel them with our monkey mind. Feeling desire for women is natural, not evil, and one great way to deal with this desire is simply to get in the body and feel what is happening.

 

Our sexual instinct can be painful since it carries with it many feelings of separation and incompletion. Judging this instinct just makes the problem worse. What our sexual instinct (an entity that is a part of us but not the whole) wants even more so than physical expression is total love and acceptance from all aspects of ourselves. I have found the Inner Smile to be a wonderful way of accomplishing this.

[markern]

In general I agree with those who say there is no point for you in trying to abstain at your age. However, as I understand you the problem is that you don`t see your girlfriend often enough to satisfy your desires and so lust for other women.

 

Firstly I would try to see my girl more if possible. Also look into webcam sex. And possibly long distance energy sex if possible.

 

Then you could try some practical exercises to transmute on weekdays to keep your dick in your pants. Trunk has mentioned turtle breathing as a very effective exercise for this in another thread. Look into it. Does Trunk have instrcutions for it on his site?

 

You could also try the "Biels fire and water technique" described on Trunks site. then and there it cools of desire and it creates a very pleasurable steam that is also emotionally satisfying. Also try RyanOs making love to the earth technique.

 

You could also use the sixth tibetan but then I supose you would have to do the other five to make it balance and possibly to make it work at all. They are superb exercise though and don`t take much time so why not try them. Just keep enough horniness for your girl at the weekends.

 

YOu could also try the aneros because it will give you such mindblowing multiple orgasms, eventually of a very spiritual nature. This might be very satisfying for you unlike regular wanking. It might though make you extre horny at other times. Not sure. Ask around at the aneros forum about this.

[Trunk]

.. Trunk has mentioned turtle breathing as a very effective exercise for this in another thread. Look into it. Does Trunk have instrcutions for it on his site?

 

You could also try the "Biels fire and water technique" (found on the Kan&Li page) described on Trunks site. then and there it cools of desire and it creates a very pleasurable steam that is also emotionally satisfying. Also try RyanOs making love to the earth technique.

 

Links added.

 

None of the techniques is quite like getting laid so don't expect complete results... but they should take the edge off to some degree - which is really the best that you can hope for ime.

 

Turtle breathing I've found to be particularly powerful, but I'm still in early experimental guinea pig stages... I'm optimistic but talk to me some time in 2011 if you want a really objective balanced viewpt on it. (You can browse the last few pages of my blog if you want to see how it's been going for me.)