Just dealing...

[Mushi]

With all of the stress, doubt, remorse, and many other emotions I have been feeling lately, I find myself having trouble trying to cope and keep moving. I'm sure there have been countless other topics about this kind of thing, but I was wondering about how some of you deal with these kinds of pressures and icky emotions. Any advice is welcome

[Marblehead]

Well, first let me say that I am glad you are feeling all these emotions because it means that you are still alive.

 

But, if they are preventing you from living fully in the 'now' then I think they need be dealt with.

 

I can't give you any direct advise because I have no knowledge of the causes of 'the negative' emotions involved that you speak of.

 

I guess that the only generalized statement I can make is that we all need to understand that the past is history and it is written in stone. Can't change it. But we can change the future (at least our future) by doing the 'best' we can today.

 

All the problems in our life can be placed into one of two baskets: Those we can do something about, and, Those we can do nothing about.

 

So we should concentrate on those we can do something about and eliminate them. Those we can do nothing about we either ignore or remove them, or ourself, from its influence.

 

May your journey be peaceful.

 

Peace & Love!

[freeform]

I treat emotion as a very promising indication of progress...

 

Emotion - especially the strong kind - tends to come up when our patterned illusion collides with reality. It also provides you an opportunity to feel how different flavours of energy move through your body.

 

I advise to detach yourself from the story behind the emotion, and put your awareness on the sensations in your body... allow the sensations to move and spread freely, without contracting and trying to stop or suppress them. Do this outside with your bare feet on the grass... Once the feelings spread throughout your body, you will notice that they transform somewhat - maybe even become pleasurable. Open up the the underside of your feet like the aperture on a camera lens and invite the feeling to move down into the ground with a smile.

 

Trees can also help transform emotional energy, but you'd need enough sensitivity to feel if the particular tree would welcome this energy exchange.

[markern]

I have been having a lot of success recently with using tools from cognitive therapy in changing my thinking patterns and as a consequence of that, my emotions. As a therapy cognitive behavioral therapy has shown very good and consistent results in countless studies. However, you can easily work on it yourself. Look arround for a good book on it. The key is more or less daily practice. Use 10-15 min everyday on it as part of your routine. It is the consistency that brings results.

 

The best tool for me, when I am able to aply it, is mindfulness. This is more or less what Freeform is talking about. It just somehow makes the negative emotions process the way they are suposed to quickly and somehow then a sort of healing of the emotion and balancing of perspective comes by itself. One just has to bring awareness to the emotions and realy let go. Two types of therapy are built upon this principle. Mindfulness based cognitive therapy (different from regular cognitive therapy) and acceptance and commitment therapy. These two are essentially the same and build upon mindfulness principles and uses mindfulness meditation and mindfulness exercises as suport.

 

Shinzen Youngs break through difficult emotions (amazon)I also think is very good. He has some articles on his webpage that also explain a lot about mindfulness.

 

Six healing sounds has been very important for me for a long time in cleanisng and balancing myself emotionally. Any sort of culitvation practice that works on emotions directly or indirectly can e very helpfull. But for me it is important to keep a balance between those practices that aproach energy and emotions in an engineering mindset (cleansing, removing, building positive, balancing etc.) and those who are more about leting go and mindfullness. I practice the engineering exercises like healing sounds at set times a day and try to let go, be mindfull or change my thinking the rest of the day. Only when very pressed do I sit down and do engineering exercises at other times to heal. I find this aproache helps me avoid fighting my emotions and strenghtens my letting go ability while also giving me a lot of benefit from the engineering exercises. If you only try to change, change, change and do, do, do and remove, remove, remove you will stagnate. Essentially control is impossible, one has to let things happen, let it go. I had to deal with grief some time ago and healing sounds was only a weak band aid untill I actually was able to mindfully let go. One can and should also bring as much of a mindfull attitude to engineering exercises and this transforms them and sort of almost makes them into just clever mindfulness exercises. This is when they work best and you kinda get the best of both worlds.

 

Inner smile and secret smile are also very powerfull tools to strenghten positive emotions. They, especially the secret smile, will also bring up more stuff to deal with.

[RyanO]

Some very good advice here. As everyone says, emotions are a sign that we are making progress, and experiencing the journey of life.

 

As markern suggests, the Inner Smile is a great way to deal with negative emotions.

 

Embracing and loving powerfully scary emotions (which inevitably will come up in spiritual work) with the Inner Smile is a fantastic way to transform them.

 

We have a tendency to run away from, hate, and be afraid of negative emotions. But they want and need love much like children do.

 

Here is M. Winn's version of the Inner Smile, which you can also get from his website:

 

http://www.scribd.com/doc/25141317/Winn-M-The-Way-of-the-Inner-Smile

 

The meditation here is longer and a more active approach. Another way to do the technique is to simply smile (ie send unconditional love to) any negative emotion that pops up, making sure to feel the emotion first and not try to suppress it. Transformation, not destruction.

[Mushi]

Thank you all sooo much for taking the time to give your thoughts. It is all very good advice that I will somehow try to put into practice. Even though I never went into specifics about why I'm feeling the way I am (some of which I am still trying to figure out myself), I feel better at least somewhat expressing myself. I dont deal with my emotions very well, and it has gotten to a point where I just shut down from others and myself completely when I have to deal with them. Its strange when you have no idea what sparks the things you feel, or how you can feel so many strong emotions at once without being able to pinpoint a certain reason. Maybe I'm rambling but that's what I do

[Trogdorf]

[Marblehead]

Its strange when you have no idea what sparks the things you feel, or how you can feel so many strong emotions at once without being able to pinpoint a certain reason. Maybe I'm rambling but that's what I do

 

No, you're not rambling. What you are saying is true. Sometimes we just don't know the root causes of our different emotions.

 

But we still have to live today so we should try to not let our emotions from the past effect our 'now'.

 

Peace & Love!

[freeform]

which can be used to your advantage later on..

 

Exactly. And presence in the moment.

 

I never went into specifics about why I'm feeling the way I am (some of which I am still trying to figure out myself), I feel better at least somewhat expressing myself. I dont deal with my emotions very well, and it has gotten to a point where I just shut down from others and myself completely when I have to deal with them. Its strange when you have no idea what sparks the things you feel, or how you can feel so many strong emotions at once without being able to pinpoint a certain reason.

 

(I'll have to resort to putting E-prime on the back burner for this post I'm afraid )

 

Emotions can demolish our patterned illusion... This is the silver lining of strong emotions for the spiritually focused. Illusion is the product of the ego - The ego creates illusion to make itself seem real - patterned illusion is a constant argument for the reality of the ego.

 

Emotion is a small flow of reality into your awareness - it disrupts the constant control the ego has over you. That's why it feels so disorientating.

 

Now notice your inclination to pinpoint a reason for the emotion - the drive to figure out the explanation... this is the ego attempting to gain control again... This is what it does - it labels, and by labelling it assumes an imaginary form of control... once it has a story for something, it's again at the top of the hierarchy - the king of you. "I'm angry because my boss is obnoxious" - suddenly there's a label, a story a frame of reference - it's fine - I understand it - it's under control.

 

I suggest you don't find a reason, don't try to figure it out, don't name your emotions, don't even frame it in any Taoist/TCM framework... Just feel it in your body. Use your senses directly with no interpretation. Deer are known for their acute level of awareness... they respond to their senses directly - us humans tend to sense something - commentate on it - and then respond to the commentary. Remove those extra steps and just keep your attention on your senses - particularly kinasthetic sense - feeling.

 

"I just shut down from others and myself completely" - lots of repressed anger there... the energy behind anger needs to be expressed. Shutting down in the way you describe is what we do to repress anger so that we don't have to feel it... If you give it a chance and space in your body, and some physical outlet (shouting, shaking etc - seriously ) you'll find a new lease of potent energy.

 

Good luck - and thanks for reaching out publicly like this - it helps many people.

[Mushi]

Exactly. And presence in the moment.

 

 

 

(I'll have to resort to putting E-prime on the back burner for this post I'm afraid )

 

Emotions can demolish our patterned illusion... This is the silver lining of strong emotions for the spiritually focused. Illusion is the product of the ego - The ego creates illusion to make itself seem real - patterned illusion is a constant argument for the reality of the ego.

 

Emotion is a small flow of reality into your awareness - it disrupts the constant control the ego has over you. That's why it feels so disorientating.

 

Now notice your inclination to pinpoint a reason for the emotion - the drive to figure out the explanation... this is the ego attempting to gain control again... This is what it does - it labels, and by labelling it assumes an imaginary form of control... once it has a story for something, it's again at the top of the hierarchy - the king of you. "I'm angry because my boss is obnoxious" - suddenly there's a label, a story a frame of reference - it's fine - I understand it - it's under control.

 

I suggest you don't find a reason, don't try to figure it out, don't name your emotions, don't even frame it in any Taoist/TCM framework... Just feel it in your body. Use your senses directly with no interpretation. Deer are known for their acute level of awareness... they respond to their senses directly - us humans tend to sense something - commentate on it - and then respond to the commentary. Remove those extra steps and just keep your attention on your senses - particularly kinasthetic sense - feeling.

 

"I just shut down from others and myself completely" - lots of repressed anger there... the energy behind anger needs to be expressed. Shutting down in the way you describe is what we do to repress anger so that we don't have to feel it... If you give it a chance and space in your body, and some physical outlet (shouting, shaking etc - seriously ) you'll find a new lease of potent energy.

 

Good luck - and thanks for reaching out publicly like this - it helps many people.

 

You know, I have actually been told that I think to hard about trying to label everything. I don't even realize when I'm doing it half the time. I have also been told that I justify too much, rather than just letting it be. Everything you said is true, and it makes sense. It might take a while for me to get the hang of just going with the flow, but I've known for a very long time that I basically need to chill out lol it will be a welcome change of pace once I get it though.

 

I tried shouting once, but I felt really silly afterwards lol I take that as another sign that I need to loosen up a bit more

Edited March 12, 2010 by Mushi

[SingaporeGuyHere]

great topic...thanks for starting it ! I managed to get some tips for dealing with my own problems as well

Edited March 13, 2010 by SingaporeGuyHere

[immortal_sister]

Exactly. And presence in the moment.

 

(I'll have to resort to putting E-prime on the back burner for this post I'm afraid )

 

Emotions can demolish our patterned illusion... This is the silver lining of strong emotions for the spiritually focused. Illusion is the product of the ego - The ego creates illusion to make itself seem real - patterned illusion is a constant argument for the reality of the ego.

 

Emotion is a small flow of reality into your awareness - it disrupts the constant control the ego has over you. That's why it feels so disorientating.

 

Now notice your inclination to pinpoint a reason for the emotion - the drive to figure out the explanation... this is the ego attempting to gain control again... This is what it does - it labels, and by labelling it assumes an imaginary form of control... once it has a story for something, it's again at the top of the hierarchy - the king of you. "I'm angry because my boss is obnoxious" - suddenly there's a label, a story a frame of reference - it's fine - I understand it - it's under control.

 

I suggest you don't find a reason, don't try to figure it out, don't name your emotions, don't even frame it in any Taoist/TCM framework... Just feel it in your body. Use your senses directly with no interpretation. Deer are known for their acute level of awareness... they respond to their senses directly - us humans tend to sense something - commentate on it - and then respond to the commentary. Remove those extra steps and just keep your attention on your senses - particularly kinasthetic sense - feeling.

 

"I just shut down from others and myself completely" - lots of repressed anger there... the energy behind anger needs to be expressed. Shutting down in the way you describe is what we do to repress anger so that we don't have to feel it... If you give it a chance and space in your body, and some physical outlet (shouting, shaking etc - seriously ) you'll find a new lease of potent energy.

 

Good luck - and thanks for reaching out publicly like this - it helps many people.

 

thank you for this post.

this has been a big struggle for me the last few months, trying to pinpoint everything, trying to understand, categorize, dwell... that always gets me in trouble.. i need to come back to the heart and let things flow.

 

even though i already know this deep within me, it gets buried, and its nice to hear/read a reminder. sometimes i wonder how something so simple, just letting go, can be so difficult... but i guess its because of the immense benefit one can gain from actually fighting this fight.

 

thank you.

[Mushi]

thank you for this post.

this has been a big struggle for me the last few months, trying to pinpoint everything, trying to understand, categorize, dwell... that always gets me in trouble.. i need to come back to the heart and let things flow.

 

even though i already know this deep within me, it gets buried, and its nice to hear/read a reminder. sometimes i wonder how something so simple, just letting go, can be so difficult... but i guess its because of the immense benefit one can gain from actually fighting this fight.

 

thank you.

 

Well said sister. Things we know we should do often gets buried under the emotions we feel, so we need other people to knock some sense into us from time to time. Funny how that works isn't it?

[SingaporeGuyHere]

thank you for this post.

this has been a big struggle for me the last few months, trying to pinpoint everything, trying to understand, categorize, dwell... that always gets me in trouble.. i need to come back to the heart and let things flow.

 

even though i already know this deep within me, it gets buried, and its nice to hear/read a reminder. sometimes i wonder how something so simple, just letting go, can be so difficult... but i guess its because of the immense benefit one can gain from actually fighting this fight.

 

thank you.

 

just my 2 cents...im also struggling with repeated thoughts/thought-patterns that came from my health problems, constant anxiety, worry, panic...etc etc

 

if you dont hold on to a thought, then that thought can't hold on to you.

 

even rejecting a thought gives it existence, because it must exist for you to reject it, as long as you keep rejecting it, it will keep existing.

 

of course, easier said then done !

 

Vipassana meditation is very useful i thinks

[Trogdorf]

Making sure you keep your mind open and your perspective wide will also help with the mindfulness btw..

[Athanor]

With all of the stress, doubt, remorse, and many other emotions I have been feeling lately, I find myself having trouble trying to cope and keep moving. I'm sure there have been countless other topics about this kind of thing, but I was wondering about how some of you deal with these kinds of pressures and icky emotions. Any advice is welcome

I try to understand why they occur, what I have done, what I have done wrong, to let them happen. Understanding helps to overcome them through insight. However, if they reach a certain level, clear thinking is impossible. In that case I keep in my mind that everything is transient - so are these emotions. This helps a lot, because it offers the possibility of perspective: it says, even if I feel desperate and hopeless, I can be absolute sure that this will vanish once, and I will be able to think clearly again - I just have to wait. One thing to shorten the time spent for waiting is that I do things which help me remain calm and avoid things of which I know that they keep my stress level higher. For instance, I practice more taiji, I meditate longer, I watch less TV and sit less at my computer, I go out more often and spend more time outside in the fresh air if I can, and I don't use alcohol and cigarette as stress-reducers.

[EagleShen]

I guess that the only generalized statement I can make is that we all need to understand that the past is history and it is written in stone. Can't change it. But we can change the future (at least our future) by doing the 'best' we can today.

 

What you can change is your relationship to your past and your relationship to your negative experiences/emotions, and that's part of the essence of the inner smile IMO. Turning a negative experience into a positive part of who you are now has real magic in it. Look at the stories of most great people and they will have had some pretty tough experiences, yet they managed to make powerful contributions, and their struggles are often celebrated as a part of who they are.

 

And by changing our relationship to our past, we change our experience of now, and therefore our future.

[Marblehead]

What you can change is your relationship to your past and your relationship to your negative experiences/emotions, and that's part of the essence of the inner smile IMO. Turning a negative experience into a positive part of who you are now has real magic in it. Look at the stories of most great people and they will have had some pretty tough experiences, yet they managed to make powerful contributions, and their struggles are often celebrated as a part of who they are.

 

And by changing our relationship to our past, we change our experience of now, and therefore our future.

 

You don't expect me to disagree with that perfect logic, do you?

 

Nicely spoken (written).

 

Peace & Love!

[Mushi]

I try to understand why they occur, what I have done, what I have done wrong, to let them happen. Understanding helps to overcome them through insight. However, if they reach a certain level, clear thinking is impossible. In that case I keep in my mind that everything is transient - so are these emotions. This helps a lot, because it offers the possibility of perspective: it says, even if I feel desperate and hopeless, I can be absolute sure that this will vanish once, and I will be able to think clearly again - I just have to wait. One thing to shorten the time spent for waiting is that I do things which help me remain calm and avoid things of which I know that they keep my stress level higher. For instance, I practice more taiji, I meditate longer, I watch less TV and sit less at my computer, I go out more often and spend more time outside in the fresh air if I can, and I don't use alcohol and cigarette as stress-reducers.

 

Thats good that you dont resort to those kinds of bad habits to deal with stress They can only make things worse in the long run. And now that it is getting warmer outside, I should try to get out more as well. I spend aloooot of time sitting around when I should be out exercising, or just getting some fresh air. Thank you for sharing your perspective on things I often lose myself in the unhappy feelings instead of remembering that it is all temporary, so I end up dwelling on the stress

[Mushi]

You don't expect me to disagree with that perfect logic, do you?

 

Nicely spoken (written).

 

Peace & Love!

 

Yes, very nicely put

[Athanor]

Thats good that you dont resort to those kinds of bad habits to deal with stress They can only make things worse in the long run. And now that it is getting warmer outside, I should try to get out more as well. I spend aloooot of time sitting around when I should be out exercising, or just getting some fresh air. Thank you for sharing your perspective on things I often lose myself in the unhappy feelings instead of remembering that it is all temporary, so I end up dwelling on the stress

I'm glad if I could help.

 

Another thing what I do sometimes is what I call gongfu time. It's a period - like a day, a few days, or so - when I don't watch tv and I don't use the computer at all; I spend all my day quiet and if I don't have any necessity or duty then I spend my time with meditation, taiji, fitness training, reading and such things. I try to focus on cultivating my life in the original sense of gongfu, without allowing myself to be distracted.

This helps with 3 things.

1. It puts me into balance a little when too much technology and civilization distracts me from my desired path.
2. It gives me a little insight on a more spiritual way of life and it helps me understand what I want from my life and what I need to change.
3. And finally, after having this experience, I can overview my ideas and expectations and I can adjust them to reality.

I find this a very useful practice. It's not really good when you're in the middle of a down-time but you might want to try it when you're in a better shape and more aware of your life. In a monthly or yearly perspective these few day gongfu times can give you a great emotional and mental aid.

[EagleShen]

You don't expect me to disagree with that perfect logic, do you?

 

Nicely spoken (written).

 

Peace & Love!

No, was more pointing to your statement as inspiration, logical flow and all

[freeform]

I tried shouting once, but I felt really silly afterwards lol I take that as another sign that I need to loosen up a bit more

 

Noooo! that's a great sign... once you find it silly you can laugh at yourself - and laughing has a very healing effect! And silliness counteracts all the self-importance we force on ourselves!

 

 

sometimes i wonder how something so simple, just letting go, can be so difficult... but i guess its because of the immense benefit one can gain from actually fighting this fight.

 

thank you.

 

 

It's difficult because since about the age of 5 or 6 we become these labels, these 'things'. We are taught that labelling, controlling, and creating a fixed identity is the way to go. It's taken a life of its own, and now for us to feel any sense of 'confidence' or 'self esteem' we need to clutch at illusions... But the 'self' in the 'self esteem' is a false self, and confidence is a con... because it's all based on illusion...

 

So to let go we must drop these things we've been building and protecting and defending since we were 6 - of course it's simple, but very hard... emotions are a good indication that there's some light shining onto the illusions.

 

Being gentle with yourself, finding the humour present in this whole scenario and keeping to our practices makes the process much smoother.

[rex]

I often fall over, then remembering the Sufi saying 'this too shall pass', pick myself again up and keep going until the next time, where I recall a Sufi saying ...

 

For sure I'm repeating patterns but each time it's slightly easier to get up again. One day I may even walk down a different street:

 

I walk down a street. I fall into a deep hole. It takes me a long time to climb out.

I walk down the street. I fall into the hole. I climb out.

I walk down the street. I see the hole but I fall in anyway. I climb out.

I walk down the street. I walk around the hole.

I walk down another street.

[freeform]

I walk down a street. I fall into a deep hole. It takes me a long time to climb out.

I walk down the street. I fall into the hole. I climb out.

I walk down the street. I see the hole but I fall in anyway. I climb out.

I walk down the street. I walk around the hole.

I walk down another street.

 

Oh Rex - great analogy, I love it, but I'm afraid I have to flip it upside down if I want to apply it to my understanding of the spiritual journey.

 

I walk down a street. I fall into a deep hole. It takes me a long time to climb out onto the street again.

I walk down the street. I fall into the hole. I climb out onto the street again.

I walk down the street. I see the hole but I fall in anyway. I get scared and climb out again.

I walk down the street. I fall into the hole and keep falling and falling and falling until all that's left is nothing... the nothing strips away everything off me.

I walk down the street. I am the street. I am the hole. I am all streets and all holes. I am all streets and all holes and I am all non-streets and non-holes.

I am.

 

...........

 

Oh yes Albert Ellis - he brought pragmatism to psychology and was influenced by Alfred Korzybski from what I remember.

 

What if we can take self esteem from every breath we take... from just being rather than doing or getting? We can, but we're told we can't - from a very young age... we set up hoops for ourselves and our children to jump through, and only then get or give attention for doing so... you're only a good boy if you eat everything up, get a good grade, earn a good wage, drive a nice car...

 

If you look at a baby - does it have self esteem? Its 'self' is so grand and all-encompassing that everything is self... just look at a baby smiling... it includes everything... everything is self... the esteem comes from including... notice how when it smiles at you a little bit of its self esteem rubs off onto you.

 

The way to profound self-esteem is to include everything... starting from everyone. This 'inclusion' is what we call love - unconditional acceptance... it's impossible to love unconditionally and have a 'self'. To others it looks like what we call 'self esteem', but that means nothing to you as it means nothing to a baby... but you both feel the bliss of unconditional acceptance enveloping everything and nothing.

 

When we accept everything unconditionally we can have fun... our illusion becomes a source of profound entertainment and learning instead of oppression and control...

 

So I say let go - fall into that hole... the one thing that seems so scary is scary because it strips you from all that is not you. It's the one thing that can free you from taking life so seriously - you can still jump through the hoops you and others have set up, but as a game not as the serious pursuit of holding this bag of illusions we call our'self'. (games are for fun and entertainment!)