100 days of celibacy without sublimation/transmutation practice?

[Non]

Well.. I tried to be celibate for 100 days before, but failed after the second month. Well I'm not one month or so into it again.. but last time I was doing more meditation. Now I hardly do it anymore.

 

Am I supposed to be doing some kind of meditative exercise?

 

I'm specifically looking for sublimation/transmutation exercises.. and preferrably free, easy, and effective ones.

 

So far... I've been trying to get into the Six Tibetan Rites again, but with my schedule sometimes it's hard to get all 21 reps in so I just do a minimum of 7. Same with meditation in full lotus MCO tho that I've almost completely abandoned since I've been just reading alot and doing other things. plus the full lotus or meditative practices don't really do much for my sexual desire. And my diet does kind of suck too, and I'm addicted to flavor, salt, spices etc. the book Practice of Brahmacharya I've gotten about halfway through. Man it's hard to have a sattvic diet when you're either so busy or it seems like u don't have the resources. Or maybe I'm just lazy.. or tired. Or both. I'm also vegan too so. Eating out does not help at all.

 

So I know I need to get back into it.

Edited April 22, 2010 by Non

[Non]

It's kinda hard too. The fact that I've never had successful communication with women in my entire life, not even on a friendship level (if that's even possible, or any good) . Or 'normal' 'male' level, whatever that means.

 

So whereas most people who practice celibacy after they've already had a reasonable amount of "fun" or "love" in their lives, I haven't had any and I question my capability and humanity. So I guess it's been pretty hard.. and thinking that if I ever get an opportunity I should never waste it (BIG IF) because I may never get it again. Which I extremely highly doubt since i'm extremely shy when it comes to women and sexual topics and it kills me to no end such that I have no other passion for life, or motivation since I've severely lacked a childhood social life and 'sexual life'. again whatever that means. so I'm also pretty much social anxiety debilitated and uncomfortable in my own skin. ahhh too much info.

 

and I'm so different and i'm weak so alone and i have different interests from everyone and i have no passion for life , EXTREME EXTREME EXTREME EXTREME EXTREME EXTREMEEXMTEREREMEMREMAWAE low self esteem and am asfr3ju3r dsjiokvndklsfsdklcv;d.

 

So yea it drives me nuts.. if only I could kill all passion and desire. The only way I can turn away from it though is violently, and become bitter and disgusted. Resentful.

Edited April 22, 2010 by Non

[lino]

Well.. I tried to be celibate for 100 days before, but failed after the second month. Well I'm not one month or so into it again.. but last time I was doing more meditation. Now I hardly do it anymore.

 

Am I supposed to be doing some kind of meditative exercise?

 

I'm specifically looking for sublimation/transmutation exercises.. and preferrably free, easy, and effective ones.

 

So far... I've been trying to get into the Six Tibetan Rites again, but with my schedule sometimes it's hard to get all 21 reps in so I just do a minimum of 7. Same with meditation in full lotus MCO tho that I've almost completely abandoned since I've been just reading alot and doing other things. plus the full lotus or meditative practices don't really do much for my sexual desire. And my diet does kind of suck too, and I'm addicted to flavor, salt, spices etc. the book Practice of Brahmacharya I've gotten about halfway through. Man it's hard to have a sattvic diet when you're either so busy or it seems like u don't have the resources. Or maybe I'm just lazy.. or tired. Or both. I'm also vegan too so. Eating out does not help at all.

 

So I know I need to get back into it.

 

Don't do it. It leads to aggravation and trouble. The embryo might not be created in you

and actually be put in a lower realm, which isn't good. This path is too much trouble. Don't

create something that you might not be able to support.

[alexandrov]

Don't do it. It leads to aggravation and trouble. The embryo might not be created in you

and actually be put in a lower realm, which isn't good. This path is too much trouble. Don't

create something that you might not be able to support.

 

agreed, except for the embryo part in lower realm i have no idea about that

 

 

non my advice to you is this just masturbate every once in a while. I read most of sivanandas stuff and if you practice a "sattvic" diet very strictly without listening to your body's needs you can become extremely unbalanced. especially if you are not doing certain yoga practices.

 

being someone who has played around with diets, energy techniques etc etc. my best advice to you is to stop thinking about cultivation so much and first learn to have normal social interactions. because to you that is obviously very important. Just stop spending time trying to do things that wont DIRECTLY solve your problems.

 

I honestly think the best advice i can give you is to be as practical as you can, and work on your self esteem and social interactions. It seems most of your posts are concerned with your lack of self esteem and your desire for a girlfriend. why not aim for these things first, become a more balanced person, THEN concentrate more on cultivation.

[Non]

agreed, except for the embryo part in lower realm i have no idea about that

 

 

non my advice to you is this just masturbate every once in a while. I read most of sivanandas stuff and if you practice a "sattvic" diet very strictly without listening to your body's needs you can become extremely unbalanced. especially if you are not doing certain yoga practices.

 

being someone who has played around with diets, energy techniques etc etc. my best advice to you is to stop thinking about cultivation so much and first learn to have normal social interactions. because to you that is obviously very important. Just stop spending time trying to do things that wont DIRECTLY solve your problems.

 

I honestly think the best advice i can give you is to be as practical as you can, and work on your self esteem and social interactions. It seems most of your posts are concerned with your lack of self esteem and your desire for a girlfriend. why not aim for these things first, become a more balanced person, THEN concentrate more on cultivation.

 

because I can't get better at social interactions and with women and confidence without it! I feel weak, and am weak otherwise.

[Sloppy Zhang]

I feel weak, and am weak otherwise.

 

You are that way because you think you are that way.

 

You make yourself that way.

 

I just went out to a few places. On Friday night you see a bunch of people, guys and girls, people dating.

 

I see really attractive looking women with not very attractive men ALL the time. Some guys just don't have good faces, some have thinning hair, some aren't in that great of shape, but if you look at the women they are laughing and enjoying themselves, and so are the guys.

 

What's the deal? The guys don't let their looks or their personality or their social situation stand in the way of interacting with women. When the women meet these guys, they see guys who don't think anything can stop them. So you know what? Nothing stops them.

 

You aren't going to hit it off with every single person you meet, that's just a fact of life. But you are never going to hit it off with anyone if you just flat out never try.

Edited April 24, 2010 by Sloppy Zhang

[mjjbecker]

http://www.amazon.com/Sedona-Method-Happiness-Emotional-Well-Being/dp/0971933413/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272076166&sr=8-1

[EagleShen]

because I can't get better at social interactions and with women and confidence without it! I feel weak, and am weak otherwise.

Hey Non, i can sympathise, i felt pretty much exactly the same when i was a teenager (no idea how old you are now) due to a hyper sensitivity to the world that i'm turning from a weakness into a strength.

It's totally possible to change your entire experience of yourself - i took a long slow road, in retrospect i see that i could have let a whole bunch of stuff drop a lot earlier if i'd sought some help.

 

The practice that made the biggest difference for me was doing tai chi, it really got me out of my head and into my body and sorted out my structural issues. IMO something physical would probably be better for you, and lots of inner smiling, internal alchemy needs self love to really work.

 

A question or two, if you had the choice between doing something totally outside of your comfort zone or staying in this negative loop forever what would you do? What would you be willing to risk to experience self love?

 

And a suggestion outside of the 'taoist' loop, there's a program in California called the Authentic Man Program, they have DVDs if that's not in your locality, they do some amazing work helping guys with exactly this kind of stuff.

[markern]

Hey Non, i can sympathise, i felt pretty much exactly the same when i was a teenager (no idea how old you are now) due to a hyper sensitivity to the world that i'm turning from a weakness into a strength.

It's totally possible to change your entire experience of yourself - i took a long slow road, in retrospect i see that i could have let a whole bunch of stuff drop a lot earlier if i'd sought some help.

 

The practice that made the biggest difference for me was doing tai chi, it really got me out of my head and into my body and sorted out my structural issues. IMO something physical would probably be better for you, and lots of inner smiling, internal alchemy needs self love to really work.

 

A question or two, if you had the choice between doing something totally outside of your comfort zone or staying in this negative loop forever what would you do? What would you be willing to risk to experience self love?

 

And a suggestion outside of the 'taoist' loop, there's a program in California called the Authentic Man Program, they have DVDs if that's not in your locality, they do some amazing work helping guys with exactly this kind of stuff.

 

THe authentic man stuff looked like something that could be good for you Non.

[Creation]

...hyper sensitivity to the world that i'm turning from a weakness into a strength...

Hi EagleShen.

 

Would you please elaborate on the above sentence fragment? I have recently perceived this theme of hyper-sensitivity in myself, and would love to hear more about it from someone who has experience in how to deal with it.

 

Thanks,

Tyler

[markern]

Hi EagleShen.

 

Would you please elaborate on the above sentence fragment? I have recently perceived this theme of hyper-sensitivity in myself, and would love to hear more about it from someone who has experience in how to deal with it.

 

Thanks,

Tyler

 

Not sure if this is the same thing but here is something called low latent inhibition that I think I have. Most people when they perceive something new in the environment or a sensation or a new thought after some time just disregard the new thing. For example after some time most people will get used to a foul smell and not smell it much more. Or when someone enters a room they will be a lot more perceptive of their environment and look at the walls and the furniture much more then normal but then after some time stop being more focused than normal. People with low latent inhibition do not as quickly stop caring about sensory input. They will frequently stay longer with the new input and will often take a huge amount of time until they feel they have felt and reflected enough about something to just let it fade. They will also frequently start becoming aware again of the stuff they have let fade into the background and feel and think about it again. It might be kinda like being on pot were all sensations overload you and everything is reconsidered.

 

In people with low IQ low latent inhibition is strongly associated with mental illness. In people with high IQ it is associated with high creativity. According to the Harvard scientists that did the study that found these correlations a high IQ probably helps people to sort out the immense pressure of information they are bombarded with because of the LLI. With a high IQ you not only manage to sort out and process the constant pressure of bombardment and reevaluation of input but it also leads to creativity because what is normally taken for granted is not by these individuals and their high IQs help them get something useful out of the different perspective and extra information. THose with low IQs will not be able to handle the load and can be swept away into psychosis or less serious mental disorders.

 

I see a lot of this in myself. I can not help but feel bombarded with either minute sensations or with thought and it is always impossible for me to lay something permanently at rest. A friend of mine who come over might disregard the paint on my walls after a few minutes but I will still be drawn to looking at it and maybe to some extent reflecting on it despite seeing the damn paint everyday.

 

I find meditation to be the only thing that helps balance this out. Increased concentration allows me to keep many impulses in my mind at the same time without feeling overloaded. This would be a similar effect as that of having a high IQ. ANother helpfull aspect of meditation is that it helps me have all the clutter in my mind without being absorbed by it. It can be there but not cause trouble. A third way is that I can learn to be more one pointed. I can learn to disregard if I want to.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latent_inhibition

Edited April 25, 2010 by markern

[EagleShen]

Hi EagleShen.

 

Would you please elaborate on the above sentence fragment? I have recently perceived this theme of hyper-sensitivity in myself, and would love to hear more about it from someone who has experience in how to deal with it.

 

Thanks,

Tyler

Hey Creation/Tyler,

 

That's a tricky thing to do, it's been such a gradual process, but i'll give it a go (beautiful avatar by the way, i had her on my desktop for a while).

 

Probably the two biggest turning points in my relationship to it were first accepting it in myself (and meditating on it, daring to go deeper and deeper into my experience, rather than away from it as i'd been doing), and the second was in appreciating what it had given me and how totally awesome it is to be able to perceive the world so sensitively. Put poetically, you have a gift that is a two edged sword: neglected it's a curse, learn to wield it and it will be a powerful ally (why do i suddenly want to say 'your webel fwiends cannot help you now...'?).

 

The first bit was clearing my negative emotions from it, but i found that they just kept sneaking back in, or i kept finding subtler layers of my own negative experience, or having more experiences that exposed my vulnerability.

 

So from acceptance i've gotten into appreciation, looking deeply at what it's actually given me. My bet is that, like me, you'll actually find its a lot. A big shift occurred for me recently as i've been going beyond just appreciation and into constructing a positive framework around being intensely sensitive. A big help on that side of things has been some Jungian archetype stuff i've been getting into - creating my personal mythology, and drawing inspiration from myths and history. Do you have any idea how many immensely sensitive people have made amazing contributions to the world? An awesome book on this stuff, if you're a guy, is one called King Warrior Magician Lover, totally rocked my world, still is. Not sure if there's a female equivalent.

 

Really interesting what markern has said, this is the kind of thing i'm talking about, take this and go hell yeah, i've got genius within me, just a matter of learning how to drive it.

 

IMO everyone is actually really sensitive, it's what you do with the information that counts. Most people block it out, and will probably never find out how to remove that block. Some people drown. Some people learn to make it a shinning light. It's all a matter of practice, perspective and intent.

 

Hmm, hope that's vaguely helpful.

[Creation]

...

Do you have any idea how many immensely sensitive people have made amazing contributions to the world? An awesome book on this stuff, if you're a guy, is one called King Warrior Magician Lover, totally rocked my world, still is. Not sure if there's a female equivalent.

...

take this and go hell yeah, i've got genius within me, just a matter of learning how to drive it.

 

IMO everyone is actually really sensitive, it's what you do with the information that counts. Most people block it out, and will probably never find out how to remove that block. Some people drown. Some people learn to make it a shinning light. It's all a matter of practice, perspective and intent.

...

Hi Eagle Shen.

 

Thanks for your post. Sorry it took so long for me to say that. But it really did mean a lot to me, especially the quoted parts, though I don't have much to say in response.

 

By the way, do you happen to know the title and artist of that painting in my avatar? I found it from a google image search for [some variant spelling of] Guanyin, but the website it took me to just had her there for show. She also comes up if you do an image search for Shakti. The scholar in me disapproves!

 

Om Manipadme Hum.

[EagleShen]

Hi Eagle Shen.

 

Thanks for your post. Sorry it took so long for me to say that. But it really did mean a lot to me, especially the quoted parts, though I don't have much to say in response.

 

By the way, do you happen to know the title and artist of that painting in my avatar? I found it from a google image search for [some variant spelling of] Guanyin, but the website it took me to just had her there for show. She also comes up if you do an image search for Shakti. The scholar in me disapproves!

 

Om Manipadme Hum.

 

Hey Creation,

No probs, glad it was helpful. Welcome to PM me if you want to yarn further.

 

Re the image, no, i don't know who did it, would love to though.

 

And Rainbow_Vein,

Great quote, thank you. Reminds me of something a friend of mine said some time ago: 'The Demons holding you back, are just Angels trying to help you - it's all a matter of how you look at it'.

[Non]

THe authentic man stuff looked like something that could be good for you Non.

 

I dont have any interest in "pick up artist" material...

[fizix]

I dont have any interest in "pick up artist" material...

a lot of "pick up artist" material actually has to do with dissolving the ego and surpassing as such self-imposed mental barriers; I wouldn't be so close minded if I were you just because of the term.

[EagleShen]

I dont have any interest in "pick up artist" material...

 

Hey Non, i'd have not recommeded it if that's all it was, they actually give a fair bit of stick to the 'pick up' industry. They have some amazing processes for getting guys to see the stuff their not seeing and for simply accepting their full selves - hence the authentic. And yeah they do market themselves in 'gender relation' terms, but it's actually not what it's about, that's just the outcome that most people are interested in. Marketing, sigh. Anyway, just a suggestion.

 

Mostly though, find some stuff to get into your body, it's a gold mine of goodness.