My problem

[Stais]

-deleted-

Edited August 28, 2010 by Stais

[Sloppy Zhang]

Hey Stais, thanks for taking the time to write all that out.

 

A couple of points:

 

People have mentioned this a few times in a few other threads, but part of what happens when you repeatedly do stuff like this (masturbate) is neural pathways get made and reinforced, your mind starts making associations, and when it sees certain triggers or signals, certain responses get made.

 

For instance- you watch porn, you get aroused. You watch porn, you get aroused. Your mind learns that when you watch porn you should get aroused, so the next time you watch porn, you get aroused faster. If you keep doing this for longer and longer times, when you even THINK of watching porn you will get aroused.

 

Same thing with trying to stop. You can say you don't want to masturbate or ejaculate anymore, and be able to go two weeks without doing it, then watch porn or have a dream and ejaculate. Since you focus so much on that ejaculation and the circumstances around it, your mind puts a signal around the circumstances. So the next time you try to quit, you last a week, maybe a week and a half, then your mind sees the same triggers, the same signals, and even though you say, "no, I don't want to ejaculate", your mind and body think, "oh, well last time I thought this I ejaculated, so time to ejaculate again". Which is why you fail sooner, and sooner, and sooner, until pretty much nothing works.

 

Also, a good quote that I like from star wars: "Your focus determines your reality". If you are so focused on the energy being lost when you ejaculate, you will lose energy, simple as that. Try not to worry about it, and when I say don't worry about it, I mean think of something positive.

 

When you think of the negative, you are still thinking of that thing. For example: if you think "I don't want to ejaculate". What are you always thinking of? Ejaculating. So rather than saying that, think, "I want to play the guitar in my free time." Rather than thinking of ejaculating you think of the guitar. You get into the habit of playing the guitar, and your mind forgets the association of that free time and ejaculation, and replaces it with the guitar.

 

Now, I've had the same experiences as you when it comes to "arousal without ejaculating", namely after a while things get to full and hot, and stuff winds up coming out anyway. There are methods out there to circulate the energy, but that's not really for me, in the long run it just bothers me and I wind up ejaculating anyway. So I suggest not doing that anymore, especially because some techniques can be harmful.

 

The strange orgasm you had, I think, was something getting messed up or stuck somewhere. There is what's called a "ruined orgasm", where you pretty much get the ejaculation but don't get the full "release", which feels funny. And there's also times when you have orgasm but are trying not to and keep everything in, and that feels weird too. In my experience backing off for a week or two and doing normal orgasms/ejaculations straightens everything out.

 

Also, the thing about porn and your body in general....

 

As you have already figured out your body has natural cycles where you want to be sexually aroused, and when you don't want to be. Well, the more porn you watch and the more triggers you make, the more your body becomes aroused, even if it doesn't want to be. Your body might be saying, "It's time to rest", but your mind is thinking, "I'm watching porn, that means get aroused". THAT is when problems get caused, I think, and that is when masturbation moves to something that can be harmful. If you watch porn when your body wants to be aroused, and don't watch it when you don't want to, well there's nothing wrong with that- it's just adding to an already aroused body.

 

The problem with porn and with all the triggers you make is that it reaches a point where it is hard to really listen to when your body is wanting to be aroused and when it doesn't want to, and that's bad. If that's the case, you gotta cut the porn.

 

You can tell it's starting to happen because of the dreams- I think you said you usually have the dreams when you watch porn, then it got to a point where you had the dreams even though you didn't watch porn, right? What happened was you watched porn, went to sleep, dreamed about sex, porn, sleep, sex. Then you stopped watching porn, but when your body went to sleep, it thought- sleep = sex, and that's when it started. You have to establish some new pathway. And going to bed thinking, "I will not ejaculate" won't help because again, all you are thinking about is "ejaculating". Think of something else!!

 

Hope this helps. If you aren't a native English speaker I hope you understood everything okay, and if not feel free to ask me anything

[Ryan T.]

How about you focus your energy elsewhere?

 

Stop focusing on masturbating, ejaculating and porn.

 

Go do something for someone else. Go be of service.

 

Good luck!

[theileon]

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Edited April 22, 2010 by theileon

[Apech]

If you are not a native English speaker then you express yourself very well. I think it is important for you not to get anxious or obsessed with the issue of masturbation and porn. Its true to say that maybe its not the best sort of repetitive behaviour to get into and the point has already been made about setting up unhelpful neuro-cycles - but you are probably not doing yourself that much damage - it would be more damaging if you were older I think but (and I'm not being patronizing) you have plenty of time.

 

Retention or non-ejaculation only makes sense in conjunction with some kind of practice, meditation or qi gong or the like. I noticed you said that you seem to have lost interest in most things in life and I would suggest that something that builds physical fitness and focuses your mind on learning a skill (like a martial art) would help.

 

You need to establish balance in your life, outer/inner, active/passive, body/head. In particular its important to understand your own emotional responses to things and you can only do this in the world i.e. not in your head.

 

If you are worried you have a medical problem you should of course see a doctor.

 

I hope this is helpful - if not just dismiss it because it is just my thoughts.

 

Cheers and good luck

 

John

[Ramon25]

man your 16, you got juice to spare, if you dont you need to build up some jing.

[markern]

I think you should start practicing some sort of qigong to build up your health and balance things out.

[Stais]

-deleted-

Edited August 28, 2010 by Stais

[Sloppy Zhang]

What I'm most interested in at the moment are these "ruined orgasms". I didn't exactly understand what you meant with this: "backing off for a week or two and doing normal orgasms/ejaculations straightens everything out". Do you mean waiting and having nocturnal emissions or having "wanted" orgasms at day => sex/masturbating?

 

What I mean is that for a couple of days (up to a week) try not to worry about it- you still might feel a bit weird, but try to ignore it, and let your body rest. Then masturbate or have sex like normal- don't try and retain, don't try and build energy, don't try and clear anything out too fast, just go with it and relax into it. Then don't do anything for a few days and let your body rest and heal, then go again and have normal sex/masturbation.

 

What this does, in my experience, is get the body used to just relax and enjoy the feelings, rather than trying to get hung up on holding on to a certain feeling or trying to maintain a certain state. Also, if something is damaged or something is worn out or you have buildup somewhere, this gives you a chance to clean everything out.

 

2. nobody that I know could help me because I suggest they don't have any experience with this.

 

Well there's plenty of experience around here, so don't hesitate to ask at all

 

 

As I mentioned, my ejaculations and the times they appear are different since I masturbated the last time. They were like this:

 

1. (3 days after masturbating) no clear dream, only a bit sexual, no arousal, before ejaculating, when ejaculating I felt the contraction of the muscle (small amount of sperm)

2. (2 weeks after 1.) no clear dream, dream had to do with sex somehow, but no arousal, feeling of the contraction of the muscle (normal amount of sperm)

3. (nearly 2 weeks after 2.) sexual dream, somehow arousal, not a clear feeling of ejaculating (normal amount of sperm)

4. (4 days after 3.) no dream, I just woke up and my pants were wet, this means I didn't feel how I ejaculated (small amount of sperm)

 

Normally, my ejaculations were always like this:

clear, sexual dream with big arousal before feeling clearly the contractions of the muscle while ejaculating

 

So this is very unusual to me and I don't know how to deal with it. It is like this since the last time I masturbated. At the time when I did this, there was much anxiety and worry I had to deal with so I think my body could have "remembered" the last masturbation and is just "reacting" to it.

 

Every time is going to be different. Try not to hold on to a certain idea that one type of ejaculation or feeling is the "right" one, or is a "normal" one, and every time you don't have an ejaculation like that you are having a problem. That kind of thinking is just going to keep you obsessed with it, and you'll never be able to move on.

 

My questions are:

 

Is it right, that the body "remembers" the last wanted ejaculation?

 

Your body remembers what you want to remember, and what you signal it to remember. If you put all kinds of signals and triggers and stress and stuff into a certain feeling- those are all chemicals and nerve impulses that are associated with that feeling, so your body comes to expect those chemicals and nerve impulses to go along with that feeling. So the next time you feel those chemicals, your body remembers the feeling and you feel the feeling. Next time you feel the feeling, your body will remember the chemicals and nerve impulses, and those will be triggered.

 

It's a simple matter of classical conditioning once you've been conditioned to react one way (whether you consciously do it or not) you have to take time to decondition yourself and recondition yourself into new ways- which does take time.

 

I don't know whether I should do something or just let it be, forget it and trust into my body. So what do you suggest me to do?

 

 

Stais

 

Let it be and trust in your body. The body is amazingly resilient, and naturally tends toward a middle of the road approach to homeostasis (basically keeping itself balanced), and the body is constantly regenerating new cells, constantly trying to heal itself. But what happens when you get stuck on these thoughts and feelings is that you don't let your body regenerate.

 

Read this article here on intrusive thoughts Basically what's happening is that everyone gets aroused, it's natural to get aroused, it's natural to masturbate. But what occurred somewhere along the line is that you attached some kind of significance to a certain feeling, or a certain type of arousal- so that when you didn't experience it, it felt "weird" and you kept focusing on it, and when you did experience it, you just reinforced the feeling that that feeling was the type of experience that you wanted.

 

So it all stems from the fact that you have attached meaning to stuff that basically has no inherent meaning- and you are trying to resolve that meaning. But in the long run, that is going to lead you to even more problems.

 

Which is why again, the best thing you can do is to let go of all that, relax, feel what your body feels, but don't get attached or too worried about what the feeling is or what the feeling means. Your body will heal if you let it, you just have to get your mind out of the way.

Edited April 23, 2010 by Sloppy Zhang

[Stais]

-deleted-

Edited August 28, 2010 by Stais