Vasectomies

[Enishi]

I've been considering getting a vasectomy at some point in my life. What I'm wondering however is whether or not this would interfere with one's cultivation? Does anyone have any knowledge concerning this?

[trailmaker]

Unless your cultivation includes progeny, go for it; I've had no problems of any sort in 34 years...

[Marblehead]

I've been considering getting a vasectomy at some point in my life. What I'm wondering however is whether or not this would interfere with one's cultivation? Does anyone have any knowledge concerning this?

 

When I had mine the only thing that changed was that I was no longer fertile. Nothing else changed. IMO, if anyone experiences any other change it would likely be a psychological one. And that is all at the individual level.

 

Peace & Love!

[Thunder_Gooch]

I've also had one, the only downside to having one that I am aware of is you become less attractive to women if they know you are sterile. I would advise you to keep your vasectomy a secret from your girlfriend/wife/lover whatever if you want to stay with them for long.

[Yuen Biao]

I've also had one, the only downside to having one that I am aware of is you become less attractive to women if they know you are sterile. I would advise you to keep your vasectomy a secret from your girlfriend/wife/lover whatever if you want to stay with them for long.

 

That's absolute BS of the highest order!

 

I've only been married a month but been with my lady for over six years and the deal is she has the babies and I'll get the vasectomy. Of course after we've had all the children we want to have.

[Thunder_Gooch]

The girl I was dating wanted children and I did not, when she found out I was sterile she was no longer attracted to me. I've noticed this pattern with other women I've dated who wanted to have children. If the woman secretly wants to get pregnant and you can't provide the baby batter she will find someone else who can.

Edited May 27, 2010 by More_Pie_Guy

[That Guy]

wow quite a few here did it, you'd think you might wanna keep your fertility so maybe one day you can have a kid (or more kids) if you want, keep your options open. I hear it can be reversed though, but don't know how easy or the success rate of that.

 

and like Pie said some women will want kids, and if you cant give them one bye bye, and she has every right to do that if having a family is her ultimate goal in a relationship.

[Marblehead]

The girl I was dating wanted children and I did not, when she found out I was sterile she was no longer attracted to me. I've noticed this pattern with other women I've dated who wanted to have children. If the woman secretly wants to get pregnant and you can't provide the baby batter she will find someone else who can.

 

Now this is a valid statement, I think, and it is true with many women, perhaps most. And I can understand your girl friend dumping you if that was her desire.

 

Peace & Love!

[Thunder_Gooch]

Well there is a difference between telling a woman you don't want children, and you can't have children. Not being able to have children changes something about how they view you, you are not as attractive after that moment. If they have already had children and or are sterile themselves I guess it wouldn't be as big an issue, but trust me it IS an issue even if they say it isn't. My advice is to get one, but keep it to yourself no matter how much you feel it won't matter because inevitably it will.

 

my $0.02

[Sloppy Zhang]

The girl I was dating wanted children and I did not, when she found out I was sterile she was no longer attracted to me. I've noticed this pattern with other women I've dated who wanted to have children. If the woman secretly wants to get pregnant and you can't provide the baby batter she will find someone else who can.

 

Yeah, and there are guys that want to have kids and women who don't, or can't.

 

And if you keep it a secret the longer the relationship goes, especially if you know of their desire, and you don't come forward with it, it will cause problems, because like you said, they will find out.

 

What's wrong with being in a relationship with someone you are on the same page with?

 

I don't like to spend money for no reason, so should I marry a shopaholic? No, that's a recipe for disaster.

 

Like Rainbow vein said, honesty.

 

Unless you don't plan on having a long term relationship, then yeah, don't come forward with it. Not the way I'd personally go, not something that I really suggest doing because, I mean, it's a little bit dishonest to the other person. Unless you don't feel that a lie of omission is a big deal, but that's kind of a separate moral issue.

 

Anyway, do what you want, but at least try to consider the other person's emotional investment.

Edited May 28, 2010 by Sloppy Zhang

[Thunder_Gooch]

Yeah, and there are guys that want to have kids and women who don't, or can't.

 

And if you keep it a secret the longer the relationship goes, especially if you know of their desire, and you don't come forward with it, it will cause problems, because like you said, they will find out.

 

What's wrong with being in a relationship with someone you are on the same page with?

 

I don't like to spend money for no reason, so should I marry a shopaholic? No, that's a recipe for disaster.

 

Like Rainbow vein said, honesty.

 

I think being upfront about not wanting children would be preferable to disclosing you can't have children.

[Sloppy Zhang]

I think being upfront about not wanting children would be preferable to disclosing you can't have children.

 

It depends.

 

If your partner says she wants kids, and you're like, "I don't want kids." She might just be like, well maybe it's something that I can convince him about, or maybe we can agree to just have one or maybe two. So she might spend all this time talking to you about it, or having it on her mind, and it might be a very long time before she finally finds out you had a vasectomy, in which case she'd feel that she just wasted her whole time trying to work with you on a solution to the child problem and you weren't even being upfront with her about it.

 

If she wants to have kids, then that's a choice that she made and it's where she wants to take her life, and doesn't she have a right to be with someone with the same goals?

 

If you don't want to have kids, or have a vasectomy, then trying to get with a girl who wants to have kids really badly might cause some problems. You could adopt, you could try getting a sperm donor, maybe there are ways of providing your own sperm, and in general come up with some way to get a kid. But if the fact of the matter is that you don't want any physical children anywhere in your life that you have responsibility over, that live in your house, or whatever part of the "having a child" process you don't want, and she does.... well, not many ways the relationship can still work out.

 

But that's not any different than any other type of relationship, and I don't see how withholding information or denying the existence of any extra information or even downright lying about certain information is very healthy in most cases. And I don't think the subject of children is a subject that can just be ignored or brushed away with a change of wording in most committed relationships.

Edited May 28, 2010 by Sloppy Zhang

[Thunder_Gooch]

It depends.

 

If your partner says she wants kids, and you're like, "I don't want kids." She might just be like, well maybe it's something that I can convince him about, or maybe we can agree to just have one or maybe two. So she might spend all this time talking to you about it, or having it on her mind, and it might be a very long time before she finally finds out you had a vasectomy, in which case she'd feel that she just wasted her whole time trying to work with you on a solution to the child problem and you weren't even being upfront with her about it.

 

If she wants to have kids, then that's a choice that she made and it's where she wants to take her life, and doesn't she have a right to be with someone with the same goals?

 

If you don't want to have kids, or have a vasectomy, then trying to get with a girl who wants to have kids really badly might cause some problems. You could adopt, you could try getting a sperm donor, maybe there are ways of providing your own sperm, and in general come up with some way to get a kid. But if the fact of the matter is that you don't want any physical children anywhere in your life that you have responsibility over, that live in your house, or whatever part of the "having a child" process you don't want, and she does.... well, not many ways the relationship can still work out.

 

But that's not any different than any other type of relationship, and I don't see how withholding information or denying the existence of any extra information or even downright lying about certain information is very healthy in most cases. And I don't think the subject of children is a subject that can just be ignored or brushed away with a change of wording in most committed relationships.

 

 

The problem here is almost all women want babies, their drive to make babies is equally as strong as our drive to have sex. Finding a woman who doesn't want kids usually means shes had 2 or 3 already, or shes passed through menopause. Almost all healthy young women want children and you'd be hard pressed to find one who didn't. You become worthless and unattractive to a female who wants to reproduce if you are sterile. I'm just stating my observations on the matter. My advice is if you decide to have a vasectomy keep your mouth shut about it. They also have sperm banks and it might not be a bad idea to bank some for later in case you did decide to have children.

[Guest paul walter]

I've been considering getting a vasectomy at some point in my life. What I'm wondering however is whether or not this would interfere with one's cultivation? Does anyone have any knowledge concerning this?

 

 

 

It's interesting the advice and lack of engagement people have with your comments. I take it you want to screw without consequences. If that's the case I suggest you keep your natural potency and meditate more on lust-there's still time by the sounds of it. Sounds like it is already interfering with your cultivation (I mean the cultivation you should be doing not the one you are doing) Paul..

[Ryan T.]

The problem here is almost all women want babies, their drive to make babies is equally as strong as our drive to have sex. Finding a woman who doesn't want kids usually means shes had 2 or 3 already, or shes passed through menopause. Almost all healthy young women want children and you'd be hard pressed to find one who didn't. You become worthless and unattractive to a female who wants to reproduce if you are sterile. I'm just stating my observations on the matter. My advice is if you decide to have a vasectomy keep your mouth shut about it. They also have sperm banks and it might not be a bad idea to bank some for later in case you did decide to have children.

 

While I agree that women, whether they know it or not, are slaves to a biological need to reproduce. I find it a bit disturbing that you suggest that a person should actively hide sterility in a relationship. Why wouldn't a man just be an adult and be forthcoming with this information and the reasons behind it? Why go down any road with someone without complete honesty? Seems to me like it creates more problems than it solves.

 

As far as having the procedure or not, I would say it all depends on your situation and your state. If you know that you do not want to take a chance that you could father a child but you still want the pleasure of the act then you should do it. If you were to father a child, having that child (and this is just my opinion based on my personal experiences) could/would dramatically impact your cultivation practice much more than having your body being unaltered.

 

You really just need to do your own math on this one. Like any other decision a person makes there should be some cost-benefit analysis.

[Thunder_Gooch]

It's interesting the advice and lack of engagement people have with your comments. I take it you want to screw without consequences. If that's the case I suggest you keep your natural potency and meditate more on lust-there's still time by the sounds of it. Sounds like it is already interfering with your cultivation (I mean the cultivation you should be doing not the one you are doing) Paul..

 

paul,

 

I had my vasectomy because my girlfriend at the time was talking about babies non stop, her clock had started ticking and I knew it. I don't want children, so I opted to have a vasectomy and removed the possibility of having them. It's not about screwing without consequence, it's more due diligence.

 

I think it's more of a power struggle issue, deciding when a child is conceived is usually up to the female and the male has no say in the matter whether he wants to have a child or not. When a male has a vasectomy he takes back control over when or if children are born. I don't think many women much like that shift in power in the relationship.

 

I've been single since my last girlfriend and am I am not really looking for any sort of relationship sexual or otherwise. I'd like to find my soul mate, but I've never met a woman who shares my dreams.

[Thunder_Gooch]

While I agree that women, whether they know it or not, are slaves to a biological need to reproduce. I find it a bit disturbing that you suggest that a person should actively hide sterility in a relationship. Why wouldn't a man just be an adult and be forthcoming with this information and the reasons behind it? Why go down any road with someone without complete honesty? Seems to me like it creates more problems than it solves.

 

As far as having the procedure or not, I would say it all depends on your situation and your state. If you know that you do not want to take a chance that you could father a child but you still want the pleasure of the act then you should do it. If you were to father a child, having that child (and this is just my opinion based on my personal experiences) could/would dramatically impact your cultivation practice much more than having your body being unaltered.

 

You really just need to do your own math on this one. Like any other decision a person makes there should be some cost-benefit analysis.

 

Imho there is never a good time to drop the "I shoot blanks" bomb during conversation. I would think it best to keep this information to yourself unless you decide to get married. Also good luck finding a woman who will be ok with a sterile man, it really is a big deal to them. Just my $0.02

[Thunder_Gooch]

more pie,

 

After your last comment, a thought came to me: Do you really think you made the best decision for your lifetime at that specific point in your life when you chose to have the vasectomy? Being on TTB, you must be aware that there are ways to have sex and orgasm and ejaculate without making babies.

 

On a soul level, are you concerned at all with tapping into your higher vibrations? If so, I hope you can work to make peace with your decision making processes. Dishonesty with others and dishonesty with yourself can only cloud you from walking in the wu wei.

 

Best to you.

 

Best decision no, but it's up there in the top 5. I absolutely do not want children. Sure there is reverse ejaculation but I don't trust that for the same reasons withdrawl is not an effective method of contraception.

 

On a soul level, I seek to be kind and helpful to others, but I don't volunteer information where it is likely to cause problems. I don't see not volunteering information as dishonest unless that lack of information might harm another person. In this case how I have modified my body is no one else's business but mine. To me training is the most important thing in life. Normally my life is a private affair, I don't date or have relationships of any kind with people. The whole reason I dated my last girl friend was she claimed to share my dreams and goals in life, unfortunately this wasn't the case it was just about making babies.

[Thunder_Gooch]

And there is nothing wrong with wanting a child, it's just not my thing.

[Sloppy Zhang]

The problem here is almost all women want babies, their drive to make babies is equally as strong as our drive to have sex. Finding a woman who doesn't want kids usually means shes had 2 or 3 already, or shes passed through menopause. Almost all healthy young women want children and you'd be hard pressed to find one who didn't. You become worthless and unattractive to a female who wants to reproduce if you are sterile. I'm just stating my observations on the matter. My advice is if you decide to have a vasectomy keep your mouth shut about it. They also have sperm banks and it might not be a bad idea to bank some for later in case you did decide to have children.

 

If their drive is never going away, than hiding the issue is not going to resolve anything. Lying about it, by saying, "oh it's just that I don't want kids...." or withholding the information about the vasectomy is not going to change her attitude toward the issue. She'll probably keep pushing the matter and, again, put a lot more emotional investment in the matter until eventually it comes out that you had a vasectomy.

 

So if she isn't already turned off by your sterility, she'll be even more turned off by the fact that you were lying and playing games with her- a lot of women will leave you right then and there, vasectomy or no.

 

It'd be much more respectful to her and to yourself to just come clean, say you had a vasectomy. Then, it's "here's the situation. what are our options" as opposed to, "you were lying and making me run in circles for X amount of time, now what are our options?" With the second option she has even less reasons to stay with you than before.

 

paul,

 

I had my vasectomy because my girlfriend at the time was talking about babies non stop, her clock had started ticking and I knew it. I don't want children, so I opted to have a vasectomy and removed the possibility of having them. It's not about screwing without consequence, it's more due diligence.

 

I think it's more of a power struggle issue, deciding when a child is conceived is usually up to the female and the male has no say in the matter whether he wants to have a child or not. When a male has a vasectomy he takes back control over when or if children are born. I don't think many women much like that shift in power in the relationship.

 

I've been single since my last girlfriend and am I am not really looking for any sort of relationship sexual or otherwise. I'd like to find my soul mate, but I've never met a woman who shares my dreams.

 

That to me sounds like a very bad reason to have a vasectomy. It seems like, please don't take this the wrong way, an immature, knee jerk reaction to a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.

 

It's fine if having kids isn't your thing, but you need to come to terms with that, and you need to come to terms with the man's role in creating a child, and the woman's role in creating a child, and what your goals are, and what your significant others' goals may be as well.

[Thunder_Gooch]

Sloppy,

 

I was just giving some advice based on my experiences. If you are getting a vasectomy and want to keep your relationship don't let your partner know your sterile, that's pretty honest advice irregardless of ethics. My ex was aware of the vasectomy and left before I was even able to try it out once. My next girlfriend the relationship ended a day after she found out I was sterile. My advice is be prepared to keep your mouth shut about it if you have one, if you have ethical issues with that DON'T HAVE ONE. Perhaps you can find a relationship with a woman who already has lots of children, and honestly wants no more, in which case you might be able to be open about it.

 

 

As to knee jerk reactions there really wasn't much alternative as she refused birth control, and other options.

A vasectomy was something I had wanted anyway since age 18, It's nice not to be afraid of having the "guess what, we're pregnant" card pulled on you. Even though it turned out to be a bad investment, it's nice I don't have to lose sleep ever worrying about being a father in any future scenario.

 

Ironically after having the vasectomy I have no further plans for any relationships sexual or otherwise. I really don't cohabitate well with other people, and prefer being a hermit. As I get older I find I have less and less in common with people, I live solely for my dream of transcendence that is the reason behind almost everything I do. Maybe if I find a woman as monomaniacally focused on that same goal then we could be partners however I'm not so optimistic.

 

 

 

If their drive is never going away, than hiding the issue is not going to resolve anything. Lying about it, by saying, "oh it's just that I don't want kids...." or withholding the information about the vasectomy is not going to change her attitude toward the issue. She'll probably keep pushing the matter and, again, put a lot more emotional investment in the matter until eventually it comes out that you had a vasectomy.

 

So if she isn't already turned off by your sterility, she'll be even more turned off by the fact that you were lying and playing games with her- a lot of women will leave you right then and there, vasectomy or no.

 

It'd be much more respectful to her and to yourself to just come clean, say you had a vasectomy. Then, it's "here's the situation. what are our options" as opposed to, "you were lying and making me run in circles for X amount of time, now what are our options?" With the second option she has even less reasons to stay with you than before.

 

 

 

That to me sounds like a very bad reason to have a vasectomy. It seems like, please don't take this the wrong way, an immature, knee jerk reaction to a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.

 

It's fine if having kids isn't your thing, but you need to come to terms with that, and you need to come to terms with the man's role in creating a child, and the woman's role in creating a child, and what your goals are, and what your significant others' goals may be as well.

Edited May 28, 2010 by More_Pie_Guy

[Sloppy Zhang]

Sloppy,

 

I was just giving some advice based on my experiences. If you are getting a vasectomy and want to keep your relationship don't let your partner know your sterile, that's pretty honest advice irregardless of ethics. My ex was aware of the vasectomy and left before I was even able to try it out once. My next girlfriend the relationship ended a day after she found out I was sterile. My advice is be prepared to keep your mouth shut about it if you have one, if you have ethical issues with that DON'T HAVE ONE. Perhaps you can find a relationship with a woman who already has lots of children, and honestly wants no more, in which case you might be able to be open about it.

 

 

As to knee jerk reactions there really wasn't much alternative as she refused birth control, and other options.

A vasectomy was something I had wanted anyway since age 18, It's nice not to be afraid of having the "guess what, we're pregnant" card pulled on you. Even though it turned out to be a bad investment, it's nice I don't have to lose sleep ever worrying about being a father in any future scenario.

 

Ironically after having the vasectomy I have no further plans for any relationships sexual or otherwise. I really don't cohabitate well with other people, and prefer being a hermit. As I get older I find I have less and less in common with people, I live solely for my dream of transcendence that is the reason behind almost everything I do. Maybe if I find a woman as monomaniacally focused on that same goal then we could be partners however I'm not so optimistic.

 

For someone focused on transcendence, I think that you still have some pretty selfish attitudes.

 

But hey, what do I know?

Edited May 28, 2010 by Sloppy Zhang

[Thunder_Gooch]

For someone focused on transcendence, I think that you still have some pretty selfish attitudes.

 

But hey, what do I know?

 

Selfish in what sense? It's my body, I can modify it in any manner I see fit. If I don't want children having a vasectomy is my prerogative. I think stating that; "I do not ever want children" is ample honesty, I am under no obligation to discus my fertility or lack thereof with a potential mate.

 

Which is more selfish? A man who hides the fact of his sterility, claiming only he never wants children, or the woman who goes off her birth-control intentionally to become pregnant, forcing a man into parenthood against his wishes.

 

IMHO it's called due diligence not selfishness.

Edited May 28, 2010 by More_Pie_Guy

[Sloppy Zhang]

Selfish in what sense? It's my body, I can modify it in any manner I see fit. If I don't want children having a vasectomy is my prerogative. I think stating that I do not ever want children is ample honestly, I am under no obligation to discus my fertility or lack thereof with a potential mate.

 

Which is more selfish? A man who hides the fact of his sterility, claiming only he never wants children, or the woman who goes off her birth-control intentionally to become pregnant, forcing a man into parenthood against his wishes.

 

IMHO it's called due diligence not selfishness.

 

Selfish in the sense that if you're with a girl who you know wants a kid, you'd be more concerned with what you want and keeping your own interests at the top of the list while concealing facts from someone you're in a relationship with, rather than being upfront and honest with her.

 

She's investing so much emotionally in the relationship and you are not giving her the respect and courtesy of sharing important, life changing information. If she leaves because she wants a kid that badly, that's her right to follow through in her life choice. It's fine if you have made a different choice, but NOT if keeping it is at the expense of hers, and it's THAT which is selfish.

[Ryan T.]

Which is more selfish? A man who hides the fact of his sterility, claiming only he never wants children, or the woman who goes off her birth-control intentionally to become pregnant, forcing a man into parenthood against his wishes.

 

You do know that there are more than just the two alternatives? It doesn't have to be a zero-sum game.