having integrity and still getting laid

[markern]

It's great to see fellow PUAs here...especially Juggler Method users. I get the feeling Juggler is a very spiritual guy. In his talks he teaches that it is better to be ok with your aloness than to have many girlfriends. He also teaches people to not force anything (think tao) and go with whatever logistics are thrown at you and accept them for what they are. As oppose to people who say it does not matter you can make it happen.

 

Taiji bum I think Lifestyle changes are great and I am happy to see them work out great for you. Something funny is I also joined Judo after wanting to change my life with pickup. Have you found having (a) girlfriend(s) helped you on your spiritual path? I am playing with the idea of getting a girlfriend could be quite beneficial to me as sex would get off my mind and would definitely satisfy my body in a tantric way as to allow me to go on in life without having to seek out sex and could help in self-actualization.

 

Of course without getting attached to her

 

 

Hi Bird! Yes Juggler is great. I have read a couple of times that his main inspirations were Jeet Kune Do and Dale Carnegie. Supposedly his practice of Jeet Kune Do made him try to think in terms of making a "loose" style of pickup that allows the practioners personality and particular strengths be utilized. As far as I understand Jeet Kune Do tries to create a framework wherein people find their individual fighting style. I think Juggler method is kind of like that. It is a framework that lets you display whoever you are and helps you make her display who she is and based on that you escalate in a natural way if there is genuine connection there. What comes out when a person uses the method is totally unpredictable and will always depend on the person as opposed to styles that almost teaches you to be a certain character. And yes there is something sort of taoist and natural about it. Its sort of relaxed and open as opposed to trying to make anything happen.

 

The effect of sex and girlfriends is hotly debated. Some would say not having it AND not thinking about it allows energy to build up (no ejaculations) and an undistracted mind that can focus in meditation. In this way not having a girlfriend becomes sort of like a retreat .

 

On the other hand some argue that with correct sexual techniques you generate more energy than through celibacy and you are better able to balance your energies. Having a girlfriend will also, like little else bring forth your issues to be dealt with in a spiritual practice. Sort of like martial arts can bring them to the surface because fighting can provoke you to face yourself in very rough situations and bring up demons. My meditation teacher went through a period where he thought nothing could hurt him emotionally anymore because of what he had attained through meditation. Then he got a girlfriend and found that was not true at all. Had he remained celibate and just meditated and taught others he could have remained in this illusion for the rest of his life. Instead he had to learn how to be free in the midst of real pain which is real spiritual freedom as opposed to just being happy under specific conditions. Some traditions will create situations with suffering on purpose for the practioners to practice in. With the highs and lows of a relationship your attainments and your compassion will always be "reality tested". Being compassionate towards strangers can be real easy as opposed to someone you have heated arguments with. If you want to know how great a master is you should ask his wife . Other situations can also provide this sort of challenge but this is certainly one that does.

 

Getting back to the topic of energy, my teacher claims he gets about double the extra energy from regular sex with sperm retention (and 1 or 2 ejaculations a month) than he did as celibate. Having been a monk in the tibetan tradition for 4 years he knew precisely what celibacy brings. Just like a qigong practice a dual cultivation practice can generate more energy.

 

THis also fits with a study that was done on multiorgasmic worms. Scientists manipulated a type of worm so the male could have orgasms without ejaculations. THen they divided them into one group that was not allowed to have sex, one that had sex with ejaculations and one that had multiorgasmic sex without ejaculations. What happened was that the celibate worms lived substantially longer than the ejaculating ones but the multiorgasmic one lived substantially longer than the celibate ones. THis supports the theory held by some taoists that multiorgasmic sex is more healthy than celibacy and celibacy more than ejaculatory sex. Not proof of course but certainly interesting.

 

There is however an important distinction between the type of multiorgasmic sex one has. The type were you are very excited and have to use some sort of forceful method to get the energy up such as using the pelvic muscle a lot tend to be more draining and can be unbalancing as opposed to the "real" tantric/taoist orgasm which happens through relaxation, mindfulness and surrender and the ability to move energy with the mind alone. The former being a more explosive orgasm that is often more muscular and more connected to the lower centers and the latter more relaxed, streaming blissful, valley like. The explosive type tends to generate more of a kick and the second more love but is still more mindblowing but in a different way.

 

With the more explosive types of orgasm it appears more work is required to refine the energy in meditation in order for it not to be unbalancing. The second type is largely balanced to begin with.

 

It is also a frequent observation that masturbation seems to be more unbalancing and need more refinement work than sex with a girlfriend. THis is probably a combination of couple sex leading to giving you more of the womans yin to balance the yang of your orgasm and of the orgasm itself becoming closer to the second type and more feelings of love being generated at the same time. Generally heart energy is a (the) key to balance out energy from non ejaculatory sex. Sex with a girl you love by itself does this partly or fully.

 

If you read this site: reuniting.info you will find a lot of interesting arguments for why the "tantric" orgasm leads to very stable and loving relationships as opposed to relationships with sex based on the regular orgasm. Wether the theory is absolutely correct or it certainly is the case that many people find this style of lovemaking to have the effect of harmonizing the relationship and keeping love alive. THis all fits rather well with the fact that explosive mulitorgasms needs to be balanced with heart energy. Don`t be confused by the fact that they talk about no orgasms. THey clarify in a couple of posts in the forum that they do mean that the tantric valley orgasm is what one should have.

 

By the way I am a believer in starting a relationship with all the explosive lustful sex one wants and then changing to the Karezza/tantric/taoist style once the honeymoon is over and maybe end up with some sort of combination or just the valley orgasm type. As they go into on the site each style has its functions in the process of mating and I think probably there is natural wisdom in starting in the more common explosive way.

 

If you look up my older posts in threads about sex you will find posts were I go a bit more into some of this stuff and others write related things.

 

What I have written here is a combination of the "collective wisdom" of thetaobums in the sense of observations made over time combined with what my teacher says and only a little bit of personal experience.

 

A third beneficial factor of relationships is that dual cultivation/tantric type sex in itself is meditation and as such builds those skills. It is actually practice time in a sense.

 

So in conclusion I would say that celibacy can be a good option for periods of time and sometimes maybe even life for certain practioners but that relationships offer a very good path that for many can be much better than the celibate path. Both strategies can also be used at different times in the life of one perspn

 

At spirit rock (a retreat center) I know they sometimes have retreats that focus on relationships as a spiritual practice. If you look up the work of Goffman on relationships you will find some very intelligent strongly scientifically based ways of working on your relationship. If you find a fairly good match, have the type of orgasms that I discussed and do some good relationship work you have an unusually good chance at having a great relationship that can also benefit your spiritual practice.

[mike1234]

Player Supreme has some of the best advice. Present the best you to the world, and grab the women that are attracted to you.

 

I need to use this advice to get a date to a friends party! My game is very rusty! Wish me luck.

[Starjumper]

Im not ranting

Could i hear some testimonies of guys who got women without having to act like they were better then the were, resorting to manipulation and psychological cohercion?

I am tired of the old way and want find a way to have integrity and still get laid.

 

The old ways are the only ways, as the only reason men have big brains is so they can dazzle the women with bullshit in order to get them into bed. Why women have big brains I haven't figured out yet ... just kidding, it must be so that they can see through the bullshit. But you don't need to go to bars, try meetup.com instead.