hugs for all

[neimad]

i love hugs.

 

i don't think we get enough of them.

 

i think it's sad that people can even give false hugs.

 

i think it's sad that people can be closed to giving or receiving hugs.

 

i think too many of us suffer from touch deprivation.

 

 

 

lets hug more!!!

 

hug me!

 

*hugs for you all*

Edited April 19, 2006 by neimad

[cloud recluse]

 

i think it's sad that people can even give false hugs.

 

Do false hugs kind of creep you out ? They really leave me unsettled Sincere hugs,uncontrived & honest,thats a gift !

[neimad]

yeah. you can tell instantly when a hug is not genuine......

 

i just try to have compassion for the person giving the insincere hug because it's obvious that some kind of trauma or inability to deal with affection is blocking them.

 

but on the other hand, genuine hugs are truly amazing. i was blown away over the weekend just how good honest hugging can feel...... regardless of who it is.

[cloud recluse]

This might sound a bit cowardly,bit Ive actually become very cautious with hugs,in both giving & receiving.I really do prefer to err on the side of caution nowadays.The reputation of hugging needs to be "unsleazed" so Platonic (for want of a better word) hugs can be trusted again.Theres only a coupla people I have real hug-trust with.I dont know if Im overreacting,but thats where Im at Regards,Cloud.

[thaddeus]

This might sound a bit cowardly,bit Ive actually become very cautious with hugs,in both giving & receiving.I really do prefer to err on the side of caution nowadays.The reputation of hugging needs to be "unsleazed" so Platonic (for want of a better word) hugs can be trusted again.Theres only a coupla people I have real hug-trust with.I dont know if Im overreacting,but thats where Im at Regards,Cloud.

 

I totally agree with what you're saying. It's unfortunate, but very true. Ida Rolf used a term, 'the random body' to talk about your everyday person. The random person is not ready to deal with a intention pure hug.

T

[neimad]

in that case, what does it say about you if you are ready and willing to hug with just about anyone? (like i am hehe).

 

i can't get enough hugs, honestly.

 

i have found that genuine hugs actually seem to melt tension or tone in the body and leave your whole body more relaxed than before the hug. very interesting.

 

on the other hand, ungenuine ones seem to increase tension and bracing in the body, particularly i would think on the part of the person giving the ungenuine hug. i don't know about that side of it though because i always commit to a hug. but i do find if someone gives me a hug that isn't genuine there is some unneccessary tension left after....

[cloud recluse]

in that case, what does it say about you if you are ready and willing to hug with just about anyone?

If you are truly ready,then youve probably dealt with a lot more stored up tension than a lot of other people.A false hug generates stress,as you point out,which is too much for me personally.Either it sets off my own internal stressors,or I simply find the politics of it too tiresome to tolerate.Or perhaps Im just becoming boring in my old age But if your a fully fledged Hug-Warrior,then more power to ya!! Regards,Cloud.

[neimad]

yeah for sure man.

 

actually i realised the past weekend that i was bordering on being this kind of person...... i've caught it though and goodbye to clinginess!

 

we have unlimited energy from our source point (slightly behind and below the heart centre is it's location i found on myself) so really there aint no need to ever draw any energy from anyone else.

 

for me it has been very much an attention/social contact thing..... for most of my life i have felt very neglected and ignored by others, of course i realise now this is only my own perspective of the situation.

 

becoming aware of yourself can be a very shocking and unattractive process, but ultimately beautiful as to be aware is to be able to change.

[thaddeus]

actually i realised the past weekend that i was bordering on being this kind of person...... i've caught it though and goodbye to clinginess!

 

we have unlimited energy from our source point (slightly behind and below the heart centre is it's location i found on myself) so really there aint no need to ever draw any energy from anyone else.

 

for me it has been very much an attention/social contact thing..... for most of my life i have felt very neglected and ignored by others, of course i realise now this is only my own perspective of the situation.

Curious..how are you defining clinginess or neediness? I just had this discussion with a friend. I get really annoyed when i send an e-mail or a voicemail to a 'friend' and they completely ignore it. I personally feel it's rude not to acknowledge something. When I talk to these people they sometimes say how the e-mail made them 'laugh' or some other reaction, so I wonder why don't they just write something quick back or call back. (i'm not talking about the blanket joke e-mails, i mean something personally directed that has meaning) So of course, I second guess myself, am I being needy, clingy, etc. I also noticed that the people that are so quick to label others as clingly or sensitive or take things personally themselves seem to be pretty selfish and self absorbed. Anyway, am i making sense? Curious what others think about what is good interaction between 'friends'. I like warm friendships and often amazed at some of the funny games that occur with planned get togethers, calls, etc.

Also regarding the heart center, how/where are you absorbing energy into it?

T

[DaoWaDiddy]

Agreed that true hugs are wonderful while false hugs are less so.

 

In a lot of cases it's pretty obvious at a non-verbal level which type of hug someone is set to deliver - or even whether they would prefer to skip the whole thing. So I often skip the whole thing.

 

On the other hand some hugs start out as tentative, but if you give it a few seconds and center you can feel the other person relax into it.

 

I have seen other folks who are very methodical about how they share hugs with true or false huggers. Dr Dave Dobson (one of the people Bandler and Grinder modelled when they were putting together NLP - he taught Other Than Conscious Communication) gives true hugs with one side of the body and false with the other - not only as a way of sorting personally but as a communication (other than conscious) to the hugee that he is aware of the difference.

 

Meanwhile, Mrs. Diddy hugs everyone - and these are true hugs. She hugged our waiter at a restaurant in Cancun. She recognized Nathan Lane (yes, that Nathan Lane) on the street in NYC and gave him a hug - thereby scaring him pretty thoroughly until he figured out he wasn't being mugged.

 

Life here is often other than dull.

 

All the best,

Charlie

[DaoWaDiddy]

 

I know this because I've noticed it in myself... But these days what I normally do is give people attention when they deserve it... I know, it sounds awfully arrogant of me, but that's really not my intention - I'm a very warm person to people that deserve it. To deserve my attention the person has to share some real aspect of themselves - it can be something quite small, but the idea is to allow them to show some original aspect of themselves to me. I notice people pouring their souls out to someone making robotic small-talk... I also see people completely dazed by a 'high-energy person' and constantly seek attention from them - whether that attention is the automatic false-persona or their genuine self. If you indirectly force someone to go deeper into themselves to get your attention/approval both you and they gain something out of it!

 

 

Interesting approach - I will start to track that.

 

It goes along with the general tenet "Never reward behavior that you don't want to see again." Many years ago my son went through a phase of whining to get what he wanted. I was very careful to not reward the behavior by giving him what he was whining for. In fact, we discovered together that I could whine much better than he could.

 

Then I noticed that when he returned from his Mom's house (we were separated) he was whining again. So she and I had a little talk and it stopped working there also. The phase ended soon thereafter.

 

Charlie