Meditation turning me into a nice guy wuss

[Birdoftruth]

Guys so I have been meditating (Vipassana) for a couple months and I just feel that it's turning me into a wuss. Before I meditated I felt I over did the douchness and called people out on what I didn't tolerate/like and now since I don't care I have stopped doing that and have turned into a push-over. Essentially losing masculinity.

 

Something is wrong with this picture and I don't want to keep meditating like this if it turns you into a wuss. Anyone with a better path please let me know. I like many men here have been subject to the modern life of having a father who always worked yet a stay-at-home mom. So I lacked the masculine energy that is needed for a boy as he grows up.

 

P.S. My goals when beginning meditation was to be spiritually endowed, in touch with masculinity, and increased psychological benefits such as concentration and decreased sub-vocalization.

Edited August 20, 2010 by Birdoftruth

[Marblehead]

Don't give up the meditation and don't worry too much about the changes. More changes are just around the corner as you learn more about yourself.

 

Lao Tzu told us to know the masculine but hold to the feminine so don't even worry about that too much.

 

Do be careful of people taking advantage of you now that you are beginning to mellow though. People will do that; even friends and family.

 

My best wishes!

 

Peace & Love!

[King Kabalabhati]

It's possible you will have to mellow out first and then find a new way of being masculine. This will grow out of your experience. You will maybe go to another extreme while searching for the proper way to be a man. Don't worry if this happens, just learn from it and enjoy the ride.

 

My wife commented on this... "Do renovating and building work, it's meditative and masculine"

[fizix]

Meditation allows the spirit to transcend the ego; you are stuck in desiring ego-based thought, meditation isn't turning you into a nice guy wuss, you act like you have no control over how you behave just because you meditate? It is not like taking a drug that has effects on you whether you like it or not. Or is it? Perhaps you should read between the lines, take the message given by your higher self.

[NeiChuan]

Guys so I have been meditating (Vipassana) for a couple months and I just feel that it's turning me into a wuss. Before I meditated I felt I over did the douchness and called people out on what I didn't tolerate/like and now since I don't care I have stopped doing that and have turned into a push-over. Essentially losing masculinity.

 

Something is wrong with this picture and I don't want to keep meditating like this if it turns you into a wuss. Anyone with a better path please let me know. I like many men here have been subject to the modern life of having a father who always worked yet a stay-at-home mom. So I lacked the masculine energy that is needed for a boy as he grows up.

 

P.S. My goals when beginning meditation was to be spiritually endowed, in touch with masculinity, and increased psychological benefits such as concentration and decreased sub-vocalization.

 

Practice some martial arts

[voidisyinyang]

Guys so I have been meditating (Vipassana) for a couple months and I just feel that it's turning me into a wuss. Before I meditated I felt I over did the douchness and called people out on what I didn't tolerate/like and now since I don't care I have stopped doing that and have turned into a push-over. Essentially losing masculinity.

 

Something is wrong with this picture and I don't want to keep meditating like this if it turns you into a wuss. Anyone with a better path please let me know. I like many men here have been subject to the modern life of having a father who always worked yet a stay-at-home mom. So I lacked the masculine energy that is needed for a boy as he grows up.

 

P.S. My goals when beginning meditation was to be spiritually endowed, in touch with masculinity, and increased psychological benefits such as concentration and decreased sub-vocalization.

 

sit in full lotus.

[Ninpo-me-this-ninjutsu-me-that]

I'm guessing everyone has different results dependent on what they exactly need at that time. I think no one can say exactly for another person.... I think, as someone mentioned before, you can only somewhat go with the flow.

 

I seem somewhat opposite to you. Maybe you just need to experience this for a while, perhaps some kind of balancing effect. Have a good cry when you fancy it is what I suggest.

 

The fact that you are feeling vulnerable about this, kind of shows it's something that needs working on. Otherwise it wouldn't have bothered you enough to post.

[RiverSnake]

Might want to contemplate meditating on your root and solar plexus.

 

-Peace

[Martial Development]

Step one is to accept that meditation isn't turning you into someone else--it is revealing who you really are.

 

Then, since you are obviously a man already, you can investigate what exactly you were pretending to be, and why.

[thelerner]

Step one is to accept that meditation isn't turning you into someone else--it is revealing who you really are.

 

Then, since you are obviously a man already, you can investigate what exactly you were pretending to be, and why.

 

 

Sounds like M.D. has the right diagnosis.

 

Or maybe you combine peoples advice.

 

Such as-

Do martial arts while in the full lotus.

If you can kick butt while sitting on your own

you are a man indeed.

 

 

Michael

[Junbao]

 

Such as-

Do martial arts while in the full lotus.

If you can kick butt while sitting on your own

you are a man indeed.

 

 

Ha ha! That's Great!

 

I agree though adding some Gong Fu and or Tai Chi could be really helpful. Sparing in class can be especially fun!

[Maddie]

I'd also suggest martial arts at the same time as meditation. I suppose that is why Taoist and Shaolin monks do both, maybe to balance eachother? I've also noticed that if I do lots of meditation alone it makes me somewhat of a marshmellow, and if I do a lot of martial arts alone it makes me somewhat of a testosterone poisioned arse. If I do both at the same time it helps keep me in the "middle way" ;-)

[The Observer]

Guys so I have been meditating (Vipassana) for a couple months and I just feel that it's turning me into a wuss. Before I meditated I felt I over did the douchness and called people out on what I didn't tolerate/like and now since I don't care I have stopped doing that and have turned into a push-over. Essentially losing masculinity.

 

Something is wrong with this picture and I don't want to keep meditating like this if it turns you into a wuss. Anyone with a better path please let me know. I like many men here have been subject to the modern life of having a father who always worked yet a stay-at-home mom. So I lacked the masculine energy that is needed for a boy as he grows up.

 

P.S. My goals when beginning meditation was to be spiritually endowed, in touch with masculinity, and increased psychological benefits such as concentration and decreased sub-vocalization.

Hey I don't pose as an enlightened being nor do I mean this as a personal attack but perhaps consider: #1 What is your definition of a "manly" person? and #2 Where did you get this conception of masculinity from? Was it yours? Was it someone else's?

Essentially what I'm driving at is don't fall into a programmed social group (Research social engineering), be your own person and if others label you different, so be it, be master of yourself.

[WallaMike]

 

I'd also suggest martial arts at the same time as meditation. I suppose that is why Taoist and Shaolin monks do both, maybe to balance eachother? I've also noticed that if I do lots of meditation alone it makes me somewhat of a marshmellow, and if I do a lot of martial arts alone it makes me somewhat of a testosterone poisioned arse. If I do both at the same time it helps keep me in the "middle way" ;-)

 

 

I agree with all of the above comments about practicing martial arts to get a balance. I noted that you have the I-Ching/Bagua symbol as your "sign". In this case I would assume you're aware of how one thing transforms into another, and then back. Thus, I think you have the basis for what you need to work your way through to what has been described here as the "middle way."

 

Meditation has a similar wussy affect on me, but it saved my ass in stressful situations. That was because it enabled me to release a lot of my frustrations that made me feel aggressive; which that in turn allowed to survive a stressful time without "acting out" and getting into serious do-do. Now that I'm past that phase, I've been able to address why with meditation I turned into a wuss. It was because I was stuck at a certain psychological developmental phase of either fighting or fleeing. By doing more energy work, like qigong and tai chi, I've been able to access where I got stuck and now instead of being agressive and "telling people off", I take a martial arts outlook. In martial arts, if you want to defeat someone, you get them angry, then you can lead them into making mistakes, etc. Thus, the martial arts way is to not to let people anger you, but to realize what is really going on and that it is an immature response that at one time might have been literally life saving, but now is ready for rehabilitation.

 

So, doing push hands and other interactive martial arts with others, while keeping your energy and inner self centered, is a great way to get to that healthier, unwussy but appropriately responsive self you are looking for.

[markern]

Standing meditation gives me a feeling of more power and strength as oposed to sitting meditation. YOu could try adding a bit of that. You could also check out the secret smile (use the serach function and you will find instructions in a thread by Varjasatva) or try out the Maori warrior dance Haka. The haka, in two minutes makes you fearless, very confident, feeling strong, rooted, and assertive and ready to fight but not aggressive. It is very qigong like in that it is quite easy to feel some obvious stimulation of meridians and energetics while doing it, especially from the eye movements. You can find lots of it on youtube and I am sure there are DVDs.

[goldisheavy]

Guys so I have been meditating (Vipassana) for a couple months and I just feel that it's turning me into a wuss. Before I meditated I felt I over did the douchness and called people out on what I didn't tolerate/like and now since I don't care I have stopped doing that and have turned into a push-over. Essentially losing masculinity.

 

Something is wrong with this picture and I don't want to keep meditating like this if it turns you into a wuss. Anyone with a better path please let me know. I like many men here have been subject to the modern life of having a father who always worked yet a stay-at-home mom. So I lacked the masculine energy that is needed for a boy as he grows up.

 

P.S. My goals when beginning meditation was to be spiritually endowed, in touch with masculinity, and increased psychological benefits such as concentration and decreased sub-vocalization.

 

How do you define masculinity? It seems you deem boneheadedness as a natural part of masculinity.

 

I think that being a man means being wise and strong, but being strong doesn't mean being boneheaded and stubborn, because that would conflict with wisdom, which is a primary masculine trait. Another critical masculine trait is playfulness. I always notice how men are more playful than women (but the trend in recent times is for women to approach men in their level of playfulness; I attribute this to women feeling more empowered). Women take themselves more seriously. Playfulness is a result of taking oneself less seriously, and this is a result of feeling empowered. When you lack power, you must be careful about what you do. If you feel powerful, you can afford some amount of carelessness, and that's what where playfulness comes from.

 

But if you want to be healthy, you should not go to extremes. For example, playful carelessness shouldn't become recklessness, and so on.

 

I think part of your problem is with how you see masculinity. You seem to have a distorted vision of what it is that is truly manly. If someone asks you to yield your place in line because that someone is in a hurry, and you yield, that doesn't mean you're a pushover.

 

Yielding is a good trait, but sometimes you must stand up for yourself and for others, and even fight. The key is knowing what is fluff and what is important. When something important is being violated, that's when you have to stand up for yourself and for others. Standing up to your peers is not a big deal and there is not much manly about it. Try to stand up to power when the situation calls for it and when it is right. Then you'll be a man. There is not much manliness in standing up to your sister or to a smaller person than you, or standing up for something trivial, like your place in line, or haggling over the last penny or something like that.

 

Good luck.

Edited August 22, 2010 by goldisheavy

[Seth Ananda]

I would add to some already great replys to:

 

- Make a stand for Total Authentic Expression.

 

Its good that in the past you 'called it as you saw' it, but was it done from a Bonehead 'I don't take shit from anyone' kind of place?

 

That is a very different place compared to having an Inner conviction to live for and from your Truth as best as you can and as best you are aware of it...

 

You can stand firmly in your centre this way without becoming some ridgid old world male cliche. And women will love it

[de_paradise]

So you wanted to use spirituality and meditation to get what you want, and found that it uses you for what it wants. You got pwn'd dude.

.

[freeform]

So you wanted to use spirituality and meditation to get what you want, and found that it uses you for what it wants. You got pwn'd dude.

.

 

 

[宁]

So you wanted to use spirituality and meditation to get what you want, and found that it uses you for what it wants. You got pwn'd dude.

.

 

Happens to all of us!

If it leads you to the result you have intended, you are either a genius, or a moron.

Since generally we are neither, this is an expected result...

[Samuel]

I've experienced something similar.

Where I grew up ("where I grew up" I'm still growing up!), there were a lot of stupid people, who thought that to be male meant that you had to be butting heads, like rams, whenever possible. I subscribed to this for quite a while, and butted heads with the best of them, but when I came across Taoism, I realised it wasn't the best way to be. Know the Masculine, hold to the Feminine. You're a man, you don't have to act in a certain manner to be one, you already are. Through adverts, television, peer pressure and other things, society asks us to justify ourselves. When I stopped butting heads, relaxed and started working around arguments, rather than meeting them head on, people around me looked at me like I was strange. Part of becoming one with the Tao is transcending socially inherited stereotypes. Masculinity is one of those stereotypes.

[King Kabalabhati]

I've experienced something similar.

Where I grew up ("where I grew up" I'm still growing up!), there were a lot of stupid people, who thought that to be male meant that you had to be butting heads, like rams, whenever possible. I subscribed to this for quite a while, and butted heads with the best of them, but when I came across Taoism, I realised it wasn't the best way to be. Know the Masculine, hold to the Feminine. You're a man, you don't have to act in a certain manner to be one, you already are. Through adverts, television, peer pressure and other things, society asks us to justify ourselves. When I stopped butting heads, relaxed and started working around arguments, rather than meeting them head on, people around me looked at me like I was strange. Part of becoming one with the Tao is transcending socially inherited stereotypes. Masculinity is one of those stereotypes.

 

Right on Sam!

[The Observer]

I've experienced something similar.

Where I grew up ("where I grew up" I'm still growing up!), there were a lot of stupid people, who thought that to be male meant that you had to be butting heads, like rams, whenever possible. I subscribed to this for quite a while, and butted heads with the best of them, but when I came across Taoism, I realised it wasn't the best way to be. Know the Masculine, hold to the Feminine. You're a man, you don't have to act in a certain manner to be one, you already are. Through adverts, television, peer pressure and other things, society asks us to justify ourselves. When I stopped butting heads, relaxed and started working around arguments, rather than meeting them head on, people around me looked at me like I was strange. Part of becoming one with the Tao is transcending socially inherited stereotypes. Masculinity is one of those stereotypes.

Spot on!

[Maddie]

Yea that reminds me of one time a couple years ago. I came to visit this jujitsu school, but it was one of those "tough guy MMA" types of jujitsu schools. So anyways I show up and generally people are being friendly in their exagerated tough guy way. This one guy comes up and introduces himself and we shake hands. Then he says "what kind of hand shake is that, shake my hand like a man" and I'm thinking "????". So appearantly I had to squeeze his hand the the proper amount of PSI before the needle on his "man-o-meter" went "ding" and then "a good time was had by all".

[King Kabalabhati]

Yea that reminds me of one time a couple years ago. I came to visit this jujitsu school, but it was one of those "tough guy MMA" types of jujitsu schools. So anyways I show up and generally people are being friendly in their exagerated tough guy way. This one guy comes up and introduces himself and we shake hands. Then he says "what kind of hand shake is that, shake my hand like a man" and I'm thinking "????". So appearantly I had to squeeze his hand the the proper amount of PSI before the needle on his "man-o-meter" went "ding" and then "a good time was had by all".

 

That sounds a bit gay..