Request For Advice

[Mattimo]

Greetings all,

 

Well, as you can tell by my forum name, my name is alexander (alex), and I am a 18 year old college student. I have been doing a lot of research/practice in Eastern "faiths" (I suppose you could call it that), and that is what brought me to this forum. If you don't mind reading a little paragraph, I have been having a lot of difficulties in my life because of some recent changes in my brain chemistry.

What first brought me to what you would call "religion" was that at some point during the summer I had smoked marijuana and had a very depressing high, and through a a series of coincidences I was convinced of a higher power other than "myself". I then somehow stumbled upon Buddhism, and it made so much sense that I pursued it for hours and hours each day. I practiced mindfulness, etc. and I noticed that everything became more lucid. Then one day, I decided to smoke (I'm sorry for all the marijuana references, I just feel that they are important to know about) to let it all soak in, and boy did it. The effects after the weed were just tremendous, it was like the lucidity that I was experiencing before multiplied x10. I continued on through the summer, and I felt a little less "stable" than before. Two weeks later, I had to go to college, and I found myself devoting even more time to these studies. I picked up many Hinduism things, and thats what has finally led me here. It seems that my lucidity I suppose you could say, is getting out of control. I am losing my sexual drive, and I find it hard to relate to people now. I am usually a very sociable guy, and I am finding myself lost in my own mind these days. I feel like my individuality is lost, and I think that is one of the beautiful things of Humans. Hinduism/Buddhism has nailed in my head that looks/personalities are subjective and there is no point in seeing someone as attractive, and someone as not. But how can that be so when they advocate naturalness? Isn't being natural related to sex, much like eating and sleeping? I'm just really confused what to do, and I read somewhere that Taoism doesn't denounce sex, but rather sees it as a sacred thing. So if you guys could please explain to me, what am I experiencing, and how can I gain back my sexuality/life?

 

I strongly urge you to be cautious and consider dropping the books for awhile. From what you describe, it seems like you are certainly having a spiritual/anxious/psychotic experience. Yes, these things are closely linked. I recommend trying to find a way to calm your mind. Whether that be meditation, physical exercise, etc. It isn't necessary to try and figure everything out - you have plenty of time. I also humbly suggest that you have misinterpreted certain aspects of Buddhism/Hinduism. Do not take things too literally or create absolutes or unfounded ideals that do not resonate with you. Always relate it back to yourself and ask yourself what you think and what you believe. The world is not out there it is "in here." Frankly, your emotions/feelings/perspective/thoughts/beliefs ultimately have more merit than abstractia' written in texts.

[Gauss]

If you are cultivating at a certain level does that mean you don't progress at a certain point?

 

It all depends on you yourself, if you can raise your xinxing level(virtue, endurance, tolerance, ability to let go etc) your Gong level will go up. Until you reach your consummation level that is, after that your level is fixed and you will leave this place(that takes a long time to achieve). My personal understanding is that the quality of your virtue field(how fine-grained your virtue field is) decides your original consummation level. That means how microscopic you can go in your cultivation, the more microscopic the higher level you have.

 

Please, just read the book and try the exercises without notions, those troubles of yours will be gone soon I expect if you do these simple things. I have seen too many people like you at the practice site, if they have predestination they will get the message in no time. Since you came to this great forum there is a good reason...

[Guru Grimmer]

Hey Alexander,

 

You've had some great and varied advice on the forum, I've read through most of it, and there is only one thing I thought you would benefit from having re-iterated.

 

The first response you had about "grounding" from Stigweird ... probably one of the most vital!!

 

I created a state of psychosis in myself when indulging in drugs and thinking too much at almost exactly the same age as you - I was 17, and I lost 2 years of my life to hallucinations. Grounding is what saved me from a grossly unsettled mind. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that many drugs aren't bad or good, it's a contextual to the personality.

 

Let me ask you something, for everything you have read and understood intellectually, what have you sat down in meditation to actually experience directly? For instance if you've read in a book that you are interdependent and empty of an inherent existence ... have you looked to see for yourself directly.

 

When I say this I mean, not thought about if you are, because you can think ... I am made of water, air, fire etc, but this doesn't create anything but more ideas. The point is to feel and know if those elements are in the body directly, to look at it all directly and know it. Don't even trust the scientists and school teachers, notice for yourself.

 

This is why for someone like you the first stage is vital, be it done by counting breaths, mantra, whatever basic practice. It will allow you to slowly but surely let the pre-conceptions bustling around your mind come to a gentle halt and allow the sub-concious to digest it. Once you are at a stage in meditation (perhaps at least 20 mins a day), where you're mind is very still - and I mean naturally, not forced - you will have the clarity to observe the powerful teachings you're reading about directly.

 

The first stages of meditation are kind of like cleaning your microscope for intense study. You cannot see clearly through a dirty lense. Even the most profound teachings will not help a person who does not experience them directly.

 

Exercise like Tai Chi or Yoga etc is a good way to smooth out energy and thought processes (which are interdependent) too for some, but it depends on the individual as to what is most effective. I always say a bit of both meditation and a wholesome, holistic lifestyle is usually most ideal. Not to mention living a life according to good morals - this will happen naturally the more you understand your nature.

 

Direct experience of our true nature is the one and only path to complete realisation. I know that sounds straight forward, but it's often missed these days. This is why Shakyamuni Buddha always said to students "Do not believe my words, the raft is not the shore".

 

This is the true meaning of his statement. Or you can look at Bruce Lee's use of an old sutra -

 

"It's like a finger pointing away to the moon (smack) - don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory"

 

I love that scene.

 

The sense of separation is probably happening because of the wall of thought you are carrying. Thought is part of the process with which we define and separate things, words will never get you the answer, only realisation.

 

Best of luck on your study, you are doing great : )