JohnC Posted October 5, 2015 After several weeks of meditation and xingyi, I still am that invisible person. Not that I was expecting anything, but for example after my xingy training, when I felt more assertive in my presence and more vibrant, I made eye contact with many women and tried to smile at the them as I walked by, but got nothing. Yet I see some of them reacting to other guys. I guess my question to the poster who already have this magnatic quality you most have other things like looks, and have been practising your chi for many years? I'm thinking that I never been successful with women my expectations should be not much. How many weeks? Consider it took you however many years of your life to be the way you are... things changing may take some time. The time and effort you put into the change is the results you'll get. So much or your relationship with women, is more about your relationship with yourself. Check out authenticmanprogram.com if you want more help with this. John Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Arya Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) Just by doing this I should become not invisible anymore??? There are plenty of ways to approach the meditation but in the end you're searching for that bliss emanating from the heart. So, take that as goal. The above methods you described didn't work for me at the start. I don't repeat a mantra or vocalize anything, in my mind either. Let's see, it's like you 'stack' beings or persons in your mind and then generate a feeling of loving-kindness towards them, but more emphasis on the kindness part. So you line them up, select them - for example some relative or maybe a friend or take a whole class of being, like human, animal, insect, ghosts, demons, gods etc. or even just spreading it out towards directions all around you. Don't visualize them! This is important. Just keep them in your awareness and then smile at them with the whole of your being. Think, how a father or mother very kindly and joyously treat their newborn and want what's good for that newborn. You can approach this from many angles. You can start by looking at yourself in the mirror and just smiling at yourself and relaxing. Don't try too hard because this takes quite a lot of willpower and a lot of conserved, uhhh...ejaculatory fluid. Yup, it's barely possible without that. Here are some benefits - http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an11/an11.016.piya.html So, I'd advise you to research all you can! See ya friend. Edited October 5, 2015 by Arya 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vtrader125 Posted October 10, 2015 Ah-ha moment, Went out with a couple of work people, as usually was invisible, people kept bumping into me, left out of conversations, women well leave it a that. Then I started running the mantras from the above posts, observing myself as a witness, slowly this need of mine for acknowledgement, permission etc, etc faded away. I realised that being at peace with yourself is more liberating then having the need for attention et al. I sat there in peace just observing this race of animals called humans. Did everything do a 180 when I released these attachments, nope, but something more important happened, I was at peace with myself, I wanted nothing and wished everyone the best. Social anxiety was non more for that moment in time. I did not care that I was being ignored, I just had this genuine natural smile just appear on my face. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnC Posted October 11, 2015 I realised that being at peace with yourself is more liberating then having the need for attention et al. I sat there in peace just observing this race of animals called humans. I did not care that I was being ignored, I just had this genuine natural smile just appear on my face. Lookin good. From there, what do you want to do? Follow your desires. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vtrader125 Posted October 11, 2015 Lookin good. From there, what do you want to do? Follow your desires. What do I want to do, not really sure anymore. If I let go of the feeling of missing out, I don't really care for relationships any more, I just accepted being on my own. In a funny way, the feeling of missing out, being alone is less intense when I realize that those opportunities had not really existed so I have nothing to really miss out on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnC Posted October 12, 2015 What do I want to do, not really sure anymore. If I let go of the feeling of missing out, I don't really care for relationships any more, I just accepted being on my own. In a funny way, the feeling of missing out, being alone is less intense when I realize that those opportunities had not really existed so I have nothing to really miss out on. Speaking from my experience, you can reach the point where being alone is really enjoyable. From there, you may decide to be alone... or you may decide to go out and interact with others, connect with women, etc. The key being following your desire from a place of everything is ok/neutral, without any cravings or attachments to things going a certain way or not. In the sense that, being with others is cool, being alone is cool, and you might have a preference or things you want. It sounds like being alone is still painful for you? John 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
