Totally frustrated

[Astral_Anima]

I think everyone here is overcomplicating this, lol.

 

To the OP, here's how I believe the world works, let me know if you agree. In order for change to occur there must be a catalyst. In order to get something new you must do something different. Every action has a reaction.

 

Sitting in silence will bring about a change, it will yield results. They may not be what you're looking for however. Or it may not be enough to simply sit in silence, you may have to face a few things during that silence. If you're not experiencing a "shift" then you're not relaxing and perhaps thats what you should focus on. If you do experience that subtle shift then grats you're sitting in silence and you're relaxed, what else do you want? you've experienced the results, the fruits of sitting in silence. If you want something else then do something else.

 

Why do you meditate? you want to experience something neat? Why not try reverse dant tien breathing in a half or full lotus while being celibate. After awhile you'll feel a heat in your lower dan tien which will rise up your spine and may result in a trippy vision after awhile. Or you could try Kunlun, where you have this energy inside that moves you in wierd ways, where you'll experience blissful feelings, kind of like small orgasms in your spine. Silence has a certain result and takes a certain amount of time, if you don't like the result or don't like how long it takes then don't do it. Everything is like that, every action or system has a reaction or result. If you lift wieghts you built muscle, if you drink you pee, if you do this you experience that.

 

Silence is a subtle thing. What i've found it do to me is force me to face and accept myself. It also allowed me some insight into who I was and what I was experiencing or repressing. It gave me time to think and philosophize life. Thats what it does. Also if done over an extended period of time it can lead to mental purification. However if you live in a modern society then don't expect many results. through my own silent practice I've realized i'll never get anywhere in the path of emptiness unless I get away from all of the stimulation of modern society. When you're silence you become more sensitive. Not eating (fasting) for awhile will also heighten your sensitivity and you will smell and hear and see and feel everything differently and you'll be much more sensitive to your environment. Personally i've found video screens (like computers), cars, heating devices, digital audio, cell phones, people voices, all effect my negatively, it all produces a stress response inside me, although very subtle (but when you re-sensitize yourself you can feel it). Emptiness, I believe, can only be attained by temporary recluse from the senses (in the path of "letting go" and silence).

 

It sounds like you would be better suited doing some kind of energetic work or physical cleansing. I would again recommend you look into some schools of Yoga, especially Hatha Yoga, which is very goal oriented and gives you tangible results at a decent pace. It also prepares your body for the crazy energetic stuff that comes later

 

Just my opinion, Best of luck

-Astral