help with negativity, bad luck, spiritual crisis, serious stuff

[jenn992]

I'm not sure how this place works...but im going to post this here...I've been going through severe bad luck for 12 years now...this isnt just one or two or 10 things..its non-stop 24/7...in this 'hell' or torment...im always alone...have no friends..cant make any friends..people abuse/persecute me..i suffer terribly...people have done horrible things to my life..im a very beautiful girl yet i cant meet a guy...the only people that are in my life seem to be almost possessed to destroy/torment me...ive been told i have demons and i suspected serious entities years ago--but it feels even beyond that...here is somewhat of a description..if anyone can help...please..please...email me...

 

this is long and detailed I wrote it before, and tried to cut some things out...but ifanyone can help--anyone who knows about spirituality/exorcisms..anything..

 

what ive witnessed in my life is lots of people doing really bad things to me-- even treating me in very cruel ways...any chance they can get..my suffering is non-stop...yet these people who cause me suffering...are able to live a good life and im this victim who can't get anything and just get abused, treated horribly...over and over again. My bad luck started 12 years ago..out of nowhere and slowly...I moved to a different city and noticed people just treated me badly...then it was like...people everywhere treatd me like dirt, yelled at me..problems anywhere i went..people would try to fight me..just anything to target me or put me down, be negative to me, show me extreme hatred...and yet im a nice girl..maybe it was the city i was in? but later years later, i realized it happened anywhere i went..some people even seem excited to see me but then will treat me very rudely or be mean to me..others just seem jealous..or mean..but it was that i couldn't do anything or go anywhere without really bad treatment from anyone or everyone...

during this time, my family also just started bullying me for no reason and being mean to me. I couldnt make any friends.. Ever since then it has just been bad and gotten worse every year. I've literally been isolated--unable to make friends though i have tried every venue possible... im friendly, outgoing but people still hate me and treat me with disrespect and contempt. Every human alomst seems to just hate me..I've never seen a person get treated as badly as I do by anyone/everyone and it makes no sense. People project their own shortcomings onto me-- im almost treated like a doormat by everyone, yet some people are so 'obsessed' wtih me yet only torture/abuse me and nothing else..people seem to think abusing me is a sport, no big deal..as if I receive no respect from humans at all. I've felt isolated from humans b/c of how they treat me...it feels like me vs. "them"...like im some kind of other creature--im also very spiritual, compassionate, caring loving...yet people just loathe me..and im also very pretty--and it makes no sense..i always assumed jealousy...but on this level? how is it possible...my stories are ridiculous...but it has been 12 years of "only" suffering...and horrid thnigs happening to me..no fun, vacations, nothing..im not allowed to have fun it seems..only go through hell and i have no friends either--since humans treat me like dirt..98% of them or more...or try to use me then how can frienship be possible..

my family/mother began doing terrible things to ruin my life.. as things got worse,i got stuck in a mold filled apt and gained 100 lbs from candida...during this time my mean mother decided to do some really bad things to me- to take control of my life in a very sick and cruel way..(which was the theme of destroying my life credibility, civil rights etc)..after what she did ot me i was so traumatized i could barely graduate from college....my life was ruined, and has been ever since and i havent been able to cope--another thing about the abuses that occur is that in order to get out of them its a huge puzzle, maze...to undo..its just more and more situtions, things...i have to get out of and in order to i have to take legal steps against my family...and its so difficult and risky im not sure how to approach it..then it just gets worse...

bad things kept happening to me over and over again-- i hear of people going through 'bad' for a short period of time...but for me...it was different... it happened over and over again and got worse every year--part of this bad was that...no matter how hard i try to change my life ,make friends, have fun

only negative things kept happening to me...i was banned from places, kicked out of groups...im a beautiful nice normal quiet girl...why is this happening to me?? why are people treating 'me' of all people in this terrible way? it made no sense...i look like the kind of person who should have tons of friends...ive been told "u dont have 10 boyfriends??" youre so beautiful? how is that possible that guys dont hit on you? guys dont hit on me--they treat me with hatred...its like my lfe is a parallel universe..everything that should be happening-- the total opposite happens..abuse, cruelty, persecution..horrors...towards a nice sweet innocent pretty girl? im beautiful--friendly, kind..i should have lots of friends right? i have none and have had none for 12 years--and only with people treating me oddly, badly, extremely badly..with contempt hatred..extreme cruelty and even sadism..like im a target who gets picked on or bullied by 'everyone.' The theme of this suffering is total powerlessness--others are able to have power over me, throw me ni a gutter and steal my power..my life is constant non-stop injustice and the other theme is..i can't ever get any justice...only suffer and suffer..as people do what they want to destroy my life..put me through intense suffering..i suffer and then get out.while they live normal lives...then i suffer more as more bad happens to me--and nothing good of course...its like murph y's law exaggerate...and also anything u think or project comes back at you ten fold..any lie u tell comes true...anything u think can be used against you somehow or happens..u have to watch what u think or wish for otherwise some warped negative version of it will come true...people kick me out of places, socially outcast, ignore me...i get banned talked badly about, insulted harassed demeaned treated with cruelty and much worse...in various 100's of situations...for years and im sure i still have demons/entities but i dont know how ot get rid of them or what is going on anymore..b/cof this horror..i cant succeed as people things anything is trying to stop me from doing anything in life..i cant go to a store sometimes without something terrible happening to me..for a while i was in fear...fear based..for a long time as i had a right to be...but now its just different...the moment i feel i can do something..tons of things happen to throw me in a gutter..and stop me from doing it...including people..and their evil actions..

i couldnt meet a guy or get a boyfriend...im a virgin at 31 who's never hada boyfriend, extremely pretty, nice, sweet, quiet etc... and the only guy who has been interested in me was a 50 something sociopath who used me to mentally and sadistically torture long distance...steal my energy..degrade, torment..put me through horror...and hell..and use me as a puppet long distance to control...he wouldnt even have sex with me and just used me to mentally abuse..i only meet these 'energy vampire' type sociopats who want to control and torture me...its scary..and do extremely cruel things to me..not even use me for sex but only as an object to torture in an almost satanic way..yet im on dating sites 24/7...trying to find a guy..but i cant because in this hell im in...im almost stuck in this vortex it feels..and no matter what i do..im isolated, suffering and only specific people are in my life..to control/destroy me and cause me suffering..everyone else who i encounter is abusive too or wants to control/abuse me...most people just want to destroy me...over and over again...i only met these psychos off the internet who tried to get sex off me...and treat me like a whore.though im a virgin. every guy just tries to use me in a cruel way..and bail..or treats me with total disrespect..people treat me only with disrespect..this is persecution..but why does it happen to some or to people like me...and why is this happening?

Humans or people all treated me like dirt and did anything to screw me over...or use me...i have 100's of story upon story...and some severe things...fast forward to many years later--after much much more hell (years and years of this horror/trauma)... i try to be a model, and meet this photographer...who was a total sociopath..he used me as a puppet literally to sadistically torture and not much else...every photographer screwed me over almost- didnt give me pictures, tried to get me out of the industry...

this one said he'd help me out but then used me in a scary and crazy way-- i still hadnt met a guy despite being very beautiful...and men only treated me like trash and lower

than anything possible.....this person took advantage of me because i told him what my family did to me and him being a predator he used it to really take advantage of me.. he claimed to be a 'warlock' and was into negative energy things...and was scary...he mentally tortured me, refused to see me or be in my presence, charged me money to see him...had me wanting and begging to see him so he could reject/refuse me...if he saw me in person i'd have to dress up like a prostitute...wear high heels make up..pay him money just to see him 1-2 hours then get kicked out...he mentally tortured me 24/7...called me a 'piece of shit whore' and made me degrade myself...he took his abuse to severe and sadistic extremes...and was physically abusive..bit me, threw me around...yet he refused to have sex with me...i was still a virgin and just degraded me and said

'who wants to f*** that"?? and said that doing that to me would be 'one more thing' he 'had' to do tome...i was still alone..and only was allowed to see him every 2-3 weeks with severe hell involved.. he said he 'owned and controlled me' and 'i was his puppet' and still says that to this day..my life which was horror got worse and worse...then my controlling mother/family began getting more controlling b/c i was talking to him...

i only suffered ...never had any fun...ever...i was either alone and if i was around 'humans' they were abusing or berating me--this is not an exaggeration... i had to suffer dealing with this monster for 2-3 years...with tons of horror/hell.. he forced me to take naked modeling pictures, posted them on the internet, used them to blackmail/threaten me...removed my modeling profile from the net by lying to the moderators there...then the moderators just wanted to fight me....if i try to get help from people, agencies...no one helps me out...and people just ignore me or reject me too....part of this weird hell is that...you are 'forced' into it almost...if u try to get out..u can't or leave if u try to get help, no one helps out..anyone you ask help from 'turns away from you' and u are forced to try to get help from those people who aer tormenting or abusing you...as if youre just trappd in this spiritual hell..u never have any control over your life..and no sympathy from others..everyone defends those who abuse you..and u are a helpless victim..confused scared...and then the next hell occurs to you..and it all seems to be part of this intense ridiculous 'spiritual path' that you are doing through...u try to change your life and it wont happen...i dont know what it is but it feels like some kind of trap...that i cant get out of....and u are forced to get help from or be with the very people who have destroyed you...it felt like a spiritual 'path' of horror trauma trials and suffering and when it started..years into it I kept begging God to help me..and get me out because I knew it was bad and going to be bad...and wasnt going to just end..but it just got worse every year...

 

people defend those who do bad to you..no one is on your side ever..for example..i left to go out of state--was a big deal for me..as my ex ie sociopath didnt want me to do anything progressive..my trip was hell b/c of others or my sister..when i came back my mother had intentionally left my pets in heat at my place...to ruin my trip..so i could freak out over what she did and witness my pets suffering..and just cry over how she could do such a thing..she had no remorse...and just smirked..then she began telling me i need medication nd to see a shrink for what 'she did'...ie projected it back onto me...then began her tirade. the next day i got screwed over in an intense intrinsic way by this jerk off the internet...and it was an extrme story--all the stories that happen to me too are very intricate, extreme..out tehre and very strange and complex...and too sick to comprehend...then more hell happened..then my family did this.. my ex then had frivolous charges pressed against me and i had to hire a lawyer, and suffer and go through this and that, and meet another sociopath in the process, who was a demonologist just by chance who i think had other scary intentions for me and was really strange...and also trying to control/use me for maybe even evil purposes..or dark arts...then my ex dropped the charges and i had to drop this other person who was almost dangerous...then during that my brother did something very cruel to me when i went to visit him and his wife and i was shocked..that has created another downward spiral when it coems to family situations...then my family decided to make my life hell and they would renovate my house when i saked them not to..under all these 'harsh condition' and that i would have to do this or that...they kicked me out of my place..had me stay with them so they can berate, harass,threaten and be cruel to me and break me down...the renovations are taking very long and longer...and its been two weeks now...and they should have been done by now...ive been terrified..they might have ulterior motives for other things and my stay with them has been a nightmare and really bad...and i cant get out of it..as i have to wait for my place to be done but i wont be able to move back in withuot a lot more hell...and conditions they've placed on me since they own the house..they've accused me of all sorts fo things...treat me so badly yet im a virgin, good girl dont do drugs smoke drink but treat me like i dont know what...my mother is a psychopath and trying to control me in sick ways...and then my ex sociopath bf used the situation to take advantage of me too...but promised he'd help me out...then my family is going through my computer, reading blogs i write accusing me of this going through my phone..and much more...its just so bad..and then...more and more? and i dont know when i can move back in or what is going on..

there is no peace and no break... anything i do and anywhere i go is suffering...caused by others and unable to be controlled by me..I try to hard to get a 'normal life' meet people, make friends, get a boyfriend..anything but the harder i try, the more i can't get it then some horrendous thing happens to me and more psychopaths come into my life to try to destroy me, or my family does, or my ex, or other people...im "always' being attacked..by people/negative forces..whatever you want to call it.. i am under attack 24/7..if i join a forum...or write my opinion i got banned/kicked. There is "always" injustice occurring to you...you cant get a normal life or any kind of one..u are 'always' alone and humans act as if doing anything with or for you..is som kind of huge task and they abuse you for it...you r like a mirror and people project their horrors onto you..people will walk up to me and start saying "youre this you're that" or say to me all sorts of things...in reality they are projecting what they are..yet why does everyone project onto me? you are a target literally..people do anything negative to you, pick on you bully you...people will threaten the police on you, treat you lower than anything...wont talk to you..wont treat u with respect or like a person...

people treat me in this cruel way-- they can do anything to me...and there is nothing i can do about it....they do horrific things to me and the worst part is...i cant fight back and if i try i get abused more, floored more...punished harassed..people can do anything they want to me and i can't fight back...i havent listed the stories or situations as there are so many..but why is this happenng to me...why would this be happening to anyone? is it a curse, bad luck..karma...demons, entities...how can a person stop this? ive tried praying to God and if i do then it just gets worse....

 

and after reading this i realize it is very repetitive and saying the same thing.. but i guess the jist is that im targeted, persecuted, by people adn i dont know why...bad things keep happening to me...and they become more intricate...complicated, difficlt ot get out of..and i can't andit creates more patterns of hell...also my situation is literally that a person is in 'hell'...the same bad thigns happening over and over again in this intense cyclic pattern...situation after situation and it can't be stopped...prayer, asking, being kind...nothing seems to work...is this demons, forces..karmic forces...its so confusing...its like you aer being attacked, and attacked non-stop 24/7...and u can't defend yourself..maybe psychically attacked..or who knows what..spiritual warfare? im sure someone out there..might have an idea...or can only hope....

Edited November 8, 2010 by jenn992

[Gauss]

Welcome!

 

It seems like you have a difficult life. I will PM you some links and maybe your life can brighten up. After rainfall comes sunshine.

[pilot]

Hi Jenn,

 

thank you for sharing a bit of your life story. It does sound very hard what you have gone through, and I imagine that any outside perspective would have a hard time really understanding it, as with all unique situations, to the point of offering something meaningful and insightful to you.

 

There is a healing circle topic on the forum, but in any case, I wish you well in finding the answers and clarity you seek.

 

welcome!

[Marblehead]

Hi Jenn,

 

Welcome to Taobums!

 

May you enjoy your time here.

 

I shall make no direct comment to anything you mentioned.

 

I will say (I just said it in a different thread) that cause and effect rule.

 

In other words, there are very real and identifiable causes for the problems you are having in life.

 

Identify the causes and you will be able to prevent the effects in the future if you take the proper action.

 

You cannot change the other people in your life but you can change yourself.

 

You might get more responses if you start a thread concentrating on only one situation at a time.

 

Best wishes!

[Apech]

Hi,

 

Marblehead is right - ask one specific thing at a time and you will get plenty of answers on here. But you will have to chose which to follow of course.

 

Forget about other people - do things for yourself - set yourself a few goals and give yourself rewards. Find an effective teacher in your area and practice gathering personal power.

 

Good luck

 

A.

[Mencius]

It seems you need to immerse yourself in the Tao. Forget ideas of bad luck-good luck type of thinking, they are only perceptions, and attitudes. I do not know your lifestyle, however I wonder if you have tried changing it and the type of people you gravitate toward. This would be the first step to take. Most all things that happen to us in life are the result of our own doing. What is good for some is bad for another and vise-versa. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change. But always look within first, in all things.

[jenn992]

Hi and thanks for all your replies...they have been really helpful and the practices that are taught by some of these religions such as taoism (which I dont know much about yet) seem very good... it is difficult to assess someones situation or anyones especially one that seems so complex... cause and effect are true though my situation seems to be more cause and affect that feel out of my control...my lifestyle is such that im a religious person, a virgin....i dont involve myself in anything..i have no friends...no life literally....i get on the internet or go to work if i do...but evil finds its way into my life to try to destroy me in various forms...my ex 'boyfriend' was 58 years old and a deranged person..or sick human being..he was into every sick thing possible and wanted me to do it but never forced me just brainwashed me--but he used me more on the side as a long distance puppet/object he could mentally torture and his abuse was very sadistic and he rarely saw me in person..he treated me like i was his 'whore/puppet' on the side who he could control..mentally torment, abuse, degrade..it was very sick. IF he did see me it was very controlled...I had to be there at this time and was there on a time limit, had to dress a certain way, wear make up, then i would get kicked out after 2-3 hours or less..he had me wanting to see him, begging..so he could constantly reject/refuse me.make me suffer..and took it to sadistic extremes..his abuse was really terrible and when he did see me he was even more abusive..and he was a sociopath liar, sick evil cruel person..he was just out to make my life hell, destroy me, ruin me corrupt..and refused to have sex with me b/c that wud be pleasure for me and he had no desire to give me any pleasure only torture...and he delved into the dark arts and used that to try to control me too...it was odd how such a dark and sick person could come into my life...and many of them do...and those who delve into the dark arts...im a pure person...and positive and it seems this darkness comes to destroy me---and if people have i guess 'entities' or involvd in spiritual warfare...then they are under 'attack' by negative forces as ive been told....im a positive/good force yet at the mercy of all this evil that is in my life....and things tat are beyond my control it feels... im not suer how projection, gravitation plays into it as no matter what i project this evil comes into my life and nothin gelse...which is a symptom of spiritual warfare, attack etc....its interesting u say to post different topics as most places would shy away from that but that is a good idea..i have so many to post...its ridiculous...story upon story and situation upon situation that just gets more intricate and makes u the victim more hopeless and confused as to how to get youreslf out of this...but the thing is that while u are doing this more negativity keeps occurring to you and occurring...on top of the 100 things u already have...i think mantras and tehse types of beliefs/practices seem to be really helpful and great sa far as trying to achieve peace or a peaceful state of mind...or helping a situation...i just wish i understood what all of this was or why it was happening or specifically what it is...and how to stop it...it feels like an exaggeration of what happens normally to someone with trials upon trials...and more things that make no sense...it feels like there are major forces involved solely in trying to make u suffer or destroy your life...or break you down or make u hopeless...that is the work of 'satan' or what those religions call satan...it does seem thatthe tao and those other spiritual beliefs...seem to be a better way of looking at the situatin...or dealing with it...

Edited November 9, 2010 by jenn992

[Aetherous]

If people are taking advantage of you, leave them completely. Even if they're your family. You said 98% of people treat you like shit...well leave ALL of them, and stick with the 2% that treat you like a normal person. It's your life, so you must decide.

 

I don't know what's happening for you, or how to help it, but I wish you tons of luck and blessings.

[gendao]

I've had a life full of small misfortunes and "bad luck" since my adolescence. Nothing like your extreme-sounding scenario, but a constant uphill battle where decisive pieces fell apart more than together, often at critical junctures in particular sectors of my life.

 

As a result, I constructed a negative, cynical, angry, protective shell around myself. That then likely projected even more negativity in my life like a feedback loop.

 

But I recently made a turning point a month ago... And have come to believe that:

 

Sometimes life has to get negative enough to force YOU to become positive.

Sometimes you have to get challenged enough to turn you from a victim mentality to a fighter.

When you lose all hope, that's when you must find faith.

When you lose yourself, that's when you can find yourself.

 

That life IS a learning experience, and sometimes we subject ourselves to some hard lessons...

 

This guy may be able to help you as well:

I have performed some exorcisms in my time. There is one thing that I have learned that is the most important. Exorcisms and rituals are very helpful because it allows the psyche to acknowledge an internal purification. But, what I have learned (this may sound simplistic but true...) The best thing any oppressed individual can do is seek spiritual and psychological counseling.

 

In my experience, all demon possession cases start when a tramautic experience or series of experiences damages the aura. This also damages the individual emotionally. The individual gets into a pattern of feeling like a victim. Then, the Universe seeks to dispel this victim idea by prodding the individual to work through the painful feelings and heal, but if the individual is resistant to overcoming negative feelings as a result of the trauma, they seek to avoid these painful feelings and stuff them down deep into the unconscious. This sends a signal to negative entities that the individual needs help staying in denial. Demons will come and make an energetic deal with the individual on either a conscious or unconscious level to keep them in denial in exchange for their physical energy. The demons feed off their aura and the individual is kept distracted from their own painful feelings with all the drama that demons bring. (I'm not trying to minimize the process, just my observations over the years.) In the end the individual must WANT to grow and heal. This is the real key. If the individual is not willing to face their painful feelings, they will not recover.

Counseling is the modern way to seek help in growing emotionally. When the individual is willing to face their painful feelings, the demons will leave, because then the individual will be seeking to take responsibility for their issues and the demons have nothing to feed on...

 

There is also significant evidence that demons are actually psychic projections from within the individual. In any case, the treatment is the same (IMHO) the individual needs tough love and some serious counseling. Exorcisms are also helpful becuase they signify the individual's desire to break the cycle of denial. I recommend any rituals with a combination of long term therapy...

Hope that helps..

Mike

One thing you can do is take responsiblity for all of your feelings and your actions. As I have said, I believe possession is a real phenomenon. But, you are NOT a victim. You created this scenario when you prayed for it. You also can stop it. It may take some time and a good old fashioned exorcism, but you have the power to change this. First thing to do is stop feeding the drama within. Make a firm resolution within yourself that you will seek help and be honest with others. Not necessarily rehashing all the craziness that the demon causes you, but be honest that you started this ball rolling when you sought to escape your pain. Accept your pain and accept God's love. God has not abandoned you, He is waiting for you to ask His help in taking responsibility for your internal issues. Resolve (without drama) to take the necessary steps to find the Truth within and be your true Divine self. If you are determined and have faith you will find someone to perform this exorcism for you and you will find a therapist who can help you work through your issues. It all started with you and it can all end with you. It may take a little patience on your part. Remember, you have been feeding this crazy drama for a few years now. It may take a little while to defuse it. When the demon acts up, just tell yourself (calmly) "This drama I have created for myself isn't serving me anymore. I am willing to let it go." The Demon is actually your servant. Let him go. You don't need him anymore. You are strong enough to face your pain with God's help and the help of professionals.

Yes to all questions. It is not an either or scenario. I used to perform alot of exorcisms. I stopped doing them when I realized that all demonic attacks are always a result of unresolved internal issues. I have never found an entity attack scenario where there were not emotional issues involved. It is a very real scenario. So, you are not imagining it. You are obviously very helpful and any of what you mentioned will help. However, I also recommend professional counseling for you and your partner. In a nutshell, unresolved energetic and emotional trauma, (which includes alcoholism in the family) will open up the aura and attract negative entities and simultaneously, the unresolved emotions are projected as a thought form. So, many times, the individual is manifesting their own internal conflicts. Any postive energy work like prayer, visualization, and loving physical contact will help. But ultimately, the victim needs to address and resolve the underlying emotional and psychological issue or the attacks may continue indefinitely. Also because you are emotionally involved, you are not able to act as her healer or therapist. You are also a factor. Your love and support will help as a secondary measure. But you yourself cannot be the sole means of her support. She needs professional objective counseling.

I suggest ritual banishment combined with professional counseling... In my experience this combination always works if the person is committed to the healing process...

Katie summarizes The Work as: "Judge your neighbor, write it down. Ask four questions, turn it around."

 

first one identifies a belief or thought related to a topic that causes anxiety or unhappiness. Initially one is encouraged to choose something which feels important, which annoys or troubles you, that someone else does or did

 

the thought is literally turned around to its opposite. For example: "My mother never loved me" turns around to "My mother always loved me." Then one sees if they can find ways that this new thought is equally true, or more true, than the original thought.

 

The turnaround also takes the form of turning the statement around to oneself: "I never loved my mother," or "I never loved myself."

Point being - there are such things as external problems. However, they are usually also all ultimately rooted somewhere inside you. And so that is eventually where you will have to focus all your efforts.

 

You may want to find some good intuitive/holistic healers who can give you a head start on exorcisms or self-inquiry. And then eventually take it from there with continuing self-work...

 

PS - The YiJing can also be a quick way to gain some vague insight on your current situation..

Edited November 9, 2010 by vortex

[jenn992]

Thanks...its true to get away from even from family...though the moment i realize or try, then of course im about to be thrown into something severe--sort of whta i am in now...its a catch-22 or something of that nature...its as if the realization comesto you b/c you wont be able to achieve it...I tried desperately to avoid what im in right now- and it is only getting worse, and scarier as those oppressing me are doing so severely as to break me down extremely..my mother is very malicious..they always know what tactics to use when and how...in order to obliterate you...they have others involved...in my case..it goes to legal terms and i will have to fight and fight..if i ever want my rights back...and suffer terribly...its such a difficult fight ive avoided it for years...b/c i will have to go against my faimly and break ties...completely in order to regain my human and civil rights...its so not fair and u think...why is this happening to me..that however is another story and situation and has its own everything and the major thing my family did to me...recently however, my family had my house renovated...technically their house i rent a room in it, so they could bring me to their place, threaten, intimidat, harass...threaten the police on me, put me down etc...anything around them is negativity..or anything to put me down or bring me down..and in any case..break me down so i will continue to be dependent on them and cant truly make it on my own or am so damaged that life is difficult...there are ironies such as...damaged so they can continue to tell me im messed up or other things...while they continue doing this..and so much more...along with gaslighting...they are cruel people and no one would believe me b/c some of them are 'doctors' and esteemed members of society...

then they had a list of 'conditions' i hadto fulfill in order to move back into the house and some very ridiculous ones...their abuse leaves me prey to so many predators because im helpless scared confused needy...legitimately and every predator comes along to use me for their own mostly sadistic desires..including my horrendous ex...who was so evil and extreme and twisted and sick... when my familyis done breaking me down sa they aer now...its difficut to move on in life as the pattern of damage/trauma has grown to a new strength and continues recurring then...the renovations have been two weeks now and im still stuck with them...its going to be another week or two..during that time i feared a lot of other things too and they did some other things..which are major which i cant get into because its another whole story.. i know im going to suffer until i get back to my place and who knows if i'll get back there intact and not damaged...i didnt want the renovations done after they said their 'conditions'...and asked them not to..then they said "oh no we're doing it now regardless' and then called me a week later to tell me i had four days to leave my place...the manner in which they do things is very abusive harsh...disrespectful...they didnt tell me when it was going to be done then yelled at me for not 'assuming'..they went through my computer, read a blog that was up, then began accusing me of other things..they read so much and i had no clue..when i got to their place, my mother went through my phone..she has said if i talk to my ex shes going to get a restraining order on him..im 31 years old..i feel like an oppressed female in a third world country..my family is southeast asian but they began being controlling when i was in my 20's..they act as if our family is a 'unit' and htey are kings and queens of it-- its really bizarre for american professionals to be acting in this odd way. My dad is a doctor and they have used their position to do some seriously cruel things to me and things that are hard to fight back..and the kind of control they have over me as a result of those things is something i have to struggle to get out of and so confusing and scary.. they then had me come stay with them then said i should be 'lucky' theyre letting me stay there..then i wanted a hotel out of town with money my mother took from me and she refused..because she wanted me in the house so they could do what they are doing to me...overall.. its hard but the worst part about the situation is that...u can't seem to change the situations that happen to you..and any move you make...more bad happens to you plus anything u do can be damaging or bad for you...ie if i leave they might get pissed off...and do something to my cats or just say i cant move back into the house...i have to comply with 'them'..its a messed up situation...but the big picture is even worse much worse...and dealing with it alone, a female, is just hard...

 

i dont put up a shell of negativity, though im sure i project all the trauma ive been through..and 12 years of only trauma..is a major projection...most people though I think can see that i am really positive...and they shy away from that..or maybe they shy away from that trauma that is projecting..animals however love me...and they see who/what you are...those writings are really interesting and...that is very good stuff and can be of help to someone in my situation I would assume...my situation is more like...this spiritual hell, coupled with spiritual warfare, possible demons, forces, entities...everything intertwined into one major horror that seems to perpetuate and increase its own destructive cycle...and has external forces perpetuating it as well...its so confusing....and it never seemed like 'life' to me...but something else... even now...my mother...provoking breaking me down with major things...in order to God knows what...but my parents hav destroyed my life and put me thru some serious things...which is now getting worse...i owe the govt 12,000 b/c of them in debt from social security, they forged checks that were mine and i have no access to them...hipaa laws they and doctors are breaking...and screwing me over...its terrible...and tons and tons more things...and i hav eto fight to gain my legal rights... im sure there is a way of combating this or any kind of major traumas...but in turn especially for those who are going thru what seems to be a major curse of some sorts...i do think tao/buddhism or these practices can help..or exorcists maybe? maybe some of what happens to people in these situations is spiritual as well or karmic...there can be so many explanations and its a bit confusing...maybe healers or some people can fully understand a person's situation or what is truly happening... but thanks for all your advice it is all helpful and very good information...

Edited November 9, 2010 by jenn992

[C T]

Hi Jenn...

 

I am wondering here... do you like to read? There are some books you could get that might just inspire you enough to make the changes that you are seeking. Due to the over-crowded nature of all the thoughts that is passing thru your mind at the moment (like being stuck inside a crowded elevator?), sometimes getting fresh perspectives on matters could be quite literally a breath of fresh air for you!

 

Here are a couple of books that might lend you some much-needed space:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1570623449

http://www.amazon.com/Knee-Deep-Grace-Extraordinary-Teaching/dp/0963078461

 

One of the author's short life story here:

http://www.thebuddhadharma.com/issues/2003/spring/schmidt_jenkins_dipa_ma.html

 

Wishing you all the best blessings on your road to recovery, Jenn. I hope one day soon you will see that challenges in life can be gateways to immense freedom. But we need to learn to let go... the more we can do this, the greater the freedom. We can do this mentally because freedom sometimes is not a physical thing - its more a mental condition that can be be cultivated. Its like some prisoners who find grace while behind bars... they experience transformation. Even though physically they are still confined, spiritually and mentally, they become free, and no longer suffer the bondage and torment of being inside the walls. I hope you get what i am trying to say here.

 

Prayers are with you.

[Mal]

A rather large thread to leave out in the lobby

moved to discussion

 

and welcome to the 'bums jenn992

[Gerard]

Jenny girl. The souls that inhabit your liver are damaged.

 

You will need to undergo a lot of healing to fix them all up and have them tweaked and up and running again.

 

My advice is:

 

1. Diet: lots of fresh and green stuff. Drink purified water on a daily basis as well as Chinese/Japanese green and pu-erh teas to detoxify your entire system. If you can toss in some Taiwanese oolong teas which are also very alkalising.

 

2. Exercise daily: Internal Martial Arts, Qigong, tree meditations and prayer

 

3. Go to bed before 10pm every night and last dinner no later than 6-7pm (try hard because it really makes a difference)

 

4. Stay away from noisy and stressful environments

 

5. Hang out with older souls

 

6. Hang out natural and peaceful environments rich in good Qi (parks with lots of trees, mountains, ocean, etc)

 

7. Try to adopt a positive and relaxing attitude to life for which a healthy liver is responsible of.

 

I wish you the best of luck from here.

 

Good karma to you, pray to the Buddha for help and assistance.

[RiverSnake]

-All the members of the Tao-Bums have given you very good advice.

 

-I'll just say that i have observed and been taught that we attract people into our lives who have a similar energy level or self-esteem, this would explain why 98% of the people in your life are trying to destroy you.

 

-Therefore you will get the most positive results when you work on cultivating you own energy and esteem as well as removing the energetic vampires from your life.

 

-Gerard gave very good advice on this (better than any i can give).

 

-As a note i hear taking salt baths is a very good method for cleansing the aura and you would probably benefit from it.

 

-Also you can light some cedar or sandalwood incense in your room to help clean out the negative energy in your room and in your body. Use real plant material: here's incense i use.

 

-http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BOA65O/ref=oss_product

 

-My 2 cents, i wish you the best of luck,

Edited November 12, 2010 by Tao Apprentice

[Birch]

I'm sorry to hear about this abusive situation Jen. Hopefully you are making plans to move away from this damaging situation which I believe (from experiences related to me) you may share with other Asian women who are born "West" to a "traditional" family. There's a huge sociological/cultural context that you're seeing up close and personal.

 

I suggest the "hows" and "why me's" are (potentially) to mull over at a later date.

 

I'd also lockdown the blogging and the stuff that is accessible to family on the computer. I know writing is therapeutic so maybe an old school notebook with really illegible writing? Or you could get a protected forum on here. Clear your cache every time you log out.

 

The ex-BF doesn't deserve your call. Go no-contact. This young woman has an interesting site about it http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

 

Because you need support, try to find a local group/counselor that can help young women experiencing abuse (preferably one outside your culture because they'll likely be mired in it and not useful, unless they've successfully navigated similar.)

 

I believe Gerard's advice to take care of yourself physically is very good and it will give you strength to move forward.

 

I like sandalwood. It does clear the bad vibes. In the past I think I must have burned forests of the stuff.

 

Welcome to TTB's. If anything, at least it will take your mind off things ;-)

[TheSongsofDistantEarth]

Find a good, powerful shaman. You may be able to find one in Hawaii, or do some research yourself. Good luck, healing on all levels is likely if you have the intent.

[mYTHmAKER]

Seek professional help. Someone who will be able to be objective.

[suninmyeyes]

Hi ,

I also think some counseling might help.

And maybe try and find a good healer in your city/area(for that you could ask fellow bums for any info if anyone lives nearby).Someone who can show you how to work with yourself towards betterment as well as help speed up healing.

Hang around here too ,you may find something inspiring.

[island]

I've had a life full of small misfortunes and "bad luck" since my adolescence. Nothing like your extreme-sounding scenario, but a constant uphill battle where decisive pieces fell apart more than together, often at critical junctures in particular sectors of my life.

 

As a result, I constructed a negative, cynical, angry, protective shell around myself. That then likely projected even more negativity in my life like a feedback loop.

 

But I recently made a turning point a month ago... And have come to believe that:

 

Sometimes life has to get negative enough to force YOU to become positive.

Sometimes you have to get challenged enough to turn you from a victim mentality to a fighter.

When you lose all hope, that's when you must find faith.

When you lose yourself, that's when you can find yourself.

 

That life IS a learning experience, and sometimes we subject ourselves to some hard lessons...

 

Nailed it! great post IMO.

[jenn992]

Find a good, powerful shaman. You may be able to find one in Hawaii, or do some research yourself. Good luck, healing on all levels is likely if you have the intent.

 

 

my situation I think is difficult to assess adn a shaman might be able to help? I have spoken to healers...in the past and got different ideas...demons, or im being attacked by 'entities or beings' or past life things etc...I think the real quesiton is when soemone is undergoing this level of negativity, odd situations, literal persecution....and non-stop chaos..there has to be a reason why/how it's occurring and has grown to this level and its like a monster that cant be stopped....what is hte primary reason for it or how...can someone end this cycle of hell...and is there a real reason its occurring.. i wish i knew...not only to get healing and help but to help people or anyone who might be going htrough it one day---spiritual crisis, spiritual warfare...i dont think im attracting people based on 'vibrations' b/c if you have entities or karmic forces in your life that will create the vibration that u 'resonate' with and there isnt much ucan do to change it-- i know b/c ive tried....all types of practices.. i do believe there were or are exterior or other forces at work doing this...or involved...or something else...what it feels like or seems...its hard and it seems more difficult as u try to plot or plan how to deal with it and come to a standstill..not that there isnt a way out...its lik eoneof those things...where ur like...oh hey...i think i made it out...or something good might happen, then of course....its just more hell and even if u get out...not that u can you'll get more 'obstacles'...the worst part is everyone treatsu like dirt...and its hard to change that.. i realized as my mother for a few seconds treated me with some respect when she saw that i did a student film...and saw it...i was surprised as she tried to give me fruit right away...and realized a lot of my problems are my nsaty family and their major abuse and bullying and their non-stop abuse.. along with other people too-- challenges are that dealing with most humans is hard b/c of how they treat you....im a normal nice girl...their treatment towards me makes no sense...either jealousy but they aer mean...and treat me with disrespect...so i have to struggle anywhere i go...maybe otehr people have to go through this too-- i dont know but not from what ive seen...but for me it is 'bad' its like anything u do ur screwed, then bullies abusers and people wanting to destroy you..my scariest obstacle now is my family possibly surprise baker acting me...or me not being able to move back into my house peacefully..ive almost been with my faimly for a month now...wiating for bogus renovations to get done...with tons of excuses....i lost my social security now...my insurance..b/c of my parents...thats not even the worst but it seems i cant fight any of it...ever or get justice....i see a lot of shows with people who go thru constant injustice...and i wonder how many out there....go through it or feel the same way...with me my life is 'injustice/suffering'...and fighting for my rights...for anything...i wonder if anyone else out there experiences the same...or similar...or feels like it...but i am still stuck...and there is no change progression....and just more 'hell'...the worst part is being broken down and almost made to be like 'them'...the rest of the world that is abusive cruel...i nkow ive fought for years to never be like them..but at this point...there is only so much u can go through...and u cant control the change...but that's what 'this' wants...u to be like them...evil, non caring, devious...its just not right...but that's what seems to happen on this planet...extreme cruelty evil and evil people that turn good people into them or into psychopaths... i have tried healers..shamans might work but nayone i asked help from in the past didnt help or turned away...

[jenn992]

Nailed it! great post IMO.

 

Sometimes life has to get negative enough to force YOU to become positive.

Sometimes you have to get challenged enough to turn you from a victim mentality to a fighter.

When you lose all hope, that's when you must find faith.

When you lose yourself, that's when you can find yourself.

 

 

this so doesnt apply to me b/c the negativity ive experienced...literally has wanted to destroy my positivty..take every shred of it and make me negative...but ive fought to not be it and turn into that..i stayed positive hopeflu for years and years....worse..no matter what stance u take--positive or negative.. you still lose... ive tried being a fighter... the thing is that in the end..the result is the same...evil wins, you lose....actually ive been a fighter for years..but how many battles can u fight..one, two , ten, 200??

literally..everytime i want to fight...or try..more and more comes..and more and more...so that you're completely floored...something is trying to teach me a lesson...that i cant fight any of this..and the moment i try..then is unleashes more hell..for you...no one else just you....something is trying to break me down and take away my hope...when a person is broken down persecuted....it breaks them down and makes them a victim but even if they take a different stance...doesnt matter...they are 'still' a victim...they still get screwed, by 'their enemies' htey still have no control while others do...the bottom line is that..nothing works...so far...and the theme is the person is still encaged, trapped, oppressed...even if they take the positive/optimistic view/perception of something different...(in my situation)...it doesnt matter as more tragedy occurs so that...u can't perceive it like that...its almost like having to force yourself to see the situation differently, only for it to get worse and serious...at any given time b/c u have no rights in it..and u 'are' still oppressed...and victimized...i dont think a person has to lose themself or hope to find anything...i think this is evil trying to destroy a person..its sad...i dont kow why people say that...b/c they have experienced something a revelation but from what ive experienced...ive only suffered, been oppressed...in many different ways..only for the cycle to recontinue...despite my efforts....i knew myself pretty well only to be obliterated and have my hope shattered....when u lose all hope...that's when...you could lose everything....when you're 'cursed' or when bad things happen....u know that when a bad occurs...a good 'will' not occur to help you out....b/c uve experienced it over, and over again time and time again....so ur life is not like...oh i was down and THEN...something amazing happened to me!! like no...youre down, then someone comes and tries to plunder you...and if u dont be careful, it can and will get worse..and worse...it doesnt get better, just worse....so u cant have those perceptions if uve only witnessed extreme suffering for 12 years straight and witnessed what 'can' happen...if you get down to the gutter...good wont save you...nothing will...you will have to suffer your way out of a situation only to suffer more....and more...

and then the suffering stabilizes at one level of 'extreme' suffering....how to get out fo that level is the quesiton or out of that one place....

[jenn992]

counseling is good...so is therapy...i wish icould find it...ive been trying but its been difficult..ive even experienced many abusive counselors...and odd experiences with that too--but the thing is that i can't seem to find a good counselor and now even a counselor period..i attributed it to the 'hell' as in...if its' 'entities' they dont want u getting help so it will be very difficult to get a counselor or a good one or any kind of help u need tha tmight give u any kind of positive energy...and most people try to be negative ot you..so youre desperately strugging to be around positive people or get serious therapy...but on one wants to giveu that positive--even the several counselors i went to were either rude, making up things about me, and one even mocked me and another ran away immediately..then began missing appts and i had to almost make him come to therapy--which was ridiculous...why are male counselors running away from me, others mocking me or being so mean? 3 counselors at a center began trsah talking me to each other claiming they didnt want to deal with my situation since i had an 'addiction' to my ex..? what on earth ? the closest people in my life are negative/monsters to me...with no support or only support of control freaks/psychopaths and no other support or friends....its difficult...diffuclt for a positive pattern to perpetuate...which in turn will not allow that good to come through....it's odd and scary...maybe its just all the bad people perpetuating more negativity...either way...anyone who doesnt have to go through persecution, oppression, maojr suffering is lucky...everyone suffers to some of lots of extents...cant compare it to people in other countries or in this country or people with severe situations...but i do think some people suffer more than others..i think the suffering ive expereinced...is rare or just odd...and it's non-stop and extreme...and just wonder...truly whta is the source of it...if it is metaphysical in nature, karmic, or just coincidence or bad treatment or what not...maybe stayign with my family is slowly brainwashing me...b/c im losing myself...being here and broken down...but for those woh are trapped in extreme 'suffering' im not sure if th buddhists call it samsara (someone once said that to me)...i wonder what the reason might be that they are there...or what a solution is...whether its meditation or what it means...

Edited November 13, 2010 by jenn992

[RiverSnake]

my situation I think is difficult to assess adn a shaman might be able to help? I have spoken to healers...in the past and got different ideas...demons, or im being attacked by 'entities or beings' or past life things etc...I think the real quesiton is when soemone is undergoing this level of negativity, odd situations, literal persecution....and non-stop chaos..there has to be a reason why/how it's occurring and has grown to this level and its like a monster that cant be stopped....what is hte primary reason for it or how...can someone end this cycle of hell...and is there a real reason its occurring.. i wish i knew...not only to get healing and help but to help people or anyone who might be going htrough it one day---spiritual crisis, spiritual warfare...i dont think im attracting people based on 'vibrations' b/c if you have entities or karmic forces in your life that will create the vibration that u 'resonate' with and there isnt much ucan do to change it-- i know b/c ive tried....all types of practices.. i do believe there were or are exterior or other forces at work doing this...or involved...or something else...what it feels like or seems...its hard and it seems more difficult as u try to plot or plan how to deal with it and come to a standstill..not that there isnt a way out...its lik eoneof those things...where ur like...oh hey...i think i made it out...or something good might happen, then of course....its just more hell and even if u get out...not that u can you'll get more 'obstacles'...the worst part is everyone treatsu like dirt...and its hard to change that.. i realized as my mother for a few seconds treated me with some respect when she saw that i did a student film...and saw it...i was surprised as she tried to give me fruit right away...and realized a lot of my problems are my nsaty family and their major abuse and bullying and their non-stop abuse.. along with other people too-- challenges are that dealing with most humans is hard b/c of how they treat you....im a normal nice girl...their treatment towards me makes no sense...either jealousy but they aer mean...and treat me with disrespect...so i have to struggle anywhere i go...maybe otehr people have to go through this too-- i dont know but not from what ive seen...but for me it is 'bad' its like anything u do ur screwed, then bullies abusers and people wanting to destroy you..my scariest obstacle now is my family possibly surprise baker acting me...or me not being able to move back into my house peacefully..ive almost been with my faimly for a month now...wiating for bogus renovations to get done...with tons of excuses....i lost my social security now...my insurance..b/c of my parents...thats not even the worst but it seems i cant fight any of it...ever or get justice....i see a lot of shows with people who go thru constant injustice...and i wonder how many out there....go through it or feel the same way...with me my life is 'injustice/suffering'...and fighting for my rights...for anything...i wonder if anyone else out there experiences the same...or similar...or feels like it...but i am still stuck...and there is no change progression....and just more 'hell'...the worst part is being broken down and almost made to be like 'them'...the rest of the world that is abusive cruel...i nkow ive fought for years to never be like them..but at this point...there is only so much u can go through...and u cant control the change...but that's what 'this' wants...u to be like them...evil, non caring, devious...its just not right...but that's what seems to happen on this planet...extreme cruelty evil and evil people that turn good people into them or into psychopaths... i have tried healers..shamans might work but nayone i asked help from in the past didnt help or turned away...

 

 

Sometimes life has to get negative enough to force YOU to become positive.

Sometimes you have to get challenged enough to turn you from a victim mentality to a fighter.

When you lose all hope, that's when you must find faith.

When you lose yourself, that's when you can find yourself.

 

 

this so doesnt apply to me b/c the negativity ive experienced...literally has wanted to destroy my positivty..take every shred of it and make me negative...but ive fought to not be it and turn into that..i stayed positive hopeflu for years and years....worse..no matter what stance u take--positive or negative.. you still lose... ive tried being a fighter... the thing is that in the end..the result is the same...evil wins, you lose....actually ive been a fighter for years..but how many battles can u fight..one, two , ten, 200??

literally..everytime i want to fight...or try..more and more comes..and more and more...so that you're completely floored...something is trying to teach me a lesson...that i cant fight any of this..and the moment i try..then is unleashes more hell..for you...no one else just you....something is trying to break me down and take away my hope...when a person is broken down persecuted....it breaks them down and makes them a victim but even if they take a different stance...doesnt matter...they are 'still' a victim...they still get screwed, by 'their enemies' htey still have no control while others do...the bottom line is that..nothing works...so far...and the theme is the person is still encaged, trapped, oppressed...even if they take the positive/optimistic view/perception of something different...(in my situation)...it doesnt matter as more tragedy occurs so that...u can't perceive it like that...its almost like having to force yourself to see the situation differently, only for it to get worse and serious...at any given time b/c u have no rights in it..and u 'are' still oppressed...and victimized...i dont think a person has to lose themself or hope to find anything...i think this is evil trying to destroy a person..its sad...i dont kow why people say that...b/c they have experienced something a revelation but from what ive experienced...ive only suffered, been oppressed...in many different ways..only for the cycle to recontinue...despite my efforts....i knew myself pretty well only to be obliterated and have my hope shattered....when u lose all hope...that's when...you could lose everything....when you're 'cursed' or when bad things happen....u know that when a bad occurs...a good 'will' not occur to help you out....b/c uve experienced it over, and over again time and time again....so ur life is not like...oh i was down and THEN...something amazing happened to me!! like no...youre down, then someone comes and tries to plunder you...and if u dont be careful, it can and will get worse..and worse...it doesnt get better, just worse....so u cant have those perceptions if uve only witnessed extreme suffering for 12 years straight and witnessed what 'can' happen...if you get down to the gutter...good wont save you...nothing will...you will have to suffer your way out of a situation only to suffer more....and more...

and then the suffering stabilizes at one level of 'extreme' suffering....how to get out fo that level is the quesiton or out of that one place....

 

 

counseling is good...so is therapy...i wish icould find it...ive been trying but its been difficult..ive even experienced many abusive counselors...and odd experiences with that too--but the thing is that i can't seem to find a good counselor and now even a counselor period..i attributed it to the 'hell' as in...if its' 'entities' they dont want u getting help so it will be very difficult to get a counselor or a good one or any kind of help u need tha tmight give u any kind of positive energy...and most people try to be negative ot you..so youre desperately strugging to be around positive people or get serious therapy...but on one wants to giveu that positive--even the several counselors i went to were either rude, making up things about me, and one even mocked me and another ran away immediately..then began missing appts and i had to almost make him come to therapy--which was ridiculous...why are male counselors running away from me, others mocking me or being so mean? 3 counselors at a center began trsah talking me to each other claiming they didnt want to deal with my situation since i had an 'addiction' to my ex..? what on earth ? the closest people in my life are negative/monsters to me...with no support or only support of control freaks/psychopaths and no other support or friends....its difficult...diffuclt for a positive pattern to perpetuate...which in turn will not allow that good to come through....it's odd and scary...maybe its just all the bad people perpetuating more negativity...either way...anyone who doesnt have to go through persecution, oppression, maojr suffering is lucky...everyone suffers to some of lots of extents...cant compare it to people in other countries or in this country or people with severe situations...but i do think some people suffer more than others..i think the suffering ive expereinced...is rare or just odd...and it's non-stop and extreme...and just wonder...truly whta is the source of it...if it is metaphysical in nature, karmic, or just coincidence or bad treatment or what not...maybe stayign with my family is slowly brainwashing me...b/c im losing myself...being here and broken down...but for those woh are trapped in extreme 'suffering' im not sure if th buddhists call it samsara (someone once said that to me)...i wonder what the reason might be that they are there...or what a solution is...whether its meditation or what it means...

 

Look, at the three posts you just wrote and i mean really look at them. Everything we do is a reflection of who we are: your writing is chaotic and utterly focused on the problems you have at the moment, if you want to move beyond your current situation you have to change your focus and thoughts first.

 

-Where we put our focus energy follows, if you don't control your mind it can and will destroy you. Learn how to quite your mind, often much of the stress we feel in our lives is due to us constantly rolling our problems around in our mind without finding a solution to them.

 

-Forcefull zhine (http://www.plotinus.com/zhine_tibetan_dream_yoga_copy.htm) is a good place to start with owning and refining your concentration and ultimately gaining mental clarity. Eventually with practice, you will be able to still you mind and release many of the karmic traces that have latched onto you.

 

-I draw this knowledge from my own experiences because i was once a very negative person. No situation is hopeless if you have the desire to change. Many of the bums have given you good advice, Gerard especially, put it to use.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

Edited November 13, 2010 by Tao Apprentice

[Gerard]

Deleted.

Edited November 13, 2010 by Gerard

[Aetherous]

Oh god. I suggest you don't send your full body photo to anyone here. Especially someone who isn't actually a healer.

 

Edit: This was in response to Gerard asking her for full body photos so he could see what he can do.

Edited November 13, 2010 by Scotty