victim mentality

[Non]

Does anyone know of a good source or article on getting rid of the 'victim' mentality. One that doesn't patronize, and one that doesn't offend or insult. One that doesn't use hollywood memes and concepts, ie brainwashing. I'm looking for the REAL cure to the victim mentality. Not fear based conditioning.

 

So... it's kind of paradoxical. To me at least.

 

Let's say you really Are a victim at least, this body-mind state is going through suffering. Trying to state things objectively. TO overcome this suffering, one needs to accept the suffering. Once you accept the suffering, Aren't you then claiming yourself to be Victim? How is it then that one can overcome suffering then if one does not accept their own suffering, and thus deny it?

 

I understand when the whole "being STUCK" aspect of the victim mentality. It's natural, as FEELINGS that stick with you, even when Mind TRIES to overcome them. TRIES, because then the feelings become linked to other past suffering experiences, and it builds up into a mass, that feels like you are overwhelmed, and then, your neurochemical, biological faculties become Stressed to a point that there's too much cortisol in the brain. Then you try in an attempt to overcome it by associating pleasant feelings of dopamine and seratonin and other neurochemical soups to 'accept' your pain and suffering soo that you overcome it, only to realize that it's part of your energetic body, because you have not let go, in fact you dont know how.

 

It's a Biological thing as much as it is Mental. It is Energetic as much as it is physical. It is 'spiritual/idealogical' and material. Not just mental. Not just physical. Not just energetic. Not just any one of those alone, at all.

 

Then why do so many approaches try to solve this issue by making one fear oneself, by patronizing, with insults, and languages. It is something that cannot be understoood. Somehow it seems that Biologically the human being is somehow SET UP for the victim mentality in it's "Natural" state. Such that it takes only someone who is above the physical material to really overcome this. So why then is htere so much misunderstanding?

 

NOBODY REALLY WANTS TO BE SUFFERING. Don't EVER think anyone ACTUALLY does. Their BODIES might, their SUBCCONSCIOUS might, their BRAINS might be wired in such a way. But REALLY ACTUALLY put them through torturous pain and then LOOK INTO HIS EYES AND FEEL THAT THIS PERSON DOES NOT WANT TO BE SUFFERING. Because IT HURTS and it makes YOU suffer to see this person the same way also.

 

Again it seems paradoxical.

 

Same with changing beliefs. Change your beliefs right? HOW!? By changing my belief that I don't need to know how? How? By not needing to know how? HOW!? What if I go back to the same thing. How?

 

 

How? Is there is magic button you push in your mental facilities that makes your subconscious beleive something or not? For sure I can see there are no pink elephants in this room right now.

 

hahahahahahahha.

 

ahahha

hahhahahhh

 

thank you for participating in my experiment.

Edited November 15, 2010 by Non

[Trickster_Crow]

To change anything first change your thoughts...practice these new thoughts.

[strawdog65]

Non,

 

 

I believe the victim mentality is actually a sense

of entitlement/ lack of self worth issue. Accepting

who we are, and what we are able to become through our

own efforts, to instill a sense of value, seems to me

to be the only path.

 

Are we not more than the sum of what we are born into?

 

Our choices not only break down the barriers that

contain us, but sometimes they reinforce the very prison

we seek to escape.

 

Peace

Edited November 15, 2010 by strawdog65

[thelerner]

Here's what I do. If I hear any 'poor me' style thoughts running through my head, I repeat them consciously in a squeaky cartoon voice. Sounds crazy, but it works for me.

 

Taking a News fast helps clear the noggin too. We get this synthesis of worst news going on in the world. The pain and drama numbs us or builds emotional calluses and psychic ulcers.

[gendao]

I had a series of challenges to my manhood this year - probably culminating in some random jerk hurling a number of choice expletives to pick a fight with me.. He eventually succeeded in flipping my switch and at that moment...I became a fighter.

 

Looking back now, this annoying pattern of events did serve to force me to ditch my victim mentality. To get off the ropes, put my dukes up, start swinging & don't stop until I hear the bell in life. I don't let speedbumps stop me now - I simply expect them as part of life and have heavier-duty shocks to ride over them.

 

Different things may be needed for different people. What happened to me is not something you could (or may want to) set up. My lesson sure did not come in a stereotypical "spiritual" format! But life just works in mysterious ways and sure has some crazy lessons!

Edited November 15, 2010 by vortex

[Birch]

I agree with Non.

 

I think that "working" from the mental back to the physical is one way, but it's not the only way. Hence the qi-gong, physical rooting, exercise, TCM, yoga etc

 

Yes, it's mental/physical/emotional and all in interaction. I won't address "spiritual" because I am not qualified to do so yet. (I like adding "yet" because nothing is impossible). I just don't know what "spiritual" means yet whereas I know the other parts from experience.

 

Blaming the "victim" is an easy way out IMO and is done all the time as a justification (or because of ignorance/denial about actual human suffering and the real cruelty that perpetuates such).

 

However, I do think that the mental route might be the one more often used to heal because it is just easier to "hack" (i.e. "entrain") and it also fits with our current cultural model of attributing responsability to the individual. Whereas in many cases nothing could be further from the truth!

 

I think it's worth exploring which aspects/cause of the "victimhood" came about prior to a person's autonomy (usually, but not always limited to the choices that were made/imposed upon us whether in childhood or other situations of loss of autonomy - such as a military setting etc) vs those that we carry as a result of the previous injuries. The former, no getting rid of, the latter, absolutely getting rid of - which ends up getting rid of the former, if you get my drift

[Non]

It somehow annoys "me" with this "pain-body" feel when a person judges a person as negative (whilst the person is simultaneously being negative in reacting to his judgment if your "negativity") in an attempt to make him.herself feel "superior" and me "inferior". This person has a "holier than thou" hypocritical attitude.

 

 

I agree with THELERNER ON THE NEWS FAST THING. Hollywood and societal media, MASS MEDIA, Pop Culture have played a lot in developing music that "fits" negativity, and in making certain that negativity is "common" to relate with.

 

But, I haven't gotten to your replies yet I just wanted to insert that. Tomorrow.

 

Peace.

Edited November 16, 2010 by Non

[Mal]

[Maddie]

I would suggest drawing jing through your MCO to the Ming Men on the back opposite the navel, here is the description of a blockage at this point from ... http://www.kheper.net/topics/chakras/Door_of_Life.htm

 

Blocked: You are weak and insecure and easily swayed by others [Paulson, p.71]; you are easily taken advantage of [Chia, p.207].

 

As I have been doing the cold draw for the past couple months I have been making quite a bit of progress on issues that had been issues in my life for a very long time. I was not able to "think" my way out of it, but had to remove energetic blockages to really make true progress.

 

Also I would recommend working on your Liver and Lungs, as the Lungs have to do with personal boundries, and the Liver has to do with assertiveness. The inner smile and healing sounds for these organs are very effective for this.

 

I have also found the homeopathic remedy "phosphorus" to be effective in helping with this as well.

 

This is not just theory for me, this is stuff I have actuall used to make progress in this area of my own life.

 

*Edit: I also thought I'd mention that the homeopathic remedy "Natrum Muriaticum" is also effective for social acwkardness. Also the Bach flower rememdy "Mimulus" is also useful for such problems.

Edited November 16, 2010 by dmattwads

[Martial Development]

Does anyone know of a good source or article on getting rid of the 'victim' mentality. One that doesn't patronize, and one that doesn't offend or insult. One that doesn't use hollywood memes and concepts, ie brainwashing. I'm looking for the REAL cure to the victim mentality. Not fear based conditioning.

 

Breaking the Drama Triangle

[Listener]

It is my belief that schools, media, corporations, etc intentionally work to make people feel helpless, weak, and incompetent. Recognizing this and rejecting the propaganda and brainwashing is a first step to no longer being a victim.

 

That is probably not enough however.

 

This is a major problem I have as well, but the suggestions I've read here sound very good.

[Jetsun]

I can only talk of my path but the first step for me has been to reclaim my anger so that if anyone does come at me I now have the option to say no or push them away, this took years of psychotherapy but it means I have more options now and don't always follow the same road.

 

The second stage is to try to let go of the patterns that keep me stuck and letting go of the secondary gains I get from staying as a victim such as identity, misplaced pride, not rocking the family boat and expectations etc. Letting go of this stuff is incredibly difficult and I cant say I have really done it yet but at the moment I am finding the psychological work of Stephen Wollinsky very helpful who approaches inner child work from a very good perspective and also all the energetic work I am doing such as Water Method Qigong and Shamanic Recapitulation (which I have now given up)has helped to some extent to show me it is possible to let go of patterns energetically once the secondary gain of keeping the pattern is prepared to die.

[A.I.]

Some laboratory studies show rats overcoming their learned helplessness with nothing more than increased T3 (triiodothyronine), which is the active form of thyroid hormone.

 

This might help you with the nerur-bio-chemical portion of your challenge.

[gendao]

Breaking the Drama Triangle

EXCELLENT graphic!!

 

Now check this out! 1 cat vs 1...& then 2 gators! Yet, ZERO fear!!!

[Taomeow]

EXCELLENT graphic!!

 

Now check this out! 1 cat vs 1...& then 2 gators! Yet, ZERO fear!!!

 

The trick is to focus not on the adversary's size but on his potential nutritional value.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_H1xHj31eI&feature=related

[NeiChuan]

Well all these videos just make me miss my cat =(

[Taomeow]

Well all these videos just make me miss my cat =(

 

I'm sorry... I have too many cats -- still one kitten ISO a home from a litter of six -- do you want a cat? If you're anywhere near San Diego, you can have him. He's a good cat.

[Mal]

[goonis38]

HI there,

I haven't had it bad next to so many. My mom got sick and I lived in an orphanage for awhile. There have been other things but so many go through the same.

Now I don't look at this stuff as suffering, I look at it as a lesson in life.

When I first got to the orphanage. I was sitting next to a girl and we where talking about what had brought us there. I went first. I really felt bad for myself. I had the "victim mentality" So I told my story of my moms sickness, and the feeling of never being really wanted and here I am. I felt really bad for myself...

Then she turned to me and told me her story, she said her dad, keep her baby sister locked in a room and starved and beat her and other things that are just so bad I don't want to go into them, her little sister died, and they CPS came and took them away. But big tears rolled down my face. And I hugged her. And I said to myself I will never feel sorry for myself again as long as I live.

There is always a person with a worse story that ours. So I learned a big lesson that day, that has helped me throughout my life... They are life lessons. I am no victim... I will still turn a negative to a positive...

Ok take care Melanie

[bindo]

[Aetherous]

And I said to myself I will never feel sorry for myself again as long as I live.

 

Wow, powerful lesson.

[jenn992]

I dont think victim mentality is feeling sorry for oneself...i dont even think the concept truly exists. Suffering existson this planet, and people who are going through bad things, times, just need support or compassion....those who are victims, of some hardship tragedy, or have just been through things, just want some help from others...people want to feel loved, helped, healed...they want a shoulder to cry on-- to know that someone's there for them... the world is full of a lot of cold heartedness, abuse, greed, bad attitudes...so instead of showing those going through bad times 'help' people end up being shown more contempt, abuse, hatred..then those seeking love or compassion and getting only bad, are considered 'victims' who feel bad about themselves, which isn't the case...if there is such thing, victim mentality, just makes a person frail, seeking help, which in turn makes them seek out help....if one seeks out help then the problem is....there rae many predators out there to make sure they use the person's desire for help, to take advantage of them...the world needs to change and bemore compassionate to those who are going through bad times rather than claiming people have 'victim mentality'...i dont think the idea of that also takes people's power away...people already feel powerless...and confused or helpless and just need some support understanding positivity and help...if there was more of that, there would be less of that whole idea of victim mentality around...b/c those suffering aren't victims, theyre just people who need understanding kindness love and help from others...

[Birch]

I agree with what you've said jenn. I think there is a difference between actually being a victim and a "victim mentality".

 

A victim mentality is IMO before the fact of being a victim of anything but likely stems from having been a victim in the past. No blame. Just the way it "might" "work". There was a neat post by TaoMeow about conditioning (animal in fact, but it works with us too )

 

It sounds like a vicious circle.

 

However, comes a point at which you need to resolve to heal yourself and yes, seek out the compassionate help and support needed to do that. Pick the right people.

 

I could speculate on why people would rather blame victims, I think there's a lot of literature out there on it. There's been some discussions here (I can't find) about how whole families will adopt a denial viewpoint about child abuse in order to maintain their own roles (or something like that). Just because people are "supposed" to be older and wiser (or even parents) doesn't mean they are.

 

I think dropping the "mentality" part of the equation (and I've said before, distancing yourself from the sources of whatever is hurting you, doesn't matter who they are) will go at least part of the way towards helping yourself.

 

The world is unlikely to change, but you can change your world.

[Everything]

baby can't take care of self, it is helpless, he would do good to cry and whine. Want to get out of victim mentality? Stop whining about everything, do something good with your anger/fear, make decisions based on "there is abundance in the world." not "I can never have enough, I want more, there is not enough." Only you can get rid of your victim mentality. We don't have initiations into maturity in our day and age of individualism.

[Jetsun]

I think almost everyone is stuck in victim mentality in a way in that we are stuck repeating patterns from the past whether we realise it or not. The issue with people who are being abused and things like that is that their repeating patterns are more destructive and problematic and also more obvious, but really they are in the same traps as everyone else just they suffer more for them. But on the flip side because those patterns are more obvious and harmful there is sometimes more desire and urgency to break free of them, whereas those people who don't suffer so much may never have the desire to try to get free of their patterns.