OK Fellow Daoists and Taoists

[longrhythm]

What if you're seeing someone and you really like them and everything is going great

 

 

BUUUUUT

 

you're also a trained musician with a sensitive ear and she's REAAAALLLLY tondef and LOVES TO SING!!!!

 

ARG

 

I've tried "hey baby who sings this?" "let's keep it that way"

 

I've shut off the music to put on the tv

 

I've nudged every which way I can.

 

How do I make this funny? I know I'm the one who would more likely be sensitive in her spot, since I'm a musician and pride myself on pitch accuracy. There's a very good chance she could care less.

 

But since it's a big deal to me, it's hard for me to say anything without showing that it's a big deal, which would effectively make it a big deal. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, and I REALLY don't wanna hear her sing anymore!!!

 

 

What would YOU do????

[Marblehead]

What would YOU do????

 

Just listen to her beautiful song and keep my mouth shut.

 

(And try to smile!)

[3bob]

What if you're seeing someone and you really like them and everything is going great

 

BUUUUUT

 

you're also a trained musician with a sensitive ear and she's REAAAALLLLY tondef and LOVES TO SING!!!!

 

ARG

 

I've tried "hey baby who sings this?" "let's keep it that way"

I've shut off the music to put on the tv

I've nudged every which way I can.

 

How do I make this funny? I know I'm the one who would more likely be sensitive in her spot, since I'm a musician and pride myself on pitch accuracy. There's a very good chance she could care less.

 

But since it's a big deal to me, it's hard for me to say anything without showing that it's a big deal, which would effectively make it a big deal. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, and I REALLY don't wanna hear her sing anymore!!!

 

What would YOU do????

 

put on some Willie Nelson...

[fiveelementtao]

If that is the worst thing you can say about her... Then, I would clap every time she sings and kiss her and hug her...

 

Besides, You don't know what annoying things you do that she is not telling you about...

[RiverSnake]

Is this a serious post?

[Mal]

What would YOU do????

 

Get drunk and just sing together

 

Seriously it can be really off putting, I feel for you Longrhythm. I've got a friend who plays guitar and does what a lot of self taught people do when the make a mistake, they correct it right away. AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGggggggg it's almost impossible to keep in tempo and play together when they do that. My partner has problems just trying to clap in time with music.

(as you can see my issue is with timing rather than pitch..... probably because I tend to sing flat )

 

But that's my challenge, I can't control what's "out there" just how I react to it.

[SeriesOfTubes]

I would probably recommend training if it were something she really liked.

 

 

"Set Your Voice Free" is great book/CD that quite a few people I know have one from sounding like a frog to really opening up their voice and being able to perform just by following a few of the exercises for a while (preferably done in the car when no one is around). It helps to explain "middle voice" which what separates average singers from great singers/speakers.

[longrhythm]

@Marblehead- that's been my go-to strategy thus far. Works well for her She always laughs at the faces I end up making but hasn't put 2 and 2 together yet...

 

@3bob- that might actually work, and no matter what would be hilarious! This will 100 percent be in the back of my mind

 

@fivelement- just cause she's a good girl doesn't make it easier for me to hear. It's actually a plus point for her that we like the same music, but it becomes a multiplier in my painful moments, cause I actually WANT to listen, and have to struggle to tune all out.

 

And nobody knows what other people don't tell them, by definition. But another good thing about her is that she's quick to tell me the things that annoy her. Man I had to go through a TON of passive aggressive women before I found one that speaks her mind...

 

@Apprentice- 100 percent. And not. I'm well aware that this is funny, and I was laughing while I wrote it. But the pain of which I speak is very real.

 

@Mal- Mal to the rescue!!! I'd guess you're a drummer. And I know that bad rhythmic habit cause I used to be self taught. I'd say if there was one thing above all else I got from music school it was learning to play through mistakes, totally crucial. And you're challenge kinda poetically sums up the challenge I think most of us are here to face- controlling what we can and surrendering to what we can't.

 

Let me just take that opportunity to thank my years of practice for giving me the self control to NOT say just what I'm thinking when she's making up harmonies that don't exist to some of my favorite tunes!

 

SeriesOfTubes- thank you for inspiring me in more ways than one! As a public speaker I have a new toy to play with and as a marketer I'm inspired by your precision and timing. Might mean nothing to you but let me just say form keyword alerts are a powerful tool I have severely underutilized.

 

Nice to be back around the place guys, it's been too long!

[Marblehead]

@Marblehead- that's been my go-to strategy thus far. Works well for her She always laughs at the faces I end up making but hasn't put 2 and 2 together yet...

 

I know. She loves to sing but doesn't have the voice for it.

 

I love music and often sing along.

 

I couldn't carry a tune if I had a 5 gallon bucket to put it in. But I still do my thing. Sometimes a song will be on my mind when I go out shopping and I just might start singing at any moment. Amazing how many smiles I get. Hehehe.

[unmike]

In eighth grade, I was so tone deaf I couldn't tune my first guitar myself. I literally was unable to tell if one note sounded higher or lower than the other.

 

By the time I was a senior, I was seriously considering going to college for vocal music, because the interim years saw enough practice that I had conquered my issues and could hold my own with the best singers I knew.

 

Everyone, and I mean everyone*, can learn to deal with pitch better. If we practiced ear training the way we practice anything to do with language, or skills we're attempting to cultivate in any other arena, the improvements work just the same. Moreover, with enough practice, anyone* can learn perfect pitch.

 

*Except the unfortunate souls with ear damage that prevents it

 

Your solution? Sing with her! Practice! Especially if you're any sort of musician yourself, not only will it be a wonderful bonding experience and exercise, but it will be good for both of your ears and voices!

[Aaron]

If she's really tone deaf, no amount of training will help. I would ask yourself why it bothers you so much? You want her to sing in a certain way or not sing at all? Why?

 

We're actually talking about this in the Tao Teh Ching section in Chapter two...

 

 

If all the world saw beauty as beauty, that in itself would be ugly...

 

 

So if everyone thought she sang beautiful that would be ugly. Also be aware within everything that's ugly there is a small amount of beauty, look for the beauty a bit more and perhaps you'll be able to overlook the ugly. (I.E. the joy she seems to have when she's singing?)

 

Aaron

[Ninpo-me-this-ninjutsu-me-that]

I feel for you, I really do, but it could be worse. She could sing in public with you there!

 

I used to have a girlfriend years ago that warned me in the beginning in her broken English that she had a "very disgusting laugh". I had no idea what she really meant, I mean how bad can someones laugh be. Well I found out one day in a packed restaurant when I cracked a joke. It was like a combination of a whale song and a Siamese cat on heat, which actually sounds better than it was. Everyone in the restaurant stopped and looked, mouths agape, as was mine. That laugh seemed to last a lifetime and a half.

 

I made a point after that to never tell her anything remotely funny in public again.

 

So always remember, things can always be worse!

 

Why don't you try recording her as she might like to hear her own voice, so she can enjoy it as much as you do. Then when you play it back she may realize. And you won't have had to say a word.

[thelerner]

Am there, grin and bare it.

 

Also there are certain low humming tones you can use to counter act annoying external sounds. Til you find them, focus on the love.

 

 

 

Michael

[3bob]

..."is this a serious post?" Of course wise one...

 

and I think more serious than the boy/men who seriously post asking for advice about how to handle their dicks, its activity and or foreskin.

Edited November 30, 2010 by 3bob

[zerostao]

put on some Willie Nelson...

free willie!! or have i heard that b4 somewhere idk

Edited November 30, 2010 by zerostao

[Taomeow]

What if you're seeing someone and you really like them and everything is going great

 

 

BUUUUUT

 

you're also a trained musician with a sensitive ear and she's REAAAALLLLY tondef and LOVES TO SING!!!!

 

ARG

 

I've tried "hey baby who sings this?" "let's keep it that way"

 

I've shut off the music to put on the tv

 

I've nudged every which way I can.

 

How do I make this funny? I know I'm the one who would more likely be sensitive in her spot, since I'm a musician and pride myself on pitch accuracy. There's a very good chance she could care less.

 

But since it's a big deal to me, it's hard for me to say anything without showing that it's a big deal, which would effectively make it a big deal. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, and I REALLY don't wanna hear her sing anymore!!!

 

 

What would YOU do????

 

When I was about four, I was normally too shy to sing, but one day I learned a song I liked very much, so I worked up enough courage to sing it so as to share its beauty with my dad in the next room. I was hoping to please him. I was really getting into singing, pouring my heart and soul into it, when my dad's voice came from the other room yelling, 'Oh for the love of god, stop it already, it's unbearable!"

 

I stopped for many years -- I was a sensitive child. When I started learning to play the piano I eventually developed an absolute pitch but never sang. I only started singing a bit when I worked through all the blockages of my childhood and removed most of them. But this one is not removable to the extent I wish it was -- meaning, I can't manifest physically the awesome singing voice I hear in my head that I should have practiced cultivating when the window of opportunity was developmentally timely, AND I can't forgive anyone who ever said, hinted, or showed in the body language that they would like for me to "stop it." I can forgive almost anything, but this, no.

 

I hope you find my story helpful when making decisions about your situation.

[longrhythm]

@Taomeow- she's not terribly sensitive, it's one of her more attractive qualities in my opinion.

 

Regardless, I have a similar perspective as you, but with my guitar playing as opposed to singing (which I just don't do.) I remember being told to turn down every day, and over the years it settled in to me in some ways I'd rather have done without. Thankfully I've gotten through it, but who knows what my music career would have looked like had I come from a musical family... Ah well, could've might've would've all wastes of time.

 

Point being I get where you're coming from and it's why I've been treating this delicately.

 

@Rainbow- the dam is bursting...

 

@unmike- it's too bad I don't enjoy singing and am pretty self conscious about it. I've been through enough pitch training to know sharpness and flatness within quarter tones, and I can produce that accuracy, but my voice texture is not something to write home about. Matter of fact I'd ask me to quiet down.

 

@twinner- good to be reflective on your readings. Philosophy doesn't become reality til you put it into action. It's not about what you "think" about a situation as much as what you "do" about it. Here's an extreme example to illustrate- What about a crowded bus where the guy next to you is homeless and has shit himself? Are you going to "look for the beauty" in the shitstink? What makes your practice and study valuable in "this" life is how it informs your actions, and helps you navigate a "stinky" situation. My 2 cents.

 

@ninpo- :D THIS is why I post here! I'm pretty sure it was Kevin Harts standup act, he said: "I dated a girl, she had one of those laughs that makes everybody else stop laughing" !!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

 

I have to admit, I remembered that line because so does the girl I'm dating! It's funny to think, but here I am a musician dating a girl who is not very easy on the ears... in general... although her speaking voice is fine.

 

Really a small sacrifice in the greater scheme of things, the last girl I dated was a gorgeous singer, and a total emotional basketcase, so that gives me perspective. But it's ironic in the least.

 

@micheal- very good tip. It will come in handy when she plays something I'm not interested in. Comes back to the ironic twist that she actually likes alot of the same music I do, and alot of times it hurts extra, cause while she's wailing I actually WANT to hear the music.

 

@3bob- I haven't been on for some time, but it's no surprise to me the dick obsession is still going on. I admit I tried swinging weights, I guess that stuff just comes with the territory...

 

@zerostao- perfect answer to 3bobs observation

[Stigweard]

What if you're seeing someone and you really like them and everything is going great

 

 

BUUUUUT

 

you're also a trained musician with a sensitive ear and she's REAAAALLLLY tondef and LOVES TO SING!!!!

 

ARG

 

I've tried "hey baby who sings this?" "let's keep it that way"

 

I've shut off the music to put on the tv

 

I've nudged every which way I can.

 

How do I make this funny? I know I'm the one who would more likely be sensitive in her spot, since I'm a musician and pride myself on pitch accuracy. There's a very good chance she could care less.

 

But since it's a big deal to me, it's hard for me to say anything without showing that it's a big deal, which would effectively make it a big deal. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, and I REALLY don't wanna hear her sing anymore!!!

 

 

What would YOU do????

"Hey honey, I would really like to brush up on my singing skills. I have found this great singing teacher who says they will teach us both at the same time for the price of one lesson. Maybe we could end up doing some duets together. What do you think?"

 

[strawdog65]

Hi Longrhythm!

 

The question is...Do YOU Love her?

 

If you do... than accept her, faults and all.

 

Besides, what you perceive as her faults....

are really your dislikes in yourself.

 

By Loving unconditionally... You allow

Love to be real and lasting. Unconditional

Love is Love that nurtures your inner self.

 

 

Peace!

[3bob]

free willie!! or have i heard that b4 somewhere idk

 

[Ninpo-me-this-ninjutsu-me-that]

Ninpo, from what I gather of your TTB personality, this must have been difficult.

 

You have no idea Rainbow! I had to bite my lip constantly. I did once try a whole day without saying anything I considered amusing, I failed miserably. Never again, it was hard work let me tell you.

 

 

When I was about four, I was normally too shy to sing, but one day I learned a song I liked very much, so I worked up enough courage to sing it so as to share its beauty with my dad in the next room. I was hoping to please him. I was really getting into singing, pouring my heart and soul into it, when my dad's voice came from the other room yelling, 'Oh for the love of god, stop it already, it's unbearable!"

 

I stopped for many years -- I was a sensitive child. When I started learning to play the piano I eventually developed an absolute pitch but never sang. I only started singing a bit when I worked through all the blockages of my childhood and removed most of them. But this one is not removable to the extent I wish it was -- meaning, I can't manifest physically the awesome singing voice I hear in my head that I should have practiced cultivating when the window of opportunity was developmentally timely, AND I can't forgive anyone who ever said, hinted, or showed in the body language that they would like for me to "stop it." I can forgive almost anything, but this, no.

 

I hope you find my story helpful when making decisions about your situation.

 

 

Your story made me feel like this Taomeow :(

 

Actually I somewhat know how you feel, singing is one of the things I'd love to be able to do, but I'm absolutely horrendous. It's always bugged me that what comes out of my mouth when trying to sing is totally different to what is in my mind.

 

I think for someone like me no amount of training would do it, I think there's a definite genetic component, and my genetic voice box is going nowhere. In another world though my voice is fantastic; however, in that world Spam is also considered delicious, so that's not saying much for me.

 

I say you should go to a park and let rip.

 

 

 

Really a small sacrifice in the greater scheme of things, the last girl I dated was a gorgeous singer, and a total emotional basketcase, so that gives me perspective. But it's ironic in the least.

 

 

Ya, I've found the same kind of irony in my own relationships. Swings and roundabouts. I'm sure women have the same thing, it's just they seem to be much more forgiving than us males.

 

Looks like your stuck with it Perhaps it's just an acquired taste, like caviar, or root canal surgery.

[Aetherous]

I can forgive almost anything, but this, no.

 

Taking away someone's voice is the cruelest thing, but most don't realize it.