Odd feelings.

[Makyea]

Hello everyone!

I know I have been away for a while!

 

But I just have been feeling a bit odd lately and I am not sure what it is, why I feel this way, or how to feel better. I was hoping some of you have felt this way or have ideas on how to deal with it.

 

With pushes from my old ROTC instructors, parents, my boyfriend, and life in general I have been forced to think a lot more about my future plans. I have been working and attending classes everyday for a while now and I am feeling odd. I have been a lot more internal and a lot more on edge. I lost almost all trust in others and I have been mentally all over the place. I have been sick with pneumonia, bronchitis, and whooping cough for a month, and I have tried many different treatments so far but none have any effect. I feel as though I am in this dream and that I can only be free from the dream if I sleep. The best way I can describe it is like I am inside a ball and my body is spread all over the inside of the ball like a flat pancake. My seams are stretching, almost ripped and little bits of thought are slipping through. My emotions are spinning with the ball and my brain is repelled from my heart like a magnet. I never stop moving.

 

Now I am having to try and figure out whether I want to pursue my career in the military, go to the university, or be a stay at home mom. It is a decision I feel should not be made when I am in such an odd mood.

Has anyone ever felt this way?

 

p.s.

Sorry if it makes no sense, it's hard to explain.

[pilot]

I don't know what an ROTC instructor is, but I agree that it would be better to make a decision when you are more centered in yourself. that way it will reflect you and not outside influences, because it is you who will be living that decision primarily. as for the symbolism you use between the heart and brain, I would go with your feelings above your thoughts, especially if they are strong and consistent. A final thing that comes to mind is to suspend self-judgment and just welcome and accept yourself no matter what thoughts come up.

[Sloppy Zhang]

I don't know what an ROTC instructor is,

 

For anyone who doesn't know, ROTC

 

Makyea- I'm not in a very good position to be giving advice, because I'm rather all over the place these days myself, but this is what I would recommend based on what I'm doing now-

 

I would say first to find out what it is you find yourself thinking about all day. When you imagine your future self, it doesn't matter in what wild capacities you think of it as, what do you see yourself doing?

 

Then, meditate, but focus on your body, focus on you right NOW. What do you feel your present being wants to do/the directions it is going?

 

I have found that many times, what I want to do is more a projection of what others expect me to do, what I should do to fit into a certain role, or what I think I should be doing/how I should be doing it, but when I center on my body, and myself in the present, sometimes those things fall away, then again, sometimes they don't.

 

I usually go with the things that I 1) find myself doing/thinking about all the time, and 2) don't fall away as soon as I start a little meditation.

 

 

But who knows how that will work out for me in the future I have no guarantee this will work to a satisfying end (whatever that may be), so take this advice with caution.

Edited December 16, 2010 by Sloppy Zhang

[3bob]

Some basic math reminders that I'm sure you've already considered:

 

Option 1. The military will own you for at least several years and until you make around e4 and above or become an officer you will tend to get more of the shit details. (besides the military has the on-going need to send warm bodies to some middle-east combat zone)

 

Option 2. New born kids are a 24/7 job! If you feel out of sorts now then you can probably multiply that by 10 and add no sleep along with all of the potential health problems and joys of motherhood! And besides those obvious factors a fairly large percentage of your private life and daily activities will need to be sacrificed for the kids... further, unless you have a good support system of close family and friends to give you breaks it will take just about all of your time and energy! (btw, most younger men remain boys for a long time thus you might have to be raising and training a husband to)

 

Option 3. College, well it is not all cake but you can quit anytime and always switch back to option one or two, or create other options like join the Peace Corp, go fight forest fires, save the whales, become an under-paid social worker, an airline pilot, a cop, a self-employed business woman or whatever you can pull off.

 

Good luck

p.s. maybe some quality spearmint tea could help some of the conditions you mentioned, or perhaps a good cold beer and some old but fun type of rock and roll music.

 

Om

[Makyea]

I don't know what an ROTC instructor is, but I agree that it would be better to make a decision when you are more centered in yourself. that way it will reflect you and not outside influences, because it is you who will be living that decision primarily. as for the symbolism you use between the heart and brain, I would go with your feelings above your thoughts, especially if they are strong and consistent. A final thing that comes to mind is to suspend self-judgment and just welcome and accept yourself no matter what thoughts come up.

I get so worried when I follow my heart, especially lately cause it seems to be putting me farther in this hole I am in.

[Makyea]

For anyone who doesn't know, ROTC

 

Makyea- I'm not in a very good position to be giving advice, because I'm rather all over the place these days myself, but this is what I would recommend based on what I'm doing now-

 

I would say first to find out what it is you find yourself thinking about all day. When you imagine your future self, it doesn't matter in what wild capacities you think of it as, what do you see yourself doing?

 

Then, meditate, but focus on your body, focus on you right NOW. What do you feel your present being wants to do/the directions it is going?

 

I have found that many times, what I want to do is more a projection of what others expect me to do, what I should do to fit into a certain role, or what I think I should be doing/how I should be doing it, but when I center on my body, and myself in the present, sometimes those things fall away, then again, sometimes they don't.

 

I usually go with the things that I 1) find myself doing/thinking about all the time, and 2) don't fall away as soon as I start a little meditation.

 

 

But who knows how that will work out for me in the future I have no guarantee this will work to a satisfying end (whatever that may be), so take this advice with caution.

I think I will try this. I hope it brings you to where you belong.

[Makyea]

Some basic math reminders that I'm sure you've already considered:

 

Option 1. The military will own you for at least several years and until you make around e4 and above or become an officer you will tend to get more of the shit details. (besides the military has the on-going need to send warm bodies to some middle-east combat zone)

 

Option 2. New born kids are a 24/7 job! If you feel out of sorts now then you can probably multiply that by 10 and add no sleep along with all of the potential health problems and joys of motherhood! And besides those obvious factors a fairly large percentage of your private life and daily activities will need to be sacrificed for the kids... further, unless you have a good support system of close family and friends to give you breaks it will take just about all of your time and energy! (btw, most younger men remain boys for a long time thus you might have to be raising and training a husband to)

 

Option 3. College, well it is not all cake but you can quit anytime and always switch back to option one or two, or create other options like join the Peace Corp, go fight forest fires, save the whales, become an under-paid social worker, an airline pilot, a cop, a self-employed business woman or whatever you can pull off.

 

Good luck

p.s. maybe some quality spearmint tea could help some of the conditions you mentioned, or perhaps a good cold beer and some old but fun type of rock and roll music.

 

Om

I think it is a good idea to break things down like this. I think I'll start working on a projected time line of my life based on my choices. I will end up doing a rough estimate on money when I am done. I think that maybe if I let my brain take hold and mesh this stuff out than I will have a bit more faith in my heart.

[Alfred E]

Hello everyone!

I know I have been away for a while!

 

But I just have been feeling a bit odd lately and I am not sure what it is, why I feel this way, or how to feel better. I was hoping some of you have felt this way or have ideas on how to deal with it.

 

With pushes from my old ROTC instructors, parents, my boyfriend, and life in general I have been forced to think a lot more about my future plans. I have been working and attending classes everyday for a while now and I am feeling odd. I have been a lot more internal and a lot more on edge. I lost almost all trust in others and I have been mentally all over the place. I have been sick with pneumonia, bronchitis, and whooping cough for a month, and I have tried many different treatments so far but none have any effect. I feel as though I am in this dream and that I can only be free from the dream if I sleep. The best way I can describe it is like I am inside a ball and my body is spread all over the inside of the ball like a flat pancake. My seams are stretching, almost ripped and little bits of thought are slipping through. My emotions are spinning with the ball and my brain is repelled from my heart like a magnet. I never stop moving.

 

Now I am having to try and figure out whether I want to pursue my career in the military, go to the university, or be a stay at home mom. It is a decision I feel should not be made when I am in such an odd mood.

Has anyone ever felt this way?

 

p.s.

Sorry if it makes no sense, it's hard to explain.

 

Now is a strange time as it is winter soltice, a lunar eclipse is coming in a few days and a meteor shower - all in the same week.

 

Also... it Sounds a lot like your hormones are out of balance as well as going through the winter doldrums.

 

I'm a guy so your cure may be different from mine - but here is mine- with articles by professionals.

 

My cure-all for bringing my body back into balance is a natural food with catalysts for enzymes that work with the endocrine system and won't hurt as they are a 100% natural food.

 

I use mung bean sprouts.

 

Here's some articles that will give you an idea:

 

http://www.living-foods.com/articles/sproutedseeds.html

 

http://www.living-foods.com/articles/sprouts.html

 

http://www.living-foods.com/articles/enzymes.html

[3bob]

Hi 3bob,

 

You're pretty down to earth here. Althought the economy is not so hot, the option I chose (consider it option 4) after high school was to move to the city, get a job and have fun exploring, very frugally, all the neat stuff in which I was interested.

 

Looking back now, if I had done the math, and meditated on the numbers, I would have gone to college right away. Oh well. No matter. I had fun living my young adulthood.

 

Hi Rainbow Vein,

 

Alrighto, what you did also sounds pretty down to earth with some fun mixed in.

 

Om

[3bob]

I think it is a good idea to break things down like this. I think I'll start working on a projected time line of my life based on my choices. I will end up doing a rough estimate on money when I am done. I think that maybe if I let my brain take hold and mesh this stuff out than I will have a bit more faith in my heart.

 

Hi Makyea, Considering options is always good - in this life it's fairly easy to feel like one is backed into a corner or the oppisite of so there being so many choices that it is hard to make the right ones.

[Eric23]

Two things come to mind after reading the original post. First, reading between the lines I'm presuming that you're relatively young (20's). What did you want to do for a living growing up? What are your interests, hobbies? I'm probably old enough to be your father and my advice would be to make damn good and sure that you haven't given up on your dreams. The last thing you want is to wake up some day 30 years from now and regret not doing the thing you really wanted to do. Of course you have to be realistic, but take an honest, thorough look at your dream job/situation and break down what you need in terms of education etc. You owe it to yourself to give it a try if at all possible.

 

Secondly, you mentioned some health issues. Take care of those before you do anything drastic like signing your life away to Uncle Sam. It's hard to make solid, rational decisions when you are feeling crappy. Get yourself feeling better and find time for stillness.

 

Best of luck.

[Makyea]

Thanks guys. I am going to try and push through this bit of weakness with more positives than negatives. Thank you again for your advice.