Attraction

[Maddie]

Ok I had a very interesting and different experience today. I was at the natural food/health store and saw this really pretty slender blonde filling out an application. My first instinct was to go up to her and make conversation because she was hot. So I go up there comment about how she is filling out her application, and she responds very nice smile. Suddenly as she is talking to me this "flash" of insight or realization or what ever you want to call it comes to me in an instant, and it went something like this.... (I tried to visualize me and her going out, and the oddest thing happened, I realized that though she was very pretty, that I felt no attraction to her).

 

Now this might just seem like one of those things to some, but to me it was quite a drastic shift in my whole way of looking at these things. Previously I had assumed that physical beauty equalled attraction; that is if she looks good thus I'm attracted. But in this case I knew she was hot, but for reasons that I still can not quite fathom I just didn't see us together, and didn't really want to make any more effort to pick her up. Apparently she felt (or didn't feel) the same way because after that we both just sort of went about our business.

 

So this got me to thinking, "what is/causes attraction anyways?". I just came to realize that its not just looks (though I'm not trying to say that looks don't matter, cause there is no way I'm going to be attracted to a girl who is ugly or super fat). But in this case she was very pretty, and yet I still felt nothing for her, and it was freaking me out. So it got me to pondering "what is it that makes us feel or not feel attraction to another?". I'm guessing it probably has something to do with energy, chi, essense, ect... but specifically what I don't know.

[surfingbudda]

to me physical beauty does not = attraction.

I can admire physical beauty, but for me to be interested in someone enough go out with, they need to be more than that. They need to stand out to me and really show some of the common things that I'm interested in. For me true attraction occurs when there is a physical and spiritual connection. I haven't yet found the girl for me, maybe because at the moment I'm not really trying; I'm just gonna let the universe present me with my perfect person when the time is right.

[Maddie]

to me physical beauty does not = attraction.

I can admire physical beauty, but for me to be interested in someone enough go out with, they need to be more than that. They need to stand out to me and really show some of the common things that I'm interested in. For me true attraction occurs when there is a physical and spiritual connection. I haven't yet found the girl for me, maybe because at the moment I'm not really trying; I'm just gonna let the universe present me with my perfect person when the time is right.

 

wow that was like the exact same thing that hit me the other day when I was getting frustrated about all this. Additionally it occurd to me that my job is to get my own energy in order so that when the universe does swing my way in this area I am ready for it.

[surfingbudda]

Additionally it occurd to me that my job is to get my own energy in order so that when the universe does swing my way in this area I am ready for it.

 

Ya I'm actually feeling the same way as you, I want to first worry about my internal situation and get my own energy in order before I worry about things externally to myself.

[Maddie]

Ya I'm actually feeling the same way as you, I want to first worry about my internal situation and get my own energy in order before I worry about things externally to myself.

 

I agree, in regards to the other thing you said about spiritual attraction, I agree with that as well, but was curious about the actual mechanics of it, as in which meridians, chakras, ect. are involved in this (the heart I would guess, but even if so, what is it about this that would cause people to be or not be attracted to eachother?)

[surfingbudda]

I agree, in regards to the other thing you said about spiritual attraction, I agree with that as well, but was curious about the actual mechanics of it, as in which meridians, chakras, ect. are involved in this (the heart I would guess, but even if so, what is it about this that would cause people to be or not be attracted to eachother?)

 

Interesting, I do believe that everyone has soul mates and twin flames who probably make up the true essence of spiritual/energy connection. I think when were spiritually ready is when the universe throws these kind of spiritual mates at us. What I was referring to earlier was simply that the kind of girl I'de be most attracted to would be physically attractive as well as spiritually aware on a level similar to me, or at least be spiritually open to new things and ideas. Spirituality is part of who I am and I wouldn't want to feel I had to hide that from someone I'm supposed to care about and be open to. Basically the person whom I would be most attracted to would be someone whom I could be my true self around.

[Birdoftruth]

For the soul mate thing and spiritual attraction. I suggest you look into the 4 archetypes we have in our collective unconscious the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. Apparently we are attracted most to our opposite archetype. But these archetypes reside on a 4 quadrant grid and the more balanced you are, the more centered you are, and the more you are in touch with the 4 archetypes and a able to connect closest to those also centered spiritually.

 

also when you talked to her, were those thoughts of yours just token resistance society has given us, or a sharp intuition for why not to go forth with this one? we could always be wrong.

Edited January 25, 2011 by Birdoftruth

[King Kabalabhati]

to me physical beauty does not = attraction.

I can admire physical beauty, but for me to be interested in someone enough go out with, they need to be more than that. They need to stand out to me and really show some of the common things that I'm interested in. For me true attraction occurs when there is a physical and spiritual connection. I haven't yet found the girl for me, maybe because at the moment I'm not really trying; I'm just gonna let the universe present me with my perfect person when the time is right.

 

This is a good stream of thought, though I would add with humility that it's quite possible there won't be a "right time" for a "perfect person" in this life, the way I see it it's really a miracle if such a match be made, so to learn to get along with yourself (and even love the mf) is double important, both for you and the possible future soulmate.

[island]

"I'm just gonna let the universe present me with my perfect person when the time is right."

 

In my humble opinion this is self limiting,your waiting for the right conditions before you take action. Maybe the universe is waiting for you to take action before rewarding you with more favourable conditions. The universe will provide, but not if you sit back and expect it to do all the work.

[Everything]

I agree, in regards to the other thing you said about spiritual attraction, I agree with that as well, but was curious about the actual mechanics of it, as in which meridians, chakras, ect. are involved in this (the heart I would guess, but even if so, what is it about this that would cause people to be or not be attracted to eachother?)

I have done research on the nature of attraction. What exactly is it that women feel attracted to and what it is that men feel most attracted to. It is always personal, but the core nature behind it has lasted for incredible amount of years. Perhaps even back to the time we were apes, like women scratching or touching their hairs as indication of a need for grooming. This entire nature of attraction is extremely outdated for our day and age. It is just incredible how animal like this part of our nature is. Infact, attraction itself is a physical animal-like thing. Just like fighting, making war, surviving. It is good to understand these things so that it does not take control over you.

Just like martial arts practice fight after fight untill they no longer have the desire to fight anymore.

 

But relationships it self... No... Thats not just about attraction. You guys should not confuse the two. Attraction is just about sex. Friendship is about emotional love, commitment is about intellectual fit. Those three make for a relationship.

 

So, what is that people would get attracted to you ask? For men you already noticed that beauty is one of them. But if you've been out with more girls you will soon realize that you can't feel attracted to all the beautiful girls for too long. They also need a good cheerleading ability and create challenges. If she's always talking good about other men while you're there, or when she never talks good about you around other men, then you will loose sexual attraction towards her. And if she's too easy, infact, if she comes up to you and strips down right in front of you and is no challenge at all, you will loose attraction for her eventually.

 

What about women? They feel attracted to mystery first, not the looks. Some women fantasise about certain looks because they seem mysterious. But as soon as that pretty boy opens his mouth all mystery is gone and so is the attraction. Secondly, leader of men. You must have some leading ability, for 2 days a month they need that kind of men aswell. And then one who accepts the challenge.

 

Very abstract, but thats it for sexual attraction for when you meet people and even have a sexual relationship with in the long run. Sex buddies don't got any emotional bond, they're no friends.

 

Lovers are sexual friends.

 

Partners are commited sexual friends. Thats the one to aim for. Well, if you want..

Edited January 25, 2011 by Everything

[Otis]

Good topic, everyone!

 

Absolutely agreed that physical beauty is only one of the factors needed for attraction.

 

If a woman is beautiful, but shows no interest in me, I get over being attracted to her very quickly. A woman who really shows love for me (as opposed to just wanting to own me), is the most attractive woman possible.

 

Heavier women are not always as pleasing to the eye, but can be far more attractive to the touch! With some voluptuous women, their whole bodies feel like they're made up of breasts, yum. Tight, muscular yoga women look great in tights, but tend to feel like men.

 

Libido excitement is highly correlated with newness. The other attractions are highly correlated with familiarity.

 

Women who date my friends are automatically off my list, no matter how beautiful or sexy. I don't even harbor secret desire for them.

 

Women who are talented (singing, playing instruments, etc.) get lots of bonus attraction points from me. Being a joyful, unafraid dancer is almost a requirement.

 

Doesn't matter how great the face, if it's scowling. A great smile is a wonderful thing!

Edited January 25, 2011 by Otis

[Maddie]

 

also when you talked to her, were those thoughts of yours just token resistance society has given us, or a sharp intuition for why not to go forth with this one? we could always be wrong.

 

Oh there was no resistance at all, in fact I was fully planning on getting her number. And then as I was there doing a little flirting this realization just hit me on the head out of the blue, and I realized that though she was very pretty that I guess she was just not my "type" or something cause I had no desire for her. The funny thing is ... used to I would think I felt desire for just about any woman I thought was attractive, but as I continued my qigong practice I came to realize this was actually more ego than true attraction, as in can I conquer this? But it would seem that as I have done my work on ego issues that I guess I don't ask myself the subconscious question of "can I get her" but now its more like "do I really like her? / can I really see myself with her?" I guess its kind of a subtle yet drastic shift in perspective.

And actually as I was out and about today the exact same thing happened to me again. I saw another very pretty blonde on a bench, and I was initially thinking "oh nice, pretty girl" and then a splt second later I just "knew" she was pretty, but I did not feel drawn to her. weird I know

[pennyofheaven]

Ok I had a very interesting and different experience today. I was at the natural food/health store and saw this really pretty slender blonde filling out an application. My first instinct was to go up to her and make conversation because she was hot. So I go up there comment about how she is filling out her application, and she responds very nice smile. Suddenly as she is talking to me this "flash" of insight or realization or what ever you want to call it comes to me in an instant, and it went something like this.... (I tried to visualize me and her going out, and the oddest thing happened, I realized that though she was very pretty, that I felt no attraction to her).

 

Now this might just seem like one of those things to some, but to me it was quite a drastic shift in my whole way of looking at these things. Previously I had assumed that physical beauty equalled attraction; that is if she looks good thus I'm attracted. But in this case I knew she was hot, but for reasons that I still can not quite fathom I just didn't see us together, and didn't really want to make any more effort to pick her up. Apparently she felt (or didn't feel) the same way because after that we both just sort of went about our business.

 

So this got me to thinking, "what is/causes attraction anyways?". I just came to realize that its not just looks (though I'm not trying to say that looks don't matter, cause there is no way I'm going to be attracted to a girl who is ugly or super fat). But in this case she was very pretty, and yet I still felt nothing for her, and it was freaking me out. So it got me to pondering "what is it that makes us feel or not feel attraction to another?". I'm guessing it probably has something to do with energy, chi, essense, ect... but specifically what I don't know.

 

Becoming more aware of the unseen intricacies is a great thing even though you might not understand it. We attract what we need, not necessarily what we want. You are deepening in your awareness in finding what you need.

[三江源]

ha, what causes attraction differs according to what stage of development you are at.

 

If your locus of evaluation is externally located, you will go for the 'trophy wife' or 'hot girlfriend', or the husband who will impress your father if you have over - awed by Daddy issues etc etc

 

If your locus of evaluation is located internally, you will go for someone who makes you laugh and smile and makes you want to listen to what they have to say about everything, and confide in them, and regularly push them on the sofa.

 

Simples, no?

[Maddie]

ha, what causes attraction differs according to what stage of development you are at.

 

If your locus of evaluation is externally located, you will go for the 'trophy wife' or 'hot girlfriend', or the husband who will impress your father if you have over - awed by Daddy issues etc etc

 

If your locus of evaluation is located internally, you will go for someone who makes you laugh and smile and makes you want to listen to what they have to say about everything, and confide in them, and regularly push them on the sofa.

 

Simples, no?

 

what if its somewhere in between? lol

[三江源]

what if its somewhere in between? lol

 

heh. then you suffer from conflict!

 

My first boyfriend, when I was 15, was someone I tried so hard to find enthralling or even interesting, in truth. I resorted to gazing at his profile while he talked. He was the school heart throb and I thought I "should' date him, because of his looks and reputation, so how could I say 'no'??!

 

I suffered boredom whilst enjoying social success.

 

Swings.. roundabouts...

[Maddie]

heh. then you suffer from conflict!

 

My first boyfriend, when I was 15, was someone I tried so hard to find enthralling or even interesting, in truth. I resorted to gazing at his profile while he talked. He was the school heart throb and I thought I "should' date him, because of his looks and reputation, so how could I say 'no'??!

 

I suffered boredom whilst enjoying social success.

 

Swings.. roundabouts...

 

Hey Cat

I was pondering this topic a lot more and thought that its probably not just one or the other, but really both together. As I was meditating and working on my heart and kidneys I realized that more of the love and alturistic attraction resided in the heart naturally, but the kidneys as the generator and storehouse of jing and sexuality also deal with attraction on another more physical level (I suppose this would correlate to the heart and sacral chakras of the indian yoga system). But I think both levels of attraction are important for a relationship to be good.

 

Interestingly enough I was doing the kidney inner smile and healing sound yesterday and accessed a lot of "junk" that felt like nervousness, stress, ect... I realized that my feelings and reactions to the more physical aspects of love and intimacy actually were quite a stress reaction more than enjoyment and this had been creating a lot of difficulty for me in this regard. I was quite supprised at how much junk came out yesterday as I worked on my kidneys, and at how unplesant it felt as this was happening. Though I can say that today I feel much "lighter" and feel as though its easier to breath, so that is interesting. I had never really thought to work on my kidneys in relation to this topic before but I'm glad I did now. I used to focus primarily on my heart and lungs. Heart for the love aspect, and lungs cause I would feel kind of sad about the way my love life was going lol. Yet as much work as I put into those organs, and while it did help, it still felt as though there was something I was not getting. Now that I worked on my kidneys in relation to the topic of intimacy I feel as though something that had been causing me a lot of problems for a long time has been removed :-).

 

This Qigong stuff is interesting, it seems that you learn more and more about yourself the longer you do it, even after you think something isn't an issue for you anymore.

[Enishi]

I've noticed that the energetic vibe in these threads on dating, relationships and attraction feel much better than in 2009/2010. There's more focus on positive solutions.

 

Perhaps this is a sign of how we are all progressing.

[Maddie]

I've noticed that the energetic vibe in these threads on dating, relationships and attraction feel much better than in 2009/2010. There's more focus on positive solutions.

 

Perhaps this is a sign of how we are all progressing.

 

Perhaps your have a point, though I was not really on TTB's in 2009 I know that MY energetic vibe about such things was worse back then lol, guess thats why I've been doing all this qigong with that topic one of my main focuses. I look at it this way, as long as our channels are open and flowing life should come pretty easily. Its only when it does not that we know there is a problem and usually that problem is with in us, so that is where I do most of my work. I'm just happy that though the results are slower than I'd like, that I am getting them nevertheless.

[SilentControl]

[三江源]

Hey Cat

I was pondering this topic a lot more and thought that its probably not just one or the other, but really both together. As I was meditating and working on my heart and kidneys I realized that more of the love and alturistic attraction resided in the heart naturally, but the kidneys as the generator and storehouse of jing and sexuality also deal with attraction on another more physical level (I suppose this would correlate to the heart and sacral chakras of the indian yoga system). But I think both levels of attraction are important for a relationship to be good.

 

Interestingly enough I was doing the kidney inner smile and healing sound yesterday and accessed a lot of "junk" that felt like nervousness, stress, ect... I realized that my feelings and reactions to the more physical aspects of love and intimacy actually were quite a stress reaction more than enjoyment and this had been creating a lot of difficulty for me in this regard. I was quite supprised at how much junk came out yesterday as I worked on my kidneys, and at how unplesant it felt as this was happening. Though I can say that today I feel much "lighter" and feel as though its easier to breath, so that is interesting. I had never really thought to work on my kidneys in relation to this topic before but I'm glad I did now. I used to focus primarily on my heart and lungs. Heart for the love aspect, and lungs cause I would feel kind of sad about the way my love life was going lol. Yet as much work as I put into those organs, and while it did help, it still felt as though there was something I was not getting. Now that I worked on my kidneys in relation to the topic of intimacy I feel as though something that had been causing me a lot of problems for a long time has been removed :-).

 

This Qigong stuff is interesting, it seems that you learn more and more about yourself the longer you do it, even after you think something isn't an issue for you anymore.

 

Yes, agree it just goes on and on unravelling more and more layers of stuff. Onion! Congrats on doing the work.

 

Kidneys- fear - anxiety. getting intimate brings up a lot of fear, no?! I generally have turned in the opposite direction and run when I sense I am facing a new amant that will inevitably shake me up and show me some edges in myself.

 

Really, I find you cant leave any organ out, eventually, they are all in there, making us who we are, and a love relationship or a sexual liason of any impact, is going to involve a lot more of us than we might at first glance imagine.

 

I know what you mean about thinking you aint gonna be attracted to someone fugly and such. HOWSOEVER! I have loved someone 'old' when I was young and perfect, at an age when signs of age and decay should repel, I found them touching. I do believes we can surprise ourselves when the shen are in alignment between two beings, so much is possible.

[Maddie]

[Non]

I have done research on the nature of attraction. What exactly is it that women feel attracted to and what it is that men feel most attracted to. It is always personal, but the core nature behind it has lasted for incredible amount of years. Perhaps even back to the time we were apes, like women scratching or touching their hairs as indication of a need for grooming. This entire nature of attraction is extremely outdated for our day and age. It is just incredible how animal like this part of our nature is. Infact, attraction itself is a physical animal-like thing. Just like fighting, making war, surviving. It is good to understand these things so that it does not take control over you.

Just like martial arts practice fight after fight untill they no longer have the desire to fight anymore.

 

But relationships it self... No... Thats not just about attraction. You guys should not confuse the two. Attraction is just about sex. Friendship is about emotional love, commitment is about intellectual fit. Those three make for a relationship.

 

So, what is that people would get attracted to you ask? For men you already noticed that beauty is one of them. But if you've been out with more girls you will soon realize that you can't feel attracted to all the beautiful girls for too long. They also need a good cheerleading ability and create challenges. If she's always talking good about other men while you're there, or when she never talks good about you around other men, then you will loose sexual attraction towards her. And if she's too easy, infact, if she comes up to you and strips down right in front of you and is no challenge at all, you will loose attraction for her eventually.

 

What about women? They feel attracted to mystery first, not the looks. Some women fantasise about certain looks because they seem mysterious. But as soon as that pretty boy opens his mouth all mystery is gone and so is the attraction. Secondly, leader of men. You must have some leading ability, for 2 days a month they need that kind of men aswell. And then one who accepts the challenge.

 

Very abstract, but thats it for sexual attraction for when you meet people and even have a sexual relationship with in the long run. Sex buddies don't got any emotional bond, they're no friends.

 

Lovers are sexual friends.

 

Partners are commited sexual friends. Thats the one to aim for. Well, if you want..

 

so it takes a lot more to attract a woman then, it takes mystery, etc. a laundry list.

 

men, well it's a lot more simple,and every girl was born beautiful.

[markern]

I think the spleen, bacause it is of the earth element, and the root chakra are key in attraction. Ifound this on another site: the Root Chakra governs issues around physical self-preservation. These issues include survival, security and safety, as well as primal erotic and procreational urges.

 

This chakra is the grounding force that allows us to connect to the earth energies and empower our being.

 

Every other chakra is downstream of it and only receives the energy that the root chakra can pass through to it. The path to health and mystical power goes right through the gender organs.To understand your root chakra, you must come to a place of peace with your sexual energy.

 

Survival, security, safety, sexualiy, a sense of power, material stuff - money. All of these are key things women seek in a man. Also I have read people mention that when their root chakra really opened up women started becoming much more interested.

[markern]