good guys finish last

[Non]

Hey Non, cheer up, and listen up a bit:

 

Guys develop adequate masculinity by hanging around girls

Girls develop adequate feminity by hanging around guys

 

Yin nurtures Yang

Yang nurtures Yin

 

Usually weak Yang has it's roots in childhood, the father not being there as a male model, or mother being a castrating type.

 

The situation with most of today's males is that their Yang is weak, and they seek a strong Yin.

Women with weak Yin appear Yang/brutal to men with weak Yang, yet they are still attracted by them, compulsory.

 

At the beginning the relationship may be a bit of a drama, because the male is oversensitive and the female is not so.

 

Then he has two basic options:

Option no 1: If he chickens out and runs away, he will remain a weak Yang.

 

Option no 2: If he gathers his spirit, and takes responsability for the relationship, gradually they will come to a ballance first, and in time his Yang will become strong, and her weak Yin will gradually be replaced by real and sensuous feminity.

 

I see many of these situations in my life everyday, WOMEN as well as MEN do suffer from lack of their dominant quality, Yin, and Yang respectively.

It's a major problem!

 

Unfortunately it's easier for people that don't have this problem to understand the above.

 

exactly well what if you cannot find a woman to "hang around with"? you can't acheive balance.

 

And Im sorry but I just can't be "happy" with my situation.I can't accept it like Cat Pillar does.

 

Perhaps the only reason he does is because he has gotten older and the chances are dimmer for finding a young female, being older already, and sex no longer matters as much anymore because well one has gotten older now...

 

I feel that way too. My virility getting weaker because I'm just getting older.

 

Well, is it always a question of age then when it comes to women? Is it always: "find an older woman", because young women are always the same?

 

What if I told you things don't even change with age. Women still stay the same, and if not get worse with age. Only a very few do get better don't they? Even so the majority of those were still the same as the others when they were young.

 

The ones also who are more likely to not be the same is if they are not attractive at all, but even so, the majority of those not attractive are still, the same.

 

The same. That's why it's a very small minority. Should I not be frustrated? When in fact there are more lonely men than lonely women, yet more women population than men in America?

[Non]

Just foud this:

 

There is none more lonely than the man who loves only himself.

Loneliness - Abraham Ibn Esra

[宁]

exactly well what if you cannot find a woman to "hang around with"?

 

You find a job that involves being with women, either colleagues or costumers.

If you really have a WILL, you will most surely find a way.

Complaining will make your weak Yang even weaker.

 

You can do it

 

L1

[markern]

exactly well what if you cannot find a woman to "hang around with"? you can't acheive balance.

 

And Im sorry but I just can't be "happy" with my situation.I can't accept it like Cat Pillar does.

 

Perhaps the only reason he does is because he has gotten older and the chances are dimmer for finding a young female, being older already, and sex no longer matters as much anymore because well one has gotten older now...

 

I feel that way too. My virility getting weaker because I'm just getting older.

 

Well, is it always a question of age then when it comes to women? Is it always: "find an older woman", because young women are always the same?

 

What if I told you things don't even change with age. Women still stay the same, and if not get worse with age. Only a very few do get better don't they? Even so the majority of those were still the same as the others when they were young.

 

The ones also who are more likely to not be the same is if they are not attractive at all, but even so, the majority of those not attractive are still, the same.

 

The same. That's why it's a very small minority. Should I not be frustrated? When in fact there are more lonely men than lonely women, yet more women population than men in America?

 

Get into a voluteer organisation with lots of women. Study the nice not cocky pcikup methods at charismaarts.com. IT will teach you how to be social and get friends. You don`t need to use it in order to seduce women. It works just as well platonically if you leave out some of the sexual escalation stuff. THen you will have enough women to hang around with. Also go see a touch therapist to boost up your oxytocin and your yin. I would also consider going to see a tantrica if I were you. I think it would do you a lot of good. You might also consider doing natural grounding. It seems to help a lot of guys and helps them strengthen the yin in themselves as to not get needy. Also I would suggest to start doing the inner smile daily for 20 minutes or so. You need to learn to love yourself and the inner smile will help with that. Also standing meditation will help as a strong root chakra attracts women. Wuji posture will be especially good as it works extra on your kidneys and spleen and that will reduce your worrying and anxiety. As you live in Miami I would get in touch with Santiago or Tao and do KAP and or Silat.

[King Kabalabhati]

 

Perhaps the only reason he does is because he has gotten older and the chances are dimmer for finding a young female, being older already, and sex no longer matters as much anymore because well one has gotten older now...

 

I feel that way too. My virility getting weaker because I'm just getting older.

 

 

It's not age that is eating your virility, it's your negativity.

[markern]

I'm sorry maybe i'm missing something but I believe Non has brought up a slew of good points that my observations support (and perhaps i've simply had some bad observation and experiences, but they remain what I have observed). From my personal experience and observations most women don't actively seek loving behaviour but rather seek other things that the media programs them to associate with love. So many women speak of love but what they really speak of are childish fantasies that they've had since being little girls. For example alot of women tend to rely (whether emotionally or physically or financially or whatever) on men and like to feel as though they're being "saved" or "helped" which is actually just draining the other party and spoiling themself.

 

Another tendency is the abandonment of love during sex. It may start off loving but once the trance is induced their unconscious comes streaming out as they crave to relive certain aspects of their past which are FAR from loving. For example I've experienced girls who like "choking", being degraded, degrading, hitting, extremely "rough" sex etc. and I will say personally I don't feel comfortable doing these things because I believe it's re-enforcing certain..."things" deep in their psyche. For example dirty talk, what is the point of it? I can understand the idea of expressing how beautiful your mate looks, how good you feel, but the 'dirty' part of the dirty talk is like mantra. Especially in a trance state they are hyper suggestible, so when you say certain things it goes straight into their head and if they're weak (most seem to be) then it'll take root and they'll begin to believe all of this and it will ruin them from the inside spiritually. It's really no laughing matter, this world is alot darker than most realize, lol, but hey, someone gotta laugh and smile to keep the positive energy alive right? plus not EVERYONE is like that, just the vast majority, but I have faith in humanity, I think we're SLOWLY waking up.

 

The above are my only my personal opinions and observations

-Astral

 

Edit: If you want to be happy there's one simply but veddy veddy pow-oh-foe rule...

 

The things womens sexual fantasies when studied in the early seventies showed stuff such as playrape at the top of the list. That was before they had seen any porn and very little of the pop culture at the time would have helped them get those fantasies, except womens romance novels which are full of descriptions of women being "overcome" by a dominant male and surrendering. THe numbers for those types of fantasies are almost exactly the same today.

[King Kabalabhati]

The things womens sexual fantasies when studied in the early seventies showed stuff such as playrape at the top of the list. That was before they had seen any porn and very little of the pop culture at the time would have helped them get those fantasies, except womens romance novels which are full of descriptions of women being "overcome" by a dominant male and surrendering. THe numbers for those types of fantasies are almost exactly the same today.

 

Then again, Yang is dominant by nature, so we have to respect that right? I don't think playrape is necessarily the answer, neither dirty talk, but if you have a relationship you gotta make the polarities work and keep them strong somehow, especially in bed. So in that sense I see no problem in the male being dominant, if it means "taking action" and the female to be submissive if it means "surrendering" to his actions.

 

I agree that fantasies are not really the thing. Taoist love, if I understand correctly, is all about being present in your body and in the moment instead of making some romantic story come alive.

Edited January 26, 2011 by King Kabalabhati

[Jetsun]

I have had similar thoughts about being more passive or yin as a man makes you inferior, I thought this was reflected in the animal kingdom in that the dominant males got all the females which is true for some species, but then I studied some of the apes genetically closest to man and it's not so clear cut. In some species the less dominant males would actually get more sex as they were more playful and while the dominant males would go off and fight and tire themselves out the less dominant ones would have their way with the females. Also with the Bonobo apes the females were actually the dominant ones and would choose their sex partners often on the basis of compassion and affection ahead of dominance, while the dominant ones would often be killed by rivals. Where humans lie in all this I'm not sure.

[Gjeken]

You are a man and you're supposed to attract women naturally and without effort.

Unfortunately todays society has put so many limiting beliefs on men saying that getting women is hard and when you get laid you are getting "lucky" and this basically takes all the power away from men and puts women on a hard to reach pedestal.

You don't need to learn any routines or any other bullshit pick-up stuff.

Do you think that Mr. Rabbit who has boned 100's of female rabbits did this by learning any routines?

He is just doing it naturally the way it's supposed to be for us humans too.

 

You need to bring out the naturally attractive and confident man that is hidden deep beneath all the bullshit that society, media and family has dumped on you.

Real confidence is not about bullying or putting other people down or being a thug.

It's about having your shit together and owning yourself, not pretending, not needing anything from other people because you already have everything you need inside yourself.

Don't do it to get women do it for yourself and for your own happiness.

It's time to start feeling good about yourself and stop giving a fuck about other people and stop making up stories in your head about women. It doesn't matter if they're true or not.

Feeling good about oneself is the best gift you can give yourself.

So what if you will be a virgin the rest of you life?

When you feel good about yourself having sex or not having sex doesn't matter, and this is the time when you will get as much sex as you want.

 

Just to prove my point of what changing your beliefs will do to your appearance and the way you carry yourself.

 

Here is a before and after picture of a guy (not me) that did just that.

I can see the exact same changes in myself.

He lost some weight and did some grooming but that doesn't really matter it's all in the eyes and the way he carries himself.

 

Before: http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c72/rs13141/100_1484.jpg

 

After: http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c72/rs13141/PIC_0254.jpg

Edited January 26, 2011 by Gjeken

[Gjeken]

 

And Im sorry but I just can't be "happy" with my situation.I can't accept it like Cat Pillar does.

 

 

Start by changing this belief that you need something or someone outside yourself to make you happy.

All the saints and enlightened people that says "happiness comes from within" can't all be wrong can they?

I'm also telling you from my own experience that getting lots of women is not something that will bring you happiness. It will bring you some momentarly satisfaction but that is all.

[King Kabalabhati]

Start by changing this belief that you need something or someone outside yourself to make you happy.

All the saints and enlightened people that says "happiness comes from within" can't all be wrong can they?

I'm also telling you from my own experience that getting lots of women is not something that will bring you happiness. It will bring you some momentarly satisfaction but that is all.

 

Agreed. Now that I know it won't bring me happiness I wouldn't mind some momentary satisfaction

 

To be honest, casual sex is often within my reach and sometimes I find myself fantisizing about it but then in the real situation I usually feel it's not the "right thing" to do, I simply feel no real desire towards that stranger. If I find a person who I genuinely like and who is interested in a suitable type of relationship (NOT marriage and NOT with more children!), then I might go for it.

[gendao]

About sex? Here is the biggest nerd, introverted passive nice guys on the planet, virgin till age 21, playing dungeons and dragons all the time:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_%28pickup_artist%29

Erik von Markovich or something. He's now getting more laid then any other person on the planet. He still has butterfly's in his stomach when he meets girls lol, what a nice sweet guy. Pfff... yeah right

Right, and being a huge nerd is what got him...not laid until 21.

 

So clearly, he realized that being a nice nerd wasn't what girls were looking for today. So, he reverse-engineered behavior from guys who were successful with women to develop "PUA."

 

Now, the fact that this technology even had to be developed - shows how bad it has gotten out there today for clueless men in the post-feminist era.

 

Then, it wasn't until after he made these changes and gave himself a dramatic makeover that he started experiencing more success with women now.

 

 

So no, Mystery is not a testament that nice nerds can get laid a lot. He is actually a testament to the opposite. But that it is also possible for guys to change from one to the other..

Edited January 26, 2011 by vortex

[King Kabalabhati]

Surrendering to the male's yang can be quite a challenge. One has to be committed first to allow oneself to be ignited, then second, to be able to dissolve or to merge with it. The process activates the female's own yang, which she may not have even recognized the full potential in herself.

 

Well put.. I guess it takes a lot of Yin power to be confident enough in one's femininity to relax into total submission. So if you're not confident you think the male "dominance" is a threat, or if you've been hurt by male dominance then it can be a sore spot.

 

I speak funny sentences.

[三江源]

I have had similar thoughts about being more passive or yin as a man makes you inferior, I thought this was reflected in the animal kingdom in that the dominant males got all the females which is true for some species, but then I studied some of the apes genetically closest to man and it's not so clear cut. In some species the less dominant males would actually get more sex as they were more playful and while the dominant males would go off and fight and tire themselves out the less dominant ones would have their way with the females. Also with the Bonobo apes the females were actually the dominant ones and would choose their sex partners often on the basis of compassion and affection ahead of dominance, while the dominant ones would often be killed by rivals. Where humans lie in all this I'm not sure.

 

I agree 'dominance' is not neccesarily what is attractive or needed. Actually, speaking for myself, I think dominance is often unnattractive and repellant.

I think taking the initiative is what is attractive and needed, by women, in men.

Not all the time or every time, but... enough of the time that the female can relax and do what she wants to do, which is be responsive.

When men are playful, the woman can relax seeing that the man can take the ball and run with it, is creative in himself, buoyant.Someone who can respond quickly and creatively creates a space for the feminine not to have to be in caretaking or feeding role.

 

 

If passsivity is being unable to take initative.... this isnt actually an ideal quality in a man in relation to women, unless he wants an animus driven women.

In which case, good luck and make sure you have a safety helmet.

[King Kabalabhati]

 

In which case, good luck and make sure you have a safety helmet.

 

Hmm how would you like a man with a

 

[三江源]

The things womens sexual fantasies when studied in the early seventies showed stuff such as playrape at the top of the list. That was before they had seen any porn and very little of the pop culture at the time would have helped them get those fantasies, except womens romance novels which are full of descriptions of women being "overcome" by a dominant male and surrendering. THe numbers for those types of fantasies are almost exactly the same today.

 

 

For the woman who is not very free sexually, a lot of sexual fantasies are set up by her that involve her not giving permission for herself to be sexual. She is in a doctor's room, or being massaged by an anonymous person, in fact 'anonymous' fantasies altogther, are all ways a women can say "I didnt do it, it just happened"... ie avoiding responsibility for wanting sex. The masseur did it! The doctor did it! In each case, my will was overcome! ie I am innocent, it wasnt me.., she will create a compensatory figure who will force her into a position where she must give herself.

 

So for the woman who is free sexually, and who needs to be surrendering her whole self and be ravaged by her loving lover, she can make that happen with her partner, by opening more and more into her ecstacy. If he isnt a milquetoast, he will respond and open more and more into the flowering polarisation, in which case no fantasy ever needed. The dynamic of stalk and lotus enacts and reenacts so that their world is thrust into alchemy and fountains into being over and over again. Ever renewing, mutual replenishment, the dynamic of opposites resolving itself creatively.

 

etc, so to speak, and so on.

[三江源]

Hmm how would you like a man with a

 

 

I actually meant for protection of your cranium.. as an animus driven woman - and any passive man can turn a woman into one of these - will find himself on the receiving end of blows to the head, wether they are real or intentional, or more likely, I hope, the usual verbal whiplash that animus driven women dish out.

 

(.....as for condoms, I been really fortunate and never used them hardly at all. For intelligent reasons: like knowing my partners and having been tested etc. I really dont like them much at all. I hope I dont get into the position of having to use them.)

 

( or maybe you are referring to construction workers!or firemen! yes, so long as they make my shen light up, any headgear is ok by me...)

[King Kabalabhati]

 

(.....as for condoms, I been really fortunate and never used them hardly at all. For intelligent reasons: like knowing my partners and having been tested etc. I really dont like them much at all. I hope I dont get into the position of having to use them.)

 

 

Good for you! But what about the threat of pregnancy? Never bothered you? All your lovers must have been pretty convincing at their "contact without leakage"? Sorry but I'm curious..

[三江源]

Good for you! But what about the threat of pregnancy? Never bothered you? All your lovers must have been pretty convincing at their "contact without leakage"? Sorry but I'm curious..

 

Is good question. You probably know that women can track their cycle and get to know their body juice well enough to figure when they are fertile or not. It is pretty simple once you know how. The cervix emits welcoming copious fluid when sperm will flourish, very come - hither fluid, easy to swim in. The rest of the time the cervical juice is less swimmable in. (that's the 2- mins -before- the- exam version of this topic, you can buy books on it if really interested) I also have removed energy from ovaries when dont want to conceive, but this is secondary to above practice and is combined with being erotically creative during fertile periods.

[King Kabalabhati]

Is good question. You probably know that women can track their cycle and get to know their body juice well enough to figure when they are fertile or not. It is pretty simple once you know how. The cervix emits welcoming copious fluid when sperm will flourish, very come - hither fluid, easy to swim in. The rest of the time the cervical juice is less swimmable in. (that's the 2- mins -before- the- exam version of this topic, you can buy books on it if really interested) I also have removed energy from ovaries when dont want to conceive, but this is secondary to above practice and is combined with being erotically creative during fertile periods.

 

Yeah I see.. I would imagine that for many women (and men) the threat of pregnancy is so great it will ruin their pleasure if no other preventives are used. But great to hear someone can make it work like that.

Edited January 26, 2011 by King Kabalabhati

[Cat Pillar]

I love your post Cat Pillar. This is how us "sexually frustrated" men should go about our "problems". Not blame others, assume responsibility and stay positive. There is a special gift in our situation, we have to face a lot of discomfort and loneliness and that is what can, if faced with a cultivation mentality, build more lasting happiness. And once you shine with genuine happiness for no reason they'll be idiots if they don't want a piece of that and we dont care for idiots anyway do we

 

Thanks! I agree, our situations provide a unique opportunity for growth and cultivation. Personal responsibility is one of the qualities I consider most important. You can't change something you don't own; if you think it's not yours, then it remains out of your reach. Once you own it, you can shape it however you want.

 

And Im sorry but I just can't be "happy" with my situation.I can't accept it like Cat Pillar does.

 

Perhaps the only reason he does is because he has gotten older and the chances are dimmer for finding a young female, being older already, and sex no longer matters as much anymore because well one has gotten older now...

 

I feel that way too. My virility getting weaker because I'm just getting older.

 

You make it sound like we're rapidly approaching some cliff and once we're over the edge all hope is lost! That's an awful lot of self-induced anxiety right there. "Older" people find love all the time!

 

I guess it's certainly possible that I'm less concerned with finding a partner because I'm getting older, but I like to think it's more because I'm learning how to live without attachments (by which I mean accepting the temporary nature of all phenomena). You make an assumption that I'm looking specifically for a younger female of a particular age group, and that I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with someone in my age group, or maybe even a little older. Do I have desires and preferences? Of course! Everyone does. But I'm open to things outside of my "ideals," because my ideals aren't necessarily the greatest indicator of what's truly best. I may experience something in the future that I would never have chosen for myself, but turns out to be the most wonderful thing ever.

 

Personally, I think my virility is weak because I don't exercise enough, and allow myself to fall prey to my fears and anxieties. My diet is poor too, which doesn't help. However, regular meditation does seem to be strengthening my character, and I am making small but steady steps towards increasing my physical activity level. I fully intend on practicing qigong in addition to Wing Chun, once I find the best way to go about it.

 

I'm not exactly "happy" with my situation. But not accepting it is living in denial, and takes you away from being present. My situation is what it is, and if I want to see it change I need to accept that so I can clearly see what needs to be done in order to alter the situation.

[三江源]

Yeah I see.. I would imagine that for many women (and men) the threat of pregnancy is so great it will ruin their pleasure if no other preventives are used. But great to hear someone can make it work like that.

 

Yes, your response is very common and it expresses exactly our conditioning that we simply cannot intimately know our bodies, that they must be dealt with mechanistically from without for reliable results, as our own knowing could not be reliable.

 

(I would say that if there was an unconscious desire to conceive, then an egg could be released post coitally so that the sperm could be utilised whilst in situ...but this is my own felt belief rather than any factual knowledge. I had the intent not to conceive, so I didnt feel I would sabotage my own body.)

 

 

However, for those who are able to embrace the method I described, the success rates are steady and great good things evolve from the couple knowing the womans body so well. IME there is as it stands, no better method of contraception for those having physical sex incorporating ejaculation. A woman who can recycle ovarian energy is in a great position, using that, and the cervical juice method.

[King Kabalabhati]

Yes, your response is very common and it expresses exactly our conditioning that we simply cannot intimately know our bodies, that they must be dealt with mechanistically from without for reliable results, as our own knowing could not be reliable.

 

(I would say that if there was an unconscious desire to conceive, then an egg could be released post coitally so that the sperm could be utilised whilst in situ...but this is my own felt belief rather than any factual knowledge. I had the intent not to conceive, so I didnt feel I would sabotage my own body.)

 

 

However, for those who are able to embrace the method I described, the success rates are steady and great good things evolve from the couple knowing the womans body so well. IME there is as it stands, no better method of contraception for those having physical sex incorporating ejaculation. A woman who can recycle ovarian energy is in a great position, using that, and the cervical juice method.

 

As a man it would be even harder to trust that the woman knows her body well enough.. I think a woman can well have that intuitive knowledge and trust in it 100%.

 

Hmm I'm speaking from the point of view of a (practically) single daddy of three. I have no more capacity for "accidents".

[三江源]

As a man it would be even harder to trust that the woman knows her body well enough.. I think a woman can well have that intuitive knowledge and trust in it 100%.

 

Hmm I'm speaking from the point of view of a (practically) single daddy of three. I have no more capacity for "accidents".

 

heh heh, yes, I understand well enough, I have two children. ( both not accidents!)

 

Interesting, the issue becomes one of trust.

 

Respect to you for quickly reaching the core/root issue of every love and sex question we could ever think of , probably...

[King Kabalabhati]

heh heh, yes, I understand well enough, I have two children. ( both not accidents!)

 

Interesting, the issue becomes one of trust.

 

Respect to you for quickly reaching the core/root issue of every love and sex question we could ever think of , probably...

 

Only one out of 3 were unintentional here.. And that's my lil guy, the sweetest accident I ever made.

 

Thank you for your compliment. These things are of interest to me as you have noticed. I respect you too.