competition, dominanance and violence

[Enishi]

Spirituality + badass warrior needs to be combined to increase one's appeal. It's one thing I wish to work on.

[RyanO]

Spirituality + badass warrior needs to be combined to increase one's appeal. It's one thing I wish to work on.

 

Haha that made me laugh.

[Birch]

"well-built guys."

 

Hum, let's see...

 

He's actually a nicer dude than lots of the so-called "intellectuals" I've met. Very compassionate, funny, great ability to laugh at himself and well able to discuss "intellectual" things.

 

"Spirituality" IMO is such a personal thing, that anyone who runs at me with their own particular brand is probably a turn off. I eat meat so I can't date a veggie (too offensive to him). Besides, I have already mentioned that I am superficial and prefer men who take care of themselves physically. Flab = ugh. I'm obviously not "spiritual" enough then :-)

 

Generalize away mate.

[Non]

i think this is a relevant question, i tried asking it earlier along with what his interests are . becoz i think if he follows his own path and stays true to himself finding himself first, then later on the path who knows what or who he may meet.

 

Studying TCM, also a background on biotech. raw veganism...

 

as for qigong, kung fu and meditation... there are SO MANY I want to try and do consistently but I dont have time! I work a low end job right now because I didn't finish my biotech degree, yet at least and now attending a TCM college.

 

The practices are (right now) kung fu (hardstyle). I did tai chi 24 yang posture but I find it embarrassing to do and practice this and even kung fu in public because I have no private practicing area. I have been doing some lightweight training also. The five tibetan rites of rejuvenation. The meditation I want to get into again is seated full lotus at least 20 mins a day focusing on the dan-tien, and circulating qi through the MCO once I build up. Of course incelibacy but now Im starting to enjoy it somewhat, except for my being "unfit" for the society with all that I am and do. I say incelibacy though because I dont want to force myself to be someone I'm not just to get a gf. In fact I dont think I can, being that it's just not who I am... I never grew up a player, dont have experience, am extremely introverted and not rich (internally either, ie character-wise, or at least enough superficially-materialistically to attract women).

 

I want to get into things like the star exercise, yan xin qigong, "santi-shi" (even tho I have no background or no how of xingyichuan), buddhist meditation, lovingkindness, etc. pranic healing...

[markern]

Firemen are usually non-intellectual, blue-collar, well-built guys. Many of them are amateur bodybuilders. Firefighting sounds like a very exciting, high-risk profession (although the vast majority of their time is just spent diddling around the firehouse).

 

So, we can see that the key factors to sexual attractiveness here to women are simply physical appeal and danger. Brawn >>>> brains.. Very biological and nothing mystical..

 

 

Notice, by contrast, that no female here excitedly piped up before that "spiritual guys are hot!" or "vegetarian yogis are hot!" Why? Because they're NOT considered hot - even to the small minority of spiritual women here...

 

Whereas, the only posters here who argue that spiritual guys ARE considered "hot" by women...are spiritual guys, lmao! But if so, then where's all the hot young groupies trolling these boards for such so-called "hot" spiritual guys? Oh yea, they don't exist! The active m/f ratio here is roughly 30/1 (very far from the 1/4 claimed earlier)!

 

 

The ratio of women to men ARE 1/4 in yoga courses. Why this site is so different I don`t know. Maybe because guys get here through having done martial arts or read philosophy.

 

I did not say spiritual guys were hot or considered hot by virtue of being spiritual. What I said was that a CULTIVATOR will build up energy that is highly attractive to women. You have read enough such testimonials here to know that that is true. Secondly I have written that a cultivator can change his emotions and personality to such a degree that his level of confidence, his calm, his happiness, his ability to tolerate discomfort without flinching and so being able to handle fear and the pain of anything difficult and a bunch of other attractive psychological and personal characteristics can not be matched by most guys. That means a highly attractive personality. None of this is because of being perceived as a spiritual guy or not it is just general personality as developed by being a cultivator.

 

As for attraction I agree that it is mostly about lower chakras and primal things but these get immensely powerful in a cultivator that practices in a balanced way. Attraction is about love and heart chakra as well though. I remember reading something at another forum were a guy said that after his kundalini awakening whenever he held a lot of energy in his heart and was at a club lots of women would gravitate to were he was, if he then moved they would in 10-15 minutes have moved after him again and be standing nearby fiddling their hair and sending flirty signals. This was the heart chakra, not the root or sacral or manipura but the heart. Witch also says that women like third eye men. I don`t understand why exactly but she tends to know her sex and attraction stuff so I`ll trust her on that.

 

The survey about spirituality and sex were done on people who defined themselves as spiritual or were interested in spirituality in some way not on cultivators which is a much rarer thing. People who think of themselves as spiritual and not cultivators tend to often hold a lot of energy in the higher centers and very, very little in the lower centers. They tend to have shame about sexuality and view assertiveness in most ways as bad, they try to behave "nicer" than actually feel like etc. etc. All very unattractive qualities for women. Also a lot of these men tend to be voluntarily celibate for long periods of time. We have seen a lot of that on this forum. Interestingly it is almost always the guys that want to be celibate while the women seldom seem to have much interest in that. I would guess energy drain, mens desire for freedom as opposed to womens desire for love to be to important explanations. Another probable one would be that a lot of women that doN`t cultivate experience their strongest spiritual moments during sex while this is not nearly as likely for men who have not learned to have multiple orgasms but just a tiny ejaculation orgasm squirt.

 

How principles and values are expressed is I think a lot of the explanation for why spirituality often is deemed sexually unattractive and weak. A lot of teh typical spiritual folks will seem to eager to please and like they are trying to anihilate themselves almost. But I think many of us have met teachers where you feel that when their principles and niceness is expressed it is with an incredible strength, like a mountain that can not be moved. The reason it does not want to move is niceness. The reason it can not be moved is strength. IF not the niceness is attractive certainly the strength is and I would see a spiritual practice that does not also aim for this strength is lacking in important regards.

 

I personally have gotten a lot of attraction from women from talking about all the stuff that we talk about here. They find it fascinating and it creates lots of powerful emotions in them, often emotions they have not felt before and that is useful in creating attraction. Having the will power to practice like I do impresses women a lot. Seeming to them knowledgeable in these matters (which I am not but compared to everyone else they know it seems like I am) creates attraction. Coming of as an exception to the rule, coming of as different is in itself always good. Even more so when going against common beliefs is perceived as strength. All of this depends on how you spin it. Most spiritual guys spin it badly, I spin it well. Not that I use it directly to impress women as these things are too "holy" to me to "use" but I do present things in ways that I know are beneficial to me rather than detrimental. My point is if spiritual guys play their cards right they can have it easy. The much higher number of women interested in spirituality is one of several reasons.

Edited February 4, 2011 by markern

[NeiChuan]

Firemen are usually non-intellectual, blue-collar, well-built guys. Many of them are amateur bodybuilders. Firefighting sounds like a very exciting, high-risk profession (although the vast majority of their time is just spent diddling around the firehouse).

 

So, we can see that the key factors to sexual attractiveness here to women are simply physical appeal and danger. Brawn >>>> brains.. Very biological and nothing mystical..

 

 

Notice, by contrast, that no female here excitedly piped up before that "spiritual guys are hot!" or "vegetarian yogis are hot!" Why? Because they're NOT considered hot - even to the small minority of spiritual women here...

 

Whereas, the only posters here who argue that spiritual guys ARE considered "hot" by women...are spiritual guys, lmao! But if so, then where's all the hot young groupies trolling these boards for such so-called "hot" spiritual guys? Oh yea, they don't exist! The active m/f ratio here is roughly 30/1 (very far from the 1/4 claimed earlier)!

 

Way to generalize. Firemen have tons of time on their hands, you really think a handful of them aren't working on themselves?

 

Oh well some of them have big muscles, that means they're dumb and watch jersey shore.

 

Come on.

 

Also have you never met a really ripped person who does chi kung? More common then you think.

[Non]

I aalso forgot to add hua shan pai do ga qigong which is an intense form of qigong...

[The Observer]

"A virtuous person promotes agreement. A person without virtue promotes blame." Lao Tzu

[Nanashi]

I aalso forgot to add hua shan pai do ga qigong which is an intense form of qigong...

 

Hm, your situation actually doesn't sound that bad. It takes time to overcome sexual frustration, maybe that is it. In time, it may take a decade or two-- time is relative. By then, you'll have either found someone to love (or many meaningful people along the way) or have mastered self-discipline to a point where you don't need sexual satisfaction by being or onanism.

Edited February 4, 2011 by Nanashi

[Non]

The ratio of women to men ARE 1/4 in yoga courses. Why this site is so different I don`t know. Maybe because guys get here through having done martial arts or read philosophy.

 

I did not say spiritual guys were hot or considered hot by virtue of being spiritual. What I said was that a CULTIVATOR will build up energy that is highly attractive to women. You have read enough such testimonials here to know that that is true. Secondly I have written that a cultivator can change his emotions and personality to such a degree that his level of confidence, his calm, his happiness, his ability to tolerate discomfort without flinching and so being able to handle fear and the pain of anything difficult and a bunch of other attractive psychological and personal characteristics can not be matched by most guys. That means a highly attractive personality. None of this is because of being perceived as a spiritual guy or not it is just general personality as developed by being a cultivator.

 

As for attraction I agree that it is mostly about lower chakras and primal things but these get immensely powerful in a cultivator that practices in a balanced way. Attraction is about love and heart chakra as well though. I remember reading something at another forum were a guy said that after his kundalini awakening whenever he held a lot of energy in his heart and was at a club lots of women would gravitate to were he was, if he then moved they would in 10-15 minutes have moved after him again and be standing nearby fiddling their hair and sending flirty signals. This was the heart chakra, not the root or sacral or manipura but the heart. Witch also says that women like third eye men. I don`t understand why exactly but she tends to know her sex and attraction stuff so I`ll trust her on that.

 

The survey about spirituality and sex were done on people who defined themselves as spiritual or were interested in spirituality in some way not on cultivators which is a much rarer thing. People who think of themselves as spiritual and not cultivators tend to often hold a lot of energy in the higher centers and very, very little in the lower centers. They tend to have shame about sexuality and view assertiveness in most ways as bad, they try to behave "nicer" than actually feel like etc. etc. All very unattractive qualities for women. Also a lot of these men tend to be voluntarily celibate for long periods of time. We have seen a lot of that on this forum. Interestingly it is almost always the guys that want to be celibate while the women seldom seem to have much interest in that. I would guess energy drain, mens desire for freedom as opposed to womens desire for love to be to important explanations. Another probable one would be that a lot of women that doN`t cultivate experience their strongest spiritual moments during sex while this is not nearly as likely for men who have not learned to have multiple orgasms but just a tiny ejaculation orgasm squirt.

 

How principles and values are expressed is I think a lot of the explanation for why spirituality often is deemed sexually unattractive and weak. A lot of teh typical spiritual folks will seem to eager to please and like they are trying to anihilate themselves almost. But I think many of us have met teachers where you feel that when their principles and niceness is expressed it is with an incredible strength, like a mountain that can not be moved. The reason it does not want to move is niceness. The reason it can not be moved is strength. IF not the niceness is attractive certainly the strength is and I would see a spiritual practice that does not also aim for this strength is lacking in important regards.

 

I personally have gotten a lot of attraction from women from talking about all the stuff that we talk about here. They find it fascinating and it creates lots of powerful emotions in them, often emotions they have not felt before and that is useful in creating attraction. Having the will power to practice like I do impresses women a lot. Seeming to them knowledgeable in these matters (which I am not but compared to everyone else they know it seems like I am) creates attraction. Coming of as an exception to the rule, coming of as different is in itself always good. Even more so when going against common beliefs is perceived as strength. All of this depends on how you spin it. Most spiritual guys spin it badly, I spin it well. Not that I use it directly to impress women as these things are too "holy" to me to "use" but I do present things in ways that I know are beneficial to me rather than detrimental. My point is if spiritual guys play their cards right they can have it easy. The much higher number of women interested in spirituality is one of several reasons.

what do you mean by 'cultivation'? Is that just cultivation of qi, as in from qigong? Or also cultivation of things like buddhist cultivation of being egoless, compassionate, etc.?

 

what doyou mean cultivate, cultivate what? peace?

[Non]

Way to generalize. Firemen have tons of time on their hands, you really think a handful of them aren't working on themselves?

 

Oh well some of them have big muscles, that means they're dumb and watch jersey shore.

 

Come on.

 

Also have you never met a really ripped person who does chi kung? More common then you think.

 

 

well for some it's kind of hard to make a career out of being spiritual, or make much money. So then that would be a lot of time being at work, and not being able to actively work on yourself as much as you'd like right? unless you're totally ok with being like that.

[Non]

Hm, your situation actually doesn't sound that bad. It takes time to overcome sexual frustration, maybe that is it. In time, it may take a decade or two-- time is relative. By then, you'll have either found someone to love (or many meaningful people along the way) or have mastered self-discipline to a point where you don't need sexual satisfaction by being or onanism.

 

of course, by then sexuality will be meaningless because I'll be too old.

 

Its kind of hard being 'spiritual' or whatever when you're young. Everyone expects you to be superficial and materialistic and be a player, aggressive, etc.

 

Also, yes though I might have to have another go at being celibate for another period of 3 months, and this time seriously. I remember aa time where I did no stimulation at all for a bout a month or two and I was really..different. my emotions changed and women did not move me as much in the negative way. I saw them for the person they were, and I was less dependent. so maybe if I can make use of the incelibacy in a good way? maybe I can open up my chakras, raise kundalini or something. and be a good meditator.

 

but I guess a buddhist would say none of this is really a "problem".

Edited February 4, 2011 by Non

[Nanashi]

of course, by then sexuality will be meaningless because I'll be too old.

 

Its kind of hard being 'spiritual' or whatever when you're young. Everyone expects you to be superficial and materialistic and be a player, aggressive, etc.

 

Also, yes though I might have to have another go at being celibate for another period of 3 months, and this time seriously. I remember aa time where I did no stimulation at all for a bout a month or two and I was really..different. my emotions changed and women did not move me as much in the negative way. I saw them for the person they were, and I was less dependent. so maybe if I can make use of the incelibacy in a good way? maybe I can open up my chakras, raise kundalini or something. and be a good meditator.

 

Yes, I agree-- it is often exhausting-- mentally taxing.

 

I like your train of thought there, and from what you told us about your practice and diet, you have an excellent foundation to build upon. I hope you can succeed in your endeavors. Remember though it may be difficult to chase two rabbits, catching neither. Focus your energies into certain channels at a time, and other efforts may be easier afterward.

[NeiChuan]

well for some it's kind of hard to make a career out of being spiritual, or make much money. So then that would be a lot of time being at work, and not being able to actively work on yourself as much as you'd like right? unless you're totally ok with being like that.

 

Was replying to Markern I believe.

 

Also self development is spontaneous and progress is made throughout your day, everyday.

 

If anything being busy would help you more, because you'd face these situations time and time again. Self development isn't just chi kung/nae gong/meditation, it's developing yourself as a human being.

[torus693]

v

Edited February 5, 2011 by torus693

[Non]

It's unlikely to find genuine attraction from anyone who is not their authentic self.

 

Anyone finding them self truly authentic is unavoidably attracted to where ever they're meant to be.

 

Need for sex as the driving force in human interaction shows wrong mind -a lack of authenticity.

 

The entire world has wrong mind. The potential for becoming unauthentic never ends even with enlightenment

 

because remaining in the world requires constant interaction with duality as it manifests in everyone else.

 

You are very very close to the truth. There is a fine line between seeing the minds misuse of sexual energy

and discerning its true higher function. You are on the right track

 

Recently I had been thinking for a long time sex is what I "needed" to reach some kind of physiological balance, yin and yang, as well as chemical, psychological, historical, developmental, social, etc. that was very hard. I looked at a lot of the cultivators comparing them to myself, thinking well maybe it's because they already had a sexual experience at least once in their life which was meaningful before getting into cultivation that they're ok with being alone.

[torus693]

v

Edited February 5, 2011 by torus693

[torus693]

v

Edited February 5, 2011 by torus693

[Astral_Anima]

Witch also says that women like third eye men. I don`t understand why exactly but she tends to know her sex and attraction stuff so I`ll trust her on that.

 

Haha, wow that kinda lines up with what Drew Hempel was talking about, the "chick magnet" in his brain? And shooting energy out of his third eye into women? getting them all hot and bothered? Shame that cat left, he'd prolly have a ball on this thread XP

 

-Astral

[torus693]

v

Edited February 5, 2011 by torus693

[Sloppy Zhang]

what do you mean by 'cultivation'? Is that just cultivation of qi, as in from qigong? Or also cultivation of things like buddhist cultivation of being egoless, compassionate, etc.?

 

what doyou mean cultivate, cultivate what? peace?

 

I would say cultivate a little bit of everything! A successful cultivator should be healthy and happy on many levels- physical, mental, spiritual, energetic, emotional, etc etc.

 

For instance, let's look at your stereotypical high school "jock"- physically healthy ("cultivated"), which has allowed him to cultivate some self confidence (emotional). All his exercise has cultivated his body, and I'm sure he's taken nutrition into account, so he'd be vibrant with a great deal of healthy energy.

 

This overall creates an atmosphere of, well, health. Women, and people in general, are attracted to this type of guy. They make friends more easily, they stand out in job interviews, etc etc. He might have some emotional problems, mental conditioning and experiences which make him unstable in certain aspects, sometimes that causes a problem, but sometimes that doesn't.

 

Compare this to your sterotypical "nerd" (cultivator?)- they don't regularly exercise, and may be unhealthy. They might not eat the best foods. This could lead to self confidence issues, which prevents them from having the confidence necessary to even face their own life honestly- let alone other people. This can lead to stagnation on an energetic level, and makes you less vibrant. Women, and other people in general, are less attracted to this.

 

So now we hop on over to the "ideal" cultivator (for example, look at a master yogi!)- they have a healthy body because of regular exercise, which is reinforced by a healthy energy body cultivated through energetic practices. Their practice of stilling the mind gives them a solid foundation with which to work, and they can examine their emotions and thoughts as they arise. They can work to recognize, and break free of, socially ingrained mental habits- they won't just act out whatever mental trauma goes on in their lives. They can see how other people act, and relate- they know that it's not always the person acting badly, they are just doing what they have repetitively been trained to do by society and/or themselves. To that end, they are compassionate, and work to relate to people. They forgive, and are kind.

 

Everyone is attracted to this type of person, though this person doesn't seek it. Why? Because they are healthy on ALL levels. They aren't the jock who looks good on the outside, but might be unstable on the inside. They aren't the nerd who is physically frail and has self esteem issues.

 

I would also add that, in a spiritual sense, seeking, and knowing, your "true self" (or being on the track to) is very good, and leads into that self confidence. You also, when with other people, look towards and try to find their true selves. When you talk to them, you talk TO them, WITH them, and never AT them. A lot of people like this. Some don't, because it is very "real", and some people don't like "real". But you don't get stuck on it- you realize why they are acting that way, wish them the best, and then move on.

 

well for some it's kind of hard to make a career out of being spiritual, or make much money. So then that would be a lot of time being at work, and not being able to actively work on yourself as much as you'd like right? unless you're totally ok with being like that.

 

Cultivate while you work. Be aware of everything that is happening, how it is affecting you, who you are, etc. You can do this anywhere.

 

Its kind of hard being 'spiritual' or whatever when you're young. Everyone expects you to be superficial and materialistic and be a player, aggressive, etc.

 

People expect things of you at ALL stages of life. I, for one, started at 16, and you just gotta recognize society for what it is, and how it operates. I'm 21 now, and people still expect the same things from you. A little older, they may expect you to have a steady job, a wife, later on, some kids, etc. If you don't have those, then you better have a reason- you became really successful and busy, you went through some serious problem that required hospitalization/treatment, or something like that.

 

So you're going to have to face the problem one way or another. Now, or later. Things won't magically get better when you're older. They'll have new forms, but will be the same problems.

 

Recently I had been thinking for a long time sex is what I "needed" to reach some kind of physiological balance, yin and yang, as well as chemical, psychological, historical, developmental, social, etc. that was very hard. I looked at a lot of the cultivators comparing them to myself, thinking well maybe it's because they already had a sexual experience at least once in their life which was meaningful before getting into cultivation that they're ok with being alone.

 

The important thing is not having sex and saying, "well I'm okay being alone, because at least I had sex" (this sounds like a justification to anyone criticizing long term celibacy, for example, which, as I've said before, gets you nowhere). The important thing is realizing why you felt the need to do it.

 

Some people have lots of casual relationships, and only after the fact realize, "there was no need to have them, it was just some type of conditioning I was acting out", so they stop. Some people realize before having sex, "I don't just want sex, I want to share a meaningful experience with someone I care about", so don't have sex until that time. Sometime that happens soon, sometimes later. Maybe even not at all.

 

The point is, don't get fixated on it. You'll only wind up sabotaging your efforts. If you feel like you gotta have sex to really be successful, then you're stomping out any success that could happen long before you have sex.

 

But seriously, the whole, "I'm okay with being alone because I've had a sexual experience" just reeks of seeking some sort of validation. It should be examined, and realized for what it is.

[zerostao]

Studying TCM, also a background on biotech. raw veganism...

 

as for qigong, kung fu and meditation... there are SO MANY I want to try and do consistently but I dont have time! I work a low end job right now because I didn't finish my biotech degree, yet at least and now attending a TCM college.

 

The practices are (right now) kung fu (hardstyle). I did tai chi 24 yang posture but I find it embarrassing to do and practice this and even kung fu in public because I have no private practicing area. I have been doing some lightweight training also. The five tibetan rites of rejuvenation. The meditation I want to get into again is seated full lotus at least 20 mins a day focusing on the dan-tien, and circulating qi through the MCO once I build up. Of course incelibacy but now Im starting to enjoy it somewhat, except for my being "unfit" for the society with all that I am and do. I say incelibacy though because I dont want to force myself to be someone I'm not just to get a gf. In fact I dont think I can, being that it's just not who I am... I never grew up a player, dont have experience, am extremely introverted and not rich (internally either, ie character-wise, or at least enough superficially-materialistically to attract women).

 

I want to get into things like the star exercise, yan xin qigong, "santi-shi" (even tho I have no background or no how of xingyichuan), buddhist meditation, lovingkindness, etc. pranic healing...

wow non! i did suspect the introvert nature and general shyness. but i am surprised at the sheer number of practices . because of the limits of time constraints (imo) i would do fewer styles or methods of practice for now and try to get the real meaning and essence of the ones you do continue to play with. right now you dont need taiji and xingyi both. if one of those resonnates with you more, then drop the other one. with either one your focus will be on lower tantien. yang jwing-ming suggests to begin the mco b4 your qi gets stronger becoz there are certain points to where if ur qi is hotter and ur circle is not going around properly it is becoz of the hot qi that would coz the damage. so learn to circulate properly first. with anything some of these things can be overdone. consistent sincere practice is what will achieve the greater results, have patience. i think you already have the loving kindness concept but you are bummed out when you dont see others around you living in this way. the tcm study is way cool and hopefully i can get into that somewhere along my path as well. i do have a working knowledge of natural herbs from many years of buy,sell, trade and research. some of these herbs and combinations of herbs can safely raise libido, energy levels, help with circulations, increase flexibility and on and on..i am going to guess that the female that would be best attracted to you and you to her may not be one of these more materialistic ones. all of them are not the same. continue to follow what makes you happy. let life be all about non for now, dont worry about others so much. your path is for your benefit.

i am confident your confidence will rise with your energy and the natural laws of attraction will apply to you as well in its propper time. having it always on your mind and trying to hard sometimes makes progress slower.

thankyou non for the reply to my questions. or you can forget about this and become a fireman but please stay on your path. alot of times the ones who attain a higher level of greatness or whatever one wants to call it had the most difficulties in the beginning. you dont have to devolve into some base player.