the weak yin male cannot find balance

[Non]

....

Edited March 1, 2011 by Non

[Non]

It's not inherently unconscious/subconscious- it's just many people are not consciously aware of when they do it, when others do it, etc etc. If you ask them to explain how they knew a girl was flirting with them, a lot of people couldn't do it. However, if you were to ask guys and girls who were seasoned at picking up girls or guys, I'm sure they'd be a lot more aware of it, because their lifestyle depends on their ability to do so.

 

And like I said- it's not inherently "secretive" or "manipulative", because you are SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEM!!!

 

If you don't know them, then you either 1) have not had enough social interaction 2) have a brain which has not developed in the areas which would help you pick up these cues, and getting diagnosed by a professional will help you figure this out.

 

 

What if I do notice social cues, I just don't know how to respond to them, especially the trivial ones, as I said why can't it be so direct? I do notice... but I'm not sure. I've always been unsure. What does she expect to take a giant leap of faith, for something such as sex which to me is MAJOR even though she throws it around like last week's toy.

 

Anyways like I said before, girls are always telling one guy he's a perv. stalker, creep, etc. for responding to such cues in a nice way, or rather, stepping all over him like a doormat because he's being too careful. Then other guys who are haughty and confident enough to wade through fake rejections or put her in her place or make teasing remarks which borderline sexual harassment, or are just backhanded insults/compliments.

 

You tell me how to respond when a woman then gives you such vague cues, and you don't know if you'll be considered weak, etc. for not responding in a 'confident' way, when at the same time you gotta be so careful that even the minutest (AND YES MINUTEST) friendly act can be taken as a man being a perv or being a stalker, or creep?

 

I've never really been any of these things ie pervstalkercreep, etc. but it's what women use and call you if THEY HAVE NO INTEREST in you. They try to make you feel immoral for being human.

 

SO tell me, how then am I supposed to react then, when things are so polarized as good guy (who's always seen as weak and yin) vs bad boy (who's always seen as yang). Regardless...the only way people do it is by Mixing the two which is still essentially dualistic. It's not enough to be oneself or just be normal and be NEITHER good nor bad, OR JUST GOOD/NORMAL (in the non-dual sense) they have to be Normal (but this time without much good because too much "good" is bad, this is now the new normal) and Bad, or just bad and bad.

 

You hear women say it all the time, things have become polarized. "You have to be good and bad". That's very polarized and dualistic way of thinking. OK, maybe it's just semantics, but do you have an idea of the power of words on the subconscious mind? WHy? Becuase then she starts to look for negative traits in a man, as well as 'good' traits. WHICH IS CRAZY AND SCHIZOPHRENIC. She looks for schizophrenia.

[Non]

"We are listening, but your problem isn't that there's a problem with society-"

 

No....... it's common to think a person who thinks the rest of society is crazy is the crazy one. At one point it may have been true.

 

OR there's some truth to it.

 

This society, especially many places in the USA are dominated by a schizophrenic mind state. The media and pop culture is very polarizing/dualistic.

 

You also have people misinterpretting what "yin and yang" really mean.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Non

[Maddie]

Hey Non I got a question. The last time you went to speak to a woman, did she say you were a pervert for talking to her, or is that what you thought she would think if you were to go talk to her?

[JohnC]

To me this is the very painful part of doing the inner smile. As you smile to your organs and come into contact with yourself, and you see the things about yourself that are less than flattering, it is not a very fun thing :-(, yet it is a good thing as this is how we grow. I think as humans we love our denial more than almost anything else. I guess this is another thing about increased sensitivity, it goes in all directions and can make you feel very bad about yourself when you deal with your "inner asshole" as I put it, quite painful.

 

In psychology this is called integration. And you start to connect with your self, realize that good and bad is perspective, that you are enough and any woman that doesn't want you wasn't meant for you, etc.

 

John

[JohnC]

Hey Non I got a question. The last time you went to speak to a woman, did she say you were a pervert for talking to her, or is that what you thought she would think if you were to go talk to her?

 

This is so spot on.

 

The funny thing is if he would go out and actually test a lot of his 'theory' he would find its all bullshit. Rather than intellectualizing and observing then coming up with conclusions based from bias. (aka bullshit)

 

Frankly this whole thread and a lot of non's threads are disappointing to me. It is so overly angry towards women and men (towards himself and his realtionship to the feminine), so then he tries to fix himself, which only affirms that he is broken.

 

So he gets more 'yang', what will he have to fix then? It'll be something else after that. The real problem is that he thinks he has a problem.

 

Really he just seems like he needs a woman to hug him, a solid male role model and a really good long cry.

 

John

[aridus]

"We are listening, but your problem isn't that there's a problem with society-"

 

No....... it's common to think a person who thinks the rest of society is crazy is the crazy one. At one point it may have been true.

 

OR there's some truth to it.

 

This society, especially many places in the USA are dominated by a schizophrenic mind state. The media and pop culture is very polarizing/dualistic.

 

You also have people misinterpretting what "yin and yang" really mean.

There are problems with society. The point is, people here can't do much to fix them - and you can't either.

 

It is not abnormal to recognize things and perhaps even be upset by them. But if you still want to increase yang, you still can. I think you need to do it for you, though. Find your balance in order to have balance. If you seek it only to be a part of something that is hurting you right now (society), then you won't be able to. Do it for your own harmony.

[gendao]

The funny thing is if he would go out and actually test a lot of his 'theory' he would find its all bullshit. Rather than intellectualizing and observing then coming up with conclusions based from bias. (aka bullshit)

 

Really he just seems like he needs a woman to hug him, a solid male role model and a really good long cry.

Well, it might not be bullshit for you or perhaps dmattwads. You guys may not be "yin-looking" males - so get an entirely different reception by women. Which is Non's whole point - how men get treated very differently by women depending upon their apparent "yin" or "yangness."

 

And no, I don't think he needs a woman to hug him. That would only be external validation. What he really needs is a more yang appearance...although since much of that is determined prenatally, I don't know how possible that is postnatally? So, here we encounter the figurative Taoist dilemna of how to boost prenatal energy postnatally?

 

Or some other workaround or resolution. I've had a very similar lifetime struggle myself - so I don't know the answer yet, either!

[JohnC]

Well, it might not be bullshit for you or perhaps dmattwads. You guys may not be "yin-looking" males - so get an entirely different reception by women. Which is Non's whole point - how men get treated very differently by women depending upon their apparent "yin" or "yangness."

 

And no, I don't think he needs a woman to hug him. That would only be external validation. What he really needs is a more yang appearance...although since much of that is determined prenatally, I don't know how possible that is postnatally? So, here we encounter the figurative Taoist dilemna of how to boost prenatal energy postnatally?

 

Or some other workaround or resolution. I've had a very similar lifetime struggle myself - so I don't know the answer yet, either!

 

What I mean is that all biases and prejudices and any thing you think you know about the world is bullshit. ALL OF IT. There are parts of our brain that actively filter things so that we only see what our belief system says is true. But that you REALLY think it's true. Because your struggle, and your insecurities depend on it.

 

The point being that you can just stick with that you don't know the way the world works. Meditators all get there eventually.

 

The tao said it best with:

The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.

The name that can be named is not the eternal name.

 

Aka, nobody knows 'reality', cause it's fucking subjective.

 

In fact right now, depending on how you feel, you will have a good 'past' or bad 'past'. but you'll modify your memories to make it fit what you want.

 

----

 

All this is about fear, internal pain, and shame. That your not enough, that your whatever. And that this will mean in the future or at some point your going to be abused, misused, hurt. And your trying to do all this stuff to protect yourself from that.

 

Ironically this is also what causes your situations of 'yin-ness' or whatever.

 

And there is nothing more low status(yin or whatever) as trying to fix yourself so you can be yang, high status, strong, whatever.

 

There is nothing more high status(yang, strong, whatever) than just being your self.

 

Cause it's fucking hard to just be your self.

 

John

[Sloppy Zhang]

What if I do notice social cues, I just don't know how to respond to them

 

Then you either:

 

1) have not had enough practice in social interaction to be confident in your recognition of cues

 

or

 

2) your brain is not wired to understand those cues, which is something that professional consultation can clear up for you.

 

Anyways like I said before, girls are always telling one guy he's a perv. stalker, creep, etc. for responding to such cues in a nice way, or rather, stepping all over him like a doormat because he's being too careful. Then other guys who are haughty and confident enough to wade through fake rejections or put her in her place or make teasing remarks which borderline sexual harassment, or are just backhanded insults/compliments.

 

And as I said before, you've got to be able to know when these are social cues, flirtatiousness, people being circuitous with their speech (as they often are), or whether they are actually meaning what they said.

 

If you don't know this, see points 1 and 2 above.

 

You tell me how to respond when a woman then gives you such vague cues, and you don't know if you'll be considered weak, etc. for not responding in a 'confident' way, when at the same time you gotta be so careful that even the minutest (AND YES MINUTEST) friendly act can be taken as a man being a perv or being a stalker, or creep?

 

I can't tell you how to respond, because it depends! You've got to be able to correctly read the situation then. and. there. If you can't, see above.

 

I've never really been any of these things ie pervstalkercreep, etc. but it's what women use and call you if THEY HAVE NO INTEREST in you. They try to make you feel immoral for being human.

 

So why would you care? If you don't want to be part of society, if you don't want to be one of the crazies which you insist they are, why do you care?. Unless you do actually care, which I think you do. In which case, see the points above.

 

SO tell me, how then am I supposed to react then, when things are so polarized as good guy (who's always seen as weak and yin) vs bad boy (who's always seen as yang).

 

You are using stereotypes which do not always apply. Sometimes being the good guy is being the strong, yang guy, and being the bad boy is the weak yin. The bad boy, who has got to make fun of others to make himself feel good, to pick on and bully others, compared to the good guy who has such a strong quality that verbal barbs do not phase him, and can handle himself and others confidently, yet with respect.

 

It's not enough to be oneself or just be normal

 

I have said it many times before- when you are yourself, you have to be confident and comfortable in being yourself! if you feel weak, and vulnerable, and defensive, and jumpy, and think people are always out to judge you for everything you do, other people (men AND women) pick up on this, and don't want to hang around you. If you can't even like yourself, why would other people like you? People can sense this subconsciously, and avoid you.

 

 

Well, it might not be bullshit for you or perhaps dmattwads. You guys may not be "yin-looking" males - so get an entirely different reception by women. Which is Non's whole point - how men get treated very differently by women depending upon their apparent "yin" or "yangness."

 

And no, I don't think he needs a woman to hug him. That would only be external validation. What he really needs is a more yang appearance...although since much of that is determined prenatally, I don't know how possible that is postnatally? So, here we encounter the figurative Taoist dilemna of how to boost prenatal energy postnatally?

 

Or some other workaround or resolution. I've had a very similar lifetime struggle myself - so I don't know the answer yet, either!

 

I see plenty of guys who I consider to be at a "disadvantage" with plenty of hot chicks. Guys who are short and fat and balding. Guy who are short and skinny. Both of these types of seen out with and/or dating and/or just having fun with really attractive women. I'm like, wow, wonder what's going on here? Then you look at the attitude of the guy she's with- he's bright, outgoing, confident, you meet him and he gives you a strong handshake. Someone makes an attack at him, an underhanded comment about his weight or his hairline or his height, and he just laughs and shrugs it off, and changes the subject to something entertaining and fun that everyone can relate to and join in. Doesn't lose a beat. They are at peace with themselves, who they are, what they look like, and they don't care.

 

People realize this and want to be around them! Someone's who's fun, non-judgmental, and isn't insecure.

 

This is something EVERYONE can do.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Sloppy Zhang

[Gjeken]

I see plenty of guys who I consider to be at a "disadvantage" with plenty of hot chicks. Guys who are short and fat and balding. Guy who are short and skinny. Both of these types of seen out with and/or dating and/or just having fun with really attractive women. I'm like, wow, wonder what's going on here? Then you look at the attitude of the guy she's with- he's bright, outgoing, confident, you meet him and he gives you a strong handshake. Someone makes an attack at him, an underhanded comment about his weight or his hairline or his height, and he just laughs and shrugs it off, and changes the subject to something entertaining and fun that everyone can relate to and join in. Doesn't lose a beat. They are at peace with themselves, who they are, what they look like, and they don't care.

 

People realize this and want to be around them! Someone's who's fun, non-judgmental, and isn't insecure.

 

This is something EVERYONE can do.

 

Quoted for truth!

 

So how do you become that guy when women never notice you and you feel like the whole world is against you?

 

This is what worked for me and it has worked for many others as well.

 

1. EVERYDAY when you wake up and before you go to bed visualize and feel how you want your life to be. Visualize yourself vividly having great interactions with women. Visualize women flirting with you and checking you out and visualize yourself having sex with beautiful women.

 

2. Get a notebook where you can write your affirmations and keep it in a private place.

Examples of affirmations would be:

I am a sexy/attractive guy.

I love and accept myself.

I know i am great.

I love and appreciate women.(IMPORTANT)

Women love me.

Women want to fuck me everywhere i go.

 

Come up with 5-10 affirmations and write them 5-10 times each in your notebook.

Do this EVERYDAY.

 

3. Stand in front of a mirror and look into your right eye while you repeat your affirmations out loud with conviction. It's important to FEEL them, don't just stand there and repeat them like a robot that will produce no results.

 

Do this for 20 minutes EVERYDAY.

 

You will start to change in anywhere from 3 months to a year.

This is not a magic pill or a quick fix it takes time to change your subconscious beliefs.

Don't go and look for or expect results. Do your affirmations and then let them go.

DON'T STOP doing your affirmations when you see results.

Stop watching porn if you haven't already, stop reading crap on the internet, stop watching crap on TV.

With crap i mean all the stuff that has anything to do with male/female interactions and relationships it's just brainwashing you and putting stupid ideas in your head.

You want and need real life experience instead and it will come to you naturally as you become more attractive.

Meanwhile try to find your purpose in life. Women love men that have a purpose and direction in life.

It doesn't have to be anything big or world changing just find something that your are passionate about and make it your purpose.

 

I think i read somewhere that you practised retention?

I think this has actually made it worse for you because you have so much negative emotion inside of you and all the built up sexual energy has amplified those negative emotions.

Imagine what will happen when that sexual energy transmutes into something positive instead

[Stigweard]

There are some very simple Taoist exercises that have been proven to naturally enhance the Yang energy of males (and also the Yin energy of females). I am willing to share these privately if you send me a message.

 

[King Kabalabhati]

There are some very simple Taoist exercises that have been proven to naturally enhance the Yang energy of males (and also the Yin energy of females). I am willing to share these privately if you send me a message.

 

 

The Male Deer not being one of the worst for sure, IM humble E

[Enishi]

Even with greater confidence improving things for myself, I do still notice that my introverted personality makes things difficult. This is frustrating for me as it feels like I have to reprogram a core aspect of "who I am" in this lifetime.

[Non]

Even with greater confidence improving things for myself, I do still notice that my introverted personality makes things difficult. This is frustrating for me as it feels like I have to reprogram a core aspect of "who I am" in this lifetime.

 

maybe you're not just introverted, or just probably in the wrong community. I mean it might be fine being 'introvert' but also, in the right community of 'introverts' who aren't really introverted just, a bit more spiritual.

Edited March 2, 2011 by Non

[thelerner]

Quoted for truth!

 

So how do you become that guy when women never notice you and you feel like the whole world is against you?

 

This is what worked for me and it has worked for many others as well.

 

1. EVERYDAY when you wake up and before you go to bed visualize and feel how you want your life to be. Visualize yourself vividly having great interactions with women. Visualize women flirting with you and checking you out and visualize yourself having sex with beautiful women.

 

2. Get a notebook where you can write your affirmations and keep it in a private place.

Examples of affirmations would be:

I am a sexy/attractive guy.

I love and accept myself.

I know i am great.

I love and appreciate women.(IMPORTANT)

Women love me.

Women want to fuck me everywhere i go.

 

Come up with 5-10 affirmations and write them 5-10 times each in your notebook.

Do this EVERYDAY.

 

3. Stand in front of a mirror and look into your right eye while you repeat your affirmations out loud with conviction. It's important to FEEL them, don't just stand there and repeat them like a robot that will produce no results.

 

Do this for 20 minutes EVERYDAY.

 

You will start to change in anywhere from 3 months to a year.

This is not a magic pill or a quick fix it takes time to change your subconscious beliefs.

Don't go and look for or expect results. Do your affirmations and then let them go.

DON'T STOP doing your affirmations when you see results.

Stop watching porn if you haven't already, stop reading crap on the internet, stop watching crap on TV.

With crap i mean all the stuff that has anything to do with male/female interactions and relationships it's just brainwashing you and putting stupid ideas in your head.

You want and need real life experience instead and it will come to you naturally as you become more attractive.

Meanwhile try to find your purpose in life. Women love men that have a purpose and direction in life.

It doesn't have to be anything big or world changing just find something that your are passionate about and make it your purpose.

 

I think i read somewhere that you practised retention?

I think this has actually made it worse for you because you have so much negative emotion inside of you and all the built up sexual energy has amplified those negative emotions.

Imagine what will happen when that sexual energy transmutes into something positive instead

 

Good stuff, but I have a problem with some of the affirmations. Frankly, I'm not tall, not that handsome, good, but not great, woman don't want fuck me where ever I go .

 

I'm thinking affirmations can be good, but lying to oneself could back fire. I wonder if they'd work better in some cases if they were toned down? ie I'm sexy, confident, able to talk to woman, getting better every day..??

 

Should affirmations be base hits and not homeruns?

 

Affirmations do have power. One way to prove it is to use Gjenken's technique to set yourself to wake up at a certain time. Use a mirror and affirmation to set a morning wake up. Find out what wording works. The power of the subconscious is amazing.

[Gjeken]

Good stuff, but I have a problem with some of the affirmations. Frankly, I'm not tall, not that handsome, good, but not great, woman don't want fuck me where ever I go .

 

I'm thinking affirmations can be good, but lying to oneself could back fire. I wonder if they'd work better in some cases if they were toned down? ie I'm sexy, confident, able to talk to woman, getting better every day..??

 

Should affirmations be base hits and not homeruns?

 

Affirmations do have power. One way to prove it is to use Gjenken's technique to set yourself to wake up at a certain time. Use a mirror and affirmation to set a morning wake up. Find out what wording works. The power of the subconscious is amazing.

 

I'm only 173 cm myself and balding but after doing the affirmations for a while i decided to shave my head, i started going to the gym and took better care of myself.

This happened naturally as the affirmations made me more confident and i started to care more about how i looked.

My facial features has actually changed. My face and

especially the eyes have become more relaxed. I look more masculine. Everytime i look in the mirror i smile at myself and think "Damn! Im sexy!"

It's no longer just an affirmation, i believe it with all my heart now.

 

Yes you will get a lot of resistance in the beginning especially from affirmations that are hard for your subconscious to believe so maybe using affirmations for gradual change will work better.

Like "women are starting to like me more" will get less resistance than "women want to fuck me everywhere i go".

Maybe i would have gotten faster results if had done affirmations for gradual change.

I don't know.

 

About 4-5 months after starting doing the affirmations i had my first moment of success.

I felt great that evening and didn't have a care in the world.

I was waiting on the tube for the train to come and as soon as i stepped on the train i noticed a very attractive girl that had started to position herself to make me notice her. We locked eyes and her face immidiately lit up.

I couldn't believe a girl that hot was locking eyes with me and smiling at me and it took all my strength to not look away and continue to hold her gaze.

After a while SHE walked up to me and it was such a huge connection we had right there and it felt like time stopped.

She gave me her number and later we made plans for coffee.

 

These are the sort of connections you get when you truly believe in yourself there is no need to play any games or do any pick-up routines.

I never got more than a kiss from this girl because my mind messed it up for me by starting to think she was out of my league.

It took another 5-6 months of ups and downs before i started getting laid regularly.

 

The subconscious is indeed very powerful.

If affirmations doesn't resonate with you i've heard some people having success with silent subliminal recordings that play while you sleep.

I haven't tried it myself so i cannot vouch for it but you can read about it on the forum at http://subliminal-talk.com

Edited March 2, 2011 by Gjeken

[gendao]

Fascinating National Geographic special on how much testosterone dictates alpha/beta male status and behavior:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BIcaPzuMl0

In short, the alpha males predictably assume pack dominance, take more ambitious risks (to impress chicks), mark their turf, have more sexual partners (while committing less) & bully beta males.

 

While, the beta males basically just hang around getting bullied and hope to scrape up any leftovers...

[thelerner]

At some point you leave the alpha and beta mind set alone and have the confidence to be your best self. Forget the cultural stereotypes, phony goals..be authentic, leave the racing to the rats, make a decent living, and find the one or two most important things.

 

 

not that I'm there, but seems like good advice.

Edited October 23, 2011 by thelerner