Addictions and Compulsions

[paulno]

I'm a former 12 stepper and AA really helped me get off the bottle. I wonder if it was the 12 steps or the meetings themselves that helped me? Whatever it was, it worked. Broke a nasty addiction to the bottle and probably saved my marriage to boot.

 

As of late I've become somewhat turned off by a lot of attitudes in AA. A lot of meetings feel like "Bible Thumping". Lots of burned out dry drunks who have years and years of chemical sobriety, but spiritually speaking are as alcoholic as they come. After going to meetings for a few years I finally just stopped.

 

However...That's my deal. Probably, a lot to do with my location and the times I've gone. From meeting to meeting it can feel like a different program. I'm still confident it can help out a lot of people.

 

I'd love to check out a Buddhist 12 step meeting but doubt they have any in my area. I've also become aware of other programs like Secular Sobriety and SMART. Secular Sobriety was decent and I know SMART actually has online meetings.

 

Neither are really spiritually based however. So, if that's what you're looking for those aren't the places for you.

[manitou]

Good comments in this thread!

 

I agree, it's absolutely necessary to come up with 'Something' that you're willing to allow to remove the undesirable qualities. The Tao is perfect, as far as I'm concerned. We all understand that there is some sort of intelligence underlying everything, and it's this intelligence that you're surrendering to. It's merely an admission at a terribly deep level that you're a little f**ked up in some ways (aren't we all?) and that you are willing to have your obstacles removed. What that precipitates is usually a bunch of occurrences where your particular foible is thrust to the forefront repeatedly, until you finally get to see it, love it, tame it...so it doesn't get into your path in the future.

 

When I first went to AA in 1980, the smoke was so thick you could hardly breathe. Most meetings now, to my knowledge, are non-smoking - unless maybe you're in a state where they still allow smoking inside? Yes, the coffee thing is constant too. Yes, they do trade addictions, particularly at the beginning. My experience is that most recoverers usually do quit smoking, but it's not as urgent at the beginning that they focus on this. I don't think anybody ever got arrested for smoking while driving, which is what throws the urgency on to the alcohol or drugs. We come in to those meeting pretty beaten up, initially.

 

Usually what turns people off initially when they first start reading the Big Book is the hokiness, the 1935-ness, of the words. It is important to update these concepts in your own mind to suit your own understanding, for the steps to work. AA will never work by osmosis. The steps must be worked, they are the program.

 

Personally, my arrogance was so extreme that I never worked with a sponsor - not in 30 years have I had a sponsor. I did use a lady to give a 5th step to, but that was it. Even when I was a bloated, red-faced alcoholic, I just knew that nobody new more about anything than I did. I suspect that I would have gotten through my thick exterior a lot sooner if I'd been willing to accept a little input from someone else. But that was my path, apparently.

 

Actually, at some point in time I sort of stopped going to the AA meetings and really enjoyed going to Alanon. They too work the 12 steps but for a different reason. Alanon is for people who are living with alkies or druggies out of choice (for whatever reason), and so the 12 steps are a remedy for them to walk in their own lane, to not focus on the alcoholic, to learn that they are singularly responsible for their own happiness and their own wellbeing. Loving the alcoholic is fine, just don't depend too much on him.

 

But what Alanon ends up doing is focusing on Relationships and applying the 12th step work to that concept. It results in a totally different type of inner growth, I've found. Both AA and Alanon changed my life considerably, and I've certainly seen it do the same for others. I couldn't say enough for the two programs; but there are admittedly some things that have to be tolerated within the rooms. The bible thumping sends me up a wall when they start that, but usually the next person who shares will end up dumping on the bible thumper anyway, so sometimes it's just good hearty fun.

 

Those meetings are a blast all the way around.

[paulno]

Alanon just makes me feel horribly guilty. LOL Usually, a sweet kind group of people however. Also, I should've put "Big Book Thumping". I guess I just shy away from fundamentalism in general. For me its more mental than fun.

[windblown]

Nanashi wrote;

 

" If people are just trading down addictions (eating, caffeine, alcohol, spiritualism, nicotine, THC, pharmaceuticals, etc), at what point should one recognize the chain of dependency to stimulate their mood? Not criticizing there, just curious. "

 

Most people I know in A.A. claim to have 'addictive' personalities...so they definitely recognize their dependencies with substances. Denial is the biggest block to people not getting help. Step One is 'Admitting you got a problem and that it's screwing your life up." Most people never even get to that point of being able to look at themselves and say, " Hey...maybe I need to do something about this situation instead of blaming it on everyone else." Mainly I see coffee, cigs. and sugar,(from all the yearly Birthday cakes!) As far as being addicted to Spiritualism...do you mean the religion of 'Spiritualism' or being a Spiritual person? Is it really possible not to Be Spiritual if we are Human? If we run from spirit, we can't because we Are it. We can't try to be Tao because we already are. Like Alan Watts said," Your mouth chews but you can't chew your own mouth."

 

Trying to do something about their problems instead of say...driving drunk and running over your wife or Mother. or staying in denial of whatever their addicted to crippling all the friends and family around them...is far worse than being 'addicted' to spiritualism.

 

We all have unique inner natures. Recovering addicts are some of the most loving, honest and 'spiritual' people on the planet. Just because someone has or had a dependancy on a substance doesn't make them any less 'aware' of it.

 

It's estimated that 80% of alcohol/drug riddled folks have an underlying mental illness such as depression, Bipolar I or Bipolar II, PTSD, Anxiety that has gone untreated for most of their lives. They have tried to self-medicate using drugs or alcohol which only makes the condition worse. Pharmaceuticals, (another skatey topic with some A.A. members,) have helped me tremendously. I have had Bipolar II since I was 18 and never knew it. I have been off and on Pharma. so many times I can't count. I always wanted to not have to take them; to be pure and natural...but even off booze and in the program I struggled to the point of not being able to function...to be a Mother, to clean a house, to keep a job. I was nuts without the meds. Now I have accepted that I have this Bipolar stuff...I don't 'live' the disease like some people i know...half the time I forget about it but I do take my meds every morning and I am able to lead a normal life due to them.

 

I know it sucks but if I had cancer i'd for sure take my meds then...so why not with a mental illness? Believe me, I have tried to do the exclusive Tao thing with exercize, nutrition, living in the woods in a natural state, meditation...you name it... to function without meds...and the whole shebang collapses and I wind up in the hospital or unable to cope. So I do the easier thing...take the help that's offered, accept that I have a chemical imbalance in the old braino, don't ponder it too much, and live a beautiful day. Overcoming obstacles is easier if I go around them than try to force myself to be something I'm not-which is totally sane!

[surfingbudda]

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