doc benway Posted March 4 On 12/2/2023 at 11:32 AM, Taomeow said: This picture is wrong too. I'm nowhere near a brunette and I never wear below-knee shorts. Also, I hardly ever discuss non-dualism. Recognizing an old friend she hasn't seen in ages, MaryAnn approaches her, "Ginger! So great to see you! You look amazing!. You used to be so heavy now you're so thin! You used to be a redhead, now you're a brunette! You used to be so tall, now you're short! Amazing what happens over time." "My name's not Ginger..." "Oh and you've changed your name too!" 2 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted March 10 A meme I read on the Substack "Bad Catitude." ................................................................................................. Have you heard about the rising political tensions between yogurt and penicillin? One side is probiotic and the other side is antibiotic. They´re calling it a culture war. 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent thunder Posted March 10 If pro is the opposite of con... Does that imply the opposite of Progress is Congress? 2 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 11 It's not what happened today, it was a while ago, but I just remembered it by association with something else. Some cold caller managed to get me on the phone (the area code looked like it might be someone I know) and goes, "Is this Miss Me... umm... Mzhe... ahem... Mrzhebr... meebeeee... bebebemeee... (in exasperation) do you speak English a little?!" I hadn't uttered a single word yet, so I figured she projected her own difficulties in pronouncing my name onto me. "I do speak English a little," I responded pleasantly. "Among other things, I've learned how to pronounce names of foreign origin -- I think of it as part of English proficiency. For instance, the caller before you told me his name was Srikarthikeyan. If you can spell this name back to me, I will sign up for whatever you're offering." She hung up. 1 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent thunder Posted March 11 2 hours ago, Taomeow said: It's not what happened today, it was a while ago, but I just remembered it by association with something else. Some cold caller managed to get me on the phone (the area code looked like it might be someone I know) and goes, "Is this Miss Me... umm... Mzhe... ahem... Mrzhebr... meebeeee... bebebemeee... (in exasperation) do you speak English a little?!" I hadn't uttered a single word yet, so I figured she projected her own difficulties in pronouncing my name onto me. "I do speak English a little," I responded pleasantly. "Among other things, I've learned how to pronounce names of foreign origin -- I think of it as part of English proficiency. For instance, the caller before you told me his name was Srikarthikeyan. If you can spell this name back to me, I will sign up for whatever you're offering." She hung up. During 15 years of improv comedy and live performance I spent many lovely conversations with telemarketers, posing as a myriad of random characters (some with absolute hellish accents). I brought some unfortunate callers on some very wild rides with my story time. For a while, I looked forward to them, it was a great rehearsal/workshopping technique. My gal would shake her head and grin... she loved it. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 12 15 minutes ago, silent thunder said: During 15 years of improv comedy and live performance I spent many lovely conversations with telemarketers, posing as a myriad of random characters (some with absolute hellish accents). I brought some unfortunate callers on some very wild rides with my story time. For a while, I looked forward to them, it was a great rehearsal/workshopping technique. My gal would shake her head and grin... she loved it. I can imagine. If I had artistic training, I would probably try to get some well-deserved amusement out of those calls too, but for me, it's a rare occurrence to be inspired like that. Most often I just hang up without saying a word. The reason is twofold. For one thing, those callers are chronofages... though not as ferocious as the inhuman ones that set up time-eating traps when it's me who needs to reach this or that den of officialdom. All those "your call is very important to us," "all our representatives are assisting other customers," "please stay on the line" etc. repeated every minute, tens or hundreds of times while you wait-- with the most horrible, unbearable compulsory music enforcement in between. For another, I pity folks who have to take a telemarketing job, no one chooses it, it's something one would do out of either sheer desperation due to the overall state of the market, or else out of sheer uselessness in any other capacity. If I engage them in a conversation knowing all the while I won't give them a chance in hell of it leading to a sale, I'd sort of turn the tables and eat their time myself. So I do my best not to take those calls personally... most of the time. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent thunder Posted March 12 I relished keeping them on the line as long as possible, preventing them from talking to another caller, stringing them along while I searched for my credit card, endlessly asking them to repeat the offer and restating it incorrectly again and while fumbling for that darned credit card randomly describing the swollen aspects of my cat's genitalea... wondering if it needed medical attention and what their take on it was. "should it be weeping like that?" or playing the developmentally challenged man with a head wound... 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted March 12 Ring ring ..... I pick up ; " Hello , is this the owner of this phone ?" I know this one s going to be good , also he had a very broad Indian accent . " No , why ? " " I need to speak to the owner of this phone as the owner has won a prize ! " " Nah mate , I found it on the table ringing , I am at a party ... hang on I will see if I can find them . " After various of the same and me doing different voices , and turning the music up and saying crazy shit to him, I started to run out of material ... this guy was good ! and relentless . So I handed it over to friend who did the same doing different voices . After confidently assuming otherwise ... I realised I was gonna break ! Fuck this guy is good , he aint giving up , and he could turn it back on you and was pretty witty . I tried to get his name as I said I actually had a present for him I told him I was Hugo Weaving and he replied that he was Russell Crowe ; " Shit Mate ! I knew that last fiml was bad but ... you ended up working in a Mumbai call centre ? ! " He won , eventually I just hung up . The 10 mins later , he rings back and asks the same first question , so I started doing it all over again " Not my phone, I am at a party ... " and he acted like it never happened before ! I caved in earlier and hung up . 10 m ins later ... again ! I hung up . Then again, I stopped answering .... wow ! That guy ... I hope he go an award or something for most relentless ...... errrrrm ... whatever he was trying to do 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted March 12 6 hours ago, silent thunder said: I relished keeping them on the line as long as possible, preventing them from talking to another caller, stringing them along while I searched for my credit card, endlessly asking them to repeat the offer and restating it incorrectly again and while fumbling for that darned credit card randomly describing the swollen aspects of my cat's genitalea... wondering if it needed medical attention and what their take on it was. "should it be weeping like that?" or playing the developmentally challenged man with a head wound... I had a three year outstanding electricity bill ( that I had evidence of paying ) and they tried to hassle me for 2 years to get it back , it went through three different finance companies ..... these sharks use nasty tactics and threats - I know old , sick or confused or frail people they have bullied , it was fun turning the tables; " Eh ? Peter from 'Panthera Collections' ? yeah, I got your letter , your logo is a big black panther yeah ? Ooooooo 'Panthera ' . is that supposed to be scary ... big tough collection agency ...... ' Peter ' ? " " No , I am not going to take anything seriously ? Not from you . I could not care less, cut off my credit I dont use it ? ... Oh no, check my file file , I do not owe money to ANYONE , no debt whatsoever , no mortgage , nothing . Thats right , hard to believe isnt it ..... how much are you in the hole for Peter ? ..... No, I suppose that is not any of my business , still I guess thats why you have to force yourself to do this shit job day in day out ..... Go on , cut my electricity off then ... I have moved , even if you find me , what ya gonna do , park a blimp between the Sun and my solar panels ? .... Yes, thats right , I am on solar now ...... Thats fine, lets go to court , that will be fun , I havent been since I beat the Attorney General in the Supreme court last year ... cost ? Nah, represent myself I do . The Judge aint gonna like you , not after she sees my receipts ... yes, receipts ! ... Well, you never asked did you ... that should have been your first question ." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted March 19 Oh wow ... instant flashback ! Seriously ..... " Yes, he is behind the curtains . " This really happened . Two crazy pranksters shared a flat , they where friends of a girl I knew . All three where angry about their recently broken away from, evangelical Christian upbringing . The lads had been getting door knockers , they talked to them and agreed to try what they said 'To bring Jesus into the hearts and homes .' They came back as arranged the next week . Lad one had nice tea and bikkies set out and sat them down and said it came true and how good it was . The doorknockers where overjoyed , a convert ! "He is still here now . " ( You know where this going .... the large lounge room window curtains where drawn closed . ) " Yes, Jesus will always be with you ... in spirit . " " No, he is still here .... right here now , in person . " " ..... Errrmmmm ..... " He opens curtains and , of course , there is other lad ..... full gruesome crucifixion scene . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted March 19 ... other pranks included ( just before they got expelled from their church .... which may have had something to do with that ? ) They would have to line up with others in turn and have the minister slam his palm into their forehead and blather stuff and then lie down , so ; - smear some super glue on your forehead just before he does that to you . - eat some green mushy peas and hold them in your cheeks , just before its your turn scoff a packet of 'wizz-fizz' sherbet powder, when he palms you start convulsing and squirt it out your nose . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted April 9 My neighbor had a visiting rabbit that did that - it came from the camp ground across the road where some woman was living in a teepee with three kids, and for some reason , 5 rabbits . He didnt get far , the rooster came flying out and beat up the rabbit ; " Not on my turf you dont ! " 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent thunder Posted April 30 Have shared before, but this one bears revisiting regularly... 1 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted May 4 Jeff Zaslow, when asked by an interviewer what gave him the audacity to apply at his young age for a position as an advice columnist... "I may only be 28, but I have the wisdom of a 29-year old." 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
