C T Posted January 24, 2014 this is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between the Irish and the British, off the coast of Kerry, Oct 98. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations: IRISH: Please divert your course 15º to the South to avoid a collision. BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15º to the North, to avoid a collision. IRISH: Negative. You have to divert your course 15º to the South to avoid a collision. BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy vessel! I say again, divert YOUR course! IRISH: Negative. I repeat, divert your course. BRITISH: This is the aircraft carrier HMS Britannia! The second largest ship in the British atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand you change your course 15º North, i say again, that is, 15º North, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this fleet. IRISH: Sir, we are a lighthouse. Your call. 8 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
C T Posted January 26, 2014 i got a good laugh outa this today... 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted January 27, 2014 My mirror.. Hehehe. That's why I don't look in mirrors any more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThisLife Posted January 28, 2014 http://www.instanthumour.com/the-day-that-albert-einstein-feared-may-have-finally-arrived 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chegg Posted February 2, 2014 The biggest swindler in the world dies and finds himself before the gates of Heaven and St. Peter, who says, "Come on in man!" Confused, the swindler questions, "But I thought I would be going to Hell for all of the bad things I did." St. Peter replies, "Oh, we don't keep records here, it's too much work!" The swindler goes in, and is once again surprised to see tons of beautiful girls kicking themselves. He asks St. Peter, "Why are they doing that?" St. Peter answers, "Ah, those are all of our virgins. They just found out we don't keep records, too!" 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThisLife Posted February 3, 2014 * “It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavours look interesting and lively; that was merely an unintended side effect. ...It is the only sport that incorporates meal breaks. It is the only sport that shares its name with an insect. It is the only sport in which spectators burn as many calories as the players-more if they are moderately restless.” Bill Bryson 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chegg Posted February 11, 2014 Q. What did one Taoist say to the other? A. Nothing ROFL ! :wub: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chegg Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) TAOISM: Shit happens. CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens". ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?) JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is itreally shit? CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad. PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training. SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list. ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens. UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts. RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else. JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US? REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate? (Kaopectate = treatment for diarrhea) MYSTICISM: What weird shit! AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit? ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit! NIHILISM: Who needs this shit? AZTEC: Cut out this shit! QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit. FORTEANISM: No shit?? 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit. VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you! NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening. DEISM: Shit just happens. EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is. SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind. BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind. SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere. HINDUISM: This shit has happened before. WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen! HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice. THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens. DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born. SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays. JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon. MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens. HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens. BAHA'I: It's all the same shit. STOICISM: This shit is good for me. OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you. EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault. REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down. FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time. CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away. EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit. DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today. RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit. lol Edited February 11, 2014 by chegg 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BaguaKicksAss Posted February 11, 2014 An advertising banner with lots of hearts on it for valentines day... "nothing says I love you better than ZoneAlarm" "50% off" ROFL (PS it's firewall software) 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chegg Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) Everytime I tune to "Martin," I get a laugh out of that show. I no comprende. (ed: I don't think we get that show) Edited February 11, 2014 by chegg Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GreytoWhite Posted February 11, 2014 I no comprende. (ed: I don't think we get that show) It's an older US sitcom. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BaguaKicksAss Posted February 12, 2014 http://dailycurrant.com/2014/01/06/canada-legalizes-medicinal-cocaine-3/ 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chegg Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Shit happens contuinued.......... CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad. MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge. RED CROSS: Shit happens - send money. EVANGELICAL: Praise God in spite of this shit cause this shit ain't gonna last much longer. JAINISM: Your Shit should not harm anything. SHAMANISM: Shit Happens while dreaming. :o Edited February 12, 2014 by chegg 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Mar-Vell Posted February 12, 2014 ... ICKISM: Alien shapeshifting lizards are shitting on planet earth. CONSPIRITUALITY: This shit makes me paranoid. I just made them up! ... 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rara Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Hearing the press conference where Samuel L Jackson is mistaken for Laurence Fishburne by a journalist hahahaha...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqQWkB0kn9Y Edited February 12, 2014 by Rara 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted February 12, 2014 Hearing the press conference where Samuel L Jackson is mistaken for Laurence Fishburne by a journalist hahahaha... I will try and find an excerpt Hehehe. That would have been a BIG mistake. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rara Posted February 12, 2014 Hehehe. That would have been a BIG mistake. Just edited my post...video embedded. Enjoy! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted February 12, 2014 Just edited my post...video embedded. Enjoy! Yep. Knowing that Jackson would not be able to let that go. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soaring crane Posted February 12, 2014 THIS made me cry with laughing fits about two minutes ago: http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6951967/farting-figure-skaters-and-other-flatulence-olympic-athletes 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted February 12, 2014 Someone had a lot of spare time on their hands. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
