doc benway Posted May 20, 2017 On 3/20/2017 at 10:15 AM, rene said: Hubby & I were swapping funny drunk antics from our past, he said: "I wanted to go skinny dipping, so I took off all my clothes, put on my mask & flippers, & walked two blocks to the lake..." 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thelerner Posted May 27, 2017 On 5/20/2017 at 7:02 AM, kāvēri said: Came across this on a topic discussing destiny vs free will. From the same website. Not that its so funny, but its poignant. Three construction workers always ate their lunch together. Each one of them brought from home the same lunch every day and they were getting sick and tired. “If one more time, I’ve to eat the same sandwich,” the first one said one day, “I’m going to jump off this building.” The next person opened his lunchbox and complained, “If tomorrow I’ve to eat this pasta again, I’ll kill myself.” The third man saw his and yelled, “Oh for cryin’ out loud! If one more time I’ve to eat this salad, by God, I’m going to jump.” The next day, they sat down for lunch as usual. The first worker opened his box and let out a big sigh. “Thank God, it’s rice today.” The second one saw his lunchbox and exclaimed joyously, “Finally! I love these bread-rolls.” “Damn it!” The third one said banging his box against his forehead. “Same old salad!” Without another word, he jumped off the building and died. Distraught, his friends confronted his wife at the funeral. “Why couldn’t you just give him something else for lunch? Now look. The poor guy killed himself.” “That’s what I don’t understand,” the wife said. “He always made his own lunch!” 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kar3n Posted June 1, 2017 We all have those days... 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miroku Posted June 2, 2017 As an english major this made me laugh a lot. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brian Posted June 2, 2017 21 minutes ago, Miroku said: As an english major this made me laugh a lot. I love it! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miroku Posted June 2, 2017 4 minutes ago, Brian said: I love it! Glad to hear that. I use it for inspiration whenever I have to write essays. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shazlor Posted June 20, 2017 The first 35 seconds nearly made me piss my pants. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oak Posted August 6, 2017 Is there a dog in every cat ? ...Is there a cat in every dog... ? 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shazlor Posted August 8, 2017 On 8/6/2017 at 9:44 PM, oak said: Is there a dog in every cat ? ...Is there a cat in every dog... ? I LOLed. Very good. * Cat Vs. Dog — War Of The Diaries The Dog’s Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! The Cat’s Diary Day 983 of My Captivity My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ... * 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Starjumper Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) Q: "Would it bother you if I told you I love you?" A: "Get dressed mister, your prostate is fine." Edited August 20, 2017 by Starjumper 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Starjumper Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) Tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are. Who you hang out with who you are thanks you're welcome Edited August 20, 2017 by Starjumper Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted August 20, 2017 17 minutes ago, Starjumper said: Tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are. Who you hang out with who you are thanks you're welcome I hang out with no one. Who am I? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
