Discussion on Opening, "Body Armor" etc

[Sloppy Zhang]

So a little while ago, Seth Ananda made an interesting thread about "body armor", being open, and energy transfer. That thread started out looking at that through the lense of ejaculation and such, but I'd like to broaden that discussion a little bit.

 

Going off some of my past threads and experiences, I've started to "feel" a lot more, not only myself, but also other people. In some cases it's gotten downright bothersome. I've tried to figure out the cause for some of this. From B.K. Frantzis' "Opening the Energy Gates of Your Body", I seem to recall him giving a warning about dissolving past the aura, but I can't find it. In some of my practices, I'd have the feeling that I hadn't completely "let go" unless I dissolved past the aura, so I did, and, well, this happened I've also examined my living situation for the past three years- I've either lived in a dorm, surrounded by people, or an apartment, also overfilled. Not a lot of personal/alone time. I've started to feel like all eyes are on me, and anything I have to do I have to justify. People ask, "what are ya doing?" "are you okay?" "What's the matter?" "How've you been?" "hey, that looks cool, what's that?" everything. If I leave, take a walk, or do go somewhere, I always feel like at any given moment, "all eyes are (or at least, can be) on me." (coincidentally, just today I wondered if this is how high profile celebrities feel).

 

In any case, I recalled the thread I've linked to above, and that there were other cultures who were "open" and managed to work their way through.

 

Just recently blasto made an interesting post about how people who are "open" (as in, heart chakra opened) also have to be strong:

 

I don't think there is a polarization of the 3rd and 4th chakra, heart vs. solar plexus. Typically, when your solar plexus opens up, you acquire the genuine strength that is necessary to be open-hearted, because let's face it, in today's world, it takes guts, and balls, to allow people into your heart. You don't see frightened, wounded, ungrounded people walking around courageously embracing everyone in their midst. No, the people who do this are loving because they are strong. Those who spend years settling for the love they can get from their cat are those who long for love but who haven't yet found the strength within to expand their search.

 

So I'd just like to hear everyone's opinions and/or experiences of being open, and any suggestions about how to handle it, how to balance it, etc etc. Because for me, I'm always trying to find some solitary place, I'm always trying to separate myself off. Yeah, "all is one" sounds good in theory, but suddenly it's like you can NEVER get away. Very little personal space. It seems like every time I decide to rope off a "personal space", I'll come back 10 minutes later and see someone rummaging through my spot, or chilling there saying, "I've never sat here before, but for some reason I just wanted to hang out here today!"

 

It's just not working out for me, so reading this old post I thought- I dunno, maybe my practices have started melting away that body armor, and I keep trying to put it off, but I can't put on more than I am taking off. But taking it off feels uncomfortable, sometimes even violating, so I still gotta find a way to work through this....

[寒月 Hanyue]

I found some of the most lucid descriptions of energetic relationship and boundaries along with pragmatic exercises in the work of Julie Henderson, her work is called Zapchen. Don't be put off by the weird titles of her books, there is much more below that surface impression they can give.

 

Best,

 

This is what Paul Ekman (leading world authority on emotions) has to say about her;

 

When the New York Times puts you on the front page, all the other newspapers and other media follow suit, and soon we were deluged with telephone calls and letters. Among them was one from Julie, who wrote us that she understood what we had found and knew other ways to produce the changes we had found. I invited her to come to our laboratory and show us. We attached the electrodes to different parts of her body to measure the changes in her physiology, and she easily followed our instructions about making the different facial movements. Just as we had found with our actors, she also generated the distinctive pattern of changes in her physiology for each different facial expression. Then she told us she could do it with her voice, and sure enough she did. And when she then both made the sounds and moved her face, we had to stop her, for the changes she produced were so large, they scared us. For example, we found an increase in heart rate of about ten beats per minute with most of our subjects. Julie generated an increase of over 100 beats per minute, and it happened instantly when she made a particular face and body. Equally astounding, she could generate these same changes without making a sound or moving a facial muscle, just by concentrating on her knowledge of how the body works.

 

A few years later, Julie gave a two-day workshop to a group of scientists studying emotion, in which she used an earlier version of the exercises described in this book. We were then her subjects, and we each experienced many of the changes she writes about.

 

She is a marvel. I don't know if all of her explanations are correct, but the exercises do work, they can change your experience and sensations. I recommend them to you.

 

Paul Ekman, Ph.D.

Professor of Psychology

University of California Medical School, San Francisco

[Jetsun]

The way I am trying to work with this is to try to welcome the discomfort from being open, trying to welcome the fear and the hurt and the anger. I think it is the fear and the trying to avoid these states which makes you weak as you spend a huge amount of energy worrying about them and trying to avoid them, but when you embrace them and welcome them then all that energy is freed up and there is no strong fear. I'm yet to really master this but it is an attempt at reversing my attitude to life.

 

But what I have also learned is that you need to feel you have the ability to assert your boundaries if you are going to open up, as when you are open other people will be able to hurt you whenever they like, so you have to be prepared to really feel that hurt but you will also have to feel like you have the power to push them away and say no to them when they do so without too much guilt. So in essence I think you need a confidence or trust in your anger or yang to serve you to assert yourself, but in a calm and forceful way rather than an explosive violent way.

 

I spent a long time of my life being quite open without feeling like I had the ability to say no and push people away when they hurt me without huge amounts of guilt, which ended up building a huge amount of resentment and many problems.

Edited March 6, 2011 by Jetsun

[Birch]

Now THIS is a discussion that I'm going to find very useful.

I have same "problem" in that i just pick up the vibes of the people i am with and end up literally feeling whatever they are feeling.

With people who are angry or have "icky" vibes, it's just not pleasant at all.

A few solutions seem to be available. "healing" the person so their ickiness doesn't affect you, hide away in some solitude somewhere, put up some kind of symbolic "shield" or stop being an "i" entirely so it all breezes past. I've tried all of the above but it just pisses me off that i have to make the effort while the icky people get to continue being icky.

And don't get me started on " intentions" - when someone throws a nasty one in my face it's like a dagger. Oh yes i'll have some compassion for the fear or desire that drove the person to feel that way but i find myself thinking "not fair" more and more often about this stuff. It also causes me to want to avoid certain people. Some of whom are friends and just wouldn't get it. Oh also aside, the basic fact that admitting to such things will get me a "crazy" label faster than you can get to the corner store...

[Birch]

I found some of the most lucid descriptions of energetic relationship and boundaries along with pragmatic exercises in the work of Julie Henderson, her work is called Zapchen. Don't be put off by the weird titles of her books, there is much more below that surface impression they can give.

 

Best,

 

This is what Paul Ekman (leading world authority on emotions) has to say about her;

 

When the New York Times puts you on the front page, all the other newspapers and other media follow suit, and soon we were deluged with telephone calls and letters. Among them was one from Julie, who wrote us that she understood what we had found and knew other ways to produce the changes we had found. I invited her to come to our laboratory and show us. We attached the electrodes to different parts of her body to measure the changes in her physiology, and she easily followed our instructions about making the different facial movements. Just as we had found with our actors, she also generated the distinctive pattern of changes in her physiology for each different facial expression. Then she told us she could do it with her voice, and sure enough she did. And when she then both made the sounds and moved her face, we had to stop her, for the changes she produced were so large, they scared us. For example, we found an increase in heart rate of about ten beats per minute with most of our subjects. Julie generated an increase of over 100 beats per minute, and it happened instantly when she made a particular face and body. Equally astounding, she could generate these same changes without making a sound or moving a facial muscle, just by concentrating on her knowledge of how the body works.

 

A few years later, Julie gave a two-day workshop to a group of scientists studying emotion, in which she used an earlier version of the exercises described in this book. We were then her subjects, and we each experienced many of the changes she writes about.

 

She is a marvel. I don't know if all of her explanations are correct, but the exercises do work, they can change your experience and sensations. I recommend them to you.

 

Paul Ekman, Ph.D.

Professor of Psychology

University of California Medical School, San Francisco

 

Thank you very much Snowmonki for this reference. I have great hope that it will help me solve the problem :-)

 

I happened upon this on the website

 

"The Lover Within

If you have ever felt energy from a person or a situation, this book will reassure you that you are not crazy. This exploration of energy and sexuality teaches how to develop energetic skills (perceiving energy and energetic exchange) in any relationship (sexual or not), including your relationship with yourself. In seventy-eight exercises that you can practice alone or with others, Julie gives us the basics of a tantra adapted to the West. She teaches how to create boundaries and how to merge. She talks about bad energetic habits -- compression, diffusion, disappearance -- and how to replace them with other habits that allow you to pulse and live as an energetic being. ($20 USA, $22 Int'l, now also available at Amazon.com)"

 

I love books (and people) that reassure me that I am not crazy :-)

 

I wouldn't have thought for a minute to look for that book by myself. It didn't occur to me that the energy I'm feeling is "sexual" in nature - and it seems it isn't always, but I guess the best way to get people interested in this stuff is to call it out as xxx :-)

 

Mucho gusto!

[Spectrum]

Described to a T ! Facebook me Mr Sloppy 'spectrum vidavlan'

[寒月 Hanyue]

 

Thank you very much Snowmonki for this reference. I have great hope that it will help me solve the problem :-)

 

I love books (and people) that reassure me that I am not crazy :-)

 

I wouldn't have thought for a minute to look for that book by myself. It didn't occur to me that the energy I'm feeling is "sexual" in nature - and it seems it isn't always, but I guess the best way to get people interested in this stuff is to call it out as xxx :-)

 

Mucho gusto!

 

You're most welcome. Yes anything that lets us know we aren't crazy is good!

 

When I was going round with a good friend promoting a workshop last year we met a guy in an esoteric bookshop. It was a recommendation from him. The book you mention is not really about sex or sexual energy (that isn't what I got from it anyway). It is, but it isn't. The pinky purple cover and the title I think will always keep it hidden in plain sight from many people.

 

She simply deals with energetic relationships, boundaries, sex, emotions etc. It is an easy read and deals as much with personal practice as it does anything else. The exercises are simple and there are solo and partner exercises (most aren't directly to do with anything sexual, but simply energy in relationship with energy). Her take on sexual energy and practice though was very helpful and insightful, I found her work to make much more sense than many other teachers.

 

Best,

[sean]

snowmonki, do you have/recommend any of her other books?

 

i found lover within on amazon, looks like her others are only available by sending her a check. bedtime stories, humming, well-being and one on i-ching and the language of movement which interested me as i've been getting into bagua lately.

 

regarding the topic here, i struggle with this often. one thing i (think) i remember adyashanti saying was that as he became more and more open, there was this point where he was so vulnerable that it became kind of an all or nothing thing. if there was one shred of attachment to "ego" arising, then even a small slight from someone could feel like a sword just brutally ripping it's way through his entire being. but to let that tiny thread of investment go, then there was only transparency and a sword going "whooosh".

 

sean

[Sloppy Zhang]

regarding the topic here, i struggle with this often. one thing i (think) i remember adyashanti saying was that as he became more and more open, there was this point where he was so vulnerable that it became kind of an all or nothing thing. if there was one shred of attachment to "ego" arising, then even a small slight from someone could feel like a sword just brutally ripping it's way through his entire being. but to let that tiny thread of investment go, then there was only transparency and a sword going "whooosh".

 

Yeah, I reached a point just a little while ago when I realized, "hey, this whole problem exists because of my attachment to "self", because I feel like I am being violated, but if there's no I, then there's no problem.... hmmm....."

 

But it does require a different way of looking at things, and of living life trying to play the game the "old" way just doesn't work, doomed to failure, and back to square one...

[Lucky7Strikes]

But it does require a different way of looking at things, and of living life trying to play the game the "old" way just doesn't work, doomed to failure, and back to square one...

Yup!

 

The more open you become, holding onto a self becomes much more painful and difficult, but also you see how stupid and unnecessary it is. It's like an addiction your existence has.

 

By the way, great topic! Would be awesome if more experienced practitioners can weigh in too.

Edited March 7, 2011 by Lucky7Strikes

[Birch]

snowmonki, do you have/recommend any of her other books?

 

i found lover within on amazon, looks like her others are only available by sending her a check. bedtime stories, humming, well-being and one on i-ching and the language of movement which interested me as i've been getting into bagua lately.

 

regarding the topic here, i struggle with this often. one thing i (think) i remember adyashanti saying was that as he became more and more open, there was this point where he was so vulnerable that it became kind of an all or nothing thing. if there was one shred of attachment to "ego" arising, then even a small slight from someone could feel like a sword just brutally ripping it's way through his entire being. but to let that tiny thread of investment go, then there was only transparency and a sword going "whooosh".

 

sean

 

"remember adyashanti saying was that as he became more and more open, there was this point where he was so vulnerable that it became kind of an all or nothing thing. if there was one shred of attachment to "ego" arising, then even a small slight from someone could feel like a sword just brutally ripping it's way through his entire being. but to let that tiny thread of investment go, then there was only transparency and a sword going "whooosh"."

 

 

Well that's what I'm talking about (I think) and it's no fun at all. The feeling used to be dimmer and I can honestly say I miss it being dim

 

I don't think there's only one way to resolve this thing. What did he say happened after the whooshing?

I also ought to point out that many people are in fact brutal to each other, despite being friends or family. What if this is the darn truth?

[Seth Ananda]

So a little while ago, Seth Ananda made an interesting thread about "body armor", being open, and energy transfer. That thread started out looking at that through the lense of ejaculation and such, but I'd like to broaden that discussion a little bit.

 

Going off some of my past threads and experiences, I've started to "feel" a lot more, not only myself, but also other people. In some cases it's gotten downright bothersome. I've tried to figure out the cause for some of this. From B.K. Frantzis' "Opening the Energy Gates of Your Body", I seem to recall him giving a warning about dissolving past the aura, but I can't find it. In some of my practices, I'd have the feeling that I hadn't completely "let go" unless I dissolved past the aura, so I did, and, well, this happened I've also examined my living situation for the past three years- I've either lived in a dorm, surrounded by people, or an apartment, also overfilled. Not a lot of personal/alone time. I've started to feel like all eyes are on me, and anything I have to do I have to justify. People ask, "what are ya doing?" "are you okay?" "What's the matter?" "How've you been?" "hey, that looks cool, what's that?" everything. If I leave, take a walk, or do go somewhere, I always feel like at any given moment, "all eyes are (or at least, can be) on me." (coincidentally, just today I wondered if this is how high profile celebrities feel).

 

In any case, I recalled the thread I've linked to above, and that there were other cultures who were "open" and managed to work their way through.

 

Just recently blasto made an interesting post about how people who are "open" (as in, heart chakra opened) also have to be strong:

 

 

 

So I'd just like to hear everyone's opinions and/or experiences of being open, and any suggestions about how to handle it, how to balance it, etc etc. Because for me, I'm always trying to find some solitary place, I'm always trying to separate myself off. Yeah, "all is one" sounds good in theory, but suddenly it's like you can NEVER get away. Very little personal space. It seems like every time I decide to rope off a "personal space", I'll come back 10 minutes later and see someone rummaging through my spot, or chilling there saying, "I've never sat here before, but for some reason I just wanted to hang out here today!"

 

It's just not working out for me, so reading this old post I thought- I dunno, maybe my practices have started melting away that body armor, and I keep trying to put it off, but I can't put on more than I am taking off. But taking it off feels uncomfortable, sometimes even violating, so I still gotta find a way to work through this....

 

Hey Sloppy, I am not sure what to say but this stage can last for years. I myself am still in it, but I navigate it a lot better than I used to.

There are several things that can help a lot, but for me now I just have to meditate. Really I do not have much choice. I need to spend quite a bit of time daily just sitting, feeling all the present vibrations within my body and environment and breathing deep and smooth.

It is a slow process of unravelling contractions and grasping, and learning openness.

 

The other things that help are:

Clean Living space.

Right association. [avoiding douche-bags and other ignoramuses unless you have work/service to do with them]

plenty of time out doors, soaking up all the harmony fields of nature.

Good exercise and stretching.

Good food.

Right Living... {all the awesome understandings you have on how to relate well, live well...}

regular body work.

lol, all pretty standard wellbeing magazine advice.

 

To me this stage entirely hangs on one simple thing and that is Feeling.

when we start energy work, we start feeling energy, then we start feeling our contraction, then we start practising letting go of contraction and opening up more.

The result of this is that we start to feel not just the Impressions of the outside world but also our 'inner' content. Both have Huge ramifications, and once begun there is no going back.

This is why traditional schools had so much secrecy. Teachings really can cause straight up Hell for people. I know processes that are so powerful they can totally turn a persons entire way of seeing and experiencing the world inside out. I am not exaggerating. The shock to the system is just too much, and far too close to straight up Insanity. All these teachings were originally closely guarded secrets, and still I have only ever found tiny portions in print. This is good, and I would never share them with someone I did not know, as I am not cruel.

All of them though hang on feeling.

Feeling is the most undervalued sense but really it is [in some ways] possibly the most Important. Feeling takes us through and out of everything.

Just stay with it, breath, feel, let go, feel, breath, and also try to remember that you? are the space it happens within, or remember any model that lets you become larger but inclusive of each experience.

 

You are in the process and will have to just keep going till clear and open is totally natural. So the news is sort of Bad but also Good.

 

I am up late, and tired and beginning to wonder if I am making any sense or expressing my thoughts the way I mean them, so good night.

 

Blessings!

[sean]

To me this stage entirely hangs on one simple thing and that is Feeling.

in this context, do you find that there is a distinction (or usefulness in one) between feeling and sensing?

 

this may very well be particular to my current trip, but i've been noticing that "sensing" points me a bit more toward the actual raw data of my experience in the moment.

 

e.g., the coolness of the hardwood floor on my feet, the vibration of sound from two birds conversing and how each chirp subtly ripples through my ears, inside my skull and then down the front of my chest, the warmth, almost heat, of my nose contrasting with the crisp air hitting the inside of my nostrils, etc.

 

compared with "feeling", or at least the way i've been using that word, and especially what i used to think of as "emotion". they are at least subtly more like "stories of sensation", one conceptual layer removed from the living visceral sea of sense impressions.

 

e.g., i am feeling sad, vs. there is an impossible heaviness in my chest, like a compressed stone, somehow floating unreasonably, defiant, despite its weight.

 

maybe this is one of those "mountains are not mountains" temporary middle phases i am in, and over time feelings will return to what they "should" be, i.e., simple grounded descriptions of archetypal bundles of sensation vs. floating abstractions i am not truly in touch with.

 

sean

[Seth Ananda]

in this context, do you find that there is a distinction (or usefulness in one) between feeling and sensing?

 

this may very well be particular to my current trip, but i've been noticing that "sensing" points me a bit more toward the actual raw data of my experience in the moment.

 

e.g., the coolness of the hardwood floor on my feet, the vibration of sound from two birds conversing and how each chirp subtly ripples through my ears, inside my skull and then down the front of my chest, the warmth, almost heat, of my nose contrasting with the crisp air hitting the inside of my nostrils, etc.

 

compared with "feeling", or at least the way i've been using that word, and especially what i used to think of as "emotion". they are at least subtly more like "stories of sensation", one conceptual layer removed from the living visceral sea of sense impressions.

 

e.g., i am feeling sad, vs. there is an impossible heaviness in my chest, like a compressed stone, somehow floating unreasonably, defiant, despite its weight.

 

maybe this is one of those "mountains are not mountains" temporary middle phases i am in, and over time feelings will return to what they "should" be, i.e., simple grounded descriptions of archetypal bundles of sensation vs. floating abstractions i am not truly in touch with.

 

sean

I guess the Feeling and Sensing could be fairly interchangeable in what I am talking about, as long as that 'Sensing' means that the 'Feeling' component of it is Deeply activated.

Feeling is sometimes described as an atrophied sense organ that should be as strong or even stronger than sight. The other thing to mention is that as ones ability to 'feel' develops, so do all the other senses.

In some Tantric schools Feeling was the most Important sense, as It is the one sense that is present in all stages of consciousness and samadhi.

In the western schools, there is a great deal of teaching on a subject usually referred to as Impressions. Students would sit around for hours, contemplating Nature, great Art, an amazing music piece, a naked woman, or geometric forms.

The aim was to start to Feel the subject deeply, thus awakening the souls mode/organs of perception.

As one feels these things, other levels of sensing start to add to it. Impressions are dynamic colourful, scented and audible 'beings' in their own right. But that other stuff is just candy on top of the feeling level.

A student that would/could not let themselves feel and started to get visual or other sensations would start to get heady and unbalanced, and would be returned to strong physical labour of some kind.

 

Big Love!

[Otis]

I've either lived in a dorm, surrounded by people, or an apartment, also overfilled. Not a lot of personal/alone time. I've started to feel like all eyes are on me, and anything I have to do I have to justify. People ask, "what are ya doing?" "are you okay?" "What's the matter?" "How've you been?" "hey, that looks cool, what's that?" everything. If I leave, take a walk, or do go somewhere, I always feel like at any given moment, "all eyes are (or at least, can be) on me." (coincidentally, just today I wondered if this is how high profile celebrities feel).

Of course I don't know what you're going through, Zhang. But the "all eyes on me" part does remind me of a transition phase that I have been going through for awhile. As I am learning ways of surrendering "me", it is even more painful when I suddenly crash back into "me" again, whereas before when I was "me" all the time, I never noticed it.

 

Nothing crashes me back into me, like self-consciousness. My internal alarm of "how am I perceived?" can kick my ass, because it plummets me out of authenticity back into ego habits.

 

I think that is why I feel called to practice authenticity in public. Most of my major practices arise only when I am visible to others, not because I want to be seen, but precisely because part of me does not. Because then it is also practice for surrendering self-consciousness.

[sean]

I guess the Feeling and Sensing could be fairly interchangeable in what I am talking about, as long as that 'Sensing' means that the 'Feeling' component of it is Deeply activated.

thanks for your response.

 

the trip i'm on right now is a perception that all feelings have their root in physiological sensations in the body. that, in a sense, feelings are a "story" about sensations.

 

I think that is why I feel called to practice authenticity in public. Most of my major practices arise only when I am visible to others, not because I want to be seen, but precisely because part of me does not. Because then it is also practice for surrendering self-consciousness.

 

i'm inspired by your public practice, fwiw.

 

sean

[Otis]

the trip i'm on right now is a perception that all feelings have their root in physiological sensations in the body. that, in a sense, feelings are a "story" about sensations.

Yeah, I agree with that. Another nomenclature break-down could be "sense" vs. "perception", maybe? Perception is story, no doubt.

 

And I agree that it is listening to the raw data which is really powerful. Listening to story may be useful, as well, but just in terms of unwinding and debunking the story. In terms of learning to be authentic, the less "how, why, what, where, who", the better.

[Sloppy Zhang]

I think that is why I feel called to practice authenticity in public. Most of my major practices arise only when I am visible to others, not because I want to be seen, but precisely because part of me does not. Because then it is also practice for surrendering self-consciousness.

 

i'm inspired by your public practice, fwiw.

 

sean

 

I'm also inspired, maybe because I can hardly bring myself to do it.

 

At first, practicing in front of people didn't really bother me. But now that I'm at my point, I just can't do it. It feels like they're in there with me, like, practice is a time for me to explore myself and dig up inner stuff, but I feel other people are in there and looking at that internal stuff, and I dunno, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

 

But maybe that's back to the whole ego, sense of self, wanting boundaries, etc etc

 

The best experiences I've had were when I was alone, when I knew that it was just me, and I could delve really deeply without any risk of someone "interfering". Which, if you think about it, is kinda silly, because if you seek to be one with the universe and all that, that would include all the people (friends, family, dorm mates, strangers, etc etc) who "bother" you (or at least me). I'm fine facing things on a universal scale, but not on a personal one probably because universal things are abstract, but person ones have faces and names and relationships to attach to those concepts...

Edited March 9, 2011 by Sloppy Zhang

[Birch]

Again, excellent book recommendation Snowmonki!

 

Thank you very much!

 

I'm about halfway through it. Most of the stuff seems familiar to me from KAP or other qi-gong and just personal experience and practice and of course TTB's.

Also things in there that make sense of some weird old sayings.

 

Given I was in a "tell me I'm not a nutcase" position, buying books with lots of validation (including, yes, "science" :-)) was a really neat move.

 

 

However, gotta watch out for the (my) tendency to want validation in the first place so I'd be curious if other folks have read it and could do a proper critical takedown of what the author is on about.

 

The exercises are fun I've done some of them before on purpose and some spontaneously. Ferrari indeed

[Spectrum]

It's good when you can find a partner who's literally built for speed so you can hit some corners under velocity

[Birch]

Hi Kate. What's the title that you're reading? Or URL?

 

I visited her webpage and liked what I read.

The Lover Within. I got it on Amazon.

Don't be put off by the hokey title and purple/pink cover.

It's very "technically" sound IMO.

[Jetsun]

The Lover Within. I got it on Amazon.

Don't be put off by the hokey title and purple/pink cover.

It's very "technically" sound IMO.

 

I got the book too and am about half way through, I agree with what you say about the title, if it wasn't for what people said on here I don't think I would ever have even considered it, but it is a pity that it has been presented this way because it has some great information for working with energetic boundaries. There are many people I know who could really benefit from the information in this book especially those who are oversensitive or have inappropriate boundaries around people who take on other peoples feelings as their own. I'll have to wait and see if the exercises make a difference long term but it feels like an important area to work with.

[Otis]

I'm also inspired, maybe because I can hardly bring myself to do it.

 

At first, practicing in front of people didn't really bother me. But now that I'm at my point, I just can't do it. It feels like they're in there with me, like, practice is a time for me to explore myself and dig up inner stuff, but I feel other people are in there and looking at that internal stuff, and I dunno, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

 

But maybe that's back to the whole ego, sense of self, wanting boundaries, etc etc

 

The best experiences I've had were when I was alone, when I knew that it was just me, and I could delve really deeply without any risk of someone "interfering". Which, if you think about it, is kinda silly, because if you seek to be one with the universe and all that, that would include all the people (friends, family, dorm mates, strangers, etc etc) who "bother" you (or at least me). I'm fine facing things on a universal scale, but not on a personal one probably because universal things are abstract, but person ones have faces and names and relationships to attach to those concepts...

I'm with you on this, Zhang. I used to have a great deal of resistance being "seen" when I was vulnerable, like in practice. And so that became a practice, within itself.

 

As I practiced in public, I started observing the dynamics that others' (apparently watchful) presence created in my mind. I realized that "other people watching" was just a story that would come up in my head. When I examined the evidence, all I could see was other people standing and facing in my direction, but my head's story would include what they thought, how I appeared to them, etc.

 

Eventually I realized that I could turn off the "other people watching" alarm and stories, at will. The alarms come back, of course, but they help me see that what I feared was not actually "other people watching", but rather the self-judge, inside my head. I.E. when I noticed others watching, I would project my wishes and fears, through them, back on my self. Every story that I told myself was about them, was really about how I wanted to appear, or was afraid I appeared.

 

Over time, I've pushed that practice, to include facing other self-consciousness alarms. A buddy and I started making "dare videos" for youtube, in which we would do things in public, that scared the crap out of us. The very things that made me self-conscious became the fodder for creation, and adventure. One of those videos is below, of me cross-dressing as a prostitute, and going walking on Beverly Hills' Rodeo Drive; a big day, and an important step in facing my fear.

 

[sean]

One of those videos is below, of me cross-dressing as a prostitute, and going walking on Beverly Hills' Rodeo Drive; a big day, and an important step in facing my fear.

dude, will you do sexy saxman next, please?

 

imo we need at least two sexy saxmen in the world at all times.

 

 

 

sean

[Otis]

dude, will you do sexy saxman next, please?

Awesome! I'll have to start working on the song and the mullet now.