Goals

[freeform]

I know we've been on the subject of goals and manifestation and 'effortless' action and what not... but I recently had a few insights that have really helped me, so I thought I'd share.

 

I've been raving about the Slavinski book 'return to oneness'... and it's that book that allowed this latest insight into goal making.

 

In a way all our problems are caused by goals! This is how Slavinski explains it and it makes a great deal of sense.

 

Goals are simple - the structure is this: I want something that I dont already have... so this creates a polarity between 'me' and 'me with this thing' and the 'wanting' is the tension between the two - that is the motivating emotion (we have many other motivating emotions other than wanting, but anyway). So this tension (imagine 'me' and 'me with that thing' being pulled together by a rubber band of 'wanting') makes us get what we want - when we get that thing the tension collapses...

 

 

When we fail to get what we want then something completely different happens! We start with a decision (and since we've got a PUA theme going this month, I'll follow that)... so your decision is "I'll go and talk to that pretty girl I've had my eye on"... you go talk to her, she turns and looks at her friends they all laugh at you. you hang your head and walk away. This is a failed goal, and if it was traumatic enough (which this specific example would definately be) you set up in your ego a defense mechanism so that you dont experience the trauma again. This could be "pretty girls are mean" or "I'm not cool enough" or many more - depends on the person and the actual situation (and there can be several such defense mechanisms put in place at once).

 

So lets keep it simple and say that he only got one defense mechanism which was "all pretty girls are mean". The thing is his original goal is still not fullfilled! So there is still tension in that rubber band! On one end it's "I want to talk to pretty girls" on the other end "pretty girls are mean". This tension after some time goes deep into one's unconcious and stays dormant... lets say this dude 15 years later, when he completely forgot about that original regection, decides to approach a work colleague that he likes. He wants to do it, but there's something holding him back, and if he forces himself, he acts nervous and weird.

 

So he goes to some coach, or teacher, or PUA, or whatever and what they do is try to empower him... "you want that pretty girl? if you want her bad enough nothing can stand in your way" etc etc - they can use hypnosis, energy work, anchoring positive states, eft or whatever - and that will work for a little while - because it will strengthen the "I want to talk to pretty girls" part of the polarity whilst weakening the other polarity ("pretty girls are mean"). For a little while he'll use his energy and push himself with his will and he'll talk to a pretty girl... but the duality is still there! and at some point, as soon as he stops pushing and forcing against it, the rubber band is going to pull him right back. So the guy might go through life - seesawing between the two polarities...

 

What Slavinski suggests is that both the polarities should be brought together and integrated into one! (how taoist is that!?) There are a number of drills you can do to achieve this - but the main point is that both ends of the polarity are brought together and transformed into one/none... what appears to happen (according to Slavinski's book and the yahoo group dedicated to his methods) is that the charge of the problem completely disappears... there is nothing there - no tension, no pushing, no pulling etc. the guy can dance between the two polarities (he can find pretty girls mean, but he can also not, and he can talk to them if he wants and he can also not). It's as if the the goal structure has run its course - you've completed your goal, and the tension disappears!

 

Now this was a rather simple example... think how many little tensions there are in your ego. ever wanted to do something and a part of you didn't. Ever have conflicting 'parts'? I'm willing to bet that everyone here does to a certain extent. Our unconcious is full of these tensions, and the shape created by these tensions is what many people call 'me' or 'I'. These tensions are what I see as 'karma'... karma is just unresolved polarity... for some people 'suffering' and 'life' is a polarity so they act it out by not eating meat. there are hundreds/thousands of little tensions througout our ego - in fact every good aspect of our ego has a bad aspect, and visa versa, and that's already a polarity. It takes a lot of energy to keep the tension in all these polarities going... freeing them up leaves far more energy for other things. (I was thinking how introducing more energy into yourself can be dangerous - and it makes sense... stop ejaculating and you get more energy which is used up by your ego on the unconcious tensions you got going... which can lead to extreme behaviour! it makes so much sense!)

 

So does this make goals bad? I dont think so... I think that when goals are concious, and you know you're creating a polarity and a tension, and you know you have the responsibility and the tools to either accomplish your goal or to remove the tension - then you can be like the Tai Chi master advancing and reatreating in a dynamic dance between the polarities - except you're using your ego.

 

What happens when all these tensions are integrated? I think you get Adyashanti - type enlightened teachers. And when they form a goal - they have their whole concious energy invested in it and it's far more likely to happen.

 

Which might be how transmission works: Someone who's worked out all the kinks in his ego meditates with people that dont.... he has hundreds of times more energy that he can direct conciously - so he creates a dynamic tension - an intent - that all the people with him integrate their polarities... because of the amount of energy invested, this powerfull tension gives the people present a route, and if they relax enough their uncocnious will spot the route and take it!

 

the same with manifestation... creating an energetic tension between 'I' and 'I with my goal' means that if you've got enough of your ego integrated there will be so much energy, that it will create a dynamic tension throughout the universe leading to the completion of the goal... the only way to relieve the tension is to actualise the goal! If you dont complete it - you create 'karma' - i.e. unresolved polarity!

[freeform]

oh and I just read this very relevant quote on the HT forum... it's a piece quoted by matblack from the hua hu ching (so if you visit this forum - thanks mat!):

 

"does one scent appeal more than another?

do you prefer this flavour or that feeling?

is your practice sacred and your work profane?

then your mind is seperated

from itself from oneness from the tao

 

keep your mind free of divisions and distinctions

when your mind is detatched simple and quite

then all things can exist in harmony

and you can begin to percieve the subtle truth"

[Cameron]

Interesting stuff. Ime not sure how having Adyashanti and matt furey style guys as my teachers will resolve itself. I think ultimatly the goal oriented stuff is good for business or athletic goals or whatever or just to get things off the ground but long term you want to slip into a more intuituve, less limited and open state where you just see whatever it is you need in the present moment and get it.

 

Maybe if you can get enlightenment..your no longer confined or conditioned by all those ego or karmic restraints that bog people down so nothing is holding you back. That sexy girl is what you require you get her, the high paying job is what you require you get it, the trip to a retreat that will change your life and have a deep influence is what you need you go etc etc.

 

But until that enlightenment comes..you gotta have some kind of gaols system cause your intuition and breadth of real knowing is so limited.

 

Adya said how the " I want, I want, I want" conscsciosness is so limited. But from the persective of living in ego and getting things done it probably works well.

 

I don't know.

Edited July 7, 2006 by Cameron

[Vantage]

Somehow setting goals is no longer working for me. It feels against my nature. But then every other selfhelp program talks about setting goals, so all kinds of beliefs start to arise like "I should set goals", "I should pursue my goals".

 

So I did some searching on the forum and found this thread.

 

I think ultimatly the goal oriented stuff is good for business or athletic goals or whatever or just to get things off the ground but long term you want to slip into a more intuituve, less limited and open state where you just see whatever it is you need in the present moment and get it.

 

Adya said how the " I want, I want, I want" conscsciosness is so limited. But from the persective of living in ego and getting things done it probably works well.

 

These 2 quotes agree well with my experience.

[.broken.]

Well written freeform. It makes perfect sense.

 

I used to have dreams and aspirations, but I either saw them as a really difficult uphill struggle or so distant that it would remain fantasy. Recently, I've moved from no fantasies and an ever dimishing group of goals because now if there is something I think will take me somewhere I just DO. No thinking, no planning, no goal setting

 

It's the only way i've been able to make myself do regular cultivation. 20 - 30 mins twice a day of focusing on my dan tien. Progress is slower than my goal setting mind wanted previously, but my new found 'doing' remains unaffected.

[Taiji Bum]

Whether or not you like goals might have more to do with your personality than with the actual setting of goals.

I see goals as a process.

 

1- Choose a goal.

 

2- Study how other people achieved that goal.

 

3- Practice the principle behind the skills to achieve the goal.

 

4- Do it!

 

Such as-

 

1- I choose to date a pretty girl.

 

2- Study the human mating process from eye contact to sex. Study what the different dating gurus have to say

about dating. Learn the principles behind dating and learn what works for you.

 

3- Begin to practice talking/interacting with pretty girls and see everything as a learning experience and that there is no failure. If you get laughed at, laugh "with" them and learn what you did wrong.

 

4- Use what you have learned in your practice sessions with pretty girls and go ask a pretty girls out on dates until you get a date with a pretty girl.

[Yoda]

Maybe it's a "know the yang, but stick to the yin" kind of a thing.

[Vantage]

Maybe it's a "know the yang, but stick to the yin" kind of a thing.

Please explain.

[joeblast]

'Preserving the mind'...'making vows'...'setting goals'...it is all establishing one's intent. If one's intent is pure, righteous, proper - thus is the 'goal.' IMHO, setting false goals only leads one further from a proper path.

[Taiji Bum]

'Preserving the mind'...'making vows'...'setting goals'...it is all establishing one's intent. If one's intent is pure, righteous, proper - thus is the 'goal.' IMHO, setting false goals only leads one further from a proper path.

I absolutely agree with that. You can set and achieve any goal you set as long as it aligns with your inner values.

 

I forgot to add gratitude as part of the goal process. Before you start be grateful for what you already have, done and are. Then after the goal is achieved be grateful for it by sharing it with others.

[freeform]

Whether or not you like goals might have more to do with your personality than with the actual setting of goals.

I see goals as a process.

 

1- Choose a goal.

 

2- Study how other people achieved that goal.

 

3- Practice the principle behind the skills to achieve the goal.

 

4- Do it!

 

 

There are a couple of important additions I would add here... no. 1 - 'choose a goal' is a big subject in itself. Goal making is an act of specifying - or being specific - (I want THAT as opposed to everything else that's available)... so it serves to be extremely specific - so when you say 'I want to date a pretty girl' - you really need to be very specific of what 'pretty' is. The more specific the better - because 'pretty' is rather fluid, if this goal had enough internal tension in it you would find yourself going from girl to girl, trying to find someone pretty enough.

 

It's the same with "I want to be rich" - rich is such an ambiguous word - most people that have this goal as a 'life-story' will never be satisfied - they will never be rich enough, however many yachts they have, they can always have more.

 

and that's the thing with goals - achieving them is never really satisfying - it may well be exciting and brilliant for a good six months, but then it becomes 'normal' again... and again you have to try to fill that black hole with another goal - so it's easy to spend our entire life chasing goals, trying to satisfy ourselves. Real, true, nourishing satisfaction is right here in between our thoughts in between the goals that our minds jump to...

[Taiji Bum]

Freeform, have you read the greats on goal setting and achieving? All your arguements against setting goals are all explained in any book on goals. Brian Tracy is the best in my opinion.

 

1-Be specific! Dont say I want to be rich. Say I want to earn $100,000.

2-Set a deadline.

3-Make your goal statement so simple that a 10 year old can understand it and know when you have achieved it.

 

Same thing with dating pretty girls. If thats your goal then thats the goal you set. If you want a girlfriend then set that goal. If you want a wife then set that goal and be specific and believable.

 

All goals start with yourself. Your entire life is a reflection of your thoughts and feelings. All you are, have and done up to now is a result of your previous thoughts and feelings. Take responsibility for your life. Thats what goals are all about.

 

If you set a goal and your not satisfied with it when you accomplish it then set a new one. This isn't a merry-go-round of greed, its an exercise of character building and service to humanity. I dont really understand your fault finding in setting goals. Do you take responsibility for your life? Do you see the power in your life originating inside yourself or outside yourself?

[rain]

"What Slavinski suggests is that both the polarities should be brought together and integrated into one!"

 

it's called growing up i think

Edited January 17, 2008 by rain

[freeform]

If you set a goal and your not satisfied with it when you accomplish it then set a new one.

 

Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not trying to find faults with goal setting. Reading 'the greats' of goal setting is exactly what has lead me to my views in this matter. Not only reading, but studying with...

 

The part of me that sets a goal is not intrinsicaly aligned with the tao - it's as simple as that. There is another part of me that leads me to what I need when I need with no conscious direction from the part that sets goals... That part of me is aligned with the tao... (oh and what I think I need and what I truly need don't align often)

 

funny thing is; the part that sets goals will always argue that it's because of its efforts that 'good' things happen - which makes me laugh.

 

Setting goals is the act of willfully creating illusion and separation - nothing wrong or bad with that as long as it's conscious.

 

I once saw a privately filmed video of Anthony Robbins - He delivered an unbelievably energetic and convincing presentation - (un?)fortunately the amateur camerawork meant that after the speech the cameraman kept his lense focused on Robbins as he walked out of sight of the audience, while his co presenter did his thing. Robbins sat down and the camera zoomed in - all I could see in his eyes was a profound tiredness and disdain, none of what he spoke about was true for him in that moment - it was a sad sight, like looking at an old grizzly bear in a tiny cage.

 

Most people's goals are just a way of trying to fill an empty hole inside themselves with something from the outside. This is our life-story as a society. We have all these external 'riches' yet the more we have the more unsatisfied we feel.

 

-----

 

There is a way to let our conscious goal-making part dance with the deep flowing-feeling part - and the result of the dance is usually something that is very satisfying - but never in the way that you may have thought...

 

Sorry for being so vague, but it's hard to explain this without being with you as I do so.

 

Karen, if you read this, I'd really like to read your oppinion...

 

it's called growing up i think

 

I'd call it sinking down

 

[rain]

 

I'd call it sinking down

 

yes

 

that is what i am trying to say too.

"being breathed....."

getting a grip on your self is a widely misunderstood concept.

Edited January 17, 2008 by rain

[Stigweard]

Don't chase the stars

Sow seeds for a complete self

A star you will be

[Vantage]

For interesting views on living without goals check out Byron Katie's work.