Spiritual Clutter

[adept]

Over the years I've accumulated waaaay too much written material on Taoism and Buddhism.

I've got hundreds of PDF's on my hard drive, books, magazines, cd's, vids, mp3's.

And where has it got me ?

Absolutely nowhere. I'm probably more mixed up now than when I first started my search for the answers to life's big questions.

This week I was forced to face life head on, where all the teachings of the long gone masters and sages had no impact or relevance to me whatsoever.

My wife had a miscarriage. It has been a terribly upsetting week for us and our family. Something that has changed me forever.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience this awful tragedy.

I started to question and re-examine everything I've read and learned.

I read some of my older posts on the forums and the replies I've given to others when I came across this post by Kali Yuga.

Something clicked straight away.

I really need to 'burn all my holy books' once and for all. Not literally of course. I'll give them away or sell them on.

I need to strike out on my own and forge ahead on my own path, and not rely on the words and teachings of others.

Back to basics. The simple things.

Qigong, Zhan Zhuang and Meditation. No books, no scriptures, no talks, no videos.

I need to find myself. Not another's interpretation of it.

[Otis]

I'm very sorry for your loss, adept.

[Encephalon]

[mYTHmAKER]

Over the years I've accumulated waaaay too much written material on Taoism and Buddhism.

I've got hundreds of PDF's on my hard drive, books, magazines, cd's, vids, mp3's.

And where has it got me ?

Absolutely nowhere. I'm probably more mixed up now than when I first started my search for the answers to life's big questions.

This week I was forced to face life head on, where all the teachings of the long gone masters and sages had no impact or relevance to me whatsoever.

My wife had a miscarriage. It has been a terribly upsetting week for us and our family. Something that has changed me forever.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience this awful tragedy.

I started to question and re-examine everything I've read and learned.

I read some of my older posts on the forums and the replies I've given to others when I came across this post by Kali Yuga.

Something clicked straight away.

I really need to 'burn all my holy books' once and for all. Not literally of course. I'll give them away or sell them on.

I need to strike out on my own and forge ahead on my own path, and not rely on the words and teachings of others.

Back to basics. The simple things.

Qigong, Zhan Zhuang and Meditation. No books, no scriptures, no talks, no videos.

I need to find myself. Not another's interpretation of it.

 

Sorry for your loss.

[adept]

Thanks Otis and Blasto and Mythmaker.

 

 

Terrible news Blasto. My thoughts to all concerned.

 

Actually 365 Tao is about the only book that has any value to me.

DMD has a wonderful way of expressing the Tao in a day to day living style, that no other author has come close to.

We're lucky in that we have two wonderful children, but that doesn't soften the blow.

Edited March 31, 2011 by adept

[aridus]

When you read books, read.

When you are lost, and have nothing but your books, and you are freezing to death: burn them.

 

I'm not being flippant.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

[fizix]

Stop seeking, and it will find you.

[Encephalon]

Actually 365 Tao is about the only book that has any value to me.

DMD has a wonderful way of expressing the Tao in a day to day living style, that no other author has come close to.

 

I have to agree. I have "Scholar/Warrior" and "Everyday Tao" but for my money, if your zz practice was well-established and I found myself in a hermitage, "365" and "TTC" would be all I'd want.

 

How old are your kids, and how do you impart Taoist/Buddhist principles to them?

 

PM if preferred.

[Marblehead]

Sad, the loss Adept. My heart goes out to you and your wife.

 

Sometimes life kicks us square in the butt. Blasto's example is one of those.

 

But we all need to hang in there.

[andrew]

 

And where has it got me ?

Absolutely nowhere. I'm probably more mixed up now than when I first started my search for the answers to life's big questions.

 

 

 

Been there mate. It's actually not a bad place to be, spiritually speaking, although it feels horrible and rock bottom. I've been through losing a child, brother's suicide, losing my father to cancer amongst others and all of it makes you wonder 'what am I doing? where am I going? what is the point here?'

 

But I went through these challenges, mostly limped and crawled through actually. You have the choice, like you have rightly perceived, to live life in vain pursuit of something, or stand and actually be something. Life is being spilled through the cracks of our existence along with our love for it our our desire to keep it, like a waterfall that evaporates before it is out of sight. Letting it go while at the same time honoring it is the path of a Master, and if we have the guts, a path that lays at our feet always.

 

Feel the hurt, re-evaluate everything and press on. It honors those we have lost in the only real way we can. As the psalmist said "We will go to them, but they will not return to us"

 

love and empathy

 

andrew

Edited April 1, 2011 by andrew

[Gerard]

Over the years I've accumulated waaaay too much written material on Taoism and Buddhism.

 

Remember that 2,000 years ago spiritual practitioners had no books and other written or visual material, except what was written in the natural environment: stars, planets, rocks, trees, etc. Why should we have written information today?

 

These are the only books you'll ever need:

 

 

 

 

(Jupiter = wood energy, you can see this quality in its surface)

 

 

 

 

 

Another classic book:

 

[Marblehead]

Ah!, yes. A return to nature, from whence we all came.

[manitou]

My very best wishes to you and your wife, Adept. Dealing with the sudden void of losing a child must be like having the earth crumble beneath your feet. I wish there were something I could do to share your pain.

 

Yes, our pile of little books looks pretty silly next to an event of this magnitude. such deep loss brings different opportunity for understanding.

[rain]

Over the years I've accumulated waaaay too much written material on Taoism and Buddhism.

I've got hundreds of PDF's on my hard drive, books, magazines, cd's, vids, mp3's.

And where has it got me ?

Absolutely nowhere. I'm probably more mixed up now than when I first started my search for the answers to life's big questions.

This week I was forced to face life head on, where all the teachings of the long gone masters and sages had no impact or relevance to me whatsoever.

My wife had a miscarriage. It has been a terribly upsetting week for us and our family. Something that has changed me forever.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience this awful tragedy.

I started to question and re-examine everything I've read and learned.

I read some of my older posts on the forums and the replies I've given to others when I came across this post by Kali Yuga.

Something clicked straight away.

I really need to 'burn all my holy books' once and for all. Not literally of course. I'll give them away or sell them on.

I need to strike out on my own and forge ahead on my own path, and not rely on the words and teachings of others.

Back to basics. The simple things.

Qigong, Zhan Zhuang and Meditation. No books, no scriptures, no talks, no videos.

I need to find myself. Not another's interpretation of it.

 

I cry even more for your profoundness and your goodhearted sharing than your loss. Please forgive me.

This is how it is. Shed redundant, return to core.

 

Love.

[Friend]

Edited November 16, 2011 by Friend

[DalTheJigsaw123]

Over the years I've accumulated waaaay too much written material on Taoism and Buddhism.

I've got hundreds of PDF's on my hard drive, books, magazines, cd's, vids, mp3's.

And where has it got me ?

Absolutely nowhere. I'm probably more mixed up now than when I first started my search for the answers to life's big questions.

This week I was forced to face life head on, where all the teachings of the long gone masters and sages had no impact or relevance to me whatsoever.

My wife had a miscarriage. It has been a terribly upsetting week for us and our family. Something that has changed me forever.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience this awful tragedy.

I started to question and re-examine everything I've read and learned.

I read some of my older posts on the forums and the replies I've given to others when I came across this post by Kali Yuga.

Something clicked straight away.

I really need to 'burn all my holy books' once and for all. Not literally of course. I'll give them away or sell them on.

I need to strike out on my own and forge ahead on my own path, and not rely on the words and teachings of others.

Back to basics. The simple things.

Qigong, Zhan Zhuang and Meditation. No books, no scriptures, no talks, no videos.

I need to find myself. Not another's interpretation of it.

 

I am so sorry for your loss!!!

I just wanted to add that I am on the same page when it comes to burning through all of the holy books that I have collected.

Back to the basics, indeed.

Zen Meditation/Yoga.

[Eric23]

My condolences to your family. Here is a poem I found somewhere out there in cyberspace

 

Give up the world; give up self; finally, give up God.

Find god in rhododendrons and rocks,

passers-by, your cat.

Pare your beliefs, your absolutes.

Make it simple; make it clean.

No carry-on luggage allowed.

Examine all you have

with a loving and critical eye, then

throw away some more.

Repeat. Repeat.

Keep this and only this:

what your heart beats loudly for

what feels heavy and full in your gut.

There will only be one or two

things you will keep,

and they will fit lightly

in your pocket.

 

~ Sheri Hostetler ~

[Aaron]

Over the years I've accumulated waaaay too much written material on Taoism and Buddhism.

I've got hundreds of PDF's on my hard drive, books, magazines, cd's, vids, mp3's.

And where has it got me ?

Absolutely nowhere. I'm probably more mixed up now than when I first started my search for the answers to life's big questions.

This week I was forced to face life head on, where all the teachings of the long gone masters and sages had no impact or relevance to me whatsoever.

My wife had a miscarriage. It has been a terribly upsetting week for us and our family. Something that has changed me forever.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience this awful tragedy.

I started to question and re-examine everything I've read and learned.

I read some of my older posts on the forums and the replies I've given to others when I came across this post by Kali Yuga.

Something clicked straight away.

I really need to 'burn all my holy books' once and for all. Not literally of course. I'll give them away or sell them on.

I need to strike out on my own and forge ahead on my own path, and not rely on the words and teachings of others.

Back to basics. The simple things.

Qigong, Zhan Zhuang and Meditation. No books, no scriptures, no talks, no videos.

I need to find myself. Not another's interpretation of it.

 

Hello Adept,

 

I am very sorry to hear that your wife had a miscarriage. I know that it must be extremely painful for you. A few years back my nephew passed away shy of his first birthday. It was an extremely painful experience and it took me a long time to get over it. Here was a little boy that I rocked to sleep just a few days earlier and then he was gone.

 

I think many of us believe that understanding and awareness are meant to save us from these experiences, to somehow allow us to overcome pain and suffering, when that's not the truth. If anything they make these kinds of loss even more painful.

 

You are right, Buddhism, Taoism, Qigong and all the other religions and practices out there, they cannot help you in that instance of loss, when the weight of world comes down on you. They aren't meant to though. Regardless of what we're taught, ideology and philosophy are just what they are, words on a page. They do not answer the question of why, rather they try to appease it, make it seem bearable, when in fact anyone who has lost someone they love can tell you that rarely does anything make it so.

 

In the end the only thing that can help us with loss is time. The closer we are to loss, the more painful it is, but as time goes by, the loss does lessen. It does become bearable.

 

Long ago I stopped trying to find out why bad things happen. I stopped wondering why my perfect little nephew was taken from me before he ever really had a chance to experience life. It all seemed so cruel and perhaps it was. What I never did though, was give up on life. I know that's not the answer either. I know that each day is worth living, regardless of what happens and that every moment we have with the ones we love is a blessing.

 

Take care of your wife. Love her and show her that you are there for her, but also take care of yourself. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you can come to terms with what's happened to you. I wish there was more that I could say to help you through these tough times, but I know even what I've already said will sound hollow, so instead I will think of you and hope that you will make it through okay.

 

Peace and love be with you,

 

Aaron

[bodyoflight]

Over the years I've accumulated waaaay too much written material on Taoism and Buddhism.

I've got hundreds of PDF's on my hard drive, books, magazines, cd's, vids, mp3's.

And where has it got me ?

Absolutely nowhere. I'm probably more mixed up now than when I first started my search for the answers to life's big questions.

This week I was forced to face life head on, where all the teachings of the long gone masters and sages had no impact or relevance to me whatsoever.

My wife had a miscarriage. It has been a terribly upsetting week for us and our family. Something that has changed me forever.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience this awful tragedy.

I started to question and re-examine everything I've read and learned.

I read some of my older posts on the forums and the replies I've given to others when I came across this post by Kali Yuga.

Something clicked straight away.

I really need to 'burn all my holy books' once and for all. Not literally of course. I'll give them away or sell them on.

I need to strike out on my own and forge ahead on my own path, and not rely on the words and teachings of others.

Back to basics. The simple things.

Qigong, Zhan Zhuang and Meditation. No books, no scriptures, no talks, no videos.

I need to find myself. Not another's interpretation of it.

 

sorry for you loss but there are books and there are BOOKS

 

but in the end, no book is gonna help you overcome your human ego and it is your human ego which is upset at your wife's miscarriage

 

it is not that books are useless.. it is becos you have not found the right books yet and still fail to realize the trappings of the human ego..\

 

separate the wheat from the chaff

Edited April 2, 2011 by bodyoflight

[manitou]

The only problem is that there are some holy books like the TTC, Yogi philosophy, and others like The Impersonal Life that each time you read them you see things you didn't understand before....because you are in a different place every time you read it. I'd maybe hang onto those. All the stuff that's an offshoot, i.e. other people's ideas about what they have read...that stuff is good for one digesting and then passing it on to someone else.

 

I love to go into coffeehouses and place the copy of Enlighten Next I've just read - you never know where and when a seed will be planted.

[Otis]

Dear Adept,

 

I wanted to respond about your epiphany about discarding knowledge and choosing a tantric route. I cannot know what's right for you, but IME, the tantric path is the only one that ultimately makes any sense, because it is based on the reality of who I actually am, rather than concepts about who I am supposed to be. It is my path that I need to follow, my connection to "God", to my full being. All tradition is just pointing towards this one thing, but it is only my path which will take me there (and yours which will take you).

 

For any organism to find freedom, I think it eventually has to choose to trust itself and "burn the vehicle" (drop the traditional truths). Otherwise, the organism is always slave to a concept, and concepts only exist in the realm of the ego.

 

Unfortunately, implicit in surrendering concepts is: heartbreak (or at least bruising), because the rest of the organism is not used to being trusted, and therefore may take years of bumping around, before it finds unity with itself (that's why it's good to start now).

 

My ego, too, has to choose to give up defending itself, and that means becoming aware of unpleasant truths. That means giving up comforting illusions. It means allowing myself to be the fool. It means holding on to nothing, so it is easy to feel groundless, lost. I no longer have plans or goals; no life direction (that I know of) at all. Choosing to trust my path has alienated some others who wanted me to remain who I was. Short cuts no longer make sense, nor justifications, nor attainment, nor hierarchy. And there is a ton of pain along the route, because there is no longer the option to tune it out.

 

But it's so good, too. It's so sweet to be authentic, to actually live the life that comes out of me, naturally. To stop trying to be anything other than what I am, to play no roles, to be as honest with myself as I possibly can be. To live as if suffering is not my enemy, but rather my ally toward growing and healing.

 

It isn't about trying to be perfect. It's just about being utterly true to all of myself, my full being. Allowing myself to be enough, to be exactly what I need to be, to make growth the priority, instead of "getting it right". To see myself as equivalent to my life, and see my life as an experiment and an adventure.

 

Best to you and your wife,

 

otis

[manitou]

That was so beautifully stated, Otis. It was spoken by one who has truly done battle with the inner self.

 

Sometimes I think those of us that came up through life through horrible situations, through alcoholism, through drug addiction, even finding themselves in prisons; these people tend to be very fortunate if and when their feet ever land on the Path. In order to overcome their addictions they have to do so much inner work on themselves, the ego busting, looking at the same unpleasant truths that you were speaking of. It's after that point that their eyes turn to something more beautiful.

 

This is why I truly understand how each and every path can lead to the room of perfect love. Even the really nasty paths. Thanks again for the post.

[Otis]

Thanks, Manitou!

[adept]

Thanks to everyone for all your words of support. And the pics Gerard !

We're slowly but surely coming to terms with our grief and moving forward.

I have definitely changed quite a bit in the last week. Sometimes a tragedy can be a catalyst for personal growth.

The path is now clear to me and I know what I need to do.

Time to push on with my cultivation.