What to do with hate?

[Moth]

After a couple years of self reflection, I've realized that I got a lot of hate in me. Hate as a result of fear, insecurity, anger and resentment. Hate that causes subconscious snap-judgments about people who I perceive as dumb or somehow below me (leftover class-based crap). Hate that erodes friendships and family relationships (you should see what it does to the romantic realm!), and makes getting along with people quite a challenge. I gradually cut people out of my life and tada! now loneliness visits me with ever increasing power.

 

My brief experience with CBT didn't seem to help since it is mostly self-focused. While searching for therapists, most set off a heavy aversion "fuck you what do you know" type of reaction. I've tired of self-help books, but I'll be damned if I resign myself to these feelings and their source.

 

I've come here looking for practices/meditations that might help dissolve hate. Any suggestions?

[Gauss]

[styx_oarsman]

I've had a similar problem - not exactly hate, but rather negative thinking and "sadness" in life. Also, I used to get annoyed very easily. Meditation and proper breathing helped me a great deal. I don't do anything too special, just some basic qigong stuff. I feel much happier and more "in balance" now. I think that regular practice is important, too.

[King Kabalabhati]

After a couple years of self reflection, I've realized that I got a lot of hate in me. Hate as a result of fear, insecurity, anger and resentment. Hate that causes subconscious snap-judgments about people who I perceive as dumb or somehow below me (leftover class-based crap). Hate that erodes friendships and family relationships (you should see what it does to the romantic realm!), and makes getting along with people quite a challenge. I gradually cut people out of my life and tada! now loneliness visits me with ever increasing power.

 

My brief experience with CBT didn't seem to help since it is mostly self-focused. While searching for therapists, most set off a heavy aversion "fuck you what do you know" type of reaction. I've tired of self-help books, but I'll be damned if I resign myself to these feelings and their source.

 

I've come here looking for practices/meditations that might help dissolve hate. Any suggestions?

 

Any style of Qigong / Neigong / meditation that raises the vibrational rate of your energy body should do. These usually involve some form of "emptiness" or "no-thought" meditation. Get a teacher if you can, if you can't you will probably find help from systems like Spring Forest Qigong that can be learned from books/dvd's.

 

Smiling at your heart through the day and "softening" it that way should also help you let go of negativity, the vibration of your smile is relaxing and comforting.

 

Stilling the analytic mind and thus giving more power to your consciousness should speed up the process and possibly make it less painful too.

 

I wish you more love

[Marblehead]

Hi Moth,

 

Yeah, hate is a disease of the mind. We learn to hate. I suppose a lot of the roots of hate lie in the fact that others have not lived up to our expectations we had of them. So we hate them for letting us down.

 

As long as we hold to hate we will not find inner peace. So we have to trash all the hate we hold within.

 

How to do this? Hehehe. I don't know.

 

However, I think that taking just one situation and finding the cause of the hate we hold perhaps we can at least understand that this hate is based on a value judgement we have made of others. Then, if we can remove the value judgement we can perhaps release the hate.

 

Best wishes to you.

[三江源]

Hello Moth.

 

Times in my life I have felt so exhausted and amazed by the seemingly endless amount of hatred streaming out of my heart. Mine was a direct response to bad relationship experiences.

 

Hate is a negative virtue of the heart. You have as much love as you have hatred.

 

Your capacity has flipped into it's distortion, is all.

 

So, practically speaking from an energetics point of view, that definitely has practical measurable results, you can

 

(1) vent your hatred ie just see it streaming out of you as you breathe out, allow the murk of it to leave your heart with each outbreath. Vent it into the atmosphere with the direct intention of setting that stuck energy free now to transform itself back to free purity. As the murk leaves with each outbreath, breathe in fresh healing energy. ( If you want more Qigong info on this kind of cleansing, Ken Cohen is an impeccable source - it was from his book "The way of Qigong" that I learned this originally.)

 

(2) Learn the healing sounds - Ken Cohen does these too, in his Qigong video, or you can find all sort of info here at tb or on the net about Mantak Chia's healing sounds. This will also help unlock and release the stuck heart energy, quickly and is a good maintenance technique.

 

 

Ultimately, toning the whole of your system with healing sounds will help enormously and be a balanced solution. But in case of emergency treatment, and for alleviation of build up, do (1) and (2) above.

 

 

BTW, impressed that you recognize your 'wtf do you know" reaction being set off... lots of people get that repudiating reflex and just believe their line of reactivity as "the truth" rather than realise they are protecting their safe ole stuckness from intervention. It may be neccesary to talk the saboteur away from its weapons, if you are to give yourself space to allow change. Negotiate for space to experiment if the voice crops up and tries to drag you away from it's preferred 'safety'.

 

Good Luck. You have an achievable goal.

[三江源]

Also if you resonate with this one, it's a good one, I know many people find it helpful.

 

[ejr1069]

I have a few thoughts for you to consider. Feel free to implement any of these into your daily routine and thought processes if they resonate with you.

 

1. Recognize that the things we dislike in others are often the same things we dislike in ourselves. Try to see yourself in others or to see others as a reflection of some aspect of you. This will enable you to practice compassion.

 

2. When you find yourself judging someone, ask yourself: what if that person was my son or daughter. How would I respond differently?

 

3. Recognize that what you do to others you do to self as we are all connected by the light within us. So when you are hating on your neighbor, you are also hating yourself.

 

4. Keep your eye on the prize. Most people that I encounter are seeking things such as happiness, community, love, enlightenment, etc. When you find yourself hating or judging another, ask yourself if that thought is helping you to attain any of those goals. Then, once you realize that these thoughts are actually prohibiting you from attaining your goals, just like you do in meditation, dismiss that thought.

 

PS: Acknowledging that you have a problem is half the battle. Once you bring an internal problem into your awareness, the solution is often just around the corner.

Edited May 3, 2011 by ejr1069

[manitou]

In addition to any other meditative suggestions and inner work to discover the source of your self-hate (which is where it comes from), you might try a little trick that really works to turn the heart around. Do something anonymously for someone each day - something kind, something helpful. Do not tell them OR ANYONE ELSE that you have done this. It will help change your mindset, and it's really fun.

 

You probably got the self-hate message early on because you weren't measuring up to someone's expectations.

[Maddie]

After a couple years of self reflection, I've realized that I got a lot of hate in me. Hate as a result of fear, insecurity, anger and resentment. Hate that causes subconscious snap-judgments about people who I perceive as dumb or somehow below me (leftover class-based crap). Hate that erodes friendships and family relationships (you should see what it does to the romantic realm!), and makes getting along with people quite a challenge. I gradually cut people out of my life and tada! now loneliness visits me with ever increasing power.

 

My brief experience with CBT didn't seem to help since it is mostly self-focused. While searching for therapists, most set off a heavy aversion "fuck you what do you know" type of reaction. I've tired of self-help books, but I'll be damned if I resign myself to these feelings and their source.

 

I've come here looking for practices/meditations that might help dissolve hate. Any suggestions?

 

Some things you said are very insightful. You seemed to be aware of how fear led to hate. Fear is in the kidneys which are water. Water feeds wood, which is in the liver, which is where anger is. Your fear (kidneys) is feeding your anger (liver). I would suggest working on your kidneys and liver to get this type of negative energy out. Usually I use the inner smile/ and healing sounds for this, which I have fouond to be very effective for such situations.

[Aaron]

Hello Moth,

 

From my own experience, I arrived at the same conclusion as you. My hate stemmed from fear, mostly steeped in insecurity. Whether it was a fear of being hurt, losing something, or having to do something I didn't want to do. In the end what I learned is that wishing hate away rarely works, it takes work to be rid of it.

 

For me hate and anger were symptoms of a greater problem, those conditions in my ego that had been created through past experiences. In order to be rid of them, it wasn't simple enough to just acknowledge they were there, but rather I had to take action to be rid of them. What I ended up doing was praying/wishing/hoping for the best for those people I hated. Now I didn't stumble upon this approach myself, rather someone advised to me practice it. What I can say is that it absolutely works for me. I still may get angry, but I rarely remain angry.

 

I know it's not as mystical as allowing the emotion to arise, examining it and letting it go, but what I can say, is that if you have problems with just letting go, perhaps this approach can help you.

 

I wish you the best,

 

Aaron

[三江源]

 

 

1. Recognize that the things we dislike in others are often the same things we dislike in ourselves. Try to see yourself in others or to see others as a reflection of some aspect of you. This will enable you to practice compassion.

 

 

ejr1069, great post. I just want to add a comment to your (1.) above. It's true as you say that projection of shadow is rife and reclaiming shadow is a lifelong path and takes you a long way to healing and spiritual progress.

 

And sometimes things we dislike in others are dislikable things, that our best self finds abominable and rails against.

 

It's really important to let yourself know this, to see your own personal code clearly and to allow your instincts to inform you of what smells wrong.

 

So recognising shadow is a delicate art involving self knowledge, self excavation, therefore, and the fine line one must walk with it, is to stay out of the trap of intellectualisation where we rationalise ourselves away from respecting our responses.

 

The great thing is being able to know what you genuinely, from a deep clear place, dislike and what you object to, you can tell this easily when waters are unmuddied.

 

Going direct to the energy system of your body will unmuddy.

[Jetsun]

I'd be wary of trying to get rid of your hate through some technique like meditation or qigong, no doubt those techniques will give you temporary relief but you may just be forcing your shadow and their valuable instinctual energies further down into your subconscious.

[三江源]

I'd be wary of trying to get rid of your hate through some technique like meditation or qigong, no doubt those techniques will give you temporary relief but you may just be forcing your shadow and their valuable instinctual energies further down into your subconscious.

 

hi Jetsun.

 

Interesting idea, what makes you think that purification by subtle body practices isnt actually a deep purification?

 

I'd be interested to know if those who have practised purification arts feel they have had profound effects, or merely palliative ones.

 

Ime, the practices lead to insight as well as purging of build up and clearing of channels.

[suninmyeyes]

What do with hate?..

Just dont touch it in any way,dont even look at it.Stop communicating with it and it will eventually stop possesing you,becouse there will be nothing to hang onto.

One very good way is just to first watch what the hate is and its relationship with you(emotionally,physically,mentally,spiritually)and surrounding.Where does it come from,how is it created and/or chosen..

Than start understanding the dynamics and the impact start tuning into a more desired frequency.

Reprogramming suninmyeyes style.

Edited May 3, 2011 by suninmyeyes

[三江源]

What do with hate?..

Just dont touch it in any way,dont even look at it.Stop communicating with it and it will eventually stop possesing you,becouse there will be nothing to hang onto.

One very good way is just to first watch what the hate is and its relationship with you(emotionally,physically,mentally,spiritually)and surrounding.Where does it come from,how is it created and/or chosen..

Than start understanding the dynamics and the impact start tuning into a more desired frequency.

Reprogramming suninmyeyes style.

 

Nice one, Sun. I've done this one too and it worked well for me.

 

There are degrees of intensity of feeling, so though we are all talking about 'hate' we are speaking of a feeling that may annoy, alienate,disrupt, or eat you up, depending on how strong the feeling is and what prompted it.

 

It's a great opportunity for learning, even though hatred is sooo painful to feel.

[suninmyeyes]

Nice one, Sun. I've done this one too and it worked well for me.

 

There are degrees of intensity of feeling, so though we are all talking about 'hate' we are speaking of a feeling that may annoy, alienate,disrupt, or eat you up, depending on how strong the feeling is and what prompted it.

 

It's a great opportunity for learning, even though hatred is sooo painful to feel.

Yeah it is a great opportunity to learn and sometimes not so pleasent but efficient way to be forced to learn.

Never had much problems with hatred but can tell you all about pain with anger ,sadness,dissapointment.

[Jetsun]

hi Jetsun.

 

Interesting idea, what makes you think that purification by subtle body practices isnt actually a deep purification?

 

I'd be interested to know if those who have practised purification arts feel they have had profound effects, or merely palliative ones.

 

Ime, the practices lead to insight as well as purging of build up and clearing of channels.

 

I can only speak from my own experience but I tried to get rid of my shadow for many years through spiritual practice like qigong and meditation but it only made things worse and made those energies more demonic and more powerful. I was seeing a Buddhist psychotherapist who basically suggested to me after about 8 years to stop all such methods completely as trying to transmute those energies can just be another way to fight and reject yourself.

 

What I have found is that hate emerges from disowned instinctual energies and it only becomes hate because those energies haven't been allowed, respected and acknowledged by you so the hate becomes larger and starts to sabotage your life because it's trying to get your attention. Once you acknowledge those energies and the messages they have and accept them as part of you then the hate dissipates all by itself because those parts of you have been respected so they are no longer resentful. Shadow work is about integrating the shadow not getting rid of it.

 

This may not be relevant at all to the OP but I just thought I would put it out there.

[三江源]

Yeah it is a great opportunity to learn and sometimes not so pleasent but efficient way to be forced to learn.

Never had much problems with hatred but can tell you all about pain with anger ,sadness,dissapointment.

 

......................

Hug to you from me, sun, for all we feel.

I'm glad you havent had problems with hatred. It's a weird, complicated yet pure and exhausting emotion to suffer.

 

I felt it as like a seemingly never ending ream of hot chewing gum that hurt a lot, strangling my heart. Purging it was actually quite quick, but the sensation of purging brought with it a sense that it was taking soooo long to get it out of me... strong feelings seem so HUGE, we tend to image them as potentially bigger than us. ( Hence people dream of tsunamis when they are losing control of their emotional floodgates..)

I have the sense that a lot of what I was carrying was family of origin constellation, unexpressed by others, floated to the surface via me. Ancestral Qi!

[三江源]

I can only speak from my own experience but I tried to get rid of my shadow for many years through spiritual practice like qigong and meditation but it only made things worse and made those energies more demonic and more powerful. I was seeing a Buddhist psychotherapist who basically suggested to me after about 8 years to stop all such methods completely as trying to transmute those energies can just be another way to fight and reject yourself.

 

What I have found is that hate emerges from disowned instinctual energies and it only becomes hate because those energies haven't been allowed, respected and acknowledged by you so the hate becomes larger and starts to sabotage your life because it's trying to get your attention. Once you acknowledge those energies and the messages they have and accept them as part of you then the hate dissipates all by itself because those parts of you have been respected so they are no longer resentful. Shadow work is about integrating the shadow not getting rid of it.

 

This may not be relevant at all to the OP but I just thought I would put it out there.

 

Hi Jetsun, thanks. I think is very relevant to the thread. Really good point : we just cant 'get rid' of our shadow,it isnt possible. We have to give ourselves love, recognition and understanding while healing stuck patterns, and shadow recognition is a lifelong process. In the K Cohen excercise we breathe out the stagnant chi and breathe in fresh chi, and it is in the breathing in healing energy that we replenish ourselves.. it's clear from what you say that it's good to remember not to hate our hatred, not to negatively judge our negative judgments and so on ad infinitum.

 

EFT is great, having it's first step as self acceptance. Actually EFT would be great for Moth.

 

I think KK mentioned the inner smile too.. the smiling energy is tremendously powerful, healing and self accepting, and tremendously difficult to find when we feel paralysed in the heart area.

[de_paradise]

After a couple years of self reflection, I've realized that I got a lot of hate in me. Hate as a result of fear, insecurity, anger and resentment. Hate that causes subconscious snap-judgments about people who I perceive as dumb or somehow below me (leftover class-based crap). Hate that erodes friendships and family relationships (you should see what it does to the romantic realm!), and makes getting along with people quite a challenge. I gradually cut people out of my life and tada! now loneliness visits me with ever increasing power.

 

My brief experience with CBT didn't seem to help since it is mostly self-focused. While searching for therapists, most set off a heavy aversion "fuck you what do you know" type of reaction. I've tired of self-help books, but I'll be damned if I resign myself to these feelings and their source.

 

I've come here looking for practices/meditations that might help dissolve hate. Any suggestions?

 

Forgiveness dissolves hate. Hate is an ego-centric type emotion, and you can shift the nexus of importance from your own lily self to elsewhere through forgiveness. This can be practised throughout the day by constantly reminding yourself to forgive, for example the therapist who, is after all just doing a job, trying to help, is using his/her training to her best knowlege. Forgive, forgive this easy, simple and Oprah-sounding method, because Im just a spiritual seeker trying to help another seeker. But it requires a bit of vigilance, to catch yourself in the act of hating, or judging with an eye to self-seeking aims, and to find the way out to dissolve it. Stop yourself, just stop it. It takes work, and no therapist can do it for you, and they dont have to live with your karma.

[Jetsun]

Forgiveness dissolves hate. Hate is an ego-centric type emotion, and you can shift the nexus of importance from your own lily self to elsewhere through forgiveness. This can be practised throughout the day by constantly reminding yourself to forgive, for example the therapist who, is after all just doing a job, trying to help, is using his/her training to her best knowlege. Forgive, forgive this easy, simple and Oprah-sounding method, because Im just a spiritual seeker trying to help another seeker. But it requires a bit of vigilance, to catch yourself in the act of hating, or judging with an eye to self-seeking aims, and to find the way out to dissolve it. Stop yourself, just stop it. It takes work, and no therapist can do it for you, and they dont have to live with your karma.

 

I'm not sure forgiveness is a thing you can do rather it is a process that happens, I don't think it is a choice you can just make, many people get commanded to forgive by their religion but they just bury their anger underneath, they go around saying they forgive through gritted teeth.

[de_paradise]

I'm not sure forgiveness is a thing you can do rather it is a process that happens, I don't think it is a choice you can just make, many people get commanded to forgive by their religion but they just bury their anger underneath, they go around saying they forgive through gritted teeth.

 

Ah yes, Christians give foregiveness a bad name, but in my opinion its one of the few things they got right. If a person wants to be legit and do it for himself, he can find the proper neural pathways and ensuing peptide showers to wash away the "hate" habits.

[三江源]

Forgiveness is such a relief.

 

I just also thought about build up of inner heat as a pattern that exacerbates this emotional situation.

 

If one has a pitta constitution, ayurvedically speaking, it is easy to get overheated in one's reactions and respond with impatience.The cooling remedies offered by Ayurveda are a great practical help, to fiery types.

 

 

I like very much what de_paradise said : "your own lily self".. heh! Just so. Apart from the irony intended in there, what I note in response to this is that part of the 'chewing gum' came, for me, because I felt I had betrayed my purity/inner child by putting myself in the wrong situation. So easy to hate any disillusionment of a child.

 

We have to forgive ourselves and know we are fundamentally intact and radiant despite all and any affronts.

[doc benway]

What to do with hate?

Lots of good responses so far.

A simple and very effective approach is simply through awareness. This is beautifully presented in the talks of Anthony Demello.

You've already started.

 

1. Identify the negative feeling - what is behind that feeling of hate? Fear? Low self esteem? Guilt? Often it is a recognition or projection in another that we do not like about ourselves. Look deeply. Be patient, persistent, and diligent. It takes time.

2. Understand that the feeling is inside of you. It does not exist in the outside world. Other people may react completely differently in your identical circumstances. What does the negative feeling say about YOU? Don't be concerned about what it tells you about the other person.

3. Do not identify with the negative feeling. The feeling is there, it will pass, it will return. It is an experience of transient emotions. It is not who or what you are. If you wait a while - you'll feel better. Sooner or later - you'll again feel worse. It is the nature of emotion. I am not angry - anger is there, anger will pass. I am not depressed - depression is there, it will pass.

4. That's about it. You don't have to DO anything. Through awareness comes understanding. With understanding comes change.

Be patient, be persistent.

 

Look deeply into yourself and you will see everyone around you.

See if you can recognize yourself in the other people who make you angry.

Don't they want to feel safe and secure? Don't they want to feel happy and loved?

Don't they like good food and time off to relax?

Sure, we behave differently but that is just a by product of conditioning.

 

The fact that you have identified hate as a problem is the beginning of healing.

 

Good luck, much love, and support.

_/\_