What to do with hate?

[Adishakti]

Every time I feel hate or anger I do two things: One is to tell myself I'm not the anger or the hate and let them stay with me as long as they want to. Two I try to experience just the feeling free-of-any-story or drama associated with it. The process felt slow, but in about a years time I could feel I had grown to be a more expansive person.

 

You'll like this video.

 

[Dagon]

[C T]

Hello Moth.

 

Times in my life I have felt so exhausted and amazed by the seemingly endless amount of hatred streaming out of my heart. Mine was a direct response to bad relationship experiences.

 

Hate is a negative virtue of the heart. You have as much love as you have hatred.

 

Your capacity has flipped into it's distortion, is all.

 

So, practically speaking from an energetics point of view, that definitely has practical measurable results, you can

 

(1) vent your hatred ie just see it streaming out of you as you breathe out, allow the murk of it to leave your heart with each outbreath. Vent it into the atmosphere with the direct intention of setting that stuck energy free now to transform itself back to free purity. As the murk leaves with each outbreath, breathe in fresh healing energy. ( If you want more Qigong info on this kind of cleansing, Ken Cohen is an impeccable source - it was from his book "The way of Qigong" that I learned this originally.)

 

(2) Learn the healing sounds - Ken Cohen does these too, in his Qigong video, or you can find all sort of info here at tb or on the net about Mantak Chia's healing sounds. This will also help unlock and release the stuck heart energy, quickly and is a good maintenance technique.

 

 

Ultimately, toning the whole of your system with healing sounds will help enormously and be a balanced solution. But in case of emergency treatment, and for alleviation of build up, do (1) and (2) above.

 

 

BTW, impressed that you recognize your 'wtf do you know" reaction being set off... lots of people get that repudiating reflex and just believe their line of reactivity as "the truth" rather than realise they are protecting their safe ole stuckness from intervention. It may be neccesary to talk the saboteur away from its weapons, if you are to give yourself space to allow change. Negotiate for space to experiment if the voice crops up and tries to drag you away from it's preferred 'safety'.

 

Good Luck. You have an achievable goal.

Hi Cat,

 

I was just thinking if such a practice would do more harm than good in this instance?

 

Breathing out 'negatives' and breathing in 'good' only serves to reinforce a false sense of self-importance, which is, i can see, what got him to this angry spot in the first place.

 

I could be mistaken, but i think in a lot of people with anger issues struggle unnecessarily due to being overly touchy and sensitive - couple this with some cravings lurking beneath, and its a recipe that often result in a splattering mess, after which the job of cleaning up only serves to sompound and exacerbate the matter.

 

The underlying cause that may need looking at may have to do with being stuck in the 'child' state too much, too often. Demanding attention yet deprived of it when young (or getting too much sometimes can hurt too) can result in a lot of anger and resentment.

 

I am suspicious of any practice that say self comes first, is all.

 

As an afterthought, if he was studying meditation with me, i would ask him to attempt exercises which would speed up all his anger, until he boils... right to the edge. At that point, breathe in even more anger, take in everyone else's anger as well, and then learn the process of seeing thru the falsity of it all, the uselessness of clinging to such - thru this, it creates a lot of courageous mindfulness because the next time anger arises, the fear surrounding it would have nowhere to take hold. At the same time, there will be the deep freedom from having to exert energy to avert certain issues. Sometimes anger is not the problem - it is fear, and the craving to be free, where too much precious energy is used up, that petrifies and exhaust a person. Anger and fear often join forces in attacking the psyche. Do you agree?

 

Thich Nhat Hahn says, "When we learn to stop feeding our cravings, we will discover that we already have everything we need to be happy".

 

Lastly, i want to thank you for taking time to share your experiences - always am touched deeply by the things you say, in such an open, giving manner. Its a rarity.

[manitou]

As an afterthought, if he was studying meditation with me, i would ask him to attempt exercises which would speed up all his anger, until he boils... right to the edge. At that point, breathe in even more anger, take in everyone else's anger as well, and then learn the process of seeing thru the falsity of it all, the uselessness of clinging to such - thru this, it creates a lot of courageous mindfulness because the next time anger arises, the fear surrounding it would have nowhere to take hold. At the same time, there will be the deep freedom from having to exert energy to avert certain issues. Sometimes anger is not the problem - it is fear, and the craving to be free, where too much precious energy is used up, that petrifies and exhaust a person. Anger and fear often join forces in attacking the psyche. Do you agree?

 

.[/i]

 

 

Aaaah - things must inflate before they are deflated.

[三江源]

Hi Cat,

 

I was just thinking if such a practice would do more harm than good in this instance?

 

Breathing out 'negatives' and breathing in 'good' only serves to reinforce a false sense of self-importance, which is, i can see, what got him to this angry spot in the first place.

 

I could be mistaken, but i think in a lot of people with anger issues struggle unnecessarily due to being overly touchy and sensitive - couple this with some cravings lurking beneath, and its a recipe that often result in a splattering mess, after which the job of cleaning up only serves to sompound and exacerbate the matter.

 

The underlying cause that may need looking at may have to do with being stuck in the 'child' state too much, too often. Demanding attention yet deprived of it when young (or getting too much sometimes can hurt too) can result in a lot of anger and resentment.

 

I am suspicious of any practice that say self comes first, is all.

 

As an afterthought, if he was studying meditation with me, i would ask him to attempt exercises which would speed up all his anger, until he boils... right to the edge. At that point, breathe in even more anger, take in everyone else's anger as well, and then learn the process of seeing thru the falsity of it all, the uselessness of clinging to such - thru this, it creates a lot of courageous mindfulness because the next time anger arises, the fear surrounding it would have nowhere to take hold. At the same time, there will be the deep freedom from having to exert energy to avert certain issues. Sometimes anger is not the problem - it is fear, and the craving to be free, where too much precious energy is used up, that petrifies and exhaust a person. Anger and fear often join forces in attacking the psyche. Do you agree?

 

Thich Nhat Hahn says, "When we learn to stop feeding our cravings, we will discover that we already have everything we need to be happy".

 

Lastly, i want to thank you for taking time to share your experiences - always am touched deeply by the things you say, in such an open, giving manner. Its a rarity.

 

Hello CowTao.

 

Yes, who knows, this simple qigong could be a solution with drawbacks. I wouldnt be surprised! Nothing seems to get 100% positive reviews. It could be a first aid box rather than a spiritual revolution for oneself. For me, it worked. I am a kinaesthetic person, and I felt my blockage in my body and was able to clear it this way , to reach a level of freedom and lightness which gave me the space to have a considered perspective. It was a first stage process, to identify and clear rubble. As you say, in this instance it may not be the most helpful approach. I agree that there is an aspect in cleansing the self via the healing sounds and so on,whereby we strengthen the self via that mode of purification. This is pretty much the same as most psychotherapeutic models ie dont think about losing the ego until we have a strong enough ego to withstand the threat of ego loss.. otherwise what you will experience is fragmentation. And so much resistance that stagnation will result, so your choices for a too early attempt at freeing up ego grip are fragmentation and stagnancy! Not such a delicious menu..

And yes I agree with you about the anger and fear. I was thinking about this thread last night.. thinking that I wanted to contribute even though I knew my hatred wasnt the 'same' as Moth's in it's genesis and way. Because I think hatred is a taboo subject and feeling in any serious sense amongst so many of us personally. And if we can make it discussable, ownable, and sortable, then this is progress toward light. I was thinking about the hatred I expelled ( it never returned) and wondering was it anger, was it fear.. what on earth was that feeling, at it's root. It was a huge repudiation. A huge NO. As you say, precisely, behind the hatred was a craving for freedom. A creative impulse, behind such a dark mask.

 

Whatever method gets you to the root is a great one. Lucky for us there are many and various techniques these days. We can pick a flavour we like.

 

BTW, a small point... Ken Cohen doesnt suggest that we breathe in 'good'. There is no such thing as 'breathing in good'. What it is, is breathing out the stuck chi and breathing in fresh chi. It is an ENERGETIC SHIFT exercise, with no 'moral' imperative at all. ( I have used it to get rid of hangovers, and it works for that too... )

 

I think it is also likely that anger is diet related for some people, sexual frustration for others, lack of being loved for yet others, and lack of drinking enough water for others, and a lack of contact with trees and nature , for yet more. Any and all of the above.

 

And thankyou for your thanks, I appreciate you saying what you said, and I appreciate your presence here, too, a lot.

[Art]

I recently was offered the opportunity to reflect on my past and work on dissolving "hate" towards another. However, it was through a third person, who was involved, that this came about.

 

He basically admitted to wronging me in the past by being with my girlfriend. I had forgiven him long ago, and it offered me a chance to tell him, which likely brought him some relief. However, it reminded me of just how much hate I had stored for that ex-girlfriend, still to this day. Its take some time, but using the tools mentioned in this thread have helped me to understand the root cause and work on releasing those feelings.

 

Perhaps one of the more "enlightening" aspects of this exercise has been the humility brought upon by not being as "spiritually advanced" as I thought I was, not even close. That revelation, in and of itself, has also opened doors to a higher understanding about the ego, etc. I love little these little journeys of exploration.

 

To those on the path, both learning from, and teaching each other, thank you for all you do to make this world a better place.

[suninmyeyes]

......................

Hug to you from me, sun, for all we feel.

I'm glad you havent had problems with hatred. It's a weird, complicated yet pure and exhausting emotion to suffer.

 

I felt it as like a seemingly never ending ream of hot chewing gum that hurt a lot, strangling my heart. Purging it was actually quite quick, but the sensation of purging brought with it a sense that it was taking soooo long to get it out of me... strong feelings seem so HUGE, we tend to image them as potentially bigger than us. ( Hence people dream of tsunamis when they are losing control of their emotional floodgates..)

I have the sense that a lot of what I was carrying was family of origin constellation, unexpressed by others, floated to the surface via me. Ancestral Qi!

Thanks for sharing cat!It is so interesting to read of others expiriences ,instead of quotes,it feels real.

Mine feeling was heat in my belly and sadness that was beyond any tears.

It did seem huge for me too, out of proportion .

My nerves got connected and lightness starting pumping through me.It is heart learning to flow whatever situation and entering into silence.

I have read something very interesting by Irina Tweedie saying about women carrying all sadness of the world due to inherent indentification with creative force and abuse they went through through centuries .

Personally I feel as if there is sort of "energetic pools"(for a lack of better explanation)that one draws from,they could be made out thoughts and empowered by them so they are almost like an entity of some sort.

It is like an addiction to overcome drawing from energetic pool one is used to,and this is becouse of DNA and ancestral QI too.So much reprograming,as it is about big shift in a perspective.

de_pardise yes forgivness is a way to go.Nice to hear that.Uncomplicated,real and it feels good.

Edited May 4, 2011 by suninmyeyes

[manitou]

The 12 steps of recovery go a long way to dissolving hate. Once we do a personal inventory and find out our long term angers and hates, then it's a whole lot of fun to make amends to those we've harmed - even in retaliation for something they did to us. It dissolves the hate, but the ego busting is the thing that really hurts.

[doc benway]

The 12 steps of recovery go a long way to dissolving hate. Once we do a personal inventory and find out our long term angers and hates, then it's a whole lot of fun to make amends to those we've harmed - even in retaliation for something they did to us. It dissolves the hate, but the ego busting is the thing that really hurts.

I've heard Anthony Demello say that the three hardest things to do for a person are -

1. Admit that they are wrong

2. Include the excluded

3. Return love for hate

I think practicing these things can teach us alot about the topic at hand.

[manitou]

I've heard Anthony Demello say that the three hardest things to do for a person are -

1. Admit that they are wrong

2. Include the excluded

3. Return love for hate

I think practicing these things can teach us alot about the topic at hand.

 

 

Nicely said.

[Birch]

I can tell you what I did with it. Felt it entirely. I think that was the hardest part of it. It turned out to be a strong emotion, but not as strong as I was afraid of.

 

I didn't do anything (to my knowledge) based on it. Nor not do. I let it happen. And then some things became obvious and got changed as a result. Some of them by me. Definite consequences.

 

I think umbrella terms like "love" and "hate" are to be looked into carefully. I've already made mistakes with that. And I'm not convinced they're opposites either. In my case, the "hate" was actually something else, still "horrible", but once admitted, deal-able.

 

I read a nice blog the other day that mentioned that the best way to get out of a trap is to find out how the trap works.

[C T]

I can tell you what I did with it. Felt it entirely. I think that was the hardest part of it. It turned out to be a strong emotion, but not as strong as I was afraid of.

 

I didn't do anything (to my knowledge) based on it. Nor not do. I let it happen. And then some things became obvious and got changed as a result. Some of them by me. Definite consequences.

 

I think umbrella terms like "love" and "hate" are to be looked into carefully. I've already made mistakes with that. And I'm not convinced they're opposites either. In my case, the "hate" was actually something else, still "horrible", but once admitted, deal-able.

 

I read a nice blog the other day that mentioned that the best way to get out of a trap is to find out how the trap works.

Excellent approach this.

 

I agree, there is always something else...

Unfortunately many of us remain stuck in a particular emotional cesspool and choose to remain there as a victim, clamoring for attention while in it - "look at me, look at my hatred, my fears, my insecurities!!". Unintentionally, these sort of claim-laying on one's shortcomings often strengthen and reinforces the viciousness of the circle. Some do this simply to divert focus on the real issues. So there will follow a lot of covering up, compensation, justification, and parrying of imagined onslaughts that are all based on ignoring the root cause(s), which, in my experience, is nothing but ignorance stemming from dishonest appraisals. To get out, one may want to investigate deeply what is meant by 'ignorance' - as an entree, first.

[三江源]

I recently was offered the opportunity to reflect on my past and work on dissolving "hate" towards another. However, it was through a third person, who was involved, that this came about.

 

He basically admitted to wronging me in the past by being with my girlfriend. I had forgiven him long ago, and it offered me a chance to tell him, which likely brought him some relief. However, it reminded me of just how much hate I had stored for that ex-girlfriend, still to this day. Its take some time, but using the tools mentioned in this thread have helped me to understand the root cause and work on releasing those feelings.

 

Perhaps one of the more "enlightening" aspects of this exercise has been the humility brought upon by not being as "spiritually advanced" as I thought I was, not even close. That revelation, in and of itself, has also opened doors to a higher understanding about the ego, etc. I love little these little journeys of exploration.

 

To those on the path, both learning from, and teaching each other, thank you for all you do to make this world a better place.

 

Great to hear, Art. Congrats! and thankyou.

[三江源]

Thanks for sharing cat!It is so interesting to read of others expiriences ,instead of quotes,it feels real.

Mine feeling was heat in my belly and sadness that was beyond any tears.

It did seem huge for me too, out of proportion .

My nerves got connected and lightness starting pumping through me.It is heart learning to flow whatever situation and entering into silence.

I have read something very interesting by Irina Tweedie saying about women carrying all sadness of the world due to inherent indentification with creative force and abuse they went through through centuries .

Personally I feel as if there is sort of "energetic pools"(for a lack of better explanation)that one draws from,they could be made out thoughts and empowered by them so they are almost like an entity of some sort.

It is like an addiction to overcome drawing from energetic pool one is used to,and this is becouse of DNA and ancestral QI too.So much reprograming,as it is about big shift in a perspective.

de_pardise yes forgivness is a way to go.Nice to hear that.Uncomplicated,real and it feels good.

Thankyou for sharing, too,sun. About the reprogramming.. YES x100!

 

Tis like an old road that we know how to travel is inbuilt in us, and we are reversing out of it and building a new pathway.

[Creation]

......................

It's a weird, complicated yet pure and exhausting emotion to suffer.

 

I felt it as like a seemingly never ending ream of hot chewing gum that hurt a lot, strangling my heart...strong feelings seem so HUGE, we tend to image them as potentially bigger than us. I have the sense that a lot of what I was carrying was family of origin constellation, unexpressed by others, floated to the surface via me. Ancestral Qi!

All of this I can relate to.

 

This, however:

Purging it was actually quite quick

gets me curious.

 

But what is probably more important, how to get to the point where quick purging is even an option? How to release the huge amount of energy that invested into holding on to and covering up all the awful stuff that's down in there, completely preventing you from healing?

Edited May 5, 2011 by Creation

[Moth]

Wow, thanks for the crapload of responses! It gives me a variety of options to start with. A few notes rang true for me (seeking acceptance, high expectations as a kid, stuck in child mode too much (Most frequently recurring dream is me sitting in elementary school saying "I don't belong here anymore!"), hating others what I see in myself.) There's a myriad of other stuff, but I would loathe to try and turn this thread into an internet empathy vortex.

 

I feel a bit skeptical of the "Let all the hate in, plus some more hate, to see how hate is ridiculous" because I've seen what hate can do to people when left on a simmer for decades, and jumping head first into seems rather counter-intuitive. Would you care to elaborate?

 

I'm a complete novice when it comes to energy work. I'm relatively young (21), I've read only a couple books on qigong and tai chi, but I've read enough to know that without a good teacher, I'm bound to cause painful mistakes if I choose to pursue those paths. Due to lack of funds/time, pursuing at this point isn't really an option. Perhaps later.

[三江源]

All of this I can relate to.

 

This, however:

 

gets me curious.

 

But what is probably more important, how to get to the point where quick purging is even an option? How to release the huge amount of energy that invested into holding on to and covering up all the awful stuff that's down in there, completely preventing you from healing?

 

Yes, good question.. you hit the nail on ze head methinks.. how do you stop being attached to your pain?! That's what our practices are about, arent they.. freeing up the stagnant patterns..

 

There are so many ways to intervene into stagnancy, the board is always discussing them : acupuncture/ herbs/ diet changes/ retreats/ getting closer to nature/ energy purification/ connection to the divine etc etc etc.. and as de_paradise pointed out, there's no 'magic pill', no one size fits all, it's the process of unfoldment, the process of waking up. The thing to do is fall into the process, and in a way fall in love with it, no matter how tough it is, to feel that there is no other satisfying way to live, than to engage with the process. This is what I feel, anyhowz, afaik!

[三江源]

I'm relatively young (21), I've read only a couple books on qigong and tai chi, but I've read enough to know that without a good teacher, I'm bound to cause painful mistakes if I choose to pursue those paths. Due to lack of funds/time, pursuing at this point isn't really an option. Perhaps later.

 

Hi Moth. painful mistakes come from people doing sexual retention practises and sexual nei gung without having a teacher or experience in the field. Simple Qigong doesnt cause painful mistakes.

 

Good Luck.

[manitou]

The thing to do is fall into the process, and in a way fall in love with it, no matter how tough it is, to feel that there is no other satisfying way to live, than to engage with the process. This is what I feel, anyhowz, afaik!

 

To fall in love with the process. How beautiful. I think this truly says it all. Once the process has started, there's no going back.

[doc benway]

I can tell you what I did with it. Felt it entirely. I think that was the hardest part of it. It turned out to be a strong emotion, but not as strong as I was afraid of.

 

I didn't do anything (to my knowledge) based on it. Nor not do. I let it happen. And then some things became obvious and got changed as a result. Some of them by me. Definite consequences.

 

I think umbrella terms like "love" and "hate" are to be looked into carefully. I've already made mistakes with that. And I'm not convinced they're opposites either. In my case, the "hate" was actually something else, still "horrible", but once admitted, deal-able.

 

I read a nice blog the other day that mentioned that the best way to get out of a trap is to find out how the trap works.

Nice post - awareness, awareness, awareness

When we are aware, there is no need to change. Appropriate change will occur naturally and effortlessly.

[三江源]

Nice post - awareness, awareness, awareness

When we are aware, there is no need to change. Appropriate change will occur naturally and effortlessly.

 

This is not my experience. I wish it were. But it isnt.