DalTheJigsaw123 Posted May 29, 2011 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb_7oHmCWds Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DalTheJigsaw123 Posted May 29, 2011 suninmyeyes - Thank youuu. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doc benway Posted May 29, 2011 Cool content, nice rhythm. Bravo - Thanks for sharing that Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Everything Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb_7oHmCWds You're the reincarnation of 2Pac... Â Just kidding But you really rap it like you mean it, man. Nice poem. Â And finally a video that has not been editted! I hate those editting vlogs where people pretend they don't have lungs and don't take a second break to breath. Â If you want my advice: Seriously, dude. Buy a better mic for better clarity of voice, so that you can add a nice tune or rythm to it. Perhaps change the expression of the poem to any style you want to match a tune or rythm. Some good lightning and appropriate background. You can edit to a certain extend, but do keep it natural like it is now. Â If you ask me, you can go WAAAY slower with the poem. It is pretty complex, so allow everyone to really feel what you're trying to say. Not just have them engaged intellectually. Â Remember, you have to win the hearts of the people, not the minds. As Tao te Ching mentions: "use the light, but shed no light." Keep the wisdom for yourself, for wise do not speak. Unless someone genuinely requests your wisdom. Like in my case, I try to give you advice, and you don't even have to listen to me at all! A poem is not intellectual besides for its author. You have to analyze all your poems and abstract them to their core values and keep the poem as abstract as possible, so that people will find diffrent meanings in the same words over time. They will want to keep returning to your poems for self exploration. Your poems are abstract as they are right now, but you can take it even further try to shorten each poem even more without taking its core out. The better you get at it, the more universally understood/accepted your poems will become. Every word is a symbol and should be analyzed for its values and how it relates your core message. Â For example, You see a clip of a song, where the sun shines, alot of people hanging outside. The love is in the air, people give and receive happiness, but one of those people is the one for you. Thats kinda the intellectualy concept behind this summer song clip, the message we're trying to give. The rap begins in bed, as he steps outside the door seeing all the beautiful people walk on the beach suddenly the refrain starts. This piece of poem will be repeated over and over again and will be remembered by many people. So you have to keep it short but powerful. "Yellow bright... Horizon is in sight! You make me feeeeel SO right!" Â You choose the happy rythm and melody for this poem. Its just an example of how to abstract concepts and ideas or stories into short but powerful poems. You can say that refrain over and over again without getting sick of it, or having difficulties remembering it because of the rythm and rhyme. You already are great with the rhymes though. Â Wish you all the luck with your poems! Keep the world awesome. Edited May 29, 2011 by Everything Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Otis Posted May 29, 2011 Good stuff, Leon. Thanks for sharing. And I very much like the message! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DalTheJigsaw123 Posted May 29, 2011 Cool content, nice rhythm. Bravo - Thanks for sharing that  Thank You So much! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DalTheJigsaw123 Posted May 29, 2011 You're the reincarnation of 2Pac... Â Just kidding But you really rap it like you mean it, man. Nice poem. Â And finally a video that has not been editted! I hate those editting vlogs where people pretend they don't have lungs and don't take a second break to breath. Â If you want my advice: Seriously, dude. Buy a better mic for better clarity of voice, so that you can add a nice tune or rythm to it. Perhaps change the expression of the poem to any style you want to match a tune or rythm. Some good lightning and appropriate background. You can edit to a certain extend, but do keep it natural like it is now. Â If you ask me, you can go WAAAY slower with the poem. It is pretty complex, so allow everyone to really feel what you're trying to say. Not just have them engaged intellectually. Â Remember, you have to win the hearts of the people, not the minds. As Tao te Ching mentions: "use the light, but shed no light." Keep the wisdom for yourself, for wise do not speak. Unless someone genuinely requests your wisdom. Like in my case, I try to give you advice, and you don't even have to listen to me at all! A poem is not intellectual besides for its author. You have to analyze all your poems and abstract them to their core values and keep the poem as abstract as possible, so that people will find diffrent meanings in the same words over time. They will want to keep returning to your poems for self exploration. Your poems are abstract as they are right now, but you can take it even further try to shorten each poem even more without taking its core out. The better you get at it, the more universally understood/accepted your poems will become. Every word is a symbol and should be analyzed for its values and how it relates your core message. Â For example, You see a clip of a song, where the sun shines, alot of people hanging outside. The love is in the air, people give and receive happiness, but one of those people is the one for you. Thats kinda the intellectualy concept behind this summer song clip, the message we're trying to give. The rap begins in bed, as he steps outside the door seeing all the beautiful people walk on the beach suddenly the refrain starts. This piece of poem will be repeated over and over again and will be remembered by many people. So you have to keep it short but powerful. "Yellow bright... Horizon is in sight! You make me feeeeel SO right!" Â You choose the happy rythm and melody for this poem. Its just an example of how to abstract concepts and ideas or stories into short but powerful poems. You can say that refrain over and over again without getting sick of it, or having difficulties remembering it because of the rythm and rhyme. You already are great with the rhymes though. Â Wish you all the luck with your poems! Keep the world awesome. Â Beautiful and Wonderful advice! I will try to buy a better microphone first. The lighting, I will have to work with it. What you said hit home! I will incorporate some of the stuff into my performance! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
