Our cognitive dissonance

[stan herman]

Yes, I agree! I don't want to get enlightened. I just want to enjoy things

 

ev'rybody gotta do what ev'rybody gotta do

[goldisheavy]

Hey, guys.

 

I have this recurring struggle with making decisions in my education. Everytime I attempt to make a decisions here I cannot make sense of it, get frustrated. Since whatever decision I make is against my own will. I'm gonna explain how and wish you to help solve all conginitive dissonance in general. I just mention my own experience to bring an truthful example to the table here.

 

Cognitive dissonance is an inner struggle of dualities. For example, a smoker might enjoy smoking but wishes to become more healthy. What is the cognitive dissonance? The desire to smoke and the desire to quite smoking. No matter what he does, inner peace will never be found in this area of his life. This is very counter intuitive, since most people struggle their entire life without even realizing this.

Cognitive dissonance is usually a lack of clear identity/boundarie/believes/values or any similarity between those.

 

With me, I wish to enjoy my life, and I wish to invest in my self. Enjoying my life, I simply go with the flow and never see the seriousness in anything. Investing in my life, I study and am seriously neglecting my self. I go from study to fun to study to fun and never being content in this area of my life. I've realized this before, but my way of dealing with it was "rather make a wrong decision and learn from it then no decision at all"

 

So making decisions really did help, but my frame of reference has changed from "make wrong decisions untill you find the right one" to "no matter what decision I make, they are all wrong in my eyes. Getting rid of the cognitive dissonance and I don't have to make a decision at all!" This is not ment as an excuse not to have to make a decision, but this struggle simply cannot be solved with impulsivity. I have to sit down patiently, think about my cognitive dissonance and dissolve it like salt in water.

 

When someone says "study" or "fun" I get frustrated and confused, so a little bit angry and other times a little bit anxiety. I might even get fearful. For example when I study, I want to run away from fun impulsively for it WILL ruin my studies, and vice versa. If I have fun, thinking one second about my study and fun is dead. The cognitive dissonance is subconsciously causing this frustration and confusion. The struggle between two opposite values. Currently I run away from fun and stick to my investments like superglue. As you might have guessed, fun is always around the corner and I cannot find the time to succeed in my studies as I constantly get overworked and become tired of motivation.

 

To make it more general and less about me specifically, a smoker might flee from conversations about health, or a quiter might wish to flee from other smokers, especially if they're offering them sigarettes. Or they might feel agitated when people talk about smoking or health, even if they don't show it. This frustration might come out in unexpected ways as in the form of negative energy insufficiently and unwisely spend. I see that with addicts all the time. After a while you can intuitively feel what subjects to avoid.

 

Some people might not avoid their cognitive dissonance and discuss these subjects with emotional attachments. Especially when it is constantly coming up for them, they snap and quite running away from it. These discussions are not wise or fun discussions and usually lead to nowhere. For example, I might get angry and direct it on someone who says "Comon lets have fun/you study too much!" and I respond with "Don't confuse your desires with mine. I don't want to have fun and I'm nothing like you. I am going to study." While 5 seconds later I feel frustrated by my own sentence. cognitive dissonance: "I DO want to have fun and study at the same time, but I can't!" I don't exactly think those words, but I feel the values and emotions behind this cognitive dissonance subconsciously, without realizing where the emotions are coming from. Its like you're trying to find a toilet in Africa and get smacked in the face for being too polite and doing it on the ground. You have no idea what the reason behind the pain is. Cognitive dissonance sux...

 

The problem here is obviously a lack of a clear boundary for a certain area in your life, like cigarettes, health, relationships, studies. For me, I have no clear boundary for my studies. I either study 100% and fail, or I let go of my studies and have fun 100%.

 

So my guess here is: hold both dualities in mind at the same time and find inner peace with them both. But I'm not sure how. Basicly, setting clear boundaries for my self and integrating them into my identity does help. For example, wake up early and study to a certain time so that I have the rest of the day for fun stuff. Sounds pretty stupid, but it does the job. When someone says you study too much, I say "I study from this time to this time." Or when someone says "you smoke to much" you can say "I'm going to smoke untill I have lung cancer" rather then "no I don't!!! You're stupid!" which stems from a lack of identity/boundaries/values. Basicly: know thyself.

 

Perhaps you can take these examples and analyze patterns in your memories for any cognitive dissonance experiences. Any ideas on how to solve these to make a step towards inner peace is very appreciated, along with all other comments about this subject.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

You should ask yourself why do you live? What do you want most in life?

 

Then imagine you're on your deathbed. You are dying. What do you regret not doing? What do you regret not giving your fullest attention to? This should help you understand what is really important to you.

 

Once you know what is the most important "thing" for you, then you know how you can harmonize all other things around that important thing. It will become obvious.

 

You may discover that you need to abandon investment and go 100% happy go lucky. Or you may discover that you need to abandon the happy go lucky attitude and just invest invest invest. Or you may discover that investment can be fun in its own right, kind of like a fun game or a party. Or you may discover that you can earn money and improve yourself by being happy go lucky in a certain manner or in a certain place. Or you may find something third, something previously unexpected.

 

Knowing what is most important in your life can really illumine everything very clearly and make things very obvious. It may become apparent that some contradictions are not real. For example, partying is an investment for someone like Paris Hilton. For a true artisan, learning one's craft to perfection is sheer joy, even though it's an investment. See? The duality is not necessary.

 

Perhaps you're investing into a trade or a skill set that you think is idiotic and worthless in and of itself, and you're only doing it because other people are willing to pay you for it. Some people just get happy thinking they're doing anything others find valuable. Others don't care that someone else thinks something is valuable, they just love the craft and would do it whether they got paid or not.

[Otis]

Yes, I agree! I don't want to get enlightened. I just want to enjoy things

[Otis]

Sounds to me you're doing good. Whenever you can, take it easy on yourself. When you can't manage that, just do what you have to and notice yourself doing it--don't analyze it. Something said to me a while back was, "everybody's got these karmic seeds to burn before they get free, so just go ahead and burn them, one by one, until you're done." Good luck.

Thanks, Stan.

[doc benway]

No doubt, I don't feel ready to live in the world without my beliefs and habits. The trick, for me, is to remind myself that they are not "what's real", but merely "what's worked thus far". To see them as a game, nothing more.

 

Good point and a corollary is that some of it is "what hasn't worked thus far." I think a lot of the trouble comes from behvioral and thoughts patterns that are unhealthy or unproductive and just rote conditioning. The process of waking up and letting go helps us to see what works and what doesn't and fine tune the system. And it's an ongoing process, I think.

[Bluefront]

"your will" ? ;-)

 

 

FREE will?

Don't kid yourself

 

Edited June 3, 2011 by Bluefront

[Jetsun]

"your will" ? ;-)

 

 

FREE will?

Don't kid yourself

 

This is an interesting thread on free will http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/18642-should-you-believe-in-free-will/ which seems to suggest we do have a degree of free will from a scientific perspective

[Creation]

In the fourth way they say that there is a part of you which wants to wake up and get enlightened and there is a part of you which is outright opposed to it, so the main struggle is to get this opposing part of you onside and headed in the same direction, the question becomes how to do this...so then the other option is to bargain and sooth that part of you to show it compassion so in the very least it wont interfere with your efforts.

Yes that is the question.

 

The screaming at the top of my lungs while doing Gift of the Tao that I mentioned the other day was very much a manifestation of the voice of "Opposition". Opposition to letting go, to going with the flow, which would mean letting my guard down, connecting to a terrifying and threatening universe. Every time something starts seeming like it will actually be beneficial to me spiritually, this part of me will begin resisting it, and it is very very powerful.

 

Does anyone have any advice to give on how to deal with this intense opposition?

Edited June 4, 2011 by Creation

[Otis]

The screaming at the top of my lungs while doing Gift of the Tao that I mentioned the other day was very much a manifestation of the voice of "Opposition". Opposition to letting go, to going with the flow, which would mean letting my guard down, connecting to a terrifying and threatening universe. Every time something starts seeming like it will actually be beneficial to me spiritually, this part of me will begin resisting it, and it is very very powerful.

 

Does anyone have any advice to give on how to deal with this intense opposition?

The fact that you're paying attention to it is a great start!

[Jetsun]

Yes that is the question.

 

The screaming at the top of my lungs while doing Gift of the Tao that I mentioned the other day was very much a manifestation of the voice of "Opposition". Opposition to letting go, to going with the flow, which would mean letting my guard down, connecting to a terrifying and threatening universe. Every time something starts seeming like it will actually be beneficial to me spiritually, this part of me will begin resisting it, and it is very very powerful.

 

Does anyone have any advice to give on how to deal with this intense opposition?

 

For me the main opposing parts of me were what they might call essence or inner child parts of me, for I had neglected those feelings for a long time and drowned them out with alcohol, pushed them away by focusing on work and entertainment or put them on hold by feeding myself stimulants like sugar and coffee. So then when it came to the inner work of opening up with meditation and qigong I was trying to force myself open without paying any attention to the part of me which is scared and terrified of being made to feel vulnerable.

 

I can't say I am an expert on this as i'm still struggling with this myself but I think he steps to overcoming this problem are first to become really aware of what is going on. In the Fourth Way system this involves many months of what they call self observation where you practice stepping outside of yourself as a neutral observer trying to separate you from what you are observing in yourself in daily life. There are other ways with things like Voice Dialogue therapy which I think is quite good and other forms of psychotherapy, but essentially I think what's needed is to investigate your feelings and find out what your opposition parts want and need, why they are scared or angry and then once you give them the attention they have been craving and make them feel safe and re-assured then they will get on your side.

[wearydreamer]

Hey, guys.

 

I have this recurring struggle with making decisions in my education. Everytime I attempt to make a decisions here I cannot make sense of it, get frustrated. Since whatever decision I make is against my own will. I'm gonna explain how and wish you to help solve all conginitive dissonance in general. I just mention my own experience to bring an truthful example to the table here.

 

Cognitive dissonance is an inner struggle of dualities. For example, a smoker might enjoy smoking but wishes to become more healthy. What is the cognitive dissonance? The desire to smoke and the desire to quite smoking. No matter what he does, inner peace will never be found in this area of his life. This is very counter intuitive, since most people struggle their entire life without even realizing this.

Cognitive dissonance is usually a lack of clear identity/boundarie/believes/values or any similarity between those.

 

With me, I wish to enjoy my life, and I wish to invest in my self. Enjoying my life, I simply go with the flow and never see the seriousness in anything. Investing in my life, I study and am seriously neglecting my self. I go from study to fun to study to fun and never being content in this area of my life. I've realized this before, but my way of dealing with it was "rather make a wrong decision and learn from it then no decision at all"

 

So making decisions really did help, but my frame of reference has changed from "make wrong decisions untill you find the right one" to "no matter what decision I make, they are all wrong in my eyes. Getting rid of the cognitive dissonance and I don't have to make a decision at all!" This is not ment as an excuse not to have to make a decision, but this struggle simply cannot be solved with impulsivity. I have to sit down patiently, think about my cognitive dissonance and dissolve it like salt in water.

 

When someone says "study" or "fun" I get frustrated and confused, so a little bit angry and other times a little bit anxiety. I might even get fearful. For example when I study, I want to run away from fun impulsively for it WILL ruin my studies, and vice versa. If I have fun, thinking one second about my study and fun is dead. The cognitive dissonance is subconsciously causing this frustration and confusion. The struggle between two opposite values. Currently I run away from fun and stick to my investments like superglue. As you might have guessed, fun is always around the corner and I cannot find the time to succeed in my studies as I constantly get overworked and become tired of motivation.

 

To make it more general and less about me specifically, a smoker might flee from conversations about health, or a quiter might wish to flee from other smokers, especially if they're offering them sigarettes. Or they might feel agitated when people talk about smoking or health, even if they don't show it. This frustration might come out in unexpected ways as in the form of negative energy insufficiently and unwisely spend. I see that with addicts all the time. After a while you can intuitively feel what subjects to avoid.

 

Some people might not avoid their cognitive dissonance and discuss these subjects with emotional attachments. Especially when it is constantly coming up for them, they snap and quite running away from it. These discussions are not wise or fun discussions and usually lead to nowhere. For example, I might get angry and direct it on someone who says "Comon lets have fun/you study too much!" and I respond with "Don't confuse your desires with mine. I don't want to have fun and I'm nothing like you. I am going to study." While 5 seconds later I feel frustrated by my own sentence. cognitive dissonance: "I DO want to have fun and study at the same time, but I can't!" I don't exactly think those words, but I feel the values and emotions behind this cognitive dissonance subconsciously, without realizing where the emotions are coming from. Its like you're trying to find a toilet in Africa and get smacked in the face for being too polite and doing it on the ground. You have no idea what the reason behind the pain is. Cognitive dissonance sux...

 

The problem here is obviously a lack of a clear boundary for a certain area in your life, like cigarettes, health, relationships, studies. For me, I have no clear boundary for my studies. I either study 100% and fail, or I let go of my studies and have fun 100%.

 

So my guess here is: hold both dualities in mind at the same time and find inner peace with them both. But I'm not sure how. Basicly, setting clear boundaries for my self and integrating them into my identity does help. For example, wake up early and study to a certain time so that I have the rest of the day for fun stuff. Sounds pretty stupid, but it does the job. When someone says you study too much, I say "I study from this time to this time." Or when someone says "you smoke to much" you can say "I'm going to smoke untill I have lung cancer" rather then "no I don't!!! You're stupid!" which stems from a lack of identity/boundaries/values. Basicly: know thyself.

 

Perhaps you can take these examples and analyze patterns in your memories for any cognitive dissonance experiences. Any ideas on how to solve these to make a step towards inner peace is very appreciated, along with all other comments about this subject.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

 

Hi Everything,

 

The cognitive dissonance you are talking abt I prefer to call it cognition/affectivity duality. One might cognize that he should not smoke but affectivity might make him to like smoking. Like all duality, cognition also needs a complementary, affectivity. If it was all cognition, (i.e, your intellectual apparatus could understand the craving for smoke in exactly same way as the need to quit it), then that cognition would have faded to background and your intellectual apparatus would not have been able perceive anything like cognition all.

Key to peace is dis-identification. It is the nature of peace to lead the psyche to pure affectivity/pure cognition.

Effort at any point is again sticking to identification and strengthening the delusion.