Compassion

[lifeforce]

One of the by-products of spiritual cultivation, regardless of system, is compassion. From what I can gather, it's compassion for ALL beings.

I've tried many, many times to feel compassion in this way, but I can't for the likes of paedophiles, rapists, murderers, torturers and all sorts of evil people. I've searched my heart to try and feel something, but all I feel is sadness and sympathy for the victims, and hatred for the guilty ones.

Am I alone in this ?

[Vajrahridaya]

One of the by-products of spiritual cultivation, regardless of system, is compassion. From what I can gather, it's compassion for ALL beings.

I've tried many, many times to feel compassion in this way, but I can't for the likes of paedophiles, rapists, murderers, torturers and all sorts of evil people. I've searched my heart to try and feel something, but all I feel is sadness and sympathy for the victims, and hatred for the guilty ones.

Am I alone in this ?

 

I'm sure you aren't alone in this, but the potential for the experience of Big Compassion exists for you as well.

 

I would just suggest contemplating what makes people do these horrible things? Most abusers are themselves victims of abuse. I would suggest searching out for the answers within for the reasons why people would do such atrocities and find that there is no one person to blame, or one situation to blame for such occurrences. These people are not inherently evil, they are merely the products of the inter play of various kinds of conditions. Some of the more sociopathic types are honestly born with certain chemical deficiencies or with developmental problems and do need severe clinical help with diet and life style coaching, as well as deep therapy.

 

Anyway, just because you haven't experienced it yet, doesn't mean that you don't have it in you to do so.

[manitou]

If all is One, then we all have Mother Theresa and Jeffrey Dahmer both inside us. I think that looking at despicable people with a "There but by the grace of God go I..." is a mindset that goes a long way to developing compassion.

 

I spent many years as a police detective in a large city. My field of expertise was rapes, sex crimes, child molestings. After talking with countless rapists and molesters, I definitely noticed that very often the rapist or molester would be attracted to a child of the same age that he was when he himself was molested by his uncle or someone. Molestation is the gift that just keeps on giving, down through the years. I began to wonder at what exact age we stop being compassionate for the poor child who is molested; and start hating him because he sooner or later becomes the molester.

 

I think the trick is in finding a way to be non-judgmental and try not to have an opinion at all. It just is. That's all. When our inner work has been done and we've become capable of seeing through non-judgmental eyes, that's more the vision of the sage.

[Otis]

I spent many years as a police detective in a large city. My field of expertise was rapes, sex crimes, child molestings.

Dang, Barb, what an intense field of expertise! I see why you say that job was traumatizing!

[tragblack]

Am I alone in this ?

 

I've seen many people with this feeling. Personally, however, I don't find it hard to have compassion for people guilty of crimes-- most any crimes.

 

The people I have the hardest time drumming up this compassion for is bankers... Ben Bernake had me especially on edge this morning.

[doc benway]

I began to wonder at what exact age we stop being compassionate for the poor child who is molested; and start hating him because he sooner or later becomes the molester.

 

 

That is a brilliant insight.

 

Dammit! Now you one-upped me again! I gotta start thinkin' real hard...

 

There was a time when my heart was completely hardened toward such miserable creatures.

I used to feel enormous anger towards them. There is still anger there but there is also an enormous sadness.

I can't imagine how terrifying it would be to be in their shoes. Most of them were victims of abuse and many are tortured by their crimes. Often these are overwhelming compulsions, akin to sexual fetishes, which are extremely difficult to control.

I still feel anger, loathing, and hatred for them, and compassion.

I also feel that compassion is not at odds with punishment.

Punishment is an expression of compassion, for the victim, the criminal, society, and humanity in general.

[manitou]

Dang Otis, you're right. It was a M-F'er.

 

I almost think it was easier for me to start to feel a little compassion for these fellows toward the end of my career was because a detective's heart gets hardened to what we have to see. I had to learn to talk about these things as emotionless as I could - a judgmental attitude would serve no purpose, particularly when trying to extrapolate an admission. However, at one point I realized that I was actually starting to believe my compassionate words - because compassion is one thing a female detective is usually pretty good at, and it does become a tool, sorry to say.

 

At some point I actually started trying to understand, ugly as it was.

[Vajrahridaya]

manitou, on 13 July 2011 - 11:39 AM, said:

I spent many years as a police detective in a large city. My field of expertise was rapes, sex crimes, child molestings.

Wow, that's an intense job.

 

An X girlfriend of mine had a roommate who was a female Sargent in a South Bronx precinct. She'd get drunk after work every night, and sometimes she'd share stories of how she had to drop someone, as in kill a perp. It's a crazy job being a Cop in a major urban city. Especially in the South Bronx, one of the worst neighborhoods in the world. She is a few years younger than me, but she really felt like she was older than me.

 

I would feel compassion for her for sure!

Edited July 14, 2011 by Vajrahridaya

[Makyea]

I feel for those people. I always try to remind myself that with all the positive energy there has to be the bad and it has to go somewhere. Just as "good" people do "good" without really trying it's just what is inside them I think.

[ralis]

Real compassion stands up to and is not tolerant of injustice, wars, fear and abuse in any form. Real compassion is proactive and not passive.

Edited July 14, 2011 by ralis

[Sloppy Zhang]

One of the by-products of spiritual cultivation, regardless of system, is compassion. From what I can gather, it's compassion for ALL beings.

I've tried many, many times to feel compassion in this way, but I can't for the likes of paedophiles, rapists, murderers, torturers and all sorts of evil people. I've searched my heart to try and feel something, but all I feel is sadness and sympathy for the victims, and hatred for the guilty ones.

Am I alone in this ?

 

No, you are not alone.

 

Understandably there are people who are victims who turn into perpetrators- especially if they are left out in the cold, shunned, or otherwise shunned by the rest of society.

 

And while manitou's question is good- "I began to wonder at what exact age we stop being compassionate for the poor child who is molested; and start hating him because he sooner or later becomes the molester."

 

I think there is something else to consider-

 

At what point does the person become responsible for their act, and not just a product of their environment?

 

Each individual has their own agency, their own ability to decide what they want to do. Now depending on the person and their circumstances, their ability to exercise their free will might be more heavily influenced by other factors than someone else.

 

But I think the moment we stop being compassionate for the poor child who is molested IS the moment he becomes the molester.

 

Does compassion and understanding imply allowance? Forgive and forget? Forgive, but don't forget?

 

I also believe that compassion is proactive, so how do we stop things like this? How do we treat perpetrators with compassion? How do we stop victims from passing down the crime? How do we protect at risk people from criminals?

 

All while maintaining compassion?

[manitou]

No, you are not alone.

 

 

At what point does the person become responsible for their act, and not just a product of their environment?

 

 

Until he takes responsibility for his own life. Until then, we have jails to keep him away from society for a given amount of time. What we should do is kick up voluntary treatment programs in prison, but I'm sure that would be the last economic agenda we'll be following.

 

When he gets into recovery, if he does (there are many programs for this behavior) he will start taking responsibility for his life. He has to get under his memories and work from that position. Only then will he be able to change his behavior. Just like an alkie not taking the first drink, when he finds himself thinking of a child in a sexual way he stops himself at that point, he has the tools to do so.

 

We can talk all day about how someone "should" take responsibility for their own actions when they turn 18, but this just doesn't understand the nature of the beast.

[3bob]

Real compassion stands up to and is not tolerant of injustice, wars, fear and abuse in any form. Real compassion is proactive and not passive.

 

An important and key point Ralis!

 

An over-whelming power of Compassion renders the lie powerless before its eye, heart and hand, further yet it can transfrom the twisted and stolen power of the lie beyond what would or could "normally" be done...

[3bob]

I feel for those people. I always try to remind myself that with all the positive energy there has to be the bad and it has to go somewhere. Just as "good" people do "good" without really trying it's just what is inside them I think.

 

So it seems, but I'd say there is only one ultimate energy, although and after it takes on various forms that can be manipulated through will it can then be used for or by either good or evil.

Edited July 14, 2011 by 3bob

[Jetsun]

I'm not there yet but I understand that there can come a time where you realise that it is good for you to have compassion for all people and it is good for all people for you to have compassion for them, so if everyone benefits then it is a wise thing to aim for.

[3bob]

deleted

Edited July 15, 2011 by 3bob