ffvii Posted August 14, 2011 Hi, i am starting to use taoist philosophy in my day to day life and i have encountered a problem. for a long time now i have greatly desired to have more friends and a girlfriend. it has been a constant problem that makes me suffer. i wish to release myself from these desires like others, but i just don't know how to. they are and always have been great desires for me. does anyone here have an idea of what i should do? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
de_paradise Posted August 14, 2011 Welcome Meditation and energy practises--tons of it. It transforms your mind and body that gradually relaxes things like cravings of food, sex, sleep, stimumalations, etc. I can say that for certainty because I feel it happen--one day wake up not hungry like used to be, for example. Of course this is the long road, and not going to help you in the short run. That is merely discipline. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
alexandrov Posted August 15, 2011 meditation and energy practices can be good, but also i would think the most simple and direct solution for you would be to make more friends and get a girlfriend there is nothing wrong with having the desire for more friends or a girlfriend, its just like the desire to eat or urinate or anything else, if you have that desire it means its probably a normal and good thing to live it out. Since when was it a bad thing to have more friends? do you have some problems preventing you from having a girlfriend or friends? 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LBDaoist Posted August 15, 2011 Appreciate what you do have. Life is very short. Ask yourself, do you want to waste your time focused upon what you do not have? Make the most of what you do have, cherish it. Develop an attitude of appreciation. You do reality a disservice by shunning it and yearning for something else. Life is what it is. Enjoy it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RiverSnake Posted August 15, 2011 -Why are you fighting these desires? Just accept them without judgement of yourself or others. IMO the Tao is not a strict and formal path that means you have to renounce all your friends, lovers and families. My 2 cents, Peace Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChiDragon Posted August 15, 2011 One may have as many desires as one wants, but treated as one may still go on living with or without them. With friends, you are oneself; without them, you are still oneself. Why not just be your own self...??? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goldisheavy Posted August 15, 2011 Hi, i am starting to use taoist philosophy in my day to day life and i have encountered a problem. for a long time now i have greatly desired to have more friends and a girlfriend. it has been a constant problem that makes me suffer. i wish to release myself from these desires like others, but i just don't know how to. they are and always have been great desires for me. does anyone here have an idea of what i should do? First, I want to ask you if you're sure you want to lose your desires for friends and a girlfriend. Why? Because desires are treasures. You may not realize that now, but when you lose your desires, you may want them back. So think twice before losing your desires. To lose your desire for anything, including friends and a girlfriend, simply consider daily the disadvantages and the downsides of that thing. If you contemplate for 5 minutes every day on the disadvantages and the downsides of the desired objects, your desires for those objects will be reduced in a short time. That short time can be a week or a month or a few years, depending on your individual conditions. To regain your desire for anything, just do the same process in reverse: consider the advantages and benefits of the same things. And again, it may take time to regain the desire just like it takes time to lose it. One more warning: be careful with your desires. I'm telling you how to lose them effectively and quickly, but you may not like the end result. So make sure you know what you're doing in your heart and make sure you're not just following dogma. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted August 15, 2011 "make sure you know what you're doing in your heart and make sure you're not just following dogma." This is good GIH. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
alexandrov Posted August 16, 2011 First, I want to ask you if you're sure you want to lose your desires for friends and a girlfriend. Why? Because desires are treasures. You may not realize that now, but when you lose your desires, you may want them back. So think twice before losing your desires. To lose your desire for anything, including friends and a girlfriend, simply consider daily the disadvantages and the downsides of that thing. If you contemplate for 5 minutes every day on the disadvantages and the downsides of the desired objects, your desires for those objects will be reduced in a short time. That short time can be a week or a month or a few years, depending on your individual conditions. To regain your desire for anything, just do the same process in reverse: consider the advantages and benefits of the same things. And again, it may take time to regain the desire just like it takes time to lose it. One more warning: be careful with your desires. I'm telling you how to lose them effectively and quickly, but you may not like the end result. So make sure you know what you're doing in your heart and make sure you're not just following dogma. solid advice Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaron Posted August 16, 2011 Hi, i am starting to use taoist philosophy in my day to day life and i have encountered a problem. for a long time now i have greatly desired to have more friends and a girlfriend. it has been a constant problem that makes me suffer. i wish to release myself from these desires like others, but i just don't know how to. they are and always have been great desires for me. does anyone here have an idea of what i should do? Hell ffvii, I'm sorry to hear that these desires are causing you to suffer. First I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with having these desires, in fact they are quite natural. Man has always desired to make friends and fall in love, nothing will change that. You can take a vow of celibacy, join a cloistered tradition, and you will still have these desires, the only difference is that you'll convince yourself everyday that these things are bad, which they aren't. The other option you have is to accept that you want to have friends and find a girlfriend, but right now you might not be having much luck. Times change. Who knows what tomorrow holds for you or me? So ffvii, relax and enjoy life. Don't think about the things you haven't got, but be happy with the things that you have. When it's time to make a new friend, you will. When it's time to have a girlfriend, you will. If you never have a girlfriend, that would be a shame, but it wouldn't be the end of the world either, so long as you are happy with the people that are in your life and you can find satisfaction in that. Good luck and best regards, Aaron Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suninmyeyes Posted August 16, 2011 ffvvi, Try and get more friends and a girlfriend.It is good,dont mind that desire.In case you dont manage to find them as fast or at all make sure you dont mind that either.Life goes on. Desires are natural ,they are our very form in physical world,without them we would not exist as human beings.I think being a connoisseur of desires is a way to go. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tulku Posted August 16, 2011 I believe the OP is clearly asking for advice on how to lose his desire yet there are people in here who wish to prevent the OP from reaching his goal. This is the problem with too many people in this world. They succumb to the group think mentality and refuse to acknowledge the path of the individual. If the OP wishes to lose his desires, what's wrong with that? Is it hurting any of you that a particular soul wishes to traverse a different path? Why are you guys discouraging him from walking a path of no desires? He has clearly stated that he wishes to lose all desires. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted August 16, 2011 I believe the OP is clearly asking for advice on how to lose his desire yet there are people in here who wish to prevent the OP from reaching his goal. This is the problem with too many people in this world. They succumb to the group think mentality and refuse to acknowledge the path of the individual. If the OP wishes to lose his desires, what's wrong with that? Is it hurting any of you than a particular soul wishes to traverse a different path? Why are you guys discouraging him from walking a path of no desires? He has clearly stated that he wishes to lose all desires. Good point. I would only ask, "Do you think it is possible to lose all desires and still live a meaningful life?" I think this is why there are alternative suggestions being offered. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tulku Posted August 16, 2011 Good point. I would only ask, "Do you think it is possible to lose all desires and still live a meaningful life?" I think this is why there are alternative suggestions being offered. I would only ask, "is it any concern of yours what type of life the OP live?" Who are you to judge the life of another person on earth? This is the problem with too many people in this world. Too many people think that they know best, they think they know what is the best life for everybody and go around preaching to everyone how they should live their life. Well guess what, not every person on this planet likes the type of lifestyle with friends and girlfriends/wives and children. Some people like to isolate themselves from the rest of the populace as much as possible because it makes them happy and now you are telling these people who choose to isolate themselves that it is wrong to be happy? Good grief! Who die and make you guys the gods and controllers of this planet? Who gives you the right to determine what is and what is not a meaningful life on this planet? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raz Posted August 16, 2011 I believe the OP is clearly asking for advice on how to lose his desire yet there are people in here who wish to prevent the OP from reaching his goal. This is the problem with too many people in this world. They succumb to the group think mentality and refuse to acknowledge the path of the individual. If the OP wishes to lose his desires, what's wrong with that? Is it hurting any of you than a particular soul wishes to traverse a different path? Why are you guys discouraging him from walking a path of no desires? He has clearly stated that he wishes to lose all desires. There is no desire in the first place, just a flow of life. "Desire" is just the mind fractioning reality. The assumption that one has desire to lose is just a confused mind dividing what is and contracting self to mental concepts. My tip is to explore your sense of self and feel what expands and be aware of what contracts. You will find that "desire" is just a tiny aspect that dose not really bother you but like all other aspects is a tool that servs you. Simple attention and awareness combined with refusing to go in to "victim mode" is the cure. Edit: Not telling anybody what to do or not do, just sharing my point of view... 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
C T Posted August 16, 2011 There is no desire in the first place, just a flow of life. "Desire" is just the mind fractioning reality. The assumption that one has desire to lose is just a confused mind dividing what is and contracting self to mental concepts. My tip is to explore your sense of self and feel what expands and be aware of what contracts. You will find that "desire" is just a tiny aspect that dose not really bother you but like all other aspects is a tool that servs you. Simple attention and awareness combined with refusing to go in to "victim mode" is the cure. Edit: Not telling anybody what to do or not do, just sharing my point of view... Nice point to consider too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tulku Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) There is no desire in the first place, just a flow of life. "Desire" is just the mind fractioning reality. The assumption that one has desire to lose is just a confused mind dividing what is and contracting self to mental concepts. My tip is to explore your sense of self and feel what expands and be aware of what contracts. You will find that "desire" is just a tiny aspect that dose not really bother you but like all other aspects is a tool that servs you. Simple attention and awareness combined with refusing to go in to "victim mode" is the cure. Edit: Not telling anybody what to do or not do, just sharing my point of view... raz, the OP doesn't really care what desire is as long as he loses those desires.. put it simply, he wishes to lose his desire for women and friends.. he wishes to lose his desire for human contact.. is there anything wrong with that? is he hurting anyone by this "desire" of his? the desire to lose all other desires? of course not, it is plainly a lifestyle choice and no one, not even his parents and least of all, strangers on a forum, have the right to judge and criticize his lifestyle choice and force the OP to walk a path not chosen by him. to force someone to walk a path not chosen by him is a usurpation of free will and we all know someone who has usurped our free will at one point or another. it feels like being a slave to those who usurp your free will. do you like being a slave to those who usurp your free will? if not, then why would you usurp other's free will? edit: i am not talking about you specifically, raz or even the rest of this board.. it is just this general tendency of people "to know better" than the next person and forcing their views on others.. a prime example of this is vmarco who has been banned Edited August 16, 2011 by tulku Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tulku Posted August 16, 2011 There is no desire in the first place, just a flow of life. "Desire" is just the mind fractioning reality. The assumption that one has desire to lose is just a confused mind dividing what is and contracting self to mental concepts. My tip is to explore your sense of self and feel what expands and be aware of what contracts. You will find that "desire" is just a tiny aspect that dose not really bother you but like all other aspects is a tool that servs you. Simple attention and awareness combined with refusing to go in to "victim mode" is the cure. Edit: Not telling anybody what to do or not do, just sharing my point of view... raz, the OP asked for advice and techniques on how to remove his desires but most of the replies are on why he shouldn't remove his desires and why desires are good. this is contray to what the OP asked for and I am not surprised the OP has not even posted a single reply in this thread. why bother arguing with people who do not hold your views and trying to bend them to your views? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
joeblast Posted August 16, 2011 Hi, i am starting to use taoist philosophy in my day to day life and i have encountered a problem. for a long time now i have greatly desired to have more friends and a girlfriend. it has been a constant problem that makes me suffer. i wish to release myself from these desires like others, but i just don't know how to. they are and always have been great desires for me. does anyone here have an idea of what i should do? when you have to sneeze, you can acupress certain points that serve to redirect the neural excitement. with some practice, you can redirect it without the acupress. it is no different. investigate the root of what drives these, and find a way to divert the stream while its still in the mountain peaks instead of trying to fill buckets at the bottom of the waterfall and carry them somewhere. sit and smile at the dantien drive-in 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tulku Posted August 16, 2011 when you have to sneeze, you can acupress certain points that serve to redirect the neural excitement. with some practice, you can redirect it without the acupress. it is no different. investigate the root of what drives these, and find a way to divert the stream while its still in the mountain peaks instead of trying to fill buckets at the bottom of the waterfall and carry them somewhere. sit and smile at the dantien drive-in how would you do that? I am sure the OP and other like-minded individuals would love to know the step-by-step exact process of how you go about removing desires. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted August 16, 2011 I would only ask, "is it any concern of yours what type of life the OP live?" Who are you to judge the life of another person on earth? This is the problem with too many people in this world. Hold on, my friend. Where did you see me judging? Where did you see me telling him that he ought to live in such-and-such a way? What gives you the right to judge that 'this is the problem with too many people in this world'? Perhaps many of us who responded to the opening post thought that he was asking the wrong question. Perhaps we were all trying honestly to help in the only way we knew how. I think it is up to the person asking the question to decide if the responses were of any help or not, not you or I. Consider that if everyone who read his post thought he was asking the wrong question and decided that we should not respond. He would be left with no responses to his question and would think that nobody here cared about him and that would cause him even more confusion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted August 16, 2011 ... he wishes to lose his desire for women and friends.. he wishes to lose his desire for human contact.. No he doesn't! He already admitted to that in a later post. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
