Advice

[ffvii]

should a taoist advise someone when not asked to?

[Birch]

Are you asking for advice? Or an opinion?

[ffvii]

Are you asking for advice? Or an opinion?

Well like a tao cultivator, if he saw someone he could help by telling them some tao philosophy, should he help them without being asked? i'm asking for advice i guess

[Marblehead]

Well like a tao cultivator, if he saw someone he could help by telling them some tao philosophy, should he help them without being asked? i'm asking for advice i guess

 

I think that the challenge is determining if the other person is ready to listen. If not then why waste your time. If the person is ready to listen then I would say yes, speak with the person but allow them to find their own answers. We cannot give others the moon but we can point to it so that they can at least see it.

[ChiDragon]

I think that the challenge is determining if the other person is ready to listen. If not then why waste your time. If the person is ready to listen then I would say yes, speak with the person but allow them to find their own answers. We cannot give others the moon but we can point to it so that they can at least see it.

 

I thought I left it up to you.....

[RiverSnake]

Generally speaking: NO

 

-However, there is a difference between advising others and encouraging introspection. The Buddha used this technique a lot in that he would ask people questions or create stories that encouraged people to look within. So instead of putting yourself on a pedestal by giving advice, you help others find there own inner teacher. Most people have the answers to there own problems.

 

It is never helpful to talk AT someone, especially when they don't ask for your advice.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

Edited August 26, 2011 by OldGreen

[Birch]

Well like a tao cultivator, if he saw someone he could help by telling them some tao philosophy, should he help them without being asked? i'm asking for advice i guess

No:-)

This forum is a good example of people doing it all the time (offering their opinion as advice where the OP wasn't asking for it:-))

 

I think starting comments with IMO as a way of telling someone that's all you're doing can be useful to others. Maybe it's not always obvious to people. They can then take what they want. I also think sharing your experience might help some people. And being honest when you don't know. But IME, the minute the OP closes down following whatever you said is IME a sign not to push any further. On a discussion forum, that doesn't seem to happen either and people will continue beyond that point. But that's because they have more on the agenda than simply helping the OP;-) It might be a perspective held dear or a whole belief system.

 

I'll admit this post is itself an example of "agenda" . I recently had the experience of being "advised"' in such a manner and no-one ended up appreciating it, if I recall, neither the givers nor the receivers. So it's a great question you asked:-)

[doc benway]

I would echo with a big, fat NO in general but there are exceptions.

This was learned through experience

 

I once had the unfortunate experience of getting into a debate with a rather fundamentalist <enter name of religion of your choice>. After a lengthy discussion, he was quite upset, broke down and told me that his belief was all he had to keep him steady. It was heartbreaking. People aren't always ready or interested in the truth. And are we really skillful enough to make that decision for them?

It's a slippery slope...

 

Similarly, Anthony Demello talks beautifully (as does Stuart Wilde) about what people need at any given time in their life. Wilde talks about people needing to hit rock bottom to learn a lesson or break through their cocoon and begin growing. Demello talks about being conflicted between fostering spiritual growth (which often requires a lot of pain before we wake up and make profound changes) and providing psychological support (he was a Jesuit, a spiritual advisor, and a psychotherapist from India) which mainly involves easing pain and suffering. Easing the suffering can prevent or delay spiritual growth...

 

So the only time I do this is 1)when asked by someone I think is open enough, 2)when interacting with close friends who share this sort of stuff with me regularly, and 3)perhaps if I really saw that witholding some obvious support might be unhealthy for someone (but do I really have the authority and expertise to make that call???).

 

Also, here on this forum I think that our presence and participation implies an interest in pursuing insight and growth and engaging in spiritual matters so I do think it's appropriate here. Nevertheless, I think it's critical that we develop a way of approaching this with eachother that is not only challenging but collaborative, supportive, and compassionate. That's just my opinion. Others differ on that last point quite a bit...