do you have to be a zen master to be successful with women?

[Non]

nt

Edited August 25, 2011 by Non

[Non]

ahhh you can dismiss this thread. I'm just rambling.

[Vmarco]

nt

 

A Tantra Master said:

 

"The very qualities of being a disciple are the qualities which are feminine -- receptivity, openness, trust, love, a deep surrender. And if a man becomes a disciple, he will automatically grow qualities which are female. There is nothing wrong in it. Qualities are qualities, and all beautiful qualities are feminine -- love and trust and compassion and gratitude and surrender. All beautiful qualities are feminine.

 

It is not a question concerned with your sexuality; your being a male or female has many dimensions. One of the dimensions is that there are qualities intrinsic to females which make them easily disciples. There are men who have those qualities -- those qualities are not the monopoly of anybody. There are men who are more soft than any woman, more loving than any woman, more grateful than any woman -- but the qualities are feminine."

[fizix]

Lose your fear of rejection, ie ego, that is the key, then you're all good.

[hagar]

Life's so precious. Enjoy it while it lasts. Women will not make you happy. When we start enjoying life, women tend to notice.

 

h

Edited August 26, 2011 by hagar

[Cat Pillar]

Life's so precious. Enjoy it while it lasts. Women will not make you happy. When we start enjoying life, women tend to notice.

 

h

 

I've had some strange questions arise inside lately, this is a good opportunity to ask one of them.

 

How does one know life is precious?

[.broken.]

How does one know life is precious?

 

There's joy and celebration along with sorrow and mourning. Gaining sensitivity of heart is key to finding something about life that's worth treasuring. Note that I do not mean this is a metaphoric sense, rather than one needs to become more bodily aware of one's heart, the physical organ or the chakra (whichever you prefer), to gain the understanding. Without that these are just empty words!

 

Love,

James

[JohnC]

I've had some strange questions arise inside lately, this is a good opportunity to ask one of them.

 

How does one know life is precious?

 

You don't!

 

And you never will.

[Green Tiger]

Life's so precious. Enjoy it while it lasts. Women will not make you happy. When we start enjoying life, women tend to notice.

 

h

 

 

Word.

 

Also, be sure to practice your Zhan Zhuang. Good posture is pretty attractive.

[Cat Pillar]

There's joy and celebration along with sorrow and mourning. Gaining sensitivity of heart is key to finding something about life that's worth treasuring. Note that I do not mean this is a metaphoric sense, rather than one needs to become more bodily aware of one's heart, the physical organ or the chakra (whichever you prefer), to gain the understanding. Without that these are just empty words!

 

Love,

James

 

Would you say that the preciousness of life is absolute (always true) or purely subjective?

 

JohnC,

 

You don't!

 

And you never will.

 

An interesting answer! Can you elaborate?

[Sloppy Zhang]

If you look for people to validate you (men or women), they will (consciously or subconsciously) pick up on your insecurity and neediness. This causes them to avoid you, because they don't want to be around someone who is going to be an emotional sink- draining all the fun out of life and looking for someone to feed their ego and to validate them.

 

If you are confident in yourself, shown by the way you walk and talk, think and act, people (men or women) will (consciously or subconsciously) pick up on your independence and confidence, and will want to be around you, because you are interesting and you aren't projecting your needs on them.

 

It is counter-intuitive, but if you want to attract people, don't work on trying to attract them, and just do your own thing. The more you care about it, the more people will notice that, and the more they will avoid you.

Edited August 26, 2011 by Sloppy Zhang

[Apech]

It's well known that women in general only date Zen masters. This is a fact.

 

What do you think Sloppy?

[Sloppy Zhang]

It's well known that women in general only date Zen masters. This is a fact.

 

What do you think Sloppy?

 

As a zen master, I don't think. Thinking is the monkey mind at work.

 

I will say, that as a zen master, I have slept with over 50% of the female population. So perhaps you do have a point in general.

[Apech]

As a zen master, I don't think. Thinking is the monkey mind at work.

 

I will say, that as a zen master, I have slept with over 50% of the female population. So perhaps you do have a point in general.

 

You are the living proof.

 

+1 for your post 11 above by the way.

[Non]

If you look for people to validate you (men or women), they will (consciously or subconsciously) pick up on your insecurity and neediness. This causes them to avoid you, because they don't want to be around someone who is going to be an emotional sink- draining all the fun out of life and looking for someone to feed their ego and to validate them.

 

If you are confident in yourself, shown by the way you walk and talk, think and act, people (men or women) will (consciously or subconsciously) pick up on your independence and confidence, and will want to be around you, because you are interesting and you aren't projecting your needs on them.

 

It is counter-intuitive, but if you want to attract people, don't work on trying to attract them, and just do your own thing. The more you care about it, the more people will notice that, and the more they will avoid you.

 

Well its just that all women in my life have always done the opposite of what I expect, what I least expect, or the worst i can imagine if not more than I can imagine.

 

Either the entire female race is feeding off of males taking advantage of us, mindfucking us, intentionally trying to destroy us or the universe has genetically wired females to be the most pain in the ass for all men,and all in the desire to make them more available and free for the next, and the next and the next, etc man.

 

To test men. But the fact is...

 

our genes, our biology is not fit for this modern day society. OK, women provide a very vital function in men's lives, but the way we live nowadays just does not let that manifest in the fullest way possible. Most men in these days are unsuccessful For women. So I guess... men will just become extinct and/or nature will give us more women than men because most men just suck.

 

I mean if the universe really WANTED us to learn, it's definitely not by destroying every last bit of sanity and destroying our identities in the way that women do me everyday. That just makes me want to not live.

 

There comes a point where women's mysteriousness/mischievousness can be detrimental to a man, and that's especially common in today's society because we live in unnatural times.

Edited August 26, 2011 by Non

[Non]

please shut me up.

[JohnC]

Would you say that the preciousness of life is absolute (always true) or purely subjective?

 

Yes.

 

 

An interesting answer! Can you elaborate?

Nope!

 

The point is, you can discuss forever.. or let it go and enjoy. Either way doesn't matter!

 

John

Edited August 26, 2011 by JohnC

[Vmarco]

I've had some strange questions arise inside lately, this is a good opportunity to ask one of them.

 

How does one know life is precious?

 

Careful,...such questions can lead to enlightenment.

 

By life, it is assumed that you mean the perceived reality around you.

 

Visualize a keyhole for a moment, one of those slotted holes that can be peeped through, as in old Colonial and Victorian homes. Now, describe that hole. Some may say that it has the shape of a circle with a rectangle whose width is smaller than the diameter of the circle aligned on the bottom; others could respond that the hole is surrounded by a brass plate that is attached to the door, which is connected to the wall, etc. Perhaps the hole could be looked through, so one could remark about what is seen on the other side. However, none of that actually describes the hole; all of the preceding descriptions are narratives about what is around or can be seen through the hole. Nevertheless, that is how most persons, especially Westerners and scientists, perceive their own wholeness: by what is around it.

 

Is anything around you permanent? Can the impermanent be precious? I would suggest that the Wholeness within the projections of impermanence is precious, but not what arises from the Five Aggregates.

 

Although people today have some very bizarre ideas about compassion,...a bodhisattva's compassion does not consider impermanence precious. Their vow is for the liberation of all sentient beings,...not the coddling of impermanence which avoids, appeases, and suppresses the Wholeness through which liberation is uncovered.

 

V

[.broken.]

Would you say that the preciousness of life is absolute (always true) or purely subjective?

 

Subjective

 

For the spiritual seeker, however, the cultivation of karma/virtue is, in arguably most cases, an imperative. I personally know of no spiritual school of thought that would argue that life isn't precious. Granted that they might not say, "Life if precious" directly but the idea of doing good or treating others with respect is almost universal amongst them.

 

(Of course, euthanasia among others is a grey area, but only if taken on face value. The lessening of another's suffering may indeed mean taking that individual's life. That is not to say that the 'life' they experienced was not precious.)

 

My experience tells me that when one works directly with the heart, one will love and care for all things. It is that same love that drives me to help others as if their life is more of consequence than my own. Perhaps that is the importance behind the phrase... Another's life is more precious than my own. For surely that is love. Sacrifice.

 

With love,

James

[Sloppy Zhang]

Well its just that all women in my life have always done the opposite of what I expect, what I least expect, or the worst i can imagine if not more than I can imagine.

 

Either the entire female race is feeding off of males taking advantage of us, mindfucking us, intentionally trying to destroy us or the universe has genetically wired females to be the most pain in the ass for all men,and all in the desire to make them more available and free for the next, and the next and the next, etc man.

 

To test men. But the fact is...

 

our genes, our biology is not fit for this modern day society. OK, women provide a very vital function in men's lives, but the way we live nowadays just does not let that manifest in the fullest way possible. Most men in these days are unsuccessful For women. So I guess... men will just become extinct and/or nature will give us more women than men because most men just suck.

 

I mean if the universe really WANTED us to learn, it's definitely not by destroying every last bit of sanity and destroying our identities in the way that women do me everyday. That just makes me want to not live.

 

There comes a point where women's mysteriousness/mischievousness can be detrimental to a man, and that's especially common in today's society because we live in unnatural times.

 

I'm going to be honest, I've been reading a bit of this blog (which was linked here and there in some of the *ahem* problem threads). I've found it provides an interesting perspective based on observations, many of which I have seen first hand (and given your posts, some of which you have seen first hand as well).

 

I don't always agree with some of his conclusions (one of them is that relationships are inherently antagonistic, there is no universal moral compass, and that in light of those two truths, hedonism is the way to go), but those conclusions have led him to the conclusion that picking up women (using skills crafted by pickup artists) is what people (guys) should be doing.

 

I mention this only because, in reading about pickup techniques, I found it interesting how many of them are really about artificially creating the impression of attributes such as independence and strength of character. It's not about deception- I think the primary target are "nice guys" like you, Non, who really do have a heart of gold, but who have gotten turned around because the world is at odds with you. These people had to learn what came naturally to other people.

 

And the very core of the guys who are "successful with women" is their confidence, their personal strength as an individual, their presence, and their ability to connect with people, be it conversationally, emotionally, intellectually, or physically.

 

You don't have to be a "bad boy" or a "good guy". But if you'll notice the "bad boys" (who are successful with women) have those qualities of independence, confidence (even if unfounded- it really doesn't matter), and their presence. You'll notice that "good guys" (who are successful with women) have the ability to really connect conversationally, emotionally, and intellectually, and have a happy, inviting "presence", even if they are not conventionally attractive physically.

 

So think of a zen master- completely unaffected by outside troubles, which comes across as a quiet confidence. A zen master greets all comers equally, making no distinction between one or the other. This means they are approachable, but it supports their confidence, because the zen master doesn't doubt, or second guess, their ability to handle whatever will come. Through their insight, they can perceive directly to the heart of the situation, so they can connect emotionally and intellectually with any person they meet.

 

What woman WOULDN'T want to be around someone like that?

 

What person wouldn't want to be around someone like that?

Edited August 26, 2011 by Sloppy Zhang

[Non]

people and especially women seem to be naive.

 

people who expect everyone to be confident, super happy, etc. are very selfish and materialistic.

 

How can you call a person deprived of water, looking for water, obsessed with water?

 

A person naturally deprived will obviously have some defects, but I am expected to be perfect and Im supposed to have sex with tons of women FIRST before 1 woman will attracted to me.

 

It's natural to be lonely when you are lonely.

 

If I knew a woman who was lonely I wouldn't reject her because she was "acting lonely". Jeez.

 

People are just doing the equivalent of labelling another human being who is sick as an evil person because he/she is sick, or having been made sick because he/she was being evil. or soemthing like that.

 

It is only men that have to be so confident and suave under all conditions. There's no expression for men. They cannot even admit to problems so they're never dealt with.

 

A woman can have any problem and usually she will be helped. Or does she expect every man to lead her by the hand, is she with the current societal conditions able to be on her own? So only the best of the best males with the most money can succeed in this life. It's not "confidence" confidence is a reward you get biologically by having enough sex. Atleast that's the kind of confidence women are looking for.

Edited August 26, 2011 by Non

[Vmarco]

I'm going to be honest,....

 

What woman WOULDN'T want to be around someone like that?

 

What person wouldn't want to be around someone like that?

 

If I had the time, I could name about 3 billion Christian, Muslims, and Jews who would not want to be anywhere near an authentic Zen Master. And, as an authentic Zen Master would be emancipated from the God meme, one could add another billion or two to that.

 

If one would observe the nature of electrodynamics (all phenomena in the perceived universe), it is easily recognizable that Like attracts Like (oppsites actually cancel each other out at their point of connection).

 

So, to attract the proper mate/relationship it is prudent to uncover what you actually like,...not just what you think you like,...about YOU. Gnothi Seauton,...Gnow Thyself.

 

I also want to mention a VERY IMPORTANT aspect of relationship, Synastry. If you can only have 5 books,....make sure one of them is Martin Schulman's 'Karmic Relationships.' Synastry is a much overlooked, even frowned upon, subject of Human Potential.

 

V

[Sloppy Zhang]

people and especially women seem to be naive.

 

people who expect everyone to be confident, super happy, etc. are very selfish and materialistic.

 

Confidence and being "super happy" are not the same thing. Do the "bad boys" who get women all the time walk around with an idiot smile on their face? No.

 

How can you call a person deprived of water, looking for water, obsessed with water?

 

Quite easily. They are obsessed with water. No one can deny that. And I don't think a person obsessed with water would get all pissy if you called him "water obsessed".

 

A person naturally deprived will obviously have some defects, but I am expected to be perfect and Im supposed to have sex with tons of women FIRST before 1 woman will attracted to me.

 

The harder you try, the more likely you will fail.

 

A lot like zen, I guess.

 

It's natural to be lonely when you are lonely.

 

Yeah. The issue isn't whether or not you are lonely. The issue is whether you project that on to people you meet. If you project that loneliness on to people and expect them to save you, or to let them drink from their well, they are going to be put off. People have their own problems without having some freeloader coming around asking for handouts. They don't want to be around that person. Don't be that freeloader.

 

If I knew a woman who was lonely I wouldn't reject her because she was "acting lonely". Jeez.

 

Well you're just a nice person. And possibly lonely. And possibly desperate. So in your case, any human contact would probably be good. Once you dig your way out of that hole, you'll realize just how draining it is to be around, to "help" the same people over and over again with the some old problems.

 

People are just doing the equivalent of labelling another human being who is sick as an evil person because he/she is sick, or having been made sick because he/she was being evil. or soemthing like that.

 

Yes. People label. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to care and change your life accordingly? Are you going to care and not change your life? Are you going to not care and change your life?

 

It is only men that have to be so confident and suave under all conditions. There's no expression for men. They cannot even admit to problems so they're never dealt with.

 

Okay, so, again, what are you going to do with that?

 

A woman can have any problem and usually she will be helped. Or does she expect every man to lead her by the hand, is she with the current societal conditions able to be on her own? So only the best of the best males with the most money can succeed in this life. It's not "confidence" confidence is a reward you get biologically by having enough sex. Atleast that's the kind of confidence women are looking for.

 

"Fake it 'till you make it". Have confidence. It doesn't matter if there is no reason for you to be confident. In some cases, that may make it even MORE impressive. People look at you and go "wow, he's so confident, but he has no reason to be, that I can tell. Maybe I've missed something... I'm going to hang around him and see what his deal is".

 

Also, men and women are treated differently. Right or wrong, that's how it is. So change or don't. Find someone inside of this society, or meet people who live outside the bounds of conventional society.

 

If you aren't taking some concrete steps to change it, society is going to do its thing- with or without you- if you want to hop on board, hop on board. If you don't, don't. But don't complain that you missed the boat either. If it turns out you really want to be on the boat, then get another boat and catch up. Or swim.

[Non]

I might as well commit suicide.

 

Every woman expects me to be confident like the ladies man who has multiple women a week to even be generous or respect.

 

Therefore it's impossible to any man who is a virgin over the age of 25 or more, an omega male, to be ever be successful with a woman because he's always expected to be happy, 100% confident, whatever in his dreaded loneliness. It's impossible for him.

 

Girls just want big muscles and money.

 

Or a guy who can put on a good act/display.

 

Then act like nothing ever happened when something goes wrong in a relationship. Heck you can't even devise a good plan or counter action without being judged as "pathetic" to a woman, because men are supposed to have no problems, are supposed to be absolutely perfect. I guess that's why most men are unsuccessful with women and 10-20% of the men get 80-90% of the women.

 

Only the richest. Rich does not mean good obviously. Who needs virtue and good acts when it's easier to (though it's not that easy for me) to cheat your way up the hierarchy through acts of brutality and violence.

Edited August 26, 2011 by Non

[Non]

 

"Fake it 'till you make it". Have confidence. It doesn't matter if there is no reason for you to be confident. In some cases, that may make it even MORE impressive. People look at you and go "wow, he's so confident, but he has no reason to be, that I can tell. Maybe I've missed something... I'm going to hang around him and see what his deal is".

 

Also, men and women are treated differently. Right or wrong, that's how it is. So change or don't. Find someone inside of this society, or meet people who live outside the bounds of conventional society.

 

If you aren't taking some concrete steps to change it, society is going to do its thing- with or without you- if you want to hop on board, hop on board. If you don't, don't. But don't complain that you missed the boat either. If it turns out you really want to be on the boat, then get another boat and catch up. Or swim.

 

I dont beelieve in the 'fake it till you make it' doctrine. Why? People once a person finds out you were faking it,then what? Faking it because you thought she was naive enough that you had to fake it?

 

Besides, you cannot fake anything. It's impossible to fake.