people

[ffvii]

I hate how so many people look down upon me it actually kinda frustrates me. I barely have any friends and others give me wierd looks and look down upon me. how should i go about fixing this? what would the Tao do?

[ChiDragon]

First, you have to find out why people are doing that to you.

Edited August 26, 2011 by ChiDragon

[ffvii]

First, you have to find out why people are doing that to you.

well i think they are because they see themselves as higher than me and i don't talk to them much i guess

[Ish]

Don't look to other people for validation. The only reason you think people give you weird looks or look down on you is because you aren't self confident enough.

Bear in mind healthy self confidence is not thinking you are better then everyone else, but is accepting yourself for who you are. Especially the things you can't change, just accept it and be happy regardless of what other people say or do.

[Marblehead]

how should i go about fixing this? what would the Tao do?

 

Walk tall and proud.

 

Of course, as was said, question why you seem to think this is so.

 

And don't worry too much about how others look at you. As long as you are being the best you can be you don't need to worry about the others.

 

Sure, it is nice to have friends. Find those who accept you for what you are.

[konchog uma]

I hate how so many people look down upon me it actually kinda frustrates me. I barely have any friends and others give me wierd looks and look down upon me. how should i go about fixing this? what would the Tao do?

 

cultivate self-respect and recognize that people play head-games all day long. it drains their energy, so don't let it drain yours. just know that it comes from their insecurity that they want to pass along to you because misery loves company.

 

develop compassion, first for yourself, so you can have it for others. don't get drawn into these head-games, learn not to play. learn to smile at your oppressors.

 

people take their cues about how to treat you from how you treat yourself. thats why i say cultivate self-respect. and don't expect too much from people, this is a dark age and many people struggle and suffer.

[Harmonious Emptiness]

I hate how so many people look down upon me it actually kinda frustrates me. I barely have any friends and others give me wierd looks and look down upon me. how should i go about fixing this? what would the Tao do?

 

Imo, the funny thing about people looking at others with disapproval is that it usually has a lot to do with their own need for acceptance. Some people see someone different and automatically need to show their disapproval so that they prove their own conformity and secure acceptance into whatever group.

[doc benway]

One of the masters of this area of concern IMO was Anthony Demello - someone I consider a great personal mentor, even though I never met him. He speaks at great length about awareness. He investigates things like self esteem, conditioning, love, happiness, freedom. He was a thoroughly enlightened man and was equally comfortable talking in terms of Christianity, Buddhism, HInduism, and Daoism. He was born a Hindu, later converted to Catholicism, and became a Jesuit and licensed clinical psychologist.

 

He gives a wonderful talk about the nature of our addiction to approval. It begins in childhood and we are trained from a very early age to depend on the approval of others - parents, teachers, friends, lovers, children, spouses --- everyone! And this is a completely learned behavior and has nothing to do with true happiness.

 

It's a very complex subject and way beyond my patience for typing and my expertise to explain it like he does. A few simple points are worth mentioning. No matter what someone else says or does, it remains within my control how I choose to react. In any given situation it's important to be aware that no two people react exactly the same. How we react is based on a complicated mix of factors but is mostly conditioned. We can cultivate certain types of reactions and awareness to the point where we are no longer puppets reacting to a master's strings.

 

This idea dovetails readily with Daoist principles such as those talked about by Zhuang Zi in the beautiful Empty Boat parable. When nature causes us some harm, we don't take personal offense. We respond appropriately, we may be a bit angry, we may feel it is unfair, certainly we'll mourn our loss, and we move on. When another person causes us harm (or perceived harm) we tend to react much differently. We hold a grudge, we tend to be much more sensitive and defensive, we tend to have much more anger and resentment. What is the difference? Another person is simply another manifestation of nature. It all comes down to how we view ourselves as separate from nature, it hinges on the importance we give to the "I" thought that masquerades as the thinker and the doer.

 

If we can let go of our concern with the approval of others and be self aware enough to see what causes us to respond to others in our conditioned patterns, we can truly be liberated. I'd highly recommend listening to Demello's CD set called Wake Up to Life. It could change your life, it did mine. Not everyone responds to his approach. If you're interested in more info, feel free to PM me about it.