ffvii Posted August 29, 2011 Okay so i used to have a girlfriend and she broke up with me i never stopped loving her and shes with another guy and i find myself very very jealous of him because i think "that used to be me" and i get kinda sad and really jealous. how am i to rid myself of these thoughts? what should i think? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Harmonious Emptiness Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) The Dhammapada, translated by Max Müller and Max Fausböll, [1881], at sacred-texts.com p. 56 CHAPTER XVI. PLEASURE. 209. He who gives himself to vanity, and does not give himself to meditation, forgetting the real aim (of life) and grasping at pleasure, will in time envy him who has exerted himself in meditation. 210. Let no man ever look for what is pleasant, or what is unpleasant. Not to see what is pleasant is pain, and it is pain to see what is unpleasant. 211. Let, therefore, no man love anything; loss of the beloved is evil. Those who love nothing and hate nothing, have no fetters. 212. From pleasure comes grief, from pleasure comes fear; he who is free from pleasure knows neither grief nor fear. 213. From affection comes grief, from affection comes fear; he who is free from affection knows neither grief nor fear. 214. From lust comes grief, from lust comes fear; he who is free from lust knows neither grief nor fear. 215. From love comes grief, from love comes fear; he who is free from love knows neither grief nor fear. 216. From greed comes grief, from greed comes fear; he who is free from greed knows neither grief nor fear. 217. He who possesses virtue and intelligence, who is just, speaks the truth, and does what is his own business, him the world will hold dear. 218. He in whom a desire for the Ineffable (Nirvâna) has sprung up, who is satisfied in his mind, and whose thoughts are not bewildered by love, he is called ûrdhvamsrotas (carried upwards by the stream). 219. Kinsmen, friends, and lovers salute a man who has been long away, and returns safe from afar. 220. In like manner his good works receive him who has done good, and has gone from this world to the other;--as kinsmen receive a friend on his return. Edited August 29, 2011 by Harmonious Emptiness 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
konchog uma Posted August 29, 2011 Okay so i used to have a girlfriend and she broke up with me i never stopped loving her and shes with another guy and i find myself very very jealous of him because i think "that used to be me" and i get kinda sad and really jealous. how am i to rid myself of these thoughts? what should i think? those thoughts are natural and will go away in time. when you catch yourself being jealous, just remind yourself that *she never belonged to you*, she is a free person, and you were blessed with the time you had together, but not more. if you still love her, respect her right to do with her life what she feels is best. thats pretty humbling, but humility is a good thing! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff Posted August 29, 2011 Try to "watch" your thoughts when you feel jealous. Where does the thought originate? Love is not jealous. Desire is jealous. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vmarco Posted August 29, 2011 Okay so i used to have a girlfriend and she broke up with me i never stopped loving her and shes with another guy and i find myself very very jealous of him because i think "that used to be me" and i get kinda sad and really jealous. how am i to rid myself of these thoughts? what should i think? Here's the perfect YouTube for you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted August 29, 2011 You're asking people what to think??? Well, obviously if your current line of thinking is upsetting you then maybe think of something else? I dunno that cutting off thoughts is the way to go. I think there's debate about that. Are the disturbing thoughts any more important than anything else? Or there's the sour grapes approach. You don't want her anyway because (find reason, there's always a few:-)) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Friend Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) "Then love her more." The greater your love the more you wish the best for her. Your thought are concern if she is happy so the thoughts about her and not about who else. This is when you really love someone, you not ask for love you not giving love you are just loving and this is my own expierience. Else I think this is the mood in your case Edit: You feel like so when your love is big Edited September 2, 2011 by Friend 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheGoldenFlower Posted September 10, 2011 (edited) I noticed you were in High School and I think it wonderful that you are pursuing a spiritual path so young and can see where you want to improve yourself and balance your emotions. I am not a jealous type of person but was with a man who was and it can be challenging. When I left he was very angry and sad and projected a lot of that on to me. Many times women are heart broken even when they are the one to leave a relationship. Letting her go frees up your energy as well so see this break up as a growing experience and know you will love again. You are perfect right here and now just learn to see that and love yourself while working on cultivating your virtue. If you do not meditate try to learn and dedicate time to a regular practice. As a teenager your body is going through lots of changes so eating a clean diet can help as well like veggies, fruits and mung beans for protein with no preservatives, coloring or additives. Just the fact that you wish to change can create change. Edited September 10, 2011 by TheGoldenFlower 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LBDaoist Posted September 30, 2011 Okay so i used to have a girlfriend and she broke up with me i never stopped loving her and shes with another guy and i find myself very very jealous of him because i think "that used to be me" and i get kinda sad and really jealous. how am i to rid myself of these thoughts? what should i think? First, accept the jealous and avoid the inclination to think less of yourself for feeling it. Then, find the positive opposite of jealous and cultivate that. Lastly, it might help to develop the belief that change is inevitable and you will be in a good relationship again. It might be a bit early in the healing process to get your mind wrapped around that though. A breakup can be traumatic, and healing does need to happen. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Protector Posted September 30, 2011 Use anger to destroy this love Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
joeblast Posted October 1, 2011 Okay so i used to have a girlfriend and she broke up with me i never stopped loving her and shes with another guy and i find myself very very jealous of him because i think "that used to be me" and i get kinda sad and really jealous. how am i to rid myself of these thoughts? what should i think? jealousy is antithetical to love. if you love her then you will be happy that she is in a happier spot. if all you're doing is lusting after her, then you're but setting your socks on fire Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josama Posted October 9, 2011 If you still love her why don't you try getting her back?,not by force though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Trunk Posted October 9, 2011 This is the response that most caught my attention: Use anger to destroy this love I think there is something to this... that there is perhaps a somewhat more skillful version of this. I've seen several people, during a break-up, use a kind of cutting, stopping, killing energy to stop the energetics of the relationship within their own body - and with a resoluteness of military intensity re-claim re-affirm re-embrace the brightness of their own life-path moving forward. I've also seen people lack that cutting gesture, when the break-up and after-math just is torture for years: nearly kills 'em. As the song goes, "she cut you bad, your heart is a scar.. if you could just get mad you'd be better off by far". There's some kind of middle ground, I suppose. Not that any of the above is deep alchemy - and maybe 'as a Taoist' I hope that you ultimately find deeply centered serenity. But, hey, break-ups are tough gut wrenching stuff. I hope that you first just get through it. - Trunk Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
三江源 Posted October 9, 2011 Okay so i used to have a girlfriend and she broke up with me i never stopped loving her and shes with another guy and i find myself very very jealous of him because i think "that used to be me" and i get kinda sad and really jealous. how am i to rid myself of these thoughts? what should i think? Hi ffvii, Why did she break up with you? Knowing and accepting this or working on this in yourself could be central to your situation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RiverSnake Posted October 10, 2011 Want to get rid of jealousy? Then practice being jealous...see what happens Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) Want to get rid of jealousy? Then practice being jealous...see what happens Yes, this is a brilliant post: cause and effect link is the best teacher one can have. Only complete understanding of the link will provide answers and way to dissolve jealousy. Edited October 10, 2011 by bubbles Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
