Are BDSM insults towards males tolerated yet BDSM remarks towards females are a big no-no?

[tulku]

Please don't take it personally. I have been here for years, I am friendly, people know I'm cuckoo and not exactly your standard taoist, so I have earned some leniency from past behavior.

 

well what happens when one cuckoo meets another bigger cuckoo?

 

touche

[dawei]

well what happens when one cuckoo meets another bigger cuckoo?

It's quality over quantity...

 

'whose is bigger' is so western conceit

[Birch]

IMO, Witch's remark could be taken offensively - or possibly not, depending upon her target. It's similar to how sexual comments can be taken as "flirting" or "sexual harassment," depending upon consensuality (or lack thereof).

 

Death threats will generally be taken as crossing the line by default though, unless the target happens to be consensual..

 

 

But, I would also agree that there is a strong undercurrent of socially-accepted, feminist misandrism and anti-femininity underlying all these sexual/sexist fantasies & double-standards. However, that is a whole different topic better addressed on its own (civilly) elsewhere - like in numerous existing threads in The Pit.

 

Vortex, have you noticed how few women are actually posting on TTB's?

Oh wait, I should go to the pit and say that there instead.

 

Edit: I went to the pit and I don't know which thread to post in!

 

Anyways, what I wanted to say about this one was that really, no-one can blame today's men or women for the past. Only the present. But given that's all a bit unclear for many reasons I can't even begin to untangle, I've decided to go with the 'case by case - treat each person as a different one' approach. I often get comments about 'all women this' or 'all men that' and I've discovered that looking at the interlocutor blankly (maybe even a bit cross-eyed and vacant) usually does the trick.

 

I can't speak to BDSM or unconscious gender perceptions but I do agree that the insult is in the eyes of the insultee and if the latter makes it known that they don't dig the jibe then the insulter ought to take that as a cue to cease:-)

Edited September 9, 2011 by -K-

[tulku]

Vortex, have you noticed how few women are actually posting on TTB's?

Oh wait, I should go to the pit and say that there instead.

 

It is the internet, K.

 

Does the gender mix of the various TTB regulars matter?

 

Or are you gonna say that women are wiser than men or women offer different and better perspectives than men?

 

How does the gender mix matter?

 

Is a female dominated forum better than a male dominated forum or vice versa?

 

How do you know there aren't some actual females hiding behind some of the male regular profiles?

[tulku]

Vortex, have you noticed how few women are actually posting on TTB's?

Oh wait, I should go to the pit and say that there instead.

 

Edit: I went to the pit and I don't know which thread to post in!

 

Anyways, what I wanted to say about this one was that really, no-one can blame today's men or women for the past. Only the present. But given that's all a bit unclear for many reasons I can't even begin to untangle, I've decided to go with the 'case by case - treat each person as a different one' approach. I often get comments about 'all women this' or 'all men that' and I've discovered that looking at the interlocutor blankly (maybe even a bit cross-eyed and vacant) usually does the trick.

 

I can't speak to BDSM or unconscious gender perceptions but I do agree that the insult is in the eyes of the insultee and if the latter makes it known that they don't dig the jibe then the insulter ought to take that as a cue to cease:-)

 

Don't you think it is the group-think mentality behind a male-dominated or female-dominated forum which decides the consciousness of the particular forum.

 

I can tell you right now. As unpopular as I am in this male-dominated forum because of my controversial remarks, I will be just as unpopular or even more in a female-dominated one.

Edited September 9, 2011 by tulku

[Jetsun]

Witch posted a very derogatory offensive remark towards me where she thinks I should be bound, shacked and dressed as a sissy maid.

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/20435-true-love-can-only-exist-without-lust-for-enlightenment/page__st__16__p__289973entry289973

 

 

 

There are 5 votes for this insult of hers towards me.

 

Yet when I posted a similar remark of a similar nature to her, I get reported for moderation immediately.

 

You tell me, my male brothers, is thetaobums a reverse sexist forum where males are suppose to tolerate derogatory remarks from females yet males can't post insults back to them?

 

To tell you the truth, I think Witch might be a male posing as a female poster. Seriously.

 

My perspective on this was that Witch was testing the maturity of your sexuality with her posts on bdsm and you responded with fear by going way over the top in your response.

[Birch]

It is the internet, K.

 

Does the gender mix of the various TTB regulars matter?

 

Or are you gonna say that women are wiser than men or women offer different and better perspectives than men?

 

How does the gender mix matter?

 

Is a female dominated forum better than a male dominated forum or vice versa?

 

How do you know there aren't some actual females hiding behind some of the male regular profiles?

 

Yes I do think the gender mix of the regular TTB's matters. I don't think they're necessarily representative of their gender but it matters to me that it's mixed for some reason. I think everyone offers different perspectives. Better? Some posts seem to me to be 'better' than others yes. But those tend to be the scholarly hoary ones:-) There are wise men and women on here, yes :-)

 

I can't say if a female-dominated forum is better as this is the only one I post on.

 

No, I don't know who is actually 'hiding' behind any given profile but like I said, I'm on a 'case by case' approach. Besides, given what we talk about here, I don't think there's a lot of 'hiding' going on. But that's just IMO.

[tulku]

My perspective on this was that Witch was testing the maturity of your sexuality with her posts on bdsm and you responded with fear by going way over the top in your response.

 

Your perspective is not needed in an exchange between me and Witch.

 

Who died and made you the boss of this forum?

 

Are you a Mod?

[Jetsun]

Your perspective is not needed in an exchange between me and Witch.

 

Who died and made you the boss of this forum?

 

Are you a Mod?

 

Then you should have pm'd her rather than make it public, obviously by making it public you wanted other opinions. Obviously you didn't like my perspective, I wonder why?

[tulku]

Yes I do think the gender mix of the regular TTB's matters. I don't think they're necessarily representative of their gender but it matters to me that it's mixed for some reason. I think everyone offers different perspectives. Better? Some posts seem to me to be 'better' than others yes. But those tend to be the scholarly hoary ones:-) There are wise men and women on here, yes :-)

 

I can't say if a female-dominated forum is better as this is the only one I post on.

 

No, I don't know who is actually 'hiding' behind any given profile but like I said, I'm on a 'case by case' approach. Besides, given what we talk about here, I don't think there's a lot of 'hiding' going on. But that's just IMO.

 

If there are both wise men and wise women in here, then does it matter if this forum is a male-dominated or female-dominated forum?

 

Or are you trying to say that this forum will be better if there are more females in here?

 

I personally do not care about the gender mix of this forum. It is an unnecessary dualistic concept.

[tulku]

Then you should have pm'd her rather than make it public, obviously by making it public you wanted other opinions. Obviously you didn't like my perspective, I wonder why?

 

If that's the case, then she should have PM'd the start of the exchange to me in the first place.

 

She doesn't get the right to make an obscene post public while I don't.

 

I didn't like your perspective, Jetsun, because it is biased and unfair.

[Birch]

Hur.

 

Good questions. Why do I feel like my answers will have me painted into a corner :-) ?

 

Did I say anything about this forum being 'male-dominated'? I mentioned in my post to Vortex about how many women actually posted. I asked him because in a thread last week Rainbow Vein had mentioned missing her female TTB's and it did occur to me then that there were only a few female posters. It's very possible there are more female readers, but I don't know:-)

 

So I didn't say anything about "domination" I don't think I dig the diversity here. I mentioned that before too.

 

Do you want me to say something about 'domination'? I don't understand (blank stare).

 

And here's a nice link about asking questions :-) My link

 

Tulku-dude, if you're seeking to get me on rhetoric, you'll probably win. It's not my strong point. My strong points are elsewhere :-)

 

Edited for link-bleed :-)

Edited September 10, 2011 by -K-

[NeiChuan]

 

You tell me, my male brothers, is thetaobums a reverse sexist forum where males are suppose to tolerate derogatory remarks from females yet males can't post insults back to them?

 

 

 

 

Well Yeah. And so is every place with white knights.

 

If you make a point that makes a woman have to stick up for actions and words verbally, there will almost always be a male thinking she can't fend for herself. It should be an insult in itself for a guy to think he "has" to help. But no it's often accepted because it's better than facing the fact of being wrong.

 

Back to my point though. Anyplace there's a white knight, yes guys will be on any females side over yours.

 

Im not generalizing as all woman for supporting this behavior btw either, there are really alot that hate it.

 

Neichuan

[Birch]

Well Yeah. And so is every place with white knights.

 

If you make a point that makes a woman have to stick up for actions and words verbally, there will almost always be a male thinking she can't fend for herself. It should be an insult in itself for a guy to think he "has" to help. But no it's often accepted because it's better than facing the fact of being wrong.

 

Back to my point though. Anyplace there's a white knight, yes guys will be on any females side over yours.

 

Im not generalizing as all woman for supporting this behavior btw either, there are really alot that hate it.

 

Neichuan

 

That was interesting. I had no idea that happened

[iamtheare]

To be so offended and take such great offense to what she said and come back with far more offense, seems far more offensive.

 

And in my opinion, if anything here had to be intolerable, it would be your response.

[Aaron]

The other day I was at a store and I saw these two little children, a boy and a girl. The girl was hitting the boy over and over smiling, you could tell she knew she was annoying him, and the boy sat there and didn't do anything for quite awhile, then finally tired of it he turned and hit her, just once, and not very hard. The girl cried, the mother flew into a fury and said, "don't you hit a girl you little bully!"

 

Although death threats can't equate, I do feel that there is a strong anti-male vibe in the world right now. I also feel we are teaching little boys to feel bad about themselves, when they have nothing to feel bad about. Sad state of the world when we punish the son for what the father did.

 

Aaron

[Jetsun]

That was interesting. I had no idea that happened

 

Oh yeah that happens all the time, maybe not so much on this site but on many other forums I go to it's common.

 

 

 

[Dainin]

Well Yeah. And so is every place with white knights.

 

Yes, there are many white knights...and not nearly enough black knights:

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjEcj8KpuJw

[AЯAB]

Yes, there are many white knights...and not nearly enough black knights:

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjEcj8KpuJw

 

 

Martin Lawrence is the only Black Night we need XD.

 

[Birch]

Oh yeah that happens all the time, maybe not so much on this site but on many other forums I go to it's common.

 

 

 

Is it a gender thing? Or is it a supporter/agenda thing? I know that i have to hold off on jumping in when i see a TTB i generally like having an argument. I do try to focus on the argument and not the person. Straw dogs n all that. I don't know how good i am at it though.

[Adishakti]

A nice long drive sounds like fun, no?

 

[Enishi]

I do indeed notice a major double standard in terms of people immediately leaping to the woman's defense whenever she has a conflict with a male.

 

A friend of mine was being threatened and attacked by an ex who was bigger and stronger than him, and she was threatening to destroy his property. But yep, once he hits her in self defense several long time friends turn on him.

 

It made me sick to my stomach. The fact some of those "friends" were self-proclaimed progressives/humanists made them look like complete hypocrites. It's a good example of how subconscious beliefs like the "women are fragile angels and are morally superior to men" meme within Anglo cultures can override one's stated beliefs.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Enishi

[gendao]

Vortex, have you noticed how few women are actually posting on TTB's?

Oh wait, I should go to the pit and say that there instead.

Yep it's true, this board has always been a sausagefest since its very inception!

As far as the reasons why, I guess that's a whole topic in itself??

 

You could compare the amount of female participation in spiritual forums as a whole vs other secular forums dedicated to topics like general lifestyle or (allegedly) problems getting laid?

 

And then pie chart the spiritual forum participation into its various belief systems (including Taoism).

 

Based upon this data, you could then determine if women today are just less "spiritual" in general (online) or simply more interested in other spiritual systems other than Taoism. And so on..

 

 

Or perhaps you've already done all this and already know the answer - and so are only rhetorically posing this question? If so, mind just sharing the answer with us?

Edited September 10, 2011 by vortex

[Aaron]

I think women tend to be more open to talking about these kinds of things with their friends, hence they don't feel the need to go online and share, whereas most men feel uncomfortable talking about spiritual things with others, hence they look for an anonymous output. I have no problem talking to anyone about this kind of stuff, but I very rarely find anyone interested in having these discussions, unless they're women (seriously), so I tend to come to the forum to talk about this stuff. Lately I've felt less of a need to express myself in this regard because the more I practice, the less important it all seems.

 

Aaron

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

Witch posted a very derogatory offensive remark towards me where she thinks I should be bound, shacked and dressed as a sissy maid.

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/20435-true-love-can-only-exist-without-lust-for-enlightenment/page__st__16__p__289973entry289973

 

 

 

There are 5 votes for this insult of hers towards me.

 

Yet when I posted a similar remark of a similar nature to her, I get reported for moderation immediately.

 

You tell me, my male brothers, is thetaobums a reverse sexist forum where males are suppose to tolerate derogatory remarks from females yet males can't post insults back to them?

 

To tell you the truth, I think Witch might be a male posing as a female poster. Seriously.

 

 

I think you're just letting your panties get all bunched up. seriously, do you like it when they go way, way, waaaayyyyy up your buttcrack?

 

 

Take a step back, chill out, and roll with the punches, dont be constantly offensive/defensive, learn to evade and even outright sustain the blows.

 

 

This wasnt intended to imply you're a sissy in a pink thong but to suggest you're letting nothing become something it's not.