Need Some Calmness & Acceptance

[Verv]

I have always read those endless lines concerning doing not-doing, concerning non-competition and not being a slave to other people's opinions... I have made good effort to incorporate these into my life more nd more over the last few years, but I have found there is still a lot missing.

 

For instance, I find that I still have a lot of very base, disgusting feelings of jealousy, feel competitive, a lot of anger, a lot of desire in general and I think it is unbecoming...

 

What are ways to defeat these? I want to start changing the way that I think more and become a more well-rounded person.

 

I know the rhetoric a bit, but I have been incapable of putting it into practice.

[sunshine]

A happy Hi,

 

do yourself a favor:

 

learn EFT: www.emofree.com

 

& read through www.aypsite.com and practice

 

with Smiles

 

Harry

[Ian]

I have always read those endless lines concerning doing not-doing, concerning non-competition and not being a slave to other people's opinions... I have made good effort to incorporate these into my life more nd more over the last few years, but I have found there is still a lot missing.

 

For instance, I find that I still have a lot of very base, disgusting feelings of jealousy, feel competitive, a lot of anger, a lot of desire in general and I think it is unbecoming...

 

What are ways to defeat these? I want to start changing the way that I think more and become a more well-rounded person.

 

I know the rhetoric a bit, but I have been incapable of putting it into practice.

 

I suggest that trying to manipulate your thoughts or emotions is pointless. Like stirring snakes in a barrel.

 

I suggest simply giving your thoughts less fuel, making them less intense, so that it will be easier to smile at them or ignore them if they seem bad.

 

And the only way I know how to do it is to keep on and on and on going back to the physical sensation of the moment, whatever it be. Reclaim your resources from the thinker, put them in your body.

 

It's boring, it hurts sometimes and it's very gradual. But it's all there is.

 

(imo, obviously)

[Yoda]

ayp is killer for the long run, but for today check out theanine, chamomile tea, etc and take a long walk.

[thelerner]

Heres another suggestion.

 

In Eastern terms, Karma Yoga, in Western terms, charity. Volunteer to put in time to help others. For those hours you put in, they're about -not you-. Its putting yourself out of the picture and stretching ones self serving ego enough to let patience and graciousness in.

 

 

Michael

[mYTHmAKER]

For instance, I find that I still have a lot of very base, disgusting feelings of jealousy, feel competitive, a lot of anger, a lot of desire in general and I think it is unbecoming...

What are ways to defeat these? I want to start changing the way that I think more and become a more well-rounded person.

 

That's great. The first step in making any change is to be able to see

what you don't like about yourself.

The rest is a piece of cake.

Meditation helps you distance yourself from yourself.

You will have choice to react and not be reactive.

[Cameron]

Primordial Qigong and Tao in a Bottle.

[lezlie]

I have always read those endless lines concerning doing not-doing, concerning non-competition and not being a slave to other people's opinions... I have made good effort to incorporate these into my life more nd more over the last few years, but I have found there is still a lot missing.

 

For instance, I find that I still have a lot of very base, disgusting feelings of jealousy, feel competitive, a lot of anger, a lot of desire in general and I think it is unbecoming...

 

What are ways to defeat these? I want to start changing the way that I think more and become a more well-rounded person.

 

I know the rhetoric a bit, but I have been incapable of putting it into practice.

 

i agree mainly with what Ian said, in general, but my advice as a first step is coming to terms with just "being" this way.

 

you stated it is "unbecoming" so, maybe get OK with these characteristics being part of your nature. not in a "can't-beat-them-join-them" method, but more of a "i love even the less appealing sides of myself" type of thing.... and if you find they are REALLY blocking you from something later: success, love, whatever - then work WITH these character traits, instead of trying to change them.

 

IFS (internal family systems) is also good!

[Uncle Fester]

.

Edited September 20, 2021 by darebak

[Verv]

Thank you for all of the suggestions -- I am going to start going down the list, so to speak, give everything a good try.

 

I especially liked the notion of trying to get the physical sensation of the moment -- much of our pain seems psychological, and has nothing to do with the physical state we are in, perhaps by focusing more on the simple, physical pleasures of the moment (cool air, the warmth of a bed, etc) it would be very helpful.

[sunshine]

Thank you for all of the suggestions -- I am going to start going down the list, so to speak, give everything a good try.

 

I especially liked the notion of trying to get the physical sensation of the moment -- much of our pain seems psychological, and has nothing to do with the physical state we are in, perhaps by focusing more on the simple, physical pleasures of the moment (cool air, the warmth of a bed, etc) it would be very helpful.

 

On the topic of "physical feelings"... from the release technique:

 

Accept what you feel. Smile to it. does it feel stuck in your chest? Heavy? dark? Imaging "ghost hands" dissolving it... or put a magical tube into this part and enjoy releasing the stuck energy through the tube to the outside. As Lezlie mentioned: do not resist the feelings. Welcome them. Smile to them.

 

I myself in the past imagined a lot of tiny little windows placed on those areas that I open to let my inside get cleared... or balloons or butterflies that just WANT to fly away...

 

a different process would be to ask yourself:

Can I let this feeling of whatever go... Yes. Would I let it go. Yes. When. Now...

 

Do this as often as you like...

 

Or: try to dive deep into your feeling... further and further and further... until you have made it through...

 

the above is from: Larry Crane's releasing and Hale Dwoskin'S abundance course...

 

just a few other simple technqiues that can/might help

 

Harry

[Wayfarer64]

Hi, and welcome!

Lots of good friendly advice here already. Just a few ideas I'd like to add...

One is that when working on one's self, there is at some point a realization that there is a dark part to our own - all too human -nature. There is an element of greed and envy, lust or prejudice etc. in each human. These are elements of character that we can take notice of and work to rid ourselves of. This is a big step in self-realization. You are already on the path.

Basic hatha yoga and meditation will relieve much stress from whatever source. Often when the mind catches itself in dark thoughts and bedeveling details a deep breath and a conscious re-direction can bring ya 'round to some relief from that kind of stress.

Something I have found - that has helped me; is easy and often amusing. When I catch myself angry or concerned with some negative reaction to my current situation, I think back to eighth grade and what my concerns were at that time. Try it...

See what I mean? Very little of those concerns have much import on life now.

Perhaps the basic socialization of those formative days has taken some root, but otherwise my life's concerns have definately moved on, matured and become more nurturing than self-obsorbed....

 

When you reach new stages of your introspection and find the real depth of character that self-awarness tenders - those negative moments become less intrusive more managable as it were...Just the first small step to contemplation of the inner self is the most impotant door of perception...You are already on the way to leading a self-examined life.

Enjoy the most rewarding journey known to mankind! Discovery of your potential to be the best you is a major satori in itself!

[...]

read the tao te ching daily, and get high off qigong/taichi whenever you can.

 

at the very least, get high off qigong/tai chi.

 

It's hard to feel anything unpleasant when you're feeling so good.

[freeform]

What are ways to defeat these? I want to start changing the way that I think more and become a more well-rounded person.

 

I've gone through a lot of very interesting information to learn how to do exactly this (internal alchemy is just one of them) My recomendation... in terms of sorting out 'problems' or patterns in thinking is to use this tool: Aspectics (also known as Problem-to-Enlightenment). That's in terms of an actual ego-clearing practice...

 

I also urge you to listen to Ian (and Lezlie) - although what I'm suggesting may seem contradictory to Ian's suggestion of 'get out of your head and back into your body' - it actually achieves this in a really elegant way.

 

much of our pain seems psychological, and has nothing to do with the physical state we are in,

 

actually I've found that psychological and physiological 'pain' are very much connected. Getting back into the body is the best cure for psychological 'problems'. The mind is like the teenage upstart and the body is the old wise sage. You may cut yourself and feel pain - then look at the cut and start getting worried about infections, losing blood, staining your clothes, where to get a bandage etc. so from a simple physical wound we manage to create a whole host of mental problems and pains whereas the actual problem is far simpler and very much physical. It's the same with our emotions - emotions always begin in the body - we feel emotions - and then we think about them. The thinking is a way to get away from the pain (or even pleasure) of the emotion, and it causes many blockages. Once we can feel an emotion to the full, without editing or thinking about the experience that's when we're on the path to really transforming ourselves.

 

The Aspectics excersise above seems a little simple, maybe a little 'stuck in the head' - but it is one of the most powerfull ways of working with your automatic patterns that I have found. It's easy to say to yourself 'I'll just concentrate on the physical when I start running one of my problem patterns' but doing it is far harder... most of us are constantly running these patterns - moments of actual awareness are far between... maybe through dilligent practice one can extend the moments of awareness, and have them happening more and more often - but in the end the patterns have to achieve their ultimate aim, just shunting them to the side is like hiding that skeleton in the closet - it has to come out at some time in some way

 

or you can go straight to the root cause of the pattern and work on all its aspects (physical, mental and emotional).

 

Every single pattern or problem we have has the ultimate aim of returning to the Tao, sometimes rivers flood villages on the way to the sea, sometimes our patterns hurt us on the way to the Tao - if they're hurting us often, they're usually stuck in a kind of feedback loop - usually they'll keep on hurting us in the same way untill something is done (or the lesson is learnt). The Aspectics process is a way of taking each pattern through its course straight to the Tao... this takes maybe 20 minutes... if left in its loop it could take a lifetime (or longer?!) for it to reach its ultimate goal (Tao).