How to stop being afraid of spirituality and let go?

[Everything]

Everytime I try to let go, my heart beats really fast. I wish to explore my spirituality while keeping my body and this reality as a hideout whenever I can't handle the fear in there. Yet, I cannot even initiate into this spirituality. Everytime I try to enter the spiritual realm, I become afraid. I know there is nothing to be afraid of, but I don't know how to stop fearing it!

 

I am afraid of finding out the truth. It feels like death or the end of existance even. Afraid of finding out that I have never existed, or that life is meaningless. I can't handle it in my heart. I don't know how to stop being afraid of this. I thought I already know these truths, but my heart is stil very very scared and is not able to accept it or even consider it.

 

I feel ashamed that I fear it so much. This reality feels like a cradle to me now.

Edited December 2, 2011 by Everything

[Gerard]

 

Walk until you get there. It's a journey you must endure and walk every day.

 

Every step you take is a tiny diamond that crystallises within you and has a lasting effect in your mental/body/karma purification process.

 

Keep a balance between this inner and the outer world, middle way.

[Sahaj Nath]

Everytime I try to let go, my heart beats really fast. I wish to explore my spirituality while keeping my body and this reality as a hideout whenever I can't handle the fear in there. Yet, I cannot even initiate into this spirituality. Everytime I try to enter the spiritual realm, I become afraid. I know there is nothing to be afraid of, but I don't know how to stop fearing it!

 

I am afraid of finding out the truth. It feels like death or the end of existance even. Afraid of finding out that I have never existed, or that life is meaningless. I can't handle it in my heart. I don't know how to stop being afraid of this. I thought I already know these truths, but my heart is stil very very scared and is not able to accept it or even consider it.

 

I feel ashamed that I fear it so much. This reality feels like a cradle to me now.

 

the broadest and vaguest term you could have used is "spirituality." that leaves us with no real understanding of what you are actually doing or talking about. we have to guess and make approximations.

 

my best guess is that you're exploring meditations that have given you a taste of emptiness.

 

no need to repeat everything here, so i'll just offer a link:

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/17753-seth-ananda-please-teach-me-about-kundalini/page__view__findpost__p__305139

 

 

first read Creation's post and my quote within it. then read my response a few posts down. it's not a whole lot of reading, but i was addressing the very feelings you're expressing here.

 

if you're doing some real traveling down the rabbit hole, it's to be expected.

 

hope it helps. feel free to ask questions.

[Jetsun]

I'd say fear is a good sign you are on the right road, but in the Fourth Way system they emphasise the gradual approach because most people aren't ready to just dive into emptiness, Gurdjieff describes the effect on your essential essence of trying to do this like putting a new puppy into a deep pool of water and watching it desperately trying to stay afloat, so they prescribe the work of gradually removing your identification away from all that you are identified with which in turn leads to the natural growth of your essence so it is more capable of diving deeper without fear.

[Birch]

Agreed that gradual is a good call:-)

I like orbits because they keep it together:-)

 

Does it help if I suggest that emptiness is really quite peaceful and you don't have to stay there all the time? I think one panicks because the idea of absence of constant thinking has some kind of meaning attached. It doesn't mean anything.

 

Not sure if that is helpful. I hope so:-)

[AЯAB]

[Everything]

the broadest and vaguest term you could have used is "spirituality." that leaves us with no real understanding of what you are actually doing or talking about. we have to guess and make approximations.

 

my best guess is that you're exploring meditations that have given you a taste of emptiness.

 

no need to repeat everything here, so i'll just offer a link:

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/17753-seth-ananda-please-teach-me-about-kundalini/page__view__findpost__p__305139

 

 

first read Creation's post and my quote within it. then read my response a few posts down. it's not a whole lot of reading, but i was addressing the very feelings you're expressing here.

 

if you're doing some real traveling down the rabbit hole, it's to be expected.

 

hope it helps. feel free to ask questions.

I doubt anything I will do in life is going to take away this specific fear, let alone drastically reduce it. There is nothing like it. There is no preperation, no practice for it. Perhaps it will take several lifetimes to become ready for it. Not that I'll die from letting go, but it feels like it in my heart. It feels too intense. This is blocking me in my path for quite a while now and I'm not going anywhere with it, it seems... Making no progress with it. Everytime I try letting go, I just realize I'm not ready. Feels like death. Many people believe that they don't fear death, but the moment before dieing, the last moment where you are on the verge of letting go of reality, that is the most difficult part. Once you do it, your mind will just experience every possible experience on Earth, every possible emotion, magnified and more extremely intense.

 

I have this intuitive knowing that I have to suicide in order to overcome the fear of death, or non-existance, its weird and paradoxical, because overcoming this fear will make death seems like nothing. When I can't let go, I feel ashamed and see only suicide as the only possible lesson in which I can learn how to let go. I wont suicide though, I'll practice letting go with mind. After trying to let go, and then experience the failure, I have a vague realization that I am here living to die. That death is the lesson that will aid me in letting go. If I cannot let go in spirit, then I must practice letting go trough my body, by killing itself and trust. There is no returning like a scared little girl when my blood is draining. I am very dedicated to the truth, and do not allow my heart to deviate from it once I do found out the truth. Right not, I'm not even close to the truth.

 

Feels like I might not return to reality once I discover that it is all fake and I'll be lost forever in the meaninglessness, desperately trying to form some sort of resemblance of reality around me. I try to control it, but loose control and become scared. I can feel my heart in my throat everytime I try letting go of physical reality.

 

The moment right before you are about to let go of reality, that is where you hit rock bottom, it is so scary. It is like you are on a cliff of 3 kilometers high and barely balancing on one leg. Once you decide you will just hide under your ilusionary blanket that is reality, you feel like skinning yourself in order to distract your mind from the truth that the blanket is fake. Nothing is scary anymore but that alone. Call it God, I call it my biggest nightmare. If thats God, then I have learned today to truely be God-fearing. The fear of pain just dissapears and adrenaline pumps troughout all of your body. Even if your glimps of it was so tiny, it is extremely intense. I know that people are able to do it though. So there must be some thing I can learn from this. There must be a way to overcome this.

 

Have you gone trough similar difficulties? Ever managed to let go of reality? I don't mean a dream where you become lucid. I mean becoming lucid to actual reality. It feels so scary, just one second of having gone near the edge and my heart starts beating stronger for minutes, without even looking down the edge of the cliff.

 

How can I take letting go slow? It seems that I have to change my mindset from taking it slow, step by step towards just doing it in a rush. Just focus my mind on letting everything go so that the heart calms down and the mind stays clear of thought. If I try to control my spirit, the opposite happens. I loose control and become scared. I should be completely open and vulnerable? No idea what to do next. Not even sure if any philosophy or idea will be of any use here.

Edited December 3, 2011 by Everything

[Ish]

This is ridiculous. How many Zen masters have died from their awakening experiences?? In fact they often end up laughing at it. As long as you're just pointing to reality with no frills, not doing some funky energy work i advise you to dive in. You literally have nothing to lose.

The way to overcome fear is just to DO, take your petty ego out of the equation and experience clearly. There's nothing to fear.

[Everything]

This is ridiculous. How many Zen masters have died from their awakening experiences?? In fact they often end up laughing at it. As long as you're just pointing to reality with no frills, not doing some funky energy work i advise you to dive in. You literally have nothing to lose.

The way to overcome fear is just to DO, take your petty ego out of the equation and experience clearly. There's nothing to fear.

Yeah, gotta do it to overcome fear, can't do it if I fear. It is paradoxical. I will allways keep trying what you said though. It seems like the most effective thing for all my fears. I hope this fear is not diffrent, but so far I've not been able to overcome this fear. So it really catches my attention and I want to overcome it now more then ever.

 

Maybe even the slightest of subconscious thought will trigger a fear, because consciously "going for it" doesn't seem to work for me. The fear is triggered instinctually. Like grabbing a spider. You hand suddenly doesn't respond to your mind anymore. Even though you don't think about it. Even though I might be 100% focused with mind on certain music or mathematics, my hand has reflexes while touching the spider at first, but then the reflexes slowly calm down. I can focus my conscious awareness, but my subconscious awareness is blocking me from letting go in the first place.

 

Perhaps I should try a mantra while letting go so that my mind gets distracted and is too focused on a mantra to become afraid? Or maybe I should create metaphors that allow me to operate in higher reality. For example believing that certain words or thoughts or mantras put me in a protective bubble or something. I need a creative believe that can help me get trough the experience maybe. Some temporary tools is useful you think?

Edited December 3, 2011 by Everything

[Aetherous]

Perhaps I should try a mantra while letting go so that my mind gets distracted and is too focused on a mantra to become afraid?

 

"Drop it"

 

You are playing with ideas, and that is causing powerful emotions to form. It has meaning, but isn't at all real.

 

So just drop it. Drop all of the ideas. Stop thinking about all of this stuff...it is completely meaningless. It's the realm of words. Words only describe reality, they are not reality. Ideas from the words are not reality. Feelings are also not reality.

 

DROP IT. You are alive and breathing...start from there.

[Sahaj Nath]

I doubt anything I will do in life is going to take away this specific fear, let alone drastically reduce it. There is nothing like it. There is no preperation, no practice for it. Perhaps it will take several lifetimes to become ready for it. Not that I'll die from letting go, but it feels like it in my heart. It feels too intense. This is blocking me in my path for quite a while now and I'm not going anywhere with it, it seems... Making no progress with it. Everytime I try letting go, I just realize I'm not ready. Feels like death. Many people believe that they don't fear death, but the moment before dieing, the last moment where you are on the verge of letting go of reality, that is the most difficult part. Once you do it, your mind will just experience every possible experience on Earth, every possible emotion, magnified and more extremely intense.

 

I have this intuitive knowing that I have to suicide in order to overcome the fear of death, or non-existance, its weird and paradoxical, because overcoming this fear will make death seems like nothing. When I can't let go, I feel ashamed and see only suicide as the only possible lesson in which I can learn how to let go. I wont suicide though, I'll practice letting go with mind. After trying to let go, and then experience the failure, I have a vague realization that I am here living to die. That death is the lesson that will aid me in letting go. If I cannot let go in spirit, then I must practice letting go trough my body, by killing itself and trust. There is no returning like a scared little girl when my blood is draining. I am very dedicated to the truth, and do not allow my heart to deviate from it once I do found out the truth. Right not, I'm not even close to the truth.

 

Feels like I might not return to reality once I discover that it is all fake and I'll be lost forever in the meaninglessness, desperately trying to form some sort of resemblance of reality around me. I try to control it, but loose control and become scared. I can feel my heart in my throat everytime I try letting go of physical reality.

 

The moment right before you are about to let go of reality, that is where you hit rock bottom, it is so scary. It is like you are on a cliff of 3 kilometers high and barely balancing on one leg. Once you decide you will just hide under your ilusionary blanket that is reality, you feel like skinning yourself in order to distract your mind from the truth that the blanket is fake. Nothing is scary anymore but that alone. Call it God, I call it my biggest nightmare. If thats God, then I have learned today to truely be God-fearing. The fear of pain just dissapears and adrenaline pumps troughout all of your body. Even if your glimps of it was so tiny, it is extremely intense. I know that people are able to do it though. So there must be some thing I can learn from this. There must be a way to overcome this.

 

Have you gone trough similar difficulties? Ever managed to let go of reality? I don't mean a dream where you become lucid. I mean becoming lucid to actual reality. It feels so scary, just one second of having gone near the edge and my heart starts beating stronger for minutes, without even looking down the edge of the cliff.

 

How can I take letting go slow? It seems that I have to change my mindset from taking it slow, step by step towards just doing it in a rush. Just focus my mind on letting everything go so that the heart calms down and the mind stays clear of thought. If I try to control my spirit, the opposite happens. I loose control and become scared. I should be completely open and vulnerable? No idea what to do next. Not even sure if any philosophy or idea will be of any use here.

 

i hear everything you're saying here, but i don't think you read my responses very closely. you're asking questions that i answered in the link. have i gone through similar difficulties? YES, AND THEN SOME! go back and read that page. Creation was talking about a dream, but i was talking about real life events and real spiritual practice.

 

so yeah, first, go back and re-read that page. i'll make it even easier this time.

 

Creation's post, which includes a quote of my original comment:

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/17753-seth-ananda-please-teach-me-about-kundalini/page__view__findpost__p__305139

 

THEN read my response, which basically answers everything you've stated here:

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/17753-seth-ananda-please-teach-me-about-kundalini/page__view__findpost__p__305158

 

 

FIRST,

 

something that people don't say enough around here: maybe these types of practices aren't for you. maybe it's time to move on. it's not for everybody.

 

SECOND,

 

it's not about eliminating the fear; it's about accepting it. as i said in the link above, what i mean by saying i'm fearless is that i'm not afraid to feel afraid.

 

and

THIRD,

 

if you don't have a teacher to help guide you through your practices, you could get yourself into a lot of psychological trouble. so again, you might want to think about moving on.

 

 

i don't know what you practice, and it would help if you'd share with us what exactly you do. but there is no virtue in continuing with practices that lead somewhere that you already know you're not ready to handle. that's how psychosis happens. know your limits.

 

 

and figure out what's important to you in life, because even if you succeed at overcoming this barrier of yours, it may come at a price.

[deci belle]

[Rishi Das]

The moment right before you are about to let go of reality, that is where you hit rock bottom, it is so scary. It is like you are on a cliff of 3 kilometers high and barely balancing on one leg. Once you decide you will just hide under your ilusionary blanket that is reality, you feel like skinning yourself in order to distract your mind from the truth that the blanket is fake. Nothing is scary anymore but that alone. Call it God, I call it my biggest nightmare. If thats God, then I have learned today to truely be God-fearing. The fear of pain just dissapears and adrenaline pumps troughout all of your body. Even if your glimps of it was so tiny, it is extremely intense. I know that people are able to do it though. So there must be some thing I can learn from this. There must be a way to overcome this.

 

I really appreciate the honesty, and can say that I too have felt this way many times. I do not agree with your suicide comments, but will say that I can definitely relate to the statement I quoted above. Personally I have yet to achieve this state of consciousness, unable/not allowing myself anywhere near it without the aid of psychedelic plants or a deprivation tank. While I don't use anymore, there was a time when good ol' Terrance McKenna was a big part of my life and a quarter of mushrooms on a Friday night alone in the dark was not unheard of; to say the least I always ended up in complete terror not knowing if I would ever come back to Earth or the physical reality I know and love so much. While sitting in a deprivation tank was not as intense as using psychedelics it definitely has led to some of the same experiences that have left me shaken to the core.

 

To be completely honest myself, I have been very blessed with a loving family and for some reason that connection always seems to be the point where things get very shaky; the material aspect of life never seems to be my hang up, it is when I get to the connections I have made with others that things become unstable. I can let go, and have let go of many things, but for some reason when I get to the "breaking point" the people I know and love always come to mind and then things take a turn for the worst.

 

All these experiences have led me to a place where I acknowledge that a set practice and someone who is more experienced in these matters will truly be of benefit; finding TTB has been very helpful for me indeed. Qigong is something that I truly believe will allow me to place one foot in front of the other and make this journey slowly and steadily. As bad as I think I want "enlightenment" or whatever you want to call it, I am finally beginning to understand that, "A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step" ~Lao Tzu.

 

Thanks for the post Everything, it is always nice hearing others experiences and being able to relate. I wish you well in your journey and indeed look forward to reading many more posts. I also appreciate all the replies; some really good stuff has been said.

Edited December 3, 2011 by don_vedo

[RiverSnake]

Stopping whining like a little girl and sack up. You're not helpless, you have the power to solve your own problems.

 

Like Gerard said, all it takes is persistance and one step at a time.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

[suninmyeyes]

No I think he should whine even more ,what is wrong with that? That is also a path, but it is more dissolving ,rather than power path.

The only thing is that Everything has to get scared more so that whining becomes very strong and fed up , and that will be like a spiritual 'homeopatic' remedy .

[C T]

No I think he should whine even more ,what is wrong with that? That is also a path, but it is more dissolving ,rather than power path.

The only thing is that Everything has to get scared more so that whining becomes very strong and fed up , and that will be like a spiritual 'homeopatic' remedy .

Haha i like what you said... whine more until he gets fed up! Some can do it this way too, why not?

 

Personally, i think there's two ways to look at this dynamic: One, if a person whines mindfully, noticing all the patterns surrounding the onset and dissipation of what the whinging and whining is about, then that is helpful, in that the roots (or patterns) can be traced and then (hopefully) cut; On the other hand, if a person periodically whinges mindlessly, getting lost in the process, then such bouts could well drive the unhealthy roots deeper, until habits form, and from habits the karmic merry-go-round is set into motion!! Some enjoy the ride so much they dont know how and where to get off! Ever notice this?

 

To conclude, i would generally agree that your suggestion could work, but it may take a long time. There are other more workable alternatives, imho.

[Everything]

I hate wining.

 

It feels great to have experienced this. I'm looking forward to experience my fears even, but eventually I want to get over these fears and I will eventually. I have overcome many fears pretty quickly, so this shoulden't take so long. I guess wining about it is not going to help me be more couragious either.

 

I'm kinda whining about it, because I find it hard to let go. I was really frustrated that everytime I managed to pull it off, my fear was blocking me from exploring my spirituality further. I'll have to be more patient in redifing the meaning I give it. I think the fear is just an indication of some flawed believe of false idea.

[Everything]

Hehe, do I really sound whiny?

 

Thanks to this experience my mind worries no longer about worldly things, because they seem so petty now. I am actually very grateful for the experience. Don't get me wrong.

 

Even if this fear can't be overcome, it doesn't effect my life negatively. It was not my intention to speak negatively of it.

[TzuJanLi]

Greetings..

 

You are what you have chosen to be, and you will be what you choose to be.. deeds are the evidence of your choices, look at your Life, what have you chosen to be, what will you choose to be.. you are one choice away from 'everything'..

 

Be well..

[Everything]

This is ridiculous. How many Zen masters have died from their awakening experiences?? In fact they often end up laughing at it. As long as you're just pointing to reality with no frills, not doing some funky energy work i advise you to dive in. You literally have nothing to lose.

The way to overcome fear is just to DO, take your petty ego out of the equation and experience clearly. There's nothing to fear.

I don't think I will die, it feels like dieing. Maybe I should say that it feels like being born again, because I'm not talking about the destruction of my body. I'm talking about letting go and entering a new one. The new body is not scary, but I'm afraid in the new body! Confused and uncertain. I supose I've never experienced uncertainty to such a high degree.

 

This has also been my philosophy, to just do and go for it. I even try to add humor to certain fears to overcome them more easily. Kinda joking with the reality of the nature of my fear. Like giving a devil an icecube to cool down, etc.