I don't know what to do anymore

[Josama]

It has now been nearly a year since I have been living in this hell.It all began when I started to take consciousness of the point in the midle of my forehead by listening to an hypnosis CD from a german hypnotist.At first I could only feel it as a little hole but it steadely got bigger until after about 2 months of concentrating on the point ALL the time it burst open and since then my life wasn't the same anymore.

Later on when upon reflecting on these days I found out that my energy body wanted to rebalance itself(after a night's sleep the point would have closed down again to some degree),by concentrating on the point all the time I basically held against that.

Altough I was able to close the point down again pretty easily my energy body was already at a point where it wouldn't rebalance itself naturally anymore.

So from there on I dabbled in meditative practises trying to find a solution to my problem.I did Bruce's Water Method and noticed that I could feel grounded but it wouldn't get me back to earth.

So,some months ago I made a threat on here already asking for advice,somebody told me I should go barefooted which I did even in the forest and it didn't help at all besides feeling a little refreshed.I just feels like my chakras are broken,they won't open again no matter what,sometimes I feel the point on my forehead reopening but the shape feels distorted.

All the time I have this endless fatigue if I have a good day I am able to do a full school day of 8 hours without falling asleep.I have been doing ZZ every morning for about 6 months now without which I think I would have no energy at all.Also since about a month now I am doing 30 min of Tummo everyday,some people said that they couldn't sleep at all when doing it too much but not so for me,I am still as tired as ever,although I notice an uprisise in energy 30-60 min right after doing the practice.

Also besides being tired all the time all my confidence has vanished,I have problems talking normally with people because I just get 2 anxious sometimes.

2 weeks ago I just couldn't take it anymore,so I tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose of GBL which I ordered on the net together with alcohol.My mother howeever found me unconscious in my bed and called an ambulance.I was actually glad to be still alive since I wanted to continue living because I had finally found what I had searched for all my life.

But although I still have many things I wanna do I don't want to continue living like this.It's only been 2 weeks now and I am already thinking of suicide again.

All I wanna know is can somebody on here say with 100 % confidence that I can become normal again?

For today I was supposed to go see Dr Liu Dong in Paris to as him for advice but my brother which was supposed to drive with me there couldn't because didn't get a day off work cos one of his female coworkers just got to know that she has breast cancer on wednesday and so he needed to help.This was for me my last ray of hope if I won't be able to get annother appointment then I made just crash...

[suninmyeyes]

Did you go to the doctor?

What did the doctor say? Maybe you suffer from ME or similar if you are so fatigued.

Did you talk to someone proffesional about this in person?

Edited December 2, 2011 by suninmyeyes

[Birch]

My personal suggestion, scale ALL the way back on practices except mindfulness and compassion (yourself first BtW). Take care of yourself. Eat well. Exercise. Go see a doc (try to avoid meds as they could be messy on your system) Preferably one with some experience with meditators. I found acupuncture extremely helpful at the roughest points (and i did go thru some rough points. You can get through.) I'm not very sure about all the techniques you're mixing but they sound counterweight to each other in an unhelpful way. Tummo, I keep wondering whether that one is a good one to dive right into if you're not in awesome shape to start with (and I guess from what I've experienced and heard about, most of us are not).

 

Hopefully a teacher or 2 will weigh in. Hang in there. It gets better.

[Informer]

You could try to listen to some solfeggio harmonics and see if that can help get you back in tune.

 

[Protector]

Makes FUCKING sense

You do that third eye crap without a proper build up and you will CRASH

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Find the most bitter thing ever, chew it around and eat it

Do the horse stance until it hurts too much

Do some OM meditation, aaaaaaaoooooooommmmmmmmmmnnnnnn...

Full lotus, palms down touching the ground

 

Should work

[Josama]

I did go see an acupuncturist to which I explained my problem,afterwards I had 5 30 min treatements but I didn't feel any difference.

Sorry but solfeggio frequencys have no real,I also don't have any medical problems I had already serveral blood tests done wich showed nothing.

Annother thing is that I have problems breathing,my breathing just feels out of tune all time it only feels normal when doing sport.Also my nose is very often closed which forces me to breathe through the mouth.In the morning my nose tickles and I will start sneezing. I need a packet of handkerchiefs every single day during the last year which wasn't like that before.

[Jetsun]

I wouldn't do any energy stuff at all if I were you, it seems like it's all motivated by anxiety so it probably isn't helping, Tummo is high level Tantra so I wouldn't do that if you are unstable unless it has been prescribed to you by a master. The human body can heal itself from anything so recovery is possible.

[Birch]

Oh yeah, the forced third eye stuff, makes sense Mr Sin. Not good for people in a culture that can't tell the difference between Tv news and real life. We just don't seem to have enough context for open third eyes these days. You can get back to it later if you really want:-)

What about diet? I was vegetarian for a while but had to re-introduce meat and lots of root vegetables due to lack of grounding (see also Taomeow's post in the Taoist subforum on mylenation (litterally "insulation" for neurals) and diet.

 

The breathing issue can be retrained too. In fact I reckon most of the stuff you're dealing with can probably be fixed!

[suninmyeyes]

I did go see an acupuncturist to which I explained my problem,afterwards I had 5 30 min treatements but I didn't feel any difference.

Sorry but solfeggio frequencys have no real,I also don't have any medical problems I had already serveral blood tests done wich showed nothing.

Annother thing is that I have problems breathing,my breathing just feels out of tune all time it only feels normal when doing sport.Also my nose is very often closed which forces me to breathe through the mouth.In the morning my nose tickles and I will start sneezing. I need a packet of handkerchiefs every single day during the last year which wasn't like that before.

If you are breathing mostly through your mouth your breathing would be out of tune, and I would suggest adressing this issue seriously as this may be playing a massive part in your suffering.

Do you suffer from allergies? Or similar?

If you feel better by playing sports by all means take up sports more seriously an explore this option.

Sometimes in our life we are shown the path so obviously that we almost overlooked it becouse of its simplicity.

Listen to life.

Body is incerdible and has a lot of healing potential , nothing is permanent . Even your pain will come to pass. This is just how it is.

[Protector]

This is not how it is

This is how it is when you mess things up

When you crash, you crush from up to down, next would be your stomach, I think

[C T]

Makes FUCKING sense

You do that third eye crap without a proper build up and you will CRASH

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Find the most bitter thing ever, chew it around and eat it

Do the horse stance until it hurts too much

Do some OM meditation, aaaaaaaoooooooommmmmmmmmmnnnnnn...

Full lotus, palms down touching the ground

 

Should work

Sounds dandy. Unfortunately it isn't so cut and dried. The flippant manner with which you dish out what you think is 'sound advice' will get people into trouble. Why? Because you make it sound rather hollow, simplistic... almost as if you are mocking the OP.

 

And what's the deal with the cussing anyway? You trying to prove something here?

[ChiDragon]

I did go see an acupuncturist to which I explained my problem,afterwards I had 5 30 min treatements but I didn't feel any difference.

Sorry but solfeggio frequencys have no real,I also don't have any medical problems I had already serveral blood tests done wich showed nothing.

Annother thing is that I have problems breathing,my breathing just feels out of tune all time it only feels normal when doing sport.Also my nose is very often closed which forces me to breathe through the mouth.In the morning my nose tickles and I will start sneezing. I need a packet of handkerchiefs every single day during the last year which wasn't like that before.

 

The first thing I was wondering about your breathing. I am glad that you have told us. Your breathing problem was causing you to fatigue due to hypoxia. Hypoxia, lack of oxygen, causing your body not to produce enough energy for the vital functions of your body. You had said this was not happening before, thus it sounds like you have an allergy problem which causing your sinus to be clogged up. However, breathing through the mouth is not desirable for your health. All the germs will go into your lungs may cause infection. The lack of oxygen to the brain will cause you to loose confidence and self esteem. Thus you must clear your sinus problem ASAP to normalize you body.

 

Wish you all the best...

[Protector]

It's a habit

[Birch]

This is not how it is

This is how it is when you mess things up

When you crash, you crush from up to down, next would be your stomach, I think

Not so cut and clear Mr Rabbit. Remember all the stuff is in a system that effects everything else in the system.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on all that we're on about Josama?

[hagar]

It has now been nearly a year since I have been living in this hell.It all began when I started to take consciousness of the point in the midle of my forehead by listening to an hypnosis CD from a german hypnotist.At first I could only feel it as a little hole but it steadely got bigger until after about 2 months of concentrating on the point ALL the time it burst open and since then my life wasn't the same anymore.

Later on when upon reflecting on these days I found out that my energy body wanted to rebalance itself(after a night's sleep the point would have closed down again to some degree),by concentrating on the point all the time I basically held against that.

Altough I was able to close the point down again pretty easily my energy body was already at a point where it wouldn't rebalance itself naturally anymore.

So from there on I dabbled in meditative practises trying to find a solution to my problem.I did Bruce's Water Method and noticed that I could feel grounded but it wouldn't get me back to earth.

So,some months ago I made a threat on here already asking for advice,somebody told me I should go barefooted which I did even in the forest and it didn't help at all besides feeling a little refreshed.I just feels like my chakras are broken,they won't open again no matter what,sometimes I feel the point on my forehead reopening but the shape feels distorted.

All the time I have this endless fatigue if I have a good day I am able to do a full school day of 8 hours without falling asleep.I have been doing ZZ every morning for about 6 months now without which I think I would have no energy at all.Also since about a month now I am doing 30 min of Tummo everyday,some people said that they couldn't sleep at all when doing it too much but not so for me,I am still as tired as ever,although I notice an uprisise in energy 30-60 min right after doing the practice.

Also besides being tired all the time all my confidence has vanished,I have problems talking normally with people because I just get 2 anxious sometimes.

2 weeks ago I just couldn't take it anymore,so I tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose of GBL which I ordered on the net together with alcohol.My mother howeever found me unconscious in my bed and called an ambulance.I was actually glad to be still alive since I wanted to continue living because I had finally found what I had searched for all my life.

But although I still have many things I wanna do I don't want to continue living like this.It's only been 2 weeks now and I am already thinking of suicide again.

All I wanna know is can somebody on here say with 100 % confidence that I can become normal again?

For today I was supposed to go see Dr Liu Dong in Paris to as him for advice but my brother which was supposed to drive with me there couldn't because didn't get a day off work cos one of his female coworkers just got to know that she has breast cancer on wednesday and so he needed to help.This was for me my last ray of hope if I won't be able to get annother appointment then I made just crash...

 

As mentioned here, you seem to have a complex problem, and partially may be respiratory/allergy-related.

 

BUT; meddling with upper cavities without grounding your practice in the lower body centers is a big no-no.

 

One of my teachers live in Paris: PM me if you want to contact him. He does treatments, is highly skillful in diagnosing and may be able to help you.

 

h

[Josama]

@Jetsun Doing no energy work at all that I tried already before,made no difference.

@sunimyeyes Normaly I breath through the nose,but when my nose get's cloged up then I can't breath through the nose. The reason my breathing is so abnormal is due to congestion in my heart and neck.Doing more sports that I already tried,that didn't help neither.Besides I am an athletic person,I am doing sports everyday also,but I must say that in the last months I have changed from hard physical activity mainly weight lifting and jogging,running to soft physical activity martial arts,stretching,circle walking.So now I will normaly do an hour of wing chun training every day if I have time apart from my normal 2 hour classes and 30 min of stretching every evening.

Here I must say that the thing that seemed the most effective at least for opening up my nose is circle walking but somehow found it hard to folow through with it,but now that I think about it I will try to add 30 min of circle walking to my daily practice and to keep through with it,that and doing ZZ barefooted in the forest I found also quite effective but the winter is about to begin here so not possible anymore

 

At some point before I picked up tummo I did only breathing meditation besides ZZ.The one where you just watch the breath,what happened was that my breath got better until at some point in the meditation I would feel a blockage in my sinuses which felt like a solid rock,well this is a little hard to describe but my feeling told me keep well away from breathing exercice as well as any direct work on blockages from my neck or head.

[Protector]

Now that I calmed down, I need my pipe

*puff puff*

 

I say,

Too much water, all that driving energy to the forehead needs to balance itself out so it drains metal that affects lungs and sinuses and because it's water, it affects heart that is fire element

I don't want the 6 months go to waste so I propose to increase wood energy over time to drive the energy back down to liver and then dantien, while using excessive earth will destroy water but damage something else

[konchog uma]

Now that I calmed down, I need my pipe

*puff puff*

 

I say,

Too much water, all that driving energy to the forehead needs to balance itself out so it drains metal that affects lungs and sinuses and because it's water, it affects heart that is fire element

I don't want the 6 months go to waste so I propose to increase wood energy over time to drive the energy back down to liver and then dantien, while using excessive earth will destroy water but damage something else

 

"i'm not a doctor but i play one on the internet!"

 

surely sir you have not studied traditional chinese medicine at an accredited institution. You sound like you have just started to read a book on the subject. Chill out, josama is looking for actual advice.

 

you know, the helpful kind.

[Aaron]

I'm reticent to give you advice, until I understand more about what is going on. I wonder if you could describe the hypnosis technique you used, in particular the induction. It seems to me that you have become unnaturally focused on something to the point of obsession and that may be something you need to deal with. My suggestion is deal with your depression first, then begin to worry about your energy problems. (I think so long as you are depressed, to the extent you are, that you will not be able to get a clear grasp of your energy problems, nor the extent of them.)

 

I hope you feel better soon. I've been there and done that, so don't feel you're alone, just try and work on one thing at a time.

 

Aaron

Edited December 3, 2011 by Twinner

[Protector]

"i'm not a doctor but i play one on the internet!"

 

surely sir you have not studied traditional chinese medicine at an accredited institution. You sound like you have just started to read a book on the subject. Chill out, josama is looking for actual advice.

 

you know, the helpful kind.

 

I do declare, this is as good of advice he can get on this kind of forum or forum in general

[3bob]

This may not be a kindly or gentle comment but suicide will make any problems you have now look minor in comparison to when you get on the 'other side' and have to pay for such an act that you mistakenly think or believe will end your pain, I say that from certain experiences that it doesn't end the pain - it greatly increases the pain with even more ways of torment and suffering.

 

Did anyone mention prayer? Not only can people on this side give you many forms of help but you can also be spiritually helped by noble and great spirits like Quan Yin.

 

Peace

[Birch]

This may not be a kindly or gentle comment but suicide will make any problems you have now look minor in comparison to when you get on the 'other side' and have to pay for such an act that you mistakenly think or believe will end your pain, I say that from certain experiences that it doesn't end the pain - it greatly increases the pain with even more ways of torment and suffering.

 

Did anyone mention prayer? Not only can people on this side give you many forms of help but you can also be spiritually helped by noble and great spirits like Quan Yin.

 

Peace

Other side Mr Bob? I didn't think you'd bought the 'payback' idea given your posts in the Vedanta thread. I don't want to get into the suicide thing too much here given the pain our OP is experiencing but IMO suggesting coercion from 'the other side' is lacking in compassion in a situation in which the OP is very much alive and looking for solutions. Yes, may not be the best place (a forum) for advice but hell, we've got a bunch of cultivators on here with collectively a bunch of personal experience (and some to expert levels) on everything from breathing techniques, to somatic work, to diet, to psychotherapy to herbals to personal local contacts. Of course it's not going to be easy for the OP to wade through all the stuff but I reckon becoming interested in it allows folks to take charge of their situation which BTW is crucial to healing. IMO sitting back and taking orders from "other sides" is what gets people into trouble in first place.

 

Sorry for the ranting style. Not personally directed at you Mr Bob (not that you'd care anyway;-))

[3bob]

Other side Mr Bob? I didn't think you'd bought the 'payback' idea given your posts in the Vedanta thread. I don't want to get into the suicide thing too much here given the pain our OP is experiencing but IMO suggesting coercion from 'the other side' is lacking in compassion in a situation in which the OP is very much alive and looking for solutions. Yes, may not be the best place (a forum) for advice but hell, we've got a bunch of cultivators on here with collectively a bunch of personal experience (and some to expert levels) on everything from breathing techniques, to somatic work, to diet, to psychotherapy to herbals to personal local contacts. Of course it's not going to be easy for the OP to wade through all the stuff but I reckon becoming interested in it allows folks to take charge of their situation which BTW is crucial to healing. IMO sitting back and taking orders from "other sides" is what gets people into trouble in first place.

 

Sorry for the ranting style. Not personally directed at you Mr Bob (not that you'd care anyway;-))

 

Umm, I do care or I would not have given that warning, a warning which you added your personal interpretation to which was not where I was trying to come from, although I understand your take which some other people might also have. Thus I will attempt to clairify my meaning: The karma of suicide does not end pain, it increases it and adds torment and suffering on both sides so to speak, but since after such an act a person no longer has a physical body to work with and they have gone against the ways of the life-force then there is a karmic price to pay which is much higher and also much more difficult to work with while on the other side - compared to the possibilities of working with one's problems on this side before such an act. Karma works exactingly on both sides so it is not a matter of the so called "other side" giving orders or its coercion that is doing anything, it is a person mistakenly tyring to kill themselves to end pain which greatly increases pain. (when they then find themselves in a much worse karmic situation on the other side)

 

Peace

Edited December 3, 2011 by 3bob

[Birch]

What "other side"? Or "other side of what"?

Yes, I admit that most things are my personal interpretation but many of them are not. For example, some things have come to me second hand, some by conditioning, some by convention, some by other ways. I've met that argument (that's it's all subjective interpretation) before in various forms and I don't buy it (it's also what I unsecretly despise about so-called "spiritual" people.) Here's an idea, I have an intepretation of this "other side" that might be wrong in terms of actual facts. So what I'm really interested in is that part of it - the "fact" of there being an "other side". Otherwise Mr Bob, you're just pushing your own subjective interpretation on the issue (in this case an argument against suicide) and claiming moral and spiritual authority in the process. I hadn't identified you as such but in the future will be careful not to engage you on this type of issue.

[Josama]

I'm reticent to give you advice, until I understand more about what is going on. I wonder if you could describe the hypnosis technique you used, in particular the induction. It seems to me that you have become unnaturally focused on something to the point of obsession and that may be something you need to deal with. My suggestion is deal with your depression first, then begin to worry about your energy problems. (I think so long as you are depressed, to the extent you are, that you will not be able to get a clear grasp of your energy problems, nor the extent of them.)

 

I hope you feel better soon. I've been there and done that, so don't feel you're alone, just try and work on one thing at a time.

 

Aaron

 

I listened to an Audio CD recorded by Alexander Cain,a famous german hypnotist.There are 2 induction songs,in the first you are told to concentrate on a point and he suggests that your eyelids get more and more heavy,he counts from 5 to 0.In the second induction song he suggests that you relax your whole body from the feets upwards speaking a suggestion for every major body part,then he suggests that the body gets heavier and heavier and you fall deeper and deeper,he counts from 5 to 0,at 0 he says "you are sleeping now deep and profound"

The actual suggestions are on song 3,song 4 brings you back.

On song 3 you are first told to form a shield made from golden light around you then he tells that you can use a part of your spirit like an antenna and later he tells you let you spirit wanderat the end he also suggests you that at some point you will see auras.That's all I still remember but the main points.

In the description he states that the CDs are recorded with an extra subliminal method so I don't know what more is suggested.

 

Concerning the depression,my depression is mainly due to the fact that I am in this situation.It sucks not being able to talk with people like I normally would,I get nervous around people even those I had no problems before witth,sometimes even family.Then there is how I see the world,I don't know if you know the feeling un unreality you get when you smoke pot,that feeling like being detached from the world,I have that all the time high 2 which makes it even more difficult for me to try to concentrate on something without thinking about it.Half of my day is normally happiness and half is sadness.

 

@3bob I had rather have to work a lifetime on a karmic debt but being normal then the other way around.

I would also prefer living 10 years a satisfied life then living 30 years an unsatified life.

Edited December 3, 2011 by Josama