Ok, Title says it all.
I have tried being Buddhist for the last couple of years, but really the world view just doesn't suit me. I am very glad for having given it a go, and aspects of its View will always be with me.
Here are a few points relevant to my decision making process.
1) I am not sure that Tibetan Buddhism can get many western students very far.
After finally meeting a High level practitioner - Changling Rinpoche, and meeting students of his that have been with him for the last 10 years, I am worried.
They are exceptionally moral and lovely people, but they [the ones i talked to] are proud of all the Highest Tantra empowerments they have. Some are very consistent in their practices, doing 3-4 hours a day, just to fulfil their vows from all the Tantra Initiation practice requirements, and that is great, but, it is 3-4 hours a day of reciting endless prayers/aspirations/confessions with points of deity visualisation.
Where is the serious Insight development or even serious concentration needed for 'actual' enlightenment?
Changling was testament to the fact that the path works in a Monastery, where all day every day is all that stuff. But I lost faith that I with my Karma as a father and a house holder can make any decent progression in this path.
2) Then there is Theravada, which requires a ton of Vipashna/Samahdi in varying degrees depending on the school.
My house mate is doing very well on this path. This year he has done a 4 month, a three month and then another 4 month retreat, and he is actually seems to be getting somewhere with it. I know many many people who do several 10 days a year, but that does not really seem to give them any great results.
Again as a Father, I can not be spending months at a time in Vipashna.
3) And Vmarco will Love this - I am a Theist at heart. I can believe all I want that there is no underlying substance to the universe, [and i really did get convinced by this logically with the E&DO teachings] but I can see and feel the light underlying all things on a daily basis, and my heart knows that I live in a Interactive and Conscious universe.
I experience that fact with the deepest layers of my being.
Also this is the experience that is central to probably nearly every tradition before Buddhism, from the earliest Shamanisms to the Abrahamic religions, Egypt to India...
World Inclusive paths like Sufism, and KS are far more suited to my way of growing and my karmic circumstances and have practices I can use constantly throughout my day to day life.
The Sufi practice of remembrance - Keeping ones heart in constant communion with the one - I can use everywhere. And I have missed it so much these last few years.
4) I had some great realisations in Buddhism. An experience of Emptiness, a realisation of No Self... I can continue developing these in a different context.
Even the teachings on [not] clinging to subtle states I can still use. Although the devotional practices actually engender clinging, I can use them to get into very deep states far faster than anything Buddhism has to offer me, and then I can apply those teachings...
So Great blessings to you all, and special thanks to CowTao {CT} for all your help with Buddhism, and your friendship over these last few years.
May all your paths Blossom and give fruit.
Seth Ananda.