Until nothing is left

[Protector]

I remember when I was a little kid I used to play every day.

One day my parents told me that I should go somewhere and when I come back I could keep playing. They took me to a kindergarten and there I met other kids for the first time. I was kinda scared of them lol so I was fighting with them a lot. Then I went to a different kindergarten that's attached to a school.

Few years I was in a kindergarten then one year in a preschool year right before school to get kids ready for school. Then I went to school and I had all these ideas about what school is like from the movies I watched before, but there were no chemistry sets that exploded, I even remember asking the teacher about them lol.

A lot of stuff happened in school but it was the same as before. I didn't do any studying, it was a school where you pay for your kids and they go to a next grade. Even in kindergarten I didn't do anything unless it was the only thing to do. Eventually I caught up with the school studies but I never learned English in school.

In the fourth grade I got cable and these fancy American cartoon channels, one of them was Cartoon Network in English and with it I subconsciously learned the language. They showed the schools in America that were very different from mine. I kinda wanted to go to a school with lockers covering all the walls, it was interesting.

But I was still in this school, and after graduation you get to wear a robe graduates wear but our was completely blue and I wanted that robe. Next year, at the end of fifth grade, the school got robed and it had to close. One year I spend in a very small school that was almost secret. In it we also learned German but I don't remember any of it. It got closed the next year and no one told me so I sat in front of the door until I was told to go home.

I spend two years in another school, that one was more known so it didn't close. At the end of the second year my parents talked about moving to Canada and we went on a little vacation to Canada and Toronto was very nice, mmm bacon. When I came back I could talk about the trip but not about coming back so our passports wont get stolen.

Went to live in Canada and I was old enough for ninth grade so I skipped the eighth grade even with my grades, which translated to Canadian grades somehow made me look good lol.

There was some attention addressed at me because there were kids from all over the world in the school but not Belarus or something. Maybe they wanted something more from me but I didn't do much. Math was super easy compared to the torture I went through back home, so I never did any homework but my grades were enough to pass. I always went for enough to pass, that's the goal.

I was acting so strange that they gave me a different guidance counselor and didn't expect anything anymore. School didn't think I was interesting but other kids still did, even though I didn't talk to them.

A lot of time I spent on-line with all the interesting Internet stuff. I kept looking up fun videos on you-tube until I found something that was not so funny. Eventually I stumbled on some conspiracy theory videos. To make sense of them I watched the movie Zeitgeist, many of the clips were from that movie. It freaked me out a bunch, so I went on-line looking for some self defense videos. Maybe the Illuminati were tracking me already, there's no time lol.

I didn't do any kung-fuey stuff because of all the health warning I heard through all my life but this time I needed help. Somehow I got dragged into Qi Gong. I looked more into it on you-tube and found a video about throwing fireballs. I decided, "Hey, why not? I need at least this much to fight NWO" lol. The whole video didn't make much sense so I watched another one and another one. Title was misleading to trick dumb kids into meditating lol. I subscribed and watched videos as they came along.

I also joined a forum by the same guy and learned a lot from the people on it. The forum closed and opened and the people moved and I followed them. I felt like I needed more to learn from them.

Eventually there became less and less of them, all of them, like me, slowly realizing that this might be it. We all talked to each other asking questions until all the questions were answered. When a new question came out without them around, I already had the knowledge I could use to solve it.

Still living like a hermit without letting anything happen to me, the life became a meditation. All the problems I had, I already solved them. When I saw someone else's problems, I could avoid them. Their problems happened because they are not me and I'm not them, it's impossible for me to become them so I went deeper into myself. I had only myself and so I went deeper and deeper, pealing away layers to see myself and true me.

My outer layers came from the pressure from the outside, I learned English that way. If I went along with the school before, I might have spoke German, French, and English before I moved here lol. I even see my desire to learn French slowly creep at me as I kinda start thinking that French kinda sounds hot lol. That's where my meditation comes in.

Back on the forum I learned about chi of the universe. How ideas of other people can change me, they become a mantra that becomes reality. I can watch these things get closer and closer and this time I have some weapons that I learned to help me take control.

Maybe I finally want to learn French, or maybe I will change my whole destiny. This decision I will make might have came out of me, or it was another stronger chi influence from another person that changed me when I was younger. Going deeper and deeper into the very core, there is nothing.

There is still soul, if I was born in another body or many bodies at the same time, someone might recognize me inside. Will it be like a feeling, deja vu, or maybe even my actions will be the same. Maybe not exactly the same, there are too many people. One more is already too many.

If a pure me was a boss with the same strong values, and I met myself looking for a job and I was still the same, I would hire myself lol. Normally I would be scared looking for a job because of all the other people stress and lack of money. The boss me would be under pressure, stress and also pushed around by other people. If we forget about all this and meet as the same people, then we could understand one another instantly.

Maybe there wont be any words to know one another. Maybe we wont even look at each other. We will be in a different rooms. In complete different cities, never knowing one another and having no thoughts. We will still understand without words thoughts or feeling. The connection will be made outside of time and space, the world will never know and doesn't need to know. We always existed and will exist. There is no time or space, there is no water in the cup or the cup to keep the water, that stuff is not important. There is only Tao.

[Cat Pillar]

Thanks for sharing about your life, I enjoyed reading it.