PLEASE READ THIS!

[AЯAB]

They say you can't change someone, and that they must change on their own. I believe this but how the heck can you at least help them. Hypnosis? ANYTHING!

 

Honestly F*** every thing I've ever said on tao bums I don't give a rats ass about enlightenment or any of that, I want my family back to normal.

 

My parent's can't do anything about this so it is up to me knowing and seeing more than they have(related to this situation). I love my brother so much but I absolutely despise his actions. He smokes weed( yeah some of you will say its ok, na not when your 17 and you smoke it everyday at least minimum once a day), binge drinks every fucking weekend, steals, disrespects everyone including himself the most. I've had enough for covering his ass, every day I gotta lie to my parents to say he's a good kid(they know he smokes and drinks). Now my parents have become smarter so they know whats going on but they sure don't fucking know he has a bong in his room which he smokes before school and as soon as they leave the house(sometimes even when there home), or that when we hang out he ditches me to go smoke with his friends. My dad tells me to just let him be, ok I can see that but its been almost 2 years of watching my brother smoke in front of my face, I can't do it anymore. He basically walks all over me. I try to talk to him but as soon as I start he tells me to shut the fuck up and leave. How the heck do you talk to someone like that. I can't sit around waiting for a miracle anymore, my mom is going crazy she cries all the time and my dad is already in bad shape as it is. I just broke his bong right now. For the meantime I'm going to completely cut him off meaning no more buying him food,giving him rides, nothing. The fucked up part is I don't really have any friends so I resort to hanging out with my brother and his druggy friends. It sucks ass hanging out with them cause all they do is get high than I drive them around to get munchies. Fuck me. I promised my self I'm not hanging out with anyone of them anymore, they just bring me down and don't help me at all. I'm not the best role model either because I used to do the same shit he did(I've been clean for 2 years now) and I don't have a job right now and I haven't started college yet. Yeah sure I stopped on my own by realizing that stuff has no future but for my brother to see that, it will take him another 10 years(dont tell me its because of that shit i say hes still where he is that's bullshit). It's like the movie matrix, even if he stopped, all the friends around him, music, tv, food all the shit is just gonna pull him down again. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU CHANGE SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN, there must be a way. This is for my parents if he wants to do that stuff thats his decision but my parents have already been through so much. My mom works more than 60 hours a week to come him to this shit, it kills me. Please guys just stop what your doing right now, help me please. Help my family. How much can you love someone, he has so much love coming to him from everyone yet none of it gets through. He has too much that he resorts to this shit.

 

My moms doing a no meat fast for my brother, the 10 days is almost up. Please pray for him, if we all do this together we can help him please.

Edited December 24, 2011 by AЯAB

[skydog]

erm well my opinion is that yeah smoking weed is no different at 17 than it is at 37, and once a day no big deal... (I dont personally smoke it though)

 

Binge drinking, In london it is generally the culture to drink, however silly it is I dont know.

 

So thats just stating that 17 year olds are very rebellious..

 

Especially if there parents are very controlling and try to tell them how to think and what to do all the time. It is a way and time to form your own opinions etc.

 

Also when I was a kid I was called names, screamed at constantly etc, there are many memories where I would conclude I was "bad, unworthy of love, something wrong with me, not good enough the way I am, stupid, incapable, useless, selfish, shy, naughty etc etc etc" These memories and the interpreations I have of them impacted my self esteem. Healing these memories with eft matrix re-imprinting would enable the person to avoid addictive habits whether it is addiction for power, tv, food, the gym, the internet, porn ( a lot of us judge others when we have similar issues)

 

Also be a shining role-model of love, acceptance, peace, etc. Would someone take you seriously unless they themselves saw the effects of what you are talking about

[Encephalon]

Sorry to hear about your family plight. If it's any consolation, this dynamic is being replicated in millions of homes as we speak, meaning that there is a huge demand for helpful resources, and those resources are plentiful and available in virtually any US metro area.

 

People can change, but when addictive behavior is involved, they usually don't change until they've exhausted all other options and realize the truth of their dire straits. This is true for the individual, and there's plenty of evidence that it applies to humans collectively.

 

The best thing you and your family can do is extricate yourselves from the drama so that your brother doesn't drag everybody into the craziness vortex. Al-onon meetings offer tools toward this end. Hanging around with him will only enable his conduct and slowly but surely disempower you as well. It sounds like you are already assuming an unrealistically disproportionate share of responsibility for rectifying this problem, which is not uncommon, and is actually a testament to your kind intentions. Find some folks at a local Alonon or Codepedents Anon meeting, and you will quickly discover that you are not alone. This alone will make a huge difference.

 

Best of luck.

[Protector]

It's kinda hard to do without leaving some scars, destroy everything else

Make all his friends, smoking, and stealing turn on him

All his friends must hate him, all his drugs must be out of reach, and all his crimes must catch up with him

Instant gratification but you will be in the dirt and he will hate you, his friends will hate you and probably will make the whole town hate you, so that might suck

 

But if you still have some patience left, do the opposite

Make yourself grow and become a powerful influence over his life

Make his friends yours, take all their drugs away and take them to your side, you will become more powerful

Be even more close, be so close that he couldn't do drugs in front of you or steal, make him a good kid

 

You could just meditate to ignore him as he is now, he might destroy himself though

But if he survives he wont be in your life at all

 

3 choices, 4th is invisible as always

But to get off topic as threads seem to go, you can't change him since there is nothing to change, you think you see him but you don't see the true him and all that he does is not him either; actions don't define a person, a person defines actions

You might think the does the worst crime against you and your family but he doesn't see it, he's just having fun that's all

Fourth option would be to pull the true him out but I or anyone on the forum can't do that so don't ask

How about a story, I liked this one so much that I memorized it, I think I did

There once was a person in a hurry to save his village, so he went looking for the true master. He found out that he lived in a cave up the mountain, he could see the entrance to the cave from the very bottom so he went straight to it. On his way he was attacked by robbers and all his belongings were stolen. Without anything to defend himself with, he was also attacked by animals. When he reached the cave, he was that the master was already waiting for him. He was angry at the master but master decided to train him right there and then. He gave him a task of removing a chicken egg out of a bottle without breaking it. No tools were given and no hints. He couldn't even break the bottle because of the egg inside and he couldn't pull the egg out because the neck was too thin. He was left thinking about how to get it out. While he was thinking, the egg started to hatch! Out of the egg came a chick, he fed that chick until it grew and broke the bottle itself. He didn't even need to touch the bottle or do anything, the chick was strong enough to get out of the egg so it became strong enough to get out of the bottle, too. Master left a long time ago but he taught him a lesson anyway, he could have beat up the animals and the bandits and went to save the village himself, but that would mean going to every village as well. Don't know if this was useful but thanks for listening

Edited December 24, 2011 by Sinfest

[AЯAB]

I was pretty pissed off and just tired of everything happening when I wrote the initial post. I meditated for some bit, listened to the medicine buddha mantra(will continue to chant tonight) for my brother. I have a feeling that everything will be alright and things will start going well soon (:

 

 

It's kinda hard to do without leaving some scars, destroy everything else

Make all his friends, smoking, and stealing turn on him

All his friends must hate him, all his drugs must be out of reach, and all his crimes must catch up with him

Instant gratification but you will be in the dirt and he will hate you, his friends will hate you and probably will make the whole town hate you, so that might suck

 

But if you still have some patience left, do the opposite

Make yourself grow and become a powerful influence over his life

Make his friends yours, take all their drugs away and take them to your side, you will become more powerful

Be even more close, be so close that he couldn't do drugs in front of you or steal, make him a good kid

 

You could just meditate to ignore him as he is now, he might destroy himself though

But if he survives he wont be in your life at all

 

3 choices, 4th is invisible as always

But to get off topic as threads seem to go, you can't change him since there is nothing to change, you think you see him but you don't see the true him and all that he does is not him either; actions don't define a person, a person defines actions

You might think the does the worst crime against you and your family but he doesn't see it, he's just having fun that's all

Fourth option would be to pull the true him out but I or anyone on the forum can't do that so don't ask

How about a story, I liked this one so much that I memorized it, I think I did

There once was a person in a hurry to save his village, so he went looking for the true master. He found out that he lived in a cave up the mountain, he could see the entrance to the cave from the very bottom so he went straight to it. On his way he was attacked by robbers and all his belongings were stolen. Without anything to defend himself with, he was also attacked by animals. When he reached the cave, he was that the master was already waiting for him. He was angry at the master but master decided to train him right there and then. He gave him a task of removing a chicken egg out of a bottle without breaking it. No tools were given and no hints. He couldn't even break the bottle because of the egg inside and he couldn't pull the egg out because the neck was too thin. He was left thinking about how to get it out. While he was thinking, the egg started to hatch! Out of the egg came a chick, he fed that chick until it grew and broke the bottle itself. He didn't even need to touch the bottle or do anything, the chick was strong enough to get out of the egg so it became strong enough to get out of the bottle, too. Master left a long time ago but he taught him a lesson anyway, he could have beat up the animals and the bandits and went to save the village himself, but that would mean going to every village as well. Don't know if this was useful but thanks for listening

 

I think the fourth option is possible. It will just take remembering but where he is now I think that will be too much for him all at once.

 

But if you still have some patience left, do the opposite

Make yourself grow and become a powerful influence over his life

Make his friends yours, take all their drugs away and take them to your side, you will become more powerful

Be even more close, be so close that he couldn't do drugs in front of you or steal, make him a good kid

 

You could just meditate to ignore him as he is now, he might destroy himself though

But if he survives he wont be in your life at all

 

^^^^^^

What do you mean by all that, it really confused me especially the doing the opposite and the last part. If you can expand and explain that it would greatly be appreciated. By the way sinfest, thanks a lot man your a gnarly dude . Thanks to everyone who's posting. Everything will be ok soon (:

[LaughingNumbSkull]

just broke his bong right now. For the meantime I'm going to completely cut him off meaning no more buying him food,giving him rides, nothing.

 

You're trying to control him by pissing him off? Gooooooooood tactics

 

You know you get a lot more bees with honey than you do vinegar?

 

I'm not a pothead, but why the hell would you break his bong? That's no way to control someone. In fact, you'll have a lot less control now because he'll probably smoke pot out of spite.

 

You are aware you can smoke that stuff from a pop can? You didn't do anything other than piss him off, and waste someone's money.

 

 

Especially if he bought that with his own money that was ridiculously stupid. If I were you, I would apologize and pay for the damage.

 

You aren't going to control him that way or with any of the other tactics you mentioned. Sorry, but you just aren't going to do it.

 

All you're going to do is make him hide that fact that he smokes pot, and probably destroy any friendship you have with him. It sounds like you had at least some kind of friendship with him if you were hanging with him and his friends.

 

I'd be a lot more worried if he gets into any 'harder' drugs. Now he sure as fuck isn't going to tell YOU about it. You've proven yourself unworthy of his trust, and his respect.

 

Respect is another way to control someone.

 

 

Here's how you control him:

 

 

Step #1 - Get less desperate to control him.

It's really screwing with your judgement. Breaking his bong was just not right. If you want to maintain control of him, I'd pay for it.

 

You said you smoked? Then why are you being such a hypocrit?

 

If you were a pothead how would you feel if someone who used to smoke pot got on their high horse and broke your bong? Even if you had some kind of epiphany. Don't expect others to conform that.

 

 

Step #2 - Steer him don't try to control.

Try to steer him in the desired direction instead of asserting total control over him. You'll get a lot better results. There's no way to fully control someone (Thank god).

 

I wouldn't try to control his pot habit. Especially if that's what he likes doing. It's really not that big of a deal. He has every right to enjoy it.

 

If he's being an asshole to your parents talk to him about that. Or if he's getting bad grades talk to him about that.

 

Weed isn't responsible for that that's his fault.

 

Step #3 Surrender to the fact that you have NO control over him.

It's not your responsibility to control him either. He's responsible for his own mistakes.

[JustARandomPanda]

What an interesting post.

 

Arab...

 

Start reading up on persuasion and human decision making.

 

You need to find out what research has discovered about effecting change both within ourselves and in others. It will show you your limits as well as potentials. It will show you how what you do can make a difference in what others think and do. You won't get this info from a message board. Not many people at Taobums bother to learn this kind of stuff simply because there's no burning drive to learn it. But if you really want to find out what scientific research has shown works and not just folk beliefs then you're going to have to buck up, dig in and learn. Really learn. Even by rote memorization if you have to.

 

See if you can find the following books at your local library or just buy them and study them closely.

 

 

Influence:Science and Practice (5th edition) by Robert B. Cialdini

 

The Psychology of Persuasion: How to Persuade Others to Your Way of Thinking by Kevin Hogan

 

The Science of Influence by Kevin Hogan

 

Covert Persuasion by Kevin Hogan

 

Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, et. al.

 

Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics and Marriage 3rd Edition by Paul Ekman Ph.D.

 

Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception by Pamela Meyer

 

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy F. Baummeister

 

The Science of Self Control by Howard Rachlin

 

Changing for Good by James O. Prochaska, et. al.

 

 

 

P.S. Breaking his bong was not a good tactic. It could well make things harder now if your goal is to persuade him to the benefits of your lifestyle vis-a-vis his (that is - after all - what you are truly trying to "sell" him on and so far you haven't found him buying it). All the breaking does is send the signal of your lack of self-control (which is preceded by a significant drop in blood glucose according to research). Displaying signs of lack of self-control is not a good way to persuade or get someone to "buy" into your way of thinking/living, etc. What they notice instead is that your words and deeds do not match up.

 

Again...I urge you to read up on this stuff. You need to know what you are up against if this is truly what you want to do. And make no mistake. You have set yourself up against a mountainous hurdle. If that were not so we'd all be mindless drones to marketers at every turn and no salesmen would be held to sales quotas by their employer. The good news is that it IS possible to influence and persuade people - *if* you know what you're doing. It won't deliver 100% results but it will give you a huge boost over the guy who knows jack sh** about what research has found out has the best chance of working.

 

If you get no others be sure to check out the 1st persuasion book on the list and the last book - Changing for Good - if you don't read any others. All books I've listed are based on rock solid research. Not Anthony Robbins style exhortions to "awaken the giant within" or Dr. Phil or Laura Schlesinger style preaching.

 

 

And last but not least I give you this last link. Seriously consider reading it for your own sake.

 

Emotional Awareness: Overcoming Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman Ph.D.

[Mal]

Everything will be ok soon (:

 

Yes, but it's very upsetting to see someone you love suffer. Unfortunately no helpful suggestions from me, as I too believe change only happens once they want to change. Seem to be a passage of time thing, as you mentioned "because I used to do the same"

 

Just remember to do your best to show that you love them, even if you don't like their current lifestyle choices.

 

Best wishes.

Edited December 24, 2011 by Mal Stainkey

[doc benway]

Unfortunately, we cannot change others.

It is difficult enough to even change ourselves.

All you can do is let him know how you feel, support your parents, and do nothing to facilitate or enable him.

I'm sorry you are suffering.

When the world is one way and we would like it to be a different way, we suffer.

If we can make room for "what is" in our heart, even knowing that it is not what we would like it to be, the suffering eases.

Good luck - you are a good and caring person.

[Seth Ananda]

What an interesting post.

 

Arab...

 

Start reading up on persuasion and human decision making.

 

You need to find out what research has discovered about effecting change both within ourselves and in others. It will show you your limits as well as potentials. It will show you how what you do can make a difference in what others think and do. You won't get this info from a message board. Not many people at Taobums bother to learn this kind of stuff simply because there's no burning drive to learn it. But if you really want to find out what scientific research has shown works and not just folk beliefs then you're going to have to buck up, dig in and learn. Really learn. Even by rote memorization if you have to.

 

See if you can find the following books at your local library or just buy them and study them closely.

 

 

Influence:Science and Practice (5th edition) by Robert B. Cialdini

 

The Psychology of Persuasion: How to Persuade Others to Your Way of Thinking by Kevin Hogan

 

The Science of Influence by Kevin Hogan

 

Covert Persuasion by Kevin Hogan

 

Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, et. al.

 

Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics and Marriage 3rd Edition by Paul Ekman Ph.D.

 

Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception by Pamela Meyer

 

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy F. Baummeister

 

The Science of Self Control by Howard Rachlin

 

Changing for Good by James O. Prochaska, et. al.

 

 

 

P.S. Breaking his bong was not a good tactic. It could well make things harder now if your goal is to persuade him to the benefits of your lifestyle vis-a-vis his (that is - after all - what you are truly trying to "sell" him on and so far you haven't found him buying it). All the breaking does is send the signal of your lack of self-control (which is preceded by a significant drop in blood glucose according to research). Displaying signs of lack of self-control is not a good way to persuade or get someone to "buy" into your way of thinking/living, etc. What they notice instead is that your words and deeds do not match up.

 

Again...I urge you to read up on this stuff. You need to know what you are up against if this is truly what you want to do. And make no mistake. You have set yourself up against a mountainous hurdle. If that were not so we'd all be mindless drones to marketers at every turn and no salesmen would be held to sales quotas by their employer. The good news is that it IS possible to influence and persuade people - *if* you know what you're doing. It won't deliver 100% results but it will give you a huge boost over the guy who knows jack sh** about what research has found out has the best chance of working.

 

If you get no others be sure to check out the 1st persuasion book on the list and the last book - Changing for Good - if you don't read any others. All books I've listed are based on rock solid research. Not Anthony Robbins style exhortions to "awaken the giant within" or Dr. Phil or Laura Schlesinger style preaching.

 

 

And last but not least I give you this last link. Seriously consider reading it for your own sake.

 

Emotional Awareness: Overcoming Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman Ph.D.

Thanks Serene. I am actually suprised that there are not more replys like this one.

I guess the Bums consider this the dark side?

But as you pointed out, we can change others, without them even knowing we are doing it.

 

Thats because we are Interactive Interdependent Interconnected beings. And we are much more fluid in our 'selves' than we realise.

We can never get away from the fact that we change and Influence each other all the time.

This makes learning to be conscious of the processes of Influence and Persuasion a crucial subject for understanding in my book. If we are going to Influence others why not be sure it is for the better?

 

 

 

As for your brother Arab, I would recommend that you build yourself a life that is so awesome that you become Inspiring to be around.

Most teen addicts have a bleak view of the future, and their substance/s give them the best feelings they think are available. so why would they want to stop or cut down? In their current state that would be crazy, Like choosing to have less fun and enjoy life less?

Buy him a new bong, find more expansive stoner circles or activities, but you yourself, demonstrate something even better that what he already has and keep the door open for when he begins to want it...

Edited December 24, 2011 by Seth Ananda

[Jetsun]

It might not be as big an issue as you assume, just about all of my friends smoked weed every day for a few years when they were teenagers, nearly all of them have gone on to become healthy fully functional adults, they grew out of the weed smoking and got bored of it after a few years.

 

It is possible to change people's habits by means like hypnosis but you are getting into severe manipulation territory which may well do more damage long term to your relationship with your brother. That sort of work is considered the dark side because you are overstepping another persons boundaries which I think in the end can only create a negative reaction in response because all of us know on some level when we have been violated by covert manipulation.

[Desert Eagle]

some thoughts... what does he want in life? what motivates him? work from there. look up timeline therapy and new code NLP, build awareness of our feelings and memories, which location in the body they are coming from and what path do they make? give them a shape and a temperature, a color then change those parameters. visualize the memory in a picture frame moving away from you then breaking or burning.

 

if fasting is an option then liquid fasting would have a stronger affect. the weed smoking can lead to hypotension, depression and other psycho problems.

Edited December 24, 2011 by Desert Eagle

[Aaron]

My own recomendation, as someone who has recovered from alcoholism, you can't do anything. Send him to rehab, but if he doesn't want to change, he wont. Lecture him, if he doesn't want to listen he wont. Really all you can hope for is that he suffers enough from it that he will willingly change. You trying to change him isn't going to do anything but distance yourself from him. You have to accept that he's doing things that you don't like and that, short of calling the police or forcing him into treatment, you can't do anything about it. Even then, as I said, if he doesn't want to change, he'll just do the same thing as he did when you sent him in.

 

On a personal note, I had a niece that was so sick she couldn't take care of her kids, lost them in fact, but still didn't quit. My family called the cops and they wouldn't do anything. I finally called the police department and talked to a detective, explained what was going on, that we knew if something wasn't done she'd end up dead, that detective went to the house, found that she broke the law, arrested her, and was assaulted by her during the arrest. My niece was sent to a state recovery facility and forced into treatment for six months. The officer that was assaulted by her, petitioned the court to be lenient, and they were. She was looking at spending 10 years in jail, but they let her out on probation. Since then she's been sober and clean, but she's still rebellious and hard to get along with. She didn't change simply because she stopped drinking. She takes care of her kids, still does stupid things, but I love and accept her for that, there's nothing else I can do.

 

So here's the fact, and you can listen to whatever anyone else says here, and that's fine, but I can tell you from years of working with alcoholics as a sponsor and visiting treatment centers, the only real way an alcoholic or drug addict will change is if they want to change. The best thing you can do for them is let them fall. In other words don't cover for him, and don't be his babysitter either. Also keep in mind he may not even be an alcoholic, (and if he's only bing drinking on the weekends, he probably isn't.) My brother was a heavy drug user as a teen and now he rarely drinks and doesn't touch the stuff. You have no way of knowing what the future holds, so don't think that he will always be like this or that things wont change, only do what you can for yourself and be there when he finally needs and WANTS the help.

 

As an aside, I know tons of teens and young adults (myself included) that smoked more pot than they can remember, but never ended up becoming addicted to it. It's just something that we did as young people. I sometimes wonder how I ever graduated college with the amount of weed I smoked on a daily basis.

 

That's my two cents.

 

Aaron

[Informer]

I think this is a good time for you to question exactly why you are feeling distress. Are you feeling distress because your brother is making you uncomfortable? Do you want him to change because it will make you feel better? Your initial answer is going to be a resounding "No" most likely, but I ask you to implore a little more deeply to as the reasoning and justification of the selfish nature lurking behind the self.

 

Your bro probably considers he has one life to live and wants to live it, therefore, your personal wants and desires for your own emotional well-being is deeming to outweigh your bros inherent power of choice. You are not attached to your brother, neither are your emotions controlled by him. Only you perceive it as "your" brother, rather then another human making choices that wouldn't coincide with your own. Relinquishing what say you have in another persons choice can be tough.

 

What I did that seemed to help my meth addicted brother was just continue to show him love and acceptance and disdain for the drug. Also when we did hang out I would show him cause effect examples of meth use, and tell him bad it hurts his body and brain. Although I tried not to nag him about it.

 

I disagree with your ascertain of marijuana.

[Informer]

Compare and contrast how things before and after, how those things make you feel and why they made you feel that way.

 

For your bro you could also compare and contrast how he has changed as well. You get to have an opinion, but you don't get to make the choice Like my bro's memory was going to shit, and he kept losing and misplacing shit, so I brought that up as well. But he was blaming people for stealing it too, lol.

 

I think the most you can really do is to help him make an informed decision.

Edited December 24, 2011 by Informer

[michael245]

I think drinking beer and smoking weed is healthy.I'm always high too and my life is perfectly fine.At least your brother isnt a cocaine addict,i use to be a cocaine addict and my life was horrible.

[C T]

I think drinking beer and smoking weed is healthy.I'm always high too and my life is perfectly fine.At least your brother isnt a cocaine addict,i use to be a cocaine addict and my life was horrible.

If i was always high i would more than likely think that my life is perfectly fine too.

[AЯAB]

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply. I have taken all of your thoughts and opinions into consideration. I would love to reply to all of you but I don't have the time. As for the ones who say I wronged him by breaking his bong and I should a buy a new one for him, there's a reason I broke it in the first place(he doesn't care he already forgot about it). I've been seeing this stuff happen for a while now but it's just when my parents get into, the part of me that accepts how my brother is gets turned off. I get pissed cause I see the situation from their perspective so I come to a place like this and try to see if I can get help. I understand I can't change him, thank you.

 

 

What an interesting post.

 

Arab...

 

Start reading up on persuasion and human decision making.

 

You need to find out what research has discovered about effecting change both within ourselves and in others. It will show you your limits as well as potentials. It will show you how what you do can make a difference in what others think and do. You won't get this info from a message board. Not many people at Taobums bother to learn this kind of stuff simply because there's no burning drive to learn it. But if you really want to find out what scientific research has shown works and not just folk beliefs then you're going to have to buck up, dig in and learn. Really learn. Even by rote memorization if you have to.

 

See if you can find the following books at your local library or just buy them and study them closely.

 

 

Influence:Science and Practice (5th edition) by Robert B. Cialdini

 

The Psychology of Persuasion: How to Persuade Others to Your Way of Thinking by Kevin Hogan

 

The Science of Influence by Kevin Hogan

 

Covert Persuasion by Kevin Hogan

 

Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, et. al.

 

Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics and Marriage 3rd Edition by Paul Ekman Ph.D.

 

Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception by Pamela Meyer

 

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy F. Baummeister

 

The Science of Self Control by Howard Rachlin

 

Changing for Good by James O. Prochaska, et. al.

 

 

 

P.S. Breaking his bong was not a good tactic. It could well make things harder now if your goal is to persuade him to the benefits of your lifestyle vis-a-vis his (that is - after all - what you are truly trying to "sell" him on and so far you haven't found him buying it). All the breaking does is send the signal of your lack of self-control (which is preceded by a significant drop in blood glucose according to research). Displaying signs of lack of self-control is not a good way to persuade or get someone to "buy" into your way of thinking/living, etc. What they notice instead is that your words and deeds do not match up.

 

Again...I urge you to read up on this stuff. You need to know what you are up against if this is truly what you want to do. And make no mistake. You have set yourself up against a mountainous hurdle. If that were not so we'd all be mindless drones to marketers at every turn and no salesmen would be held to sales quotas by their employer. The good news is that it IS possible to influence and persuade people - *if* you know what you're doing. It won't deliver 100% results but it will give you a huge boost over the guy who knows jack sh** about what research has found out has the best chance of working.

 

If you get no others be sure to check out the 1st persuasion book on the list and the last book - Changing for Good - if you don't read any others. All books I've listed are based on rock solid research. Not Anthony Robbins style exhortions to "awaken the giant within" or Dr. Phil or Laura Schlesinger style preaching.

 

 

And last but not least I give you this last link. Seriously consider reading it for your own sake.

 

Emotional Awareness: Overcoming Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman Ph.D.

 

Thank you for that. I went to the library yesterday and picked up 4 books. I love reading so this will keep my mind off things for a while too, thank you for that. The only book you suggested available at my library was:

Emotional Awareness: Overcoming Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman Ph.D. The rest of the books are sort of in the same line as what you suggested but with different titles. Books to learn the art of persuasion and such, even if it doesn't work for my brother I'm sure it will still be good information to have for the future. Thank you.

[Mal]

Books to learn the art of persuasion and such, even if it doesn't work for my brother I'm sure it will still be good information to have for the future. Thank you.

 

Well then, I have 3 letters for you

NLP

for learning the art of persuasion is immensely useful

[joeblast]

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply. I have taken all of your thoughts and opinions into consideration. I would love to reply to all of you but I don't have the time. As for the ones who say I wronged him by breaking his bong and I should a buy a new one for him, there's a reason I broke it in the first place(he doesn't care he already forgot about it). I've been seeing this stuff happen for a while now but it's just when my parents get into, the part of me that accepts how my brother is gets turned off. I get pissed cause I see the situation from their perspective so I come to a place like this and try to see if I can get help. I understand I can't change him, thank you.

Well, dont lie for him to your parents. He's got to realize that what he thinks are enhancements are actually attachments, but he'll do that on his own time. You can be loving and supportive without being a crutch or a nag, but its a fine line - and the more you are attached to the outcome, the more it will bother you...same goes with your attachment for seeing your parents happy with him. That's not to endorse a callous approach, but calling something as it is can be helpful in its own regard.

[Vmarco]

Edited December 27, 2011 by Vmarco

[JustARandomPanda]

Well then, I have 3 letters for you

NLP

for learning the art of persuasion is immensely useful

 

NLP is Pseudo-Science. Check here , here and especially here.

 

Of particular interest is the following research regarding NLP used on people with an alcohol or drug habit.

 

 

Excerpt:

 

According to Witkowski (2010), NLP also appears on “the list of discredited therapies” published in the journal of Professional Psychology: Research and Practice. With reference to work by Carroll (2003), Della Sala (1999), Lilienfeld et al. (2003) and Singer and Lalich (1996) on “pseudoscientific, unvalidated, or “quack” psychotherapies” within clinical psychology, Norcross et al. included NLP for treatment of mental/behaviour disorders in a^[18] survey of the opinions of psychologists who rated NLP between possibly discredited and probably discredited, a rating similar to dolphin assisted therapy, equine therapy, psychosynthesis, scared straight programs, and emotional freedom technique (EFT). Norcross et al. in their Clinician's Guide to Evidence-based Practices^[19] listed “neurolinguistic programming for drug and alcohol dependence” seventh out of their list of the ten most discredited drugs and alcohol interventions, and it is listed as “certainly discredited” in Evidence-based practices in addiction treatment: review and recommendations for public policy (Fala et al. 2008 as cited by Glasner-Edwards and Rawson, 2010).

 

Putting into practice Robert Cialdini's book is much simpler.