What do you dislike about yourself?

[Birch]

I hate that I spill my guts and share my innermost thoughts on an internet forum with people I don't know and that I don't want to do it with people I do.

 

I dislike that I appease rather than confront when confronting is obviously required

 

I hate being unsatisfied with whatever I am and have to go digging for 'the unconscious' and the unseen and the unknown on a pretty regular basis. Ok, it's like watching TV. Got to have a hobby:-)

 

I hate that I have to be stronger than other people, because I'm not.

 

I hate that I hate(d) all these things about me. Now, not so much. These days it's more facepalm.

 

I disagree that hating terrible things in others means I am those things too. That would mean I have the potential to kill you but I just don't want to/don't have the guts do it. Both are correct.

 

Feelings rule me. I haven't worked out if I hate that or not. I don't think it's a very good idea.

[Encephalon]

I hate that I spill my guts and share my innermost thoughts on an internet forum with people I don't know and that I don't want to do it with people I do.

 

I dislike that I appease rather than confront when confronting is obviously required

 

I hate being unsatisfied with whatever I am and have to go digging for 'the unconscious' and the unseen and the unknown on a pretty regular basis. Ok, it's like watching TV. Got to have a hobby:-)

 

I hate that I have to be stronger than other people, because I'm not.

 

I hate that I hate(d) all these things about me. Now, not so much. These days it's more facepalm.

 

I disagree that hating terrible things in others means I am those things too. That would mean I have the potential to kill you but I just don't want to/don't have the guts do it. Both are correct.

 

Feelings rule me. I haven't worked out if I hate that or not. I don't think it's a very good idea.

 

I've alway found you to be eminently rational, honest, and insightful.

Stay away from me!

 

Just kidding.

[Protector]

Actually I am perfect in every way

 

[Birch]

I've alway found you to be eminently rational, honest, and insightful.

Stay away from me!

 

Just kidding.

 

Clue you in about 'rationality' some ;-p?

[Encephalon]

Clue you in about 'rationality' some ;-p?

 

Maybe not your feelings and behaviors, which are invisible to us in Netland, but your ideas that you post have usually been rational and fairminded.

Ohmygodyersohotletmekissyou!

[Birch]

Ur, thanks :-) Very flattering. Ok, now read my mind. Seriously. I'm not kidding.

 

---send----

[Encephalon]

Ur, thanks :-) Very flattering. Ok, now read my mind. Seriously. I'm not kidding.

 

---send----

 

umkay... replace the cooking wine and add more garlic and and chili powder to the chicken creole that I'm fixing for dinner?

 

Or, yer thinkin' that I've overestimated yer sanity or benevolence?

[Birch]

That would be it!

[Encephalon]

That would be it!

I thought as much.

[Encephalon]

Although I detest passive aggressiveness in others, I do admittingly find it hard to be as direct with people as I should. I'm paranoid that since I've had a history of aspergers syndrome and not relating to most people in either beliefs or interests, being direct will result in multiple people turning against me.

 

I also have a hard time commiting to a regular schedule, it's like my subconscious rebels at the very notion. I'm starting to wonder if a way around that is to tell myself "I WILL waste my entire day!!" and see if my subconscious rebels at that and makes me train harder instead.

 

I can totally relate. "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play" by Neil Fiore helped me immeasurably with this. You pencil in all the daily stuff you need to do for yourself (meditation, exercise, sleep, etc.) and then commit to 30 minutes of intensely focused work. Basically, you get so productive that 30 min turns into a lot more, willingly. Here's the perfect summary in pdf - http://www.hashref.com/summaries/TheNowHabit.pdf

 

http://litemind.com/the-now-habit/

Edited January 5, 2012 by Encephalon

[Jetsun]

I hate many things about myself, my laziness, my lack of direction, my egotism, my cowardice, my inability to stick up for myself when required but then get over defensive when it's not required, but most of all I hate hating myself and self loathing and wish I could have more self compassion, but that just puts me into a never-ending insanity loop.

[Marblehead]

I hate many things about myself, my laziness, my lack of direction, my egotism, my cowardice, my inability to stick up for myself when required but then get over defensive when it's not required, but most of all I hate hating myself and self loathing and wish I could have more self compassion, but that just puts me into a never-ending insanity loop.

 

I can't speak of love and hate today as I am partaking of the 24 hour test of interacting on this forum without making value judgements.

 

But I can say this: from what I have heard from you on this forum I picture a person who would be nice to know in the 'real' world. I have never seen any of those thing you spoke of yourself here on this forum. Perhaps you could live your 'real' life the way you live your life on this forum?

[Jetsun]

I can't speak of love and hate today as I am partaking of the 24 hour test of interacting on this forum without making value judgements.

 

But I can say this: from what I have heard from you on this forum I picture a person who would be nice to know in the 'real' world. I have never seen any of those thing you spoke of yourself here on this forum. Perhaps you could live your 'real' life the way you live your life on this forum?

 

Thank you Marblehead, it would be nice to meet you too. I tend to find forums a lot easier to communicate as I have time to reflect and respond whereas in the real world interaction happens so fast that I often walk away thinking I didnt represent or communicate myself very well wishing I had said or done this or that. Then I wonder which is the more 'real' the person who has to react to the situation instantly or the person online who can reflect and sensor my thoughts as I wish. I guess both are just images not worth taking too seriously

[Marblehead]

I guess both are just images not worth taking too seriously

 

Hehehe. I think you've got it!!!

[Mokona]

I'm currently overweight 6'2" 216Lbs. For the past two weeks i've been working out hardcore, I have a goal to lose 51 lbs, 10 lbs a month.

 

I'm doing "Foundations" Lifting, and cardio everyweek, excersising 5-6 times a week.

 

 

 

Also, my mind attacks itself. It will simply come up with an angry, or very sad scenerio, and I start to feel the emotions, even though these scenerio's can be ridiculous.

 

I meditate and do Qi Gong(KAP1), and do the Secret Smile, but my new excersise schedule has me exhuasted so i've missed a few days of meditation and qigong becuase I go to bed and sleep to my next morning, normally asleep by 8PM awake by 0415AM.

 

I don't know how to stop my mind from attempting to make me feel negetive. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas. These scenerios are totally made up

 

- Example: I can be driving down the road, and my mind superimposes me crashing, then my family mourning. I then feel sad.

[johndoe2012]

I don't know how to stop my mind from attempting to make me feel negetive. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas. These scenerios are totally made up

 

I sometimes have unpleasant images come from nowhere, although it doesn't happen that frequently anymore.

 

All I can say is that qigong and meditation helps. I think it especially helps if you can do sitting meditation until it gets very uncomfortable. That was about 1 hour for me in the beginning.

 

I did a 10-day vipassana retreat (Goenka) that helped burn a lot of this stuff away.

[Birch]

I hate many things about myself, my laziness, my lack of direction, my egotism, my cowardice, my inability to stick up for myself when required but then get over defensive when it's not required, but most of all I hate hating myself and self loathing and wish I could have more self compassion, but that just puts me into a never-ending insanity loop.

 

I don't hate you one bit. But I know it doesn't help with what you're talking about. Pretend to be your friend who doesn't hate you for a while and see how it goes?

[Jetsun]

I don't hate you one bit. But I know it doesn't help with what you're talking about. Pretend to be your friend who doesn't hate you for a while and see how it goes?

 

Thanks K, through spiritual practice I have been able to separate things out a bit so I can sometimes see that it is not "me" who thinks with self hatred rather there is a part of me or a part of my mind which does, but because I can observe it then it can't be me, and when there is no identity involved it looses it's power a bit so it is just like observing a bad habit rather than something which defines who I am as a person. These bad habits are very deeply entrenched though and are incredibly hard to break permanently as they always resurface and try to claim your life and identity for their own.

[Enishi]

I can totally relate. "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play" by Neil Fiore helped me immeasurably with this. You pencil in all the daily stuff you need to do for yourself (meditation, exercise, sleep, etc.) and then commit to 30 minutes of intensely focused work. Basically, you get so productive that 30 min turns into a lot more, willingly. Here's the perfect summary in pdf - http://www.hashref.com/summaries/TheNowHabit.pdf

 

http://litemind.com/the-now-habit/

 

Thanks for the advice. I will check those links out.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Enishi

[Astral_Anima]

Acceptance vs repression. I wonder... If you want to change a pattern you must admit you have the problem or else in your mind there's nothing to change, thus the acceptance. But acceptance via complacency (i.e. "I'm only human") never does anything to change the problem. Repression in terms of ignoring the issue can sometime work rather well. I remember in my "battle" to become celibate for MCO training, distractions and short bursts of anger and pride were my best friends. After a long enough time of ignoring the issue the desire went away.

 

Regardless what you don't like in yourself you can always change it. Acceptance, imo, should go no further than recognizing what it is you want to change. You don't have to say it's a part of "you", because you determine what you are.

 

just sum thoughts atm. I've used repression successfully and there are other things i've tried to repress that didn't work so well, lol, I think it takes an understanding of what you're "fighting" or trying to change.

 

-Astral

[skydog]

"Only work will diminish your anxiety"

 

Good, logical tip!

 

I agree, you had a compassionate intention encaphelon, but the point isnt neccessarily to change or kill your demons but to feed and accept them, sometimes anger helps, sometimes selfishness is good, sometimes jealousy is good.etc

 

Love all parts of yourself, then IF you feel like it work on improvement

[Jetsun]

Quite often trying to get rid of your demons or change your faults just strengthens them and makes them worse because subconsciously all you are doing is focusing on them which feeds them energy.

 

But ice cream can help

[Tom Lin]

Quite often trying to get rid of your demons or change your faults just strengthens them and makes them worse because subconsciously all you are doing is focusing on them which feeds them energy.

 

But ice cream can help

 

 

What would you say about making positive changes to replace those "demons"?

[effilang]

What I like to feed my demons --

 

 

A heart attack on a plate?

[Marblehead]

Okay, I made it through the day without making any value judgements here on the forum.

 

Back to being myself. Hehehe.

 

Love and hate. Two emotions very much attached to our ego. In fact, I think that these two emotions, when expreienced, tell us more about ourself than it tells us about that which the emotions are being applied to.

 

To love or hate ourself is nothing less than an ego trip, positive or negative.

 

If we are able to get beyond the emotions of love and hate I think we will be able to live a much fuller life.