Can you right a wrong?

[skydog]

I know Ive been mean and hurtful to people in the past and will probably continue to be, but how can I try and make sure I heal the pain, that I may have been somewhat responsible in causing, eg insulting brother when younger, insulting parents during an argument? Is this just needless suffering?

[NeiChuan]

I know Ive been mean and hurtful to people in the past and will probably continue to be, but how can I try and make sure I heal the pain, that I may have been somewhat responsible in causing, eg insulting brother when younger, insulting parents during an argument? Is this just needless suffering?

 

Personally, I never look at it as "what can I do to redeem myself, how much, to these people" ect. Because I myself have no say of just how much I hurt someone, or whether or not they're till this day in pain.

 

I believe the best thing to do is be better for the now, and the future. Prop yourself up to do good. This way your worked on personality, and things you've done for good in general in your mind will be concrete. It's not about how much you do, it's whether or not you do it. Also what your intentions for doing things are. I also believe if they are only for reward, or out of fear of punishment, the deed you've done is irrelevant.

 

In the same way clearing up a debt would be. In the sense you now don't have to worry about it, which could be seen as a reward. It may seem harsh, but it's my viewpoint.

Edited January 4, 2012 by NeiChuan

[skydog]

Personally, I never look at it as "what can I do to redeem myself, how much, to these people" ect. Because I myself have no say of just how much I hurt someone, or whether or not they're till this day in pain.

 

I believe the best thing to do is be better for the now, and the future. Prop yourself up to do good. This way your worked on personality, and things you've done for good in general in your mind will be concrete. It's not about how much you do, it's whether or not you do it. Also what your intentions for doing things are. I also believe if they are only for reward, or out of fear of punishment, the deed you've done is irrelevant.

 

In the same way clearing up a debt would be. In the sense you now don't have to worry about it, which could be seen as a reward. It may seem harsh, but it's my viewpoint.

 

I agree with you that often people try to do good, just for the reward or for the fear of punishment, which is why I was very unsure about absolute moralism for a long time, however its more of a feeling of being just like or connected to the other person and feeling bad about my actions.

[NeiChuan]

I agree with you that often people try to do good, just for the reward or for the fear of punishment, which is why I was very unsure about absolute moralism for a long time, however its more of a feeling of being just like or connected to the other person and feeling bad about my actions.

 

Ah, I honestly believe the only way to get over it. Is to think about the best way you can function to help people, is if you work with yourself at your best.

 

Instead of heart broken/depressed over previous actions. Otherwise hindered.

[Jetsun]

If you can maintain awareness of how your ego causes you and others suffering that can give you the motivation to maintain practice, and if that practice leads to you becoming more compassionate in the world then something good has come out of the suffering you may have caused.

Edited January 4, 2012 by Jetsun

[suninmyeyes]

Youve got two same threads going .

I posted this in the other:

I find that what has happened has happened , no need to go over it again and again.

What is important is that the pain from the past does not gain power to act in the present and is not perpetuted or metamorphosised , but healed.

Healing pain wherther emotional,mental,physical or spiritual is not needles ,it is very real and of utmost importance for the individual and the enviroment. Recgonosing our actions and acting from the place of understanding and not from the place of pain. Mental/emotional soberity of each person is the way to change the world into a better place at its roots, litle by little.

[C T]

Someone once asked the Buddha if he could reach the end of the world by walking. Having taught that the world exists as this fathom-long body of ours, within which contains the world we are born into, the world we experience, the world we know in consciousness and re-lived over and over in our dreams, this is the world we cling to even as the painful and impersonal forms and other aggregates go on shifting and altering, He answers the questioner in this way:

 

"The end of the world can never be reached by walking. However, without having reach the world's end, there will be no release from suffering. I declare that it is in this fathom-long body, with its perceptions and thoughts, and all other aggregates, that there is the world, the origin of the world, the cessation of the world, and the path leading to the cessation of the world."

The Buddha experienced, in His enlightenment, this exact cessation... not the world as it exists outside, but the myriad forms as impressed upon Him of what the world is, inside.

 

By directing the mind to cease being disturbed by projections, thoughts, emotions, feelings, speech and actions, which is how we give rise to our idea of our individual world, basically what happens is we will have removed the causes which could bring further generations of influence by harmful cravings and aversions, arising in the forms of anger, greed and desires, jealousy, neurotic tendencies, delusion, ignorance and so on. All this can be classified as 'dukkha', or dissatisfaction, expressed sometimes as gross suffering, sometimes by not having quite what we hope for, not being content with what we have, constantly being agitated and removed from returning calmly to the present moment.

 

Illumination can only occur when the mind can be led to calmness, which is why at the core of Buddhist insight and awakening lies the practice of meditation. With correct meditation, we can learn to mindfully and systematically reevaluate the attitude and values with which we carry with us as each moment unfolds, as we view the world the way it arises in our bodies, in our thoughts, in our words, and in our actions. What other worlds exist other than what is arising within these doors of perception?

 

By this recognition, we can move into the reality of knowing how to act in accordance with what we know to be right perceptions, versus harmful ones. We can bring awareness from the time we wake in the morning, as we prepare to leave the house to wherever we are going, when we interact with people and the environment outside, to the time we return home, in each breath... yes, we can create this mindful awareness thru practice, which is why there is so much emphasis on habituating the correct practices. As we slowly transform the mind this way, we begin to value ourselves and the moments we have, expressed by each and every breath we take... deeply inhaling, and mindfully exhaling... in this way, we can constantly keep tabs on remaining present as much as our practice has allowed.

 

When we can remain mindful at each juncture when the mind stretches and seeps into the past, or the future, as it tends to do, we can experience a growing stability to be able to control its wanderings and gently guiding it back to rest in the calm center of our being where the present moment resides, and from which rejuvenating life energies blossom.

 

By being attentive to the breath, the senses will follow where your attention is directed. Gradually, the mind and the heart will converge into a sort of blissful and harmonious union, and there, in the field of the senses a new 'world' awaits - one where you are no longer the victim, and one where all the fetters borne of fear and imaginings will have lost their grip, replaced by an exquisite garden where you can go at anytime to find strength, replenishment, nourishment of spirit, and light.

 

Hope you can pick some flowers too, when you so desire.

Edited January 4, 2012 by C T

[Apech]

*** Mod Message ***

 

I merged the two topics with the same title and OP as both had responses.

 

*** Mod Message End ***

[Aaron]

Hmm... if you ask me from my own personal experience, then yes it is possible to right a wrong, but in doing so, ask yourself why you wish to right that wrong? In most cases you do so out of guilt or because you fear the long term consequences of that action. Either of these is a fine reason to right a wrong. Now my own personal belief is that I need to make amends when I harm someone, intentionally or unintentionally. I seek out that person and do what I can to right it. I may go to them and tell them that I am sorry, but when I do, I don't ask for forgiveness, but rather leave it to the person I've wronged to forgive me. Also sometimes the best thing you can do when you've wronged someone is to let it go, because doing something may only make it worse. Also be sure that you've done something wrong, before you actually try to make amends for it.

 

An example, your friend tells you that he cheated on his wife five years ago? His wife doesn't know this, nor has he any intention of telling her. The two of them have three children together, but have recently began having marriage troubles, which are mostly due to fact that the man's a general ass. You know if you tell her that this happened, that it will be the end of the marriage. Do you tell the woman and give her a reason to leave the marriage, or do you stay out of it and let the relationship play out on its own? If you do tell her, what are your true motivations for doing so? Is really completely altruistic or could you be doing so because you dislike your friend's actions?

 

That's the problem with amends, is that they aren't always black and white and if you fail to look at the consequences of making the amends, you could be making amends that actually cause more harm to the people involved. And of course sometimes it's not your place to make amends, especially if you've done something by omission.

 

The most important thing about making an amends is to not do the same thing again, or that amends is really meaningless. Also sometimes the best amends you can make is simply changing your behavior towards a person, making sure they know you aren't the same person that did those things years ago. This is often called a living amends and in my opinion is the best type of amends.

 

Aaron

Edited January 4, 2012 by Twinner

[三江源]

I know Ive been mean and hurtful to people in the past and will probably continue to be, but how can I try and make sure I heal the pain, that I may have been somewhat responsible in causing, eg insulting brother when younger, insulting parents during an argument? Is this just needless suffering?

 

How can you heal your pain, from having inflicted pain?

 

Or How can you heal their pain?

 

Or both!

 

 

You can apologise to them either verbally and /or energetically and send love and intend to act differently from thenceforward.

 

You can apologise to yourself for being less than your best self and give yourself love.

 

Apologise with your intent, whilst focused on the person internally. In other words, apologise on the subtle level.

 

What is an apology, actually? it is an acknowledgment, a validation, a gift of seeing the other and their value, it's respect and generosity and at the same time it is a acknowledgment of your own action being seen by you and taken full responsibility for you, it is a statement of intent to retract the negative energy you threw at someone else, so that they dont have to carry it. Take the pain and negativity out of the situation and vent it into nature with intent to set it free.

 

It's an energetic clearing.

 

All this can be done effectively and quickly. In short, be creative around negative energy, dont let it linger.

 

It's a great question.

 

What is difficult is when we are negative and hurtful and cant get out of the mindset or break the pattern. It sounds as though you are not in that place, which is great.

 

BTW I think it helpful to look at what we are doing when we insult people. From my point of view I am trying to create space for myself when I do it, it comes from feeling unseen/unheard and yet not let alone, and crowded into that corner. Its a repudiating move. Maybe you want to look at preemptively making sure you have space for yourself, and that you are communicating in a productive way that keeps you from needing to use insult.

 

Good Luck with it.