hagar Posted October 23, 2006 I've been through some ethical and practical dilemmas lately that surrounds the topic of honesty. Some that life's goal is honesty, and being spontaneously honest is a sign of integrating practice in everyday life. Others hold a view that prudence and tact is the best way to avoid conflict at the cost of peace and serenity, and staying out of trouble. In my own experience, there's honesty and there's honesty. How does it feel to tell a white lie? Does it damage our integrity? I've had some very humbling experiences with trying to be diplomatic but seeing it backfire, and some very tough consequences of talking straight from the gut. In any case, honesty has very much to do with being centered. It truly has been one of my life's big challenges: Being afraid of hurting someone else's feelings or, at the other side of the spectrum, being honest towards myself. What's the Taobum consesus on the matter? h Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ian Posted October 23, 2006 Just of the top of my head... I think it is possible to be acutely honest in describing your own experience without hurting anyone. Because if you do that right you can show that no-one else is responsible for your experience and so they cannot reasonably be offended. I think if you try to be honest about anything else you don't have access to enough truth for honesty to exist. Then it goes wrong. Does that help? I doubt it.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine Posted October 23, 2006 This is a tough topic... From experience I try not to give my honest opinions too much... better keep silent UNTIL it is about life-saving aspects... then be honest however the result might be... sometimes total honesty hurts people... if you are honest because the circumstance makes it necessary without the intent ot hurt the other the only hurt that is done to them is what they inflict upon themselves... besides: what do you girls and guys think about cheating in exams etc. with Smiles Harry Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeform Posted October 23, 2006 There's a few things to consider... There is being honest when asked or required then there's giving your honest oppinion whether asked or not (also known as pushing your 'truth' onto someone)... then there is the 'the little white lie' where you lie when asked for your oppinion, and finally telling a white lie when not asked. I was listening to David Deida last night and he talked about the 3 stages of relationship - 1: selfish/dependant - this is where you're dependent on the other person but how you go through life is a function of what you want. 2: co-operative/independent - this is where both individuals are independent and make compromises that allow for the greatest balance between the needs of the two. 3: true love - this is where you orient your life in a way that neither serves 'what you want' or 'what we want' but what would bring the greatest amount of Love to this moment. Something greater than you/your needs is leading you. Obviously he suggests that the 3rd stage is the one to aim for. So honesty or lies can either serve 1) you, 2) both you and your partner (or other person) and 3) True Love. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wayfarer64 Posted October 23, 2006 (edited) This is a great thread to ponder. I appreciate the delemma here. I will try a look at this from three levels: Kharma, Artha and Dharma. On the Kharmic level of everyday life, I've seen a lot of dishonesty amongst people. I find the best policy is to remain mute on many subjects that do not truly concern me. If pressed, I will form my answer as only my oppinion and stay very close to the truth of that as I can. If it is something I have thought little about , that in itself may hurt others feelings; if it is of deep concern to them and they expect me to have been involved in the topic! What to wear has been such a topic for me with girlfriends and friends. I am expected to be "up on" such matters as a New Yorker in the art/music scenes...But in fact I have little interest in fashion. I find it vain and vapid. As I do the manic interest in sports from grown men, who know more about their local teams then their local politicians. My oppinions on these matters offends many people. So I stay "up on" both topics just enough to appear involved. This is not strictly honest, as I am covering up a lack of concern with feigned concern. But it is truly harmless, and saves me from seeming too excentric. I may also qualify my answers with the possibility that my oppinion may change if given more data. "At this time" is a phrase which saves feelings from being hurt. The option of having opinions changed gives heart. In important matters that concern me I tell the absolute truth as well as I can express it, allowing for a difference of opinion. But I generally stick to my guns as it were. As an artist and art dealer I am often asked to give my opinions on matters of taste and form. I remind those asking how subjective a response will be. I then try to frame my answer in terms of content and historical perspective if I do not "like" the object or position being discussed. This not to obfuscate, but to put the question into a context that is not personal. Otherwise I am enthusiastic and open. On the Artha level -politics and biz and other "real world" concerns, I am forthright as the day is long. I am a political activist and fight power with truth. I need to be as close to truthful as I know what that truth to be. I Know not all truth can be known or even understood when known, but in expressing myself - I tell it just as I see it. In my business practices, I also try to offer the best deal possible to people I am selling to, while realizing profits must be made by those I buy from. In the Dharma there is only truth. Things are clear and all is right with the world. When I am aware and in the moment I can hear the ring of truth from the hollow thud of lies. With my own introspection there can only be the search for truth. Any obfuscation is counter-productive and harmful to my deeper sense of being an evolving kinda guy... I've been smitten with the word -truthiness - recently coined by Stephen Colbert, concening political speech. It would seem that such quasi-truth is what we get much of the time... Namaste Edited October 23, 2006 by Wayfarer64 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hagar Posted October 27, 2006 Hi again Apologize for not aswering back. Been insanely busy changing diapers and applying for jobs. Thank you all for thoughtful feedback. As I read the replies I get the feeling that there are many types of honesty and many ways of expressing it. In reply to you all, I have another question. What is the difference between inner and outer sincerity, or honesty for that matter? I find myself caught in not being completely honest almost daily (and especially when sitting at a job interview.) But there is a possibility of keeping a form of inner sincerity still. I do not think that in a pragmatic life-situation there is any real possibility of complete honesty. And truth in "real life" is never apparent, only indicated. But I ponder if Ian's reply points to that in close relationships, a way of being outwardly honest and internally sincere is possible. But the whole issue of honesty boils down to the situations where you have something to lose. Maybe total honesty is connected with moving beyond fear? In closing, I do feel that DIS honesty has subtle but powerful energetic aspects. It feels like there is a part of my heart. my TE that is actually damaged, and needs repair. h Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
