observations of elderly during serious illness

[ghera]

I have a relative who has become quite ill and may be dying. I have noticed the following:

 

1. Daily, the person reports that dead relatives are visiting.

2. There is extreme vascillation between being very kind and very irascible and hurtful. It is almost as if there are two sides or personalities fighting for inhabitance.

3. Yesterday, during one of the hateful episodes, the person took my daughter's hand and rubbed it in an odd way that she later said made her feel uncomfortable.

 

Thoughts?

[Aetherous]

I would suggest not attaching meaning to the fluctuations of the mind (your ill relative's, as well as your own).

 

Each moment is new, and not necessarily tied down by the happenings of the previous one. For instance, if a dead person was seen by your relative, just forget about it...move on with your life and just shrug your shoulders. What is there to know about that? Nothing useful or conclusive. It's like heroin for the mind (pleasurable yet incredibly destructive).

 

Instead, notice what's enjoyable right now...maybe sip some tea, listen to music you like, notice the beauty of the sky, remember how awesome it is to be alive, etc. There is almost always something enjoyable to focus on, even in the midst of unpleasant situations.

 

If you attach to a certain story or explanation about what has been happening with your ill relative, it will affect your life...and I can't imagine any stories being positive or beneficial, in this case.

 

The mind will probably babble on, and try to come up with explanations, even if you truly believe that it's not useful and attempt to shut it up. Oh well, that's what the mind does...it's not a bad thing.

 

But it's good to know that it's not real.

Edited February 11, 2012 by Scotty

[mYTHmAKER]

If there are drugs/medicine involved it may be affecting your relatives behavior.

[joeblast]

I have a relative who has become quite ill and may be dying. I have noticed the following:

 

1. Daily, the person reports that dead relatives are visiting.

2. There is extreme vascillation between being very kind and very irascible and hurtful. It is almost as if there are two sides or personalities fighting for inhabitance.

3. Yesterday, during one of the hateful episodes, the person took my daughter's hand and rubbed it in an odd way that she later said made her feel uncomfortable.

 

Thoughts?

before my grandfather passed away a few years ago there were times he was a bit irritable - if someone is very ill then it consumes a lot of energy just trying to keep one's center. he was the most gracious gentleman, always nice and respectful - but sometimes his fuse was a little short whereas when he was normal you'd never hear a complaint out of him. even something relatively stupid like my aunt with huntington's tapping her feet driving him crazy - he was even trying to kahn my brother into bringing him a hacksaw so he could cut the metal bedpost so it could be welded straight instead of the terrible job the person did on it...and cripes, these people here cant even get the ceiling set up straight, look at where they messed up those tiles...

[Jetsun]

The advice given in 'The Tibetan book of Living and Dying' by Sogyal Rimpoche says that it is normal for people to cycle through all sorts of emotions, even things like rage and jealousy towards people they love when they are on their death bed as they are trying to process the fact they are going to die. Sogyal Rinpoche says you should just be present and allow whatever happens to happen trying not to judge, do not preach or try to change anything, just try to be calm and open.

[Vmarco]

I would suggest not attaching meaning to the fluctuations of the mind (your ill relative's, as well as your own).

 

Each moment is new, and not necessarily tied down by the happenings of the previous one. For instance, if a dead person was seen by your relative, just forget about it...move on with your life and just shrug your shoulders. What is there to know about that? Nothing useful or conclusive. It's like heroin for the mind (pleasurable yet incredibly destructive).

 

Instead, notice what's enjoyable right now...maybe sip some tea, listen to music you like, notice the beauty of the sky, remember how awesome it is to be alive, etc. There is almost always something enjoyable to focus on, even in the midst of unpleasant situations.

 

If you attach to a certain story or explanation about what has been happening with your ill relative, it will affect your life...and I can't imagine any stories being positive or beneficial, in this case.

 

The mind will probably babble on, and try to come up with explanations, even if you truly believe that it's not useful and attempt to shut it up. Oh well, that's what the mind does...it's not a bad thing.

 

But it's good to know that it's not real.

 

Very appreciative advice. No one in my family currently has a serious illness, or feel that death is imminent,...however, I feel drawn to the idea of working with the dying, from the supposition that some may be open to a deep level of honesty,...going beyond the 6 senses.

 

Of course, the religiously inclined would be of little interest,...who have many caregivers embedded in those beliefs to be supportive of the dyings predispositions. But working with the spiritually non-religious would be awesome, albeit emotionally demanding. I cry even during animations like Finding Nemo,...cried three hours, during and after Forrest Gump.

 

Working with a Bardo Master would be extraordinary:

[suninmyeyes]

Cheers for the link Vmarco, looks as if could be an intersting documentary.