Need a healthy reminder...

[三江源]

Also, I've seen it a hundred times. You want to get in the last word, and let her know how you feel.

 

It doesn't matter, though. That is just opening up the channel between you two more. Simply say nothing. Be polite and dismissive. Not for the purposes of some reverse psychology way of gaining her respect by being aloof...but simply because she serves no purpose for you. Move on completely.

 

K I'll shut up now. Best of luck.

 

Utilitarian indeed.

 

A human being loves another human being.

[Aetherous]

Hey cat,

 

She wanted to tell him her truth that she loves him, but she doesnt want a relationship with him or have contact right now.

 

Right, and her truth is absolute bullshit. That is NOT love.

 

I view your abhorrence of my views as equally venomous, and a lot more unconstructive than what I said (which was an attempt to help a fellow bum sever the connection and move forward). What are you attempting to do? Change me and my views? Make jacklantegi doubt whether he should be severing the cords?

 

If you want something from me, try being more polite. I don't like people on the sidelines questioning my every move. Thanks.

[三江源]

Hey cat,

 

 

 

Right, and her truth is absolute bullshit. That is NOT love.

 

I view your abhorrence of my views as equally venomous, and a lot more unconstructive than what I said (which was an attempt to help a fellow bum sever the connection and move forward). What are you attempting to do? Change me and my views? Make jacklantegi doubt whether he should be severing the cords?

 

If you want something from me, try being more polite. I don't like people on the sidelines questioning my every move. Thanks.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

[Aetherous]

Thanks, but I never said that I feel anything but great...guess now I will feel greater.

 

Or do you mean bad feelings towards you? Cat, a little disagreement does not mean there are bad feelings between us.

 

Unless that's what you're aiming for.

[三江源]

Thanks, but I never said that I feel anything but great...guess now I will feel greater.

 

Or do you mean bad feelings towards you? Cat, a little disagreement does not mean there are bad feelings between us.

 

Unless that's what you're aiming for.

 

I have no aim for bad feelings for anybody whatsoever. I wish for the opposite!

 

This is why I said

 

Jacklantegi could feel loved and work on letting go of the relationship.

 

I am glad his ex loves him. I guess from my point of view it is ideal when at the end of a relationship there is still love, regardless of other disruptions. Love and respect when we have been intimate with someone, seems to me the ideal. Not just fortunate, but also a good practice to aim for.

 

My sense of it is they are both in this situation, both have different types of pain to deal with.

 

I was surprised at your disparaging J's ex with what appeared to me some ferocity,and suggesting treating her as simply devoid of 'use', I apologise that my post appeared impolite.

 

To seperate successfully, I think remaining respectful and heart centred is ideal. Negativity is a strong bond.

[Aetherous]

I apologise that my post appeared impolite.

 

Accepted, of course...not a big deal.

 

JUST DONT DO IT AGAIN!

[RiverSnake]

 

To seperate successfully, I think remaining respectful and heart centred is ideal. Negativity is a strong bond.

 

Love is also a very strong bond...and often can be a very painful one. I believe that is what this whole thread is about.

 

IME i have found that when women (generally speaking) break up with a man they often still want to keep their ex on the back-burner even when their having relations with other men. I have seen this happen to various male friends of mine.

 

Subconsciously or consciously IME women want to keep that cord running because it gives them a certain level of psychological and emotional support... this is a very immature thing to do....however, many women are very very insecure and are comforted by having that "Nest Egg" for back up.

 

Many men go along with this situation even though it may be painful for them because their still hurting and clinging to the cord and might have some false hopes of repairing the relationship and also because they are usually not aware that their ex is sleeping with other men.

 

Ideally, when a relationship ends the best feelings that each person can have for the other is mutual Respect but also a level of Detachment and a feeling of Conclusiveness about the whole situation. Love can be extremely entangling.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

Edited March 3, 2012 by OldGreen

[三江源]

.

Edited July 23, 2014 by cat

[jacklantegi]

Wow! Lots of great posts since I last checked. I will absolutely read them all but I don't have the time right now.

 

I just wanted to say that (today), I thought about her maybe once an hour, and only for a couple of minutes at a time, whereas before that, it was pretty much constantly (very bad)... like once every 5 minutes for 5 minutes... so yeah.. all the time lol.

 

If I can keep this up I'm golden.

 

I think that if I reperform the ritual, I will have to imagine the cords still being attached? I think that would be counterproductive since I already cut them, no?

 

Anyway, thanks again my fellow bums. You are saving me hundreds of dollars in therapy haha

[三江源]

.

Edited July 23, 2014 by cat

[Birch]

I know the "baggage reclaim" website is aimed at women but it has some really interesting writing about this.

One thing I'm (sic) often guilty of is basing my feelings on someone else's - it's a typical ego "dick-move".

Anyway, I wouldn't get down on yourself for any of it. Bhudda had Mara chasing after him again and again. Lucifer keeps showing up when you reckon he's on his way downstairs:-) I'm comparing both of them "Mara" and "Lucifer" as the "ego" or "adversary" and doing so (somewhat) knowingly as I am (not) struggling with similar issues:-)

 

"Sticky" indeed!