Codependency - Any Experience?

[daojones]

I was wondering if anyone had any experience in dealing with a codependent partner or are/were codependent themselves and are working on changing? Any resource recommendations. Would be interested to hear your story.

[idiot_stimpy]

I love you, but I have to take care of me. I let go of you.

[GreytoWhite]

I love you, but I have to take care of me. I let go of you.

 

Yepper. Although when it comes to two codependent energetics practitioners it can be a bit more complicated. Kind of hard to tell where one's self ends and the other's self begins.

 

My ex and I were quite codependent on each other. I would use her natural yin affinity for grounding much of my yang energy and she would use my yang energy for... well nothing really. I was the one mainly directing the energy, I was mainly trying to help her deal with her emotional scarring and the health issues that manifested. It's rather difficult to help someone work through something they don't want to touch with a 10 ft pole. Anyway... I think Rumi sums it up rather well here.

 

http://www.dar-al-masnavi.org/n.a-VI-2632.html

 

http://www.dar-al-masnavi.org/n.a-VI-2941.html

[Aaron]

The best book I've read on codependency is Codependent No More. I recommend it to everyone I meet with codependency issues.

 

The root of codependency is found in the desire to please others at the expense of your own well being or happiness. The issue most people have is with healthy boundaries. You can't develop healthy boundaries by hearing platitudes, it takes work. I would suggest reading the book and going from there.

 

Aaron

[Maddie]

I am wanting to know more about what exactly co-dependence really is, and is not??

[Everything]

I was wondering if anyone had any experience in dealing with a codependent partner or are/were codependent themselves and are working on changing? Any resource recommendations. Would be interested to hear your story.

Codependant is too much passion for you to handle. Too little resource for you to endure.

 

Independant is lack of passion and usually leads to seperation and death.

 

Inter-dependant is the balance point, where you can relate to any reflection of yourself in a comfortable way.

 

You Unite both as Two. Two can form a Unity. Together as One there is no Unity possible.

 

Exchange in your passion, but do not destroy your own individuality. For your individuality, and your partners individuality, is what makes the Unity possible. Two people can open up to eachother, which is love. One people cannot open up to self. The exchange is really necessary and the perceived limits are not existant. The partners that are together One/codependant always have plenty of lies to keep up the illusion of seperation that is not there. A fake relationship.

 

Moving from codependancy to interdependancy usually ends up in independancy, where you have a winner and a looser. To avoid independancy, one of you eventually has to take the initiative to feel good and then start giving the partner of your love, unconditionally. For you are like family, especially when married.

 

Truth is, you're both afraid that the other has no reason to be faithful to one another. And you're both right, but there is no need for fear. A married partner can still have sex outside of the relationship and return to the partner loyal. For marriage is a lifelong thing. It is more then sex. It is the beginning of family. Sex is but a minor part in marriage or partner relationship. Jealousy is outdated imo. Sex is just fun with everyone, not just your own partner. This is so for everyone. Regardless of the limitting believe systems that anyone uses as an excuse in order to denie this truth.

Edited March 10, 2012 by Everything

[Birch]

http://gettinbetter.com/needlove.html

 

Worth a look IMO

[Aaron]

I am wanting to know more about what exactly co-dependence really is, and is not??

 

Codependency is the unnatural dependency one feels towards another person. In most cases both people involved are codependent, because a person with a natural dependency on others will flee from a codependent relationship because the person seems too clingy, needy, bossy, etc.

 

Codependency's root is in control and most people that have codependency issues are from unstable childhoods. The lack of control that one felt during their early childhood manifests in a need to control others, either passively or overtly. In most cases it's a bit of each.

 

If you're wondering if you're codependent ask yourself how comfortable you are with the person you feel codependent towards and how much freedom you allow them in their lives? Do you get upset when they're out too late? Do you try to dictate how they should live their lives, because you know what's best for them? Do you care for them, even when they're abusive towards you? These are just a few questions, but the overall answer lies in how much you interfere with their own life and by proxy, how much you allow them to interfere with yours, another form of control.

 

I hope that helps to answer your question.

 

Aaron

Edited March 13, 2012 by Twinner

[Stevekare]

I am wanting to know more about what exactly co-dependence really is, and is not??

Best Definition of co-dependence. When you die someone else's life flashes before your eyes.